Girlfriend wants to take it slow now

[Johnnybgood89]

On that money she has asked me to buy her a plane ticket to come see me after she already told me she was saving up to buy one to come see me then. When I asked what if I go there she said let me think about it and we never talked about it until she told me she didn't want to meet right now cause she was going through a bad time. But I should just cut my ties with her and move on, the more I think about the more I see she's never going to want to meet.

[Johnnybgood89]

I texted her and told her that I wasn't going to be talking to her no more, so she ends up calling me crying telling me she wants to be with me and that she needs me. I told her I can't do this no more that I need something real someone who is going to physically be here and not just mentally she said I can I just need time. I told her I'm sorry I can't wait any longer I told her goodbye I wished her well then I hung up, but she is still calling me and texting me telling me to answer saying she loves me and wants to be here with me. She even called restricted, I guess she thought I was going to answer but I didn't.

[d0nnivain]

Break ups are difficult but you are doing the right thing here.

 

It's nice that she was there for you when you had a hard time. Maybe that was her purpose in your life.

 

Despite all her empty promises which are now continuing, you know all this crying & begging is smoke & mirrors. If you get weak & talk to her, I know a "test" that will gird your heart. Tell her you will reconsider breaking up if she comes to you on her own dime. Most likely you will get a series of excuses why she can't or won't do that. You may find out she's on probation & can't leave her state. When she does this, it might be the final nail in the coffin of your feelings for her & let you move on. If she does show up, then we were all wrong & maybe there is hope. Which scenario do you think is more likely?

[Gaeta]

Johnny you did the right thing.

 

Block her and don't answer any calls that doesn't show up as a contact of yours. If she leaves messages then delete them without listenning to them. Delete everything of her, pictures emails messages, and make plans to go out this weekend. Lots of fun movies playing this weekend.

 

No one said it will be easy but it's necessary. You will see that soon. She will never come and see you. Remind yourself she's on drugs, I am sure 99% she has a criminal record related to drugs and abusing-neglecting her children. That's not someone you want in your life.

[Johnnybgood89]

Thank you all for the great advice. I know it will be hard for me to forget about her and move on, but I know I can do it. There's someone out there that is willing to be with me physically and not just no internet gf. Now its time to delete every picture she sent me and keep deleting her messages when she sends them to me.

[d0nnivain]

If you can't bring yourself to delete the photos, put them all on a CD or thumb drive & then put the disc / drive away.

[Johnnybgood89]

I blocked and she sent me a message from a different account apologizing and saying she's doing her best and not to forget her and then she mentioned our promises we made go each other. I didn't reply to her I just left it at that hopefully she'll understand and try to move on also. I did put the pictures on a memory card and I put it away cause I couldn't delete them each one has like a little story to it and some are just because. Thanks again for all the advice you all did help me see clearly and make the right decision for myself even though it will hurt not talking to her everyday, but one day at a time she will slowly leave my mind and heart.

[Johnnybgood89]

She got in contact with my mom and told her how she felt about me and that she's willing to come at the end of this month. I told my mom to block her, but she says to give her a chance because she's been through a lot. I don't know what to do now that she has my mom involved in all this.

[d0nnivain]

See what happens IF she actually shows up. She probably won't. But if she does show up then that would be an encouraging sign

 

Did you tell your mom about the 6 kids, the fact that she has custody of none of them, the drug abuse & the woman's demands that you leave her alone for 3 months which caused all of this in the first place? Is mom aware you never met this woman? What does mom advise about closing the distance?

 

Personally if it were me at this point, I'd pay a private investigator for a real background check. Heaven knows what you are going to find. My money remains on the idea that she's been convicted of something & can't leave her state.

[smackie9]

You need to be honest with your mom, and tell her why you made your decision. If she doesn't agree tell her you are a grown ass man and can make your own choices, and this choice to cut her off is the best one. Tell your mom to block/ stop talking to her.

 

If I were you I would delete all social media, and get a new cel number. Cut her off for good.

[Johnnybgood89]

I told my mom why I stopped talking to her. I told her that she had a drug problem and lost custody of her kids and I also told her that we haven't met yet. My mom said why don't you go to her to find out the truth, but I told her no I'm going to move on. I'm going to delete everything and change my number I told my mom to never message her again if she messages her.

[coolheadal]

I blocked and she sent me a message from a different account apologizing and saying she's doing her best and not to forget her and then she mentioned our promises we made go each other. I didn't reply to her I just left it at that hopefully she'll understand and try to move on also. I did put the pictures on a memory card and I put it away cause I couldn't delete them each one has like a little story to it and some are just because. Thanks again for all the advice you all did help me see clearly and make the right decision for myself even though it will hurt not talking to her everyday, but one day at a time she will slowly leave my mind and heart.

 

Wow your story sounds like mine was. Yes it's hard to let go of them. But she'll always be able to contact you and the only way to stop is with with the police. See she got through your blocks... I going to read your story.. Time for you to move on now..

 

6 kids 3 from a dead bf and 3 from another guy. So even if you were with her you'll never have kids with her I bet she has tied her tubes. Most women like her do after 4 or 5 kids. She's has some issues, but she was there for you when you needed to talk to someone. She wouldn't be a gf to you though. She's damaged. She's been through everything heavy-duty sexual experriences, being pregnant 6 times, have birth 6 times. That's way too much for you to deal with her all kids from different men. That shows you what your dealing with could be a drunk, druggy and etc. I would run away.. Although she was there for you. Did you ever meet in her person through skype? But you did the right thing you left!

Edited October 16, 2017 by coolheadal

[Gaeta]

I told my mom why I stopped talking to her. I told her that she had a drug problem and lost custody of her kids and I also told her that we haven't met yet. My mom said why don't you go to her to find out the truth, but I told her no I'm going to move on. I'm going to delete everything and change my number I told my mom to never message her again if she messages her.

 

Wow! I have a lot of admiration for you standing on your ground. Good job!! You have enough information to know she isn't good. There is no need to for you to spend hundreds of dollars to get fed more lies and stories.

[Johnnybgood89]

I have video chatted with her on skype a lot, but it just stopped this month. I just got a message from her and she said "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have been in trouble with the cops from my ex because he had a stolen car. And a few months ago she has gotten a ticket for not getting a new light rail ticket because she thought it was for two ways. She went to pay her fine today and said she might be going go jail and that she's about to give up on life." I told her I'm sorry to hear that I hope everything goes well with you and to never give up and she never texted back.

[coolheadal]

I have video chatted with her on skype a lot, but it just stopped this month. I just got a message from her and she said "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have been in trouble with the cops from my ex because he had a stolen car. And a few months ago she has gotten a ticket for not getting a new light rail ticket because she thought it was for two ways. She went to pay her fine today and said she might be going go jail and that she's about to give up on life." I told her I'm sorry to hear that I hope everything goes well with you and to never give up and she never texted back.

 

She wanted you to help out with the ticket and bail money you didn't get that I see. (she said she might be going to jail and that she's about to give up on life") dead and gloom she left you with cliffhanger syndrome. That's her way of saying help me...She needed your help! Do you know where she lives, you might have to fly to her. I wouldn't go because you really don't know her she's still a stranger. I've dated a few who were inside the cell. Not much I could do they didn't tell me until after the fact. This woman reminds me of a woman I never met called Cathy (from Facebook) Same way you have it with her. Cathy was a mess trailer park, not saying everyone who lives in a trailer park is that way..

[Gaeta]

I have video chatted with her on skype a lot, but it just stopped this month. I just got a message from her and she said "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I have been in trouble with the cops from my ex because he had a stolen car. And a few months ago she has gotten a ticket for not getting a new light rail ticket because she thought it was for two ways. She went to pay her fine today and said she might be going go jail and that she's about to give up on life." I told her I'm sorry to hear that I hope everything goes well with you and to never give up and she never texted back.

 

Block her please.

 

Ya right she's in trouble with the law because of her ex...she is in trouble with the law, period. Like I said that's the tip of the iceberg. This is not the type of women you bring in your life.

[Johnnybgood89]

She has been blocked. I told my mom to never answer nothing from her again. Now I can move on even though I am hurting I want to talk to her, but I know I can't because she will just get me into trouble with the law like her.

[butterfly5545]

The anniversary of somebody's passing can be particularly hard for some people. About 6 weeks after I started dating the man who is now my husband, my EX died. I was devastated, not because I wanted the guy back but because my heart broke for his family. Every year on the anniversary of his death I'm sad. My husband hugs me & we move on.

 

Was your GF with this man when he died or had they broken up? Is this the 1st anniversary of his death?

 

I fear that she went from the sadness surrounding him to this virtual LDR with you because it was safer -- you aren't "real". You are just some guy she talks to so it's easier to keep you at bay. You talk about loving each other but that is not real. You haven't met. You don't actually know each other. You know who you think the other one is & you may believe you love that construct but it's a far cry from a conventional relationship. So slow isn't a bad thing.

 

Try giving her some space but also a safe place to talk about the EX. I literally fell in love with my husband when he picked me up off my living floor, pulled me into a hug & said that he understood why I was sad and that he had great big shoulders I was welcome to cry all over.

 

Come November, get back on track with your 1st meet.

 

I agree,my brother died a few years ago and it is still very hard for the woman that was the love of his life,they were not married but to her they were.