BaileyB Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I know he's keeping his distance right now but I know fine well that once I see him, he won't keep his distance and he'll let his interest be known and will gauge how I react to him. It's laughable in a way as it's almost like it's ok for him to do that as hues away from his wife. Even when we were snapchatting/messaging at the very start, it started to reduce to him doing it when I knew he was away with work/out for a night and not home with his wife. As if that makes it ok! As soon as he was home, all communication stopped. Of course, he doesn't message with you when he is home because... He is with his wife! Affairs thrive in secrecy. So, I will ask you... How do you plan to respond to him when you see him again? Are you planning to tell him to take a hike, or are you enjoying the attention of it all and thus, this will continue along... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lusting Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 Of course, he doesn't message with you when he is home because... He is with his wife! Affairs thrive in secrecy. So, I will ask you... How do you plan to respond to him when you see him again? Are you planning to tell him to take a hike, or are you enjoying the attention of it all and thus, this will continue along... Last time, I struggled to even meet his eye contact. I think it'll be the same this time round. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 (edited) I'm married and I started lusting after a married colleague. Our flirting all seemed a bit innocent at first (or so I try to tell myself..), a few snapchats and then major eye contact. It all blew up when it turned out his wife had heard him speaking to his friend about me a few weeks previously and thought he was having an affair with me - this was not the case, but despite this happening, he had continued to flirt with me. When it came out, I felt incredibly guilty and exposed, we both work together but not in the same office (but for the same firm). I was worried that I was going to lose my job over it as I'd only been there a matter of months so I tried to then say "look, we're both married, maybe we should keep it professional" and I apologised for what had happened with his wife and causing him problems at home - he said he liked me but he agreed to do so. I didn't want this but needed to cover myself. I was keen to keep contact outside of work so tried keeping it friendly, still commenting on the odd facebook status.. he ignored them all. He then blocked me on WhatsApp! I didn't acknowledge this straight away and then decided that I would confront him and pretend I only noticed. I was basically being foolish and trying to get a reaction. We shared a couple of emails at work where he said we should keep it professional - I then realised again how exposed I was so I said I too was only interested in a professional relationship. That was 7 months ago now. We seen each other for the first time at the start of August and as soon as he seen me, he made strong eye contact and this went on the whole of the 3 days we were together. I felt too nervous at first to reciprocate (based on previous emails etc.) and was only on the last day that I was able to meet his eye contact. We're due to see each other again in just under 4 weeks and last week, he was in reading our old email chain (I get alerts on my work email every time it's opened) - he also did this the day he found out we would be seeing each other in August. I know I sound so foolish, but is he trying to send me signals of some kind? I know that this isn't right and I shouldn't even dare to go there but I can't get him out of my head. The tension between us is crazy and I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks it's just inevitable that something is going to happen. I'm so lost with this and so annoyed with myself that I keep having these little fantasies of me and him. Leaving my personal reasons out of this,not getting involved in these extramarital affairs like our doing right now. You lust for this guy and he just as bad as you are CHEATERS Why are you still married and why is he still married. I can tell you why you rather live this way because there some excitement, adventure, the sneaky way you are going about it. If you get caught so what who cares about your boring husband and his boring wife. They don't matter here just this guy you lust over and want so much to be with the thrill of it all the rush the desire and wants more and more. Can't stop can you, that's right you can't. No one can say otherwise you are in for the all, they say YOU WANT IT ALL Oh yes there is one small tiny detail you left out that fact your still married and he's still married. Why don't you let your boring husband and his boring wife have fun with each other while you two are having so much fun. Edited October 22, 2017 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
Author lusting Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 Leaving my personal reasons out of this,not getting involved in these extramarital affairs like our doing right now. You lust for this guy and he just as bad as you are CHEATERS Why are you still married and why is he still married. I can tell you why you rather live this way because there some excitement, adventure, the sneaky way you are going about it. If you get caught so what who cares about your boring husband and his boring wife. They don't matter here just this guy you lust over and want so much to be with the thrill of it all the rush the desire and wants more and more. Can't stop can you, that's right you can't. No one can say otherwise you are in for the all, they say YOU WANT IT ALL Oh yes there is one small tiny detail you left out that fact your still married and he's still married. Why don't you let your boring husband and his boring wife have fun with each other while you two are having so much fun. Fair enough, snapchatting etc was wrong and I regret that now. But we haven't got physical and we won't do. People can't help how they feel, I didn't go out to feel this way about someone else other than my husband and I'm sure he didn't either. Having that feeling for someone isn't wrong when it's something that can't be controlled but I know it's wrong to act on it. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Fair enough, snapchatting etc was wrong and I regret that now. But we haven't got physical and we won't do. People can't help how they feel, I didn't go out to feel this way about someone else other than my husband and I'm sure he didn't either. Having that feeling for someone isn't wrong when it's something that can't be controlled but I know it's wrong to act on it. Yeah that sounds very teenagerish..ok so you find yourself attracted to someone, it happens married or not. That is out of your control. Everything you've done since is your fault and within your control. In this situation what you should have done was was shut down any interaction that wasn't purely professional. That would have kept the attraction as just a passing thing. No you engaged, interacted and made this happen. You had total control. You still have total control, what you're doing your doing because you want to, and you won't stop until you want too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 (edited) Fair enough, snapchatting etc was wrong and I regret that now. But we haven't got physical and we won't do. People can't help how they feel, I didn't go out to feel this way about someone else other than my husband and I'm sure he didn't either. Having that feeling for someone isn't wrong when it's something that can't be controlled but I know it's wrong to act on it. Absolutely. This sounds a little like a sulking teenager who got caught doing something that she shouldn't have done and is upset because she isn't getting what she wants. People find others attractive all the time. The difference here is that rather than simply saying "damn, he's hot..." and Movin in with your life, you have created a fantasy around him, you have flirted with him, and if the situation was different, it would probably have gone farther... It still may go farther, because you are on that slippery slope and you seem to feel that you have no control of the situation, that it is inevitable... The thing is, your life is what you create because of the choices you make. Invest in your marriage, and you may have a wonderful marriage and family. Lust after another man like a teenager, and well... You create something entirely different with your life. It is your choice. Edited October 22, 2017 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 (edited) Major eye contact lol. Is this really a thing? Pretty much all men look. He probably eye contacts several women or more a day. It's in their biology. This is not noteworthy ? Why you are looking for signals from a MM you agreed it was wrong to mess with is what is noteworthy and something you should probably explore Edited October 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 Fair enough, snapchatting etc was wrong and I regret that now. But we haven't got physical and we won't do. People can't help how they feel, I didn't go out to feel this way about someone else other than my husband and I'm sure he didn't either. Having that feeling for someone isn't wrong when it's something that can't be controlled but I know it's wrong to act on it. Yes my dear, but again if you want to be with this guy so much tell your boring husband you want a divorce and likewise for him to do with his boring wife. But you two are not going to that, because if you do the thrill and fun is over. You only do this because you enjoy the fun you have together but yet know nobody really knows your dirty little secret. We can always act on things that we can't really have in life. You only known him on snapchat.. Link to post Share on other sites
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