Trust is gone.

[Gaeta]

Why haven't you blocked him? This type of man will say anything to hurt you, destabilize you, and play revenge on you.

 

Block him.

[Addius]

Why haven't you blocked him? This type of man will say anything to hurt you, destabilize you, and play revenge on you.

 

Block him.

 

I didn’t want to burn all bridges, I just deleted him everywhere instead, maybe I should have blocked him, but I’m waiting until my feelings and thoughts calm down so I can really be strong about my decision.

 

I haven’t texted him back at all though.

[Gaeta]

I didn’t want to burn all bridges, I just deleted him everywhere instead, maybe I should have blocked him, but I’m waiting until my feelings and thoughts calm down so I can really be strong about my decision.

 

I haven’t texted him back at all though.

 

When your feelings and thoughts will calm down HE WILL STILL be the same guy that wants nothing with you soon.

 

Look at what he's telling you now! and you want to keep bridges with a man like that??

 

Listen, the world is full of men!! you're not gonna run out of men to date!! you can afford to get rid of this one.

[Addius]

When your feelings and thoughts will calm down HE WILL STILL be the same guy that wants nothing with you soon.

 

Look at what he's telling you now! and you want to keep bridges with a man like that??

 

Listen, the world is full of men!! you're not gonna run out of men to date!! you can afford to get rid of this one.

 

You’re right. He made his intentions clear, and no matter what he says now there’s nothing that’s going to change it. Now I know what’s really in his heart.

[heavenonearth]

My best friend told me the same thing, it’s just when I met him he was the most collected reliable put together man I’ve ever met. I’m so shocked.

 

Oh and he was like you’re going to pay me back for the hotel we stay at right? I told him I didn’t expect him to pay for everything and I never would, but that really came out so cold.

 

That's just shady. He doesn't even value you enough to treat you to a nice hotel stay? Urgh.

 

My BF goes out at least once every two weeks with his guy friends, he texts me before he goes out, then i know i won't hear from him all night because he will drink, and then he will call me the moment he wakes up.

I trust him, and I have these night outs with my girl friends as well. We all need that. So that's not so much an issue for me, that he does that. But you say that your BF deliberately tells you he is chatting up girls, and that he ghosts you for several days on end? That's an absolute no go!

I mean, some relationship work like that, but it seems you are someone who needs contact every day. I am like that too, and am lucky I have a BF who loves talking to me every day! But I also had relationships in the past where I wouldn't hear from a partner for several days and it left me anxious and feeling worthless! And trust me - it's not worth it. It just is not worth it always feeling undervalued and loved less than you love the other person. If there is no equality, then what's the point?

 

Clearly this man is NOT your match.

[Addius]

I know this isn’t the main issue either but the money part did really tick me off. He’s the one that wanted to go, and picked a really expensive hotel that I can NOT afford. I’m paying for my own flight and food and I was planning on even paying for his dinner too,

 

But I don’t make that much, and he knows that, he makes more than me and could have easily paid for the hotel. I would have paid anyway, even though it would have left a huge hole in my wallet, but because I don’t want to feel less than.

 

Now the feminist in me is saying well that’s fair, why should he pay for the hotel? That we should be 50/50, But also if he was in my place, I wouldn’t have let him pay when it would put him at a disadvantage like that.

 

I know this issue isn’t even the main issue, but it made me feel like he doesn’t even want to invest in me by paying for the room?

 

What do NORMAL couples/men do in this situation?

[No_Go]

My exbf asked me to pay ALL the travel expenses to his family and friends because he was inviting and I was supposed to feel honored?!? He was making more than me btw. Just saying there are worse scenarios.

 

I think man/woman doesn't matter in this situation- more like what the couple agreed on. If you split everything 50/50 - makes sense. If you split commensurate to income - it doesn't. If you haven't decided - it just says communication between you two sucked...

 

I know this isn’t the main issue either but the money part did really tick me off. He’s the one that wanted to go, and picked a really expensive hotel that I can NOT afford. I’m paying for my own flight and food and I was planning on even paying for his dinner too,

 

But I don’t make that much, and he knows that, he makes more than me and could have easily paid for the hotel. I would have paid anyway, even though it would have left a huge hole in my wallet, but because I don’t want to feel less than.

 

Now the feminist in me is saying well that’s fair, why should he pay for the hotel? That we should be 50/50, But also if he was in my place, I wouldn’t have let him pay when it would put him at a disadvantage like that.

 

I know this issue isn’t even the main issue, but it made me feel like he doesn’t even want to invest in me by paying for the room?

 

What do NORMAL couples/men do in this situation?

[Addius]

My exbf asked me to pay ALL the travel expenses to his family and friends because he was inviting and I was supposed to feel honored?!? He was making more than me btw. Just saying there are worse scenarios.

 

I think man/woman doesn't matter in this situation- more like what the couple agreed on. If you split everything 50/50 - makes sense. If you split commensurate to income - it doesn't. If you haven't decided - it just says communication between you two sucked...

 

It did, I’m just now realizing that, I overlooked the ghosting cause he would always come back to make it up and try to talk “openly” with me telling me everything is fine between us and I’m JUST overreacting/overthinking things. He truly convinced me that I was just anxious and imagining things.

 

There’s no doubt he was emotionally unavailable...

[Redhead14]

He said he doesn’t want to hurt me eventually. -- That is the crowning statement that says you're being strung along. He knows you want more in terms of a relationship and he can/won't give it to you. It means that he won't tell you himself that he is ending the relationship, such as it is. But he knows you will end up being hurt by inattentiveness, lackluster affections, sketchiness, etc. and you yourself will get tired of him and end the relationship yourself. Until you do that, he will enjoy regular sex with a woman who doesn't expect much for or from herself for as long as she has her head buried in the sand.

[Gaeta]

It did, I’m just now realizing that, I overlooked the ghosting cause he would always come back to make it up and try to talk “openly” with me telling me everything is fine between us and I’m JUST overreacting/overthinking things. He truly convinced me that I was just anxious and imagining things.

 

There’s no doubt he was emotionally unavailable...

 

He's a master manipulator. He takes your feelings and dismisses them by making you feel it's all in your head.

 

Normal people do not impose on others to pay huge amounts of money they cannot afford. What he did is very insensitive toward you.

[Addius]

He said he doesn’t want to hurt me eventually. -- That is the crowning statement that says you're being strung along. He knows you want more in terms of a relationship and he can/won't give it to you. It means that he won't tell you himself that he is ending the relationship, such as it is. But he knows you will end up being hurt by inattentiveness, lackluster affections, sketchiness, etc. and you yourself will get tired of him and end the relationship yourself. Until you do that, he will enjoy regular sex with a woman who doesn't expect much for or from herself for as long as she has her head buried in the sand.

 

And I REALLY don’t want to be that woman. I don’t. I refuse to settle. I used to think so highly of him, and you’re right, his lack of affection is upsetting and hurtful, even when he’d call me “sweetie” it would feel so cold.

 

What went wrong that a man would be this unemotional? Or I’m just not the person he wants to be emotional with?

[mikeylo]

What went wrong that a man would be this unemotional? Or I’m just not the person he wants to be emotional with?

 

We can’t choose to be emotionally invested or not invested. It happens naturally. It’s hard for a guy to get emotionally invested but that’s exactly what is needed to keep a relationship going.

 

If he isn’t invested, you can’t do much.

[Redhead14]

And I REALLY don’t want to be that woman. I don’t. I refuse to settle. I used to think so highly of him, and you’re right, his lack of affection is upsetting and hurtful, even when he’d call me “sweetie” it would feel so cold.

 

What went wrong that a man would be this unemotional? Or I’m just not the person he wants to be emotional with?

 

I’m just not the person he wants to be emotional with? -- That's just the reality of the situation. And, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with YOU. It's just the way it is. Either it's emotional for him or it's not. He can't make it happen and neither can you.

 

when he’d call me “sweetie” it would feel so cold. -- Your gut is working, trust it. If it doesn't feel right/good, it ain't.

 

Buck up, Addius. Be tough, do what's good for you. Move onward and upward Learn from the experience and gain insight about it and yourself. That is how you leave a relationship -- smarter, stronger, wiser and with insight for the future about who is or isn't a good match for you.

[OatsAndHall]

And I REALLY don’t want to be that woman. I don’t. I refuse to settle. I used to think so highly of him, and you’re right, his lack of affection is upsetting and hurtful, even when he’d call me “sweetie” it would feel so cold.

 

What went wrong that a man would be this unemotional? Or I’m just not the person he wants to be emotional with?

 

It just sounds like he is an unstable individual and that's really all there is to it. He's quick to gaslight you when you try address an issue and chances are he has gotten away with that in past relationships and it has allowed him to keep other women on the hook for longer than seven months.

 

I spent six years with a woman who would gaslight me the way your BF is continually whenever I brought up a problem I had with her behavior. And, she was good at it; she knew just what to say to make me question myself and my motivations for confronting her in the first place. I was at the point you are now about six months into the relationship and called it off with her several times but made the mistake of getting sucked back into it.

 

To be blunt, I see this going one of two ways for you. You either call it off with him and move on with your life or you get dragged further into a bad relationship that is going to end badly.

[Addius]

Thank you everyone, your feedback truly helps. We haven’t talked since Tuesday and I haven’t replied. I’m still really hurt and sad, sad cause I got too invested and I made myself imagine a future that wasn’t ever going to happen. What is infuriating is that he chased me endlessly in the start and I wasn’t into it but he didn’t budge.

 

My friend did make a good point, she said this commitment crap issues he’s got has always been there, he had an ex who he was with for 5 years and they never got married. She pressured him and he proposed and they got engaged but she eventually ended it cause she said he treated her bad, as not being emotional or romantic enough towards her.

 

I just thought he’s a man who likes to take it slow. I’m not used to this, all my ex’s were pretty gushy and romantic to me. I just kept thinking things will change once he knows me more.

 

I’m surprised I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would.

Edited October 13, 2017 by Addius

[olivetree]

I’m surprised I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would.

 

Because you're not losing much.

[Redhead14]

I’m surprised I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would. -- You knew it wasn't right but wanted it to be so much that you negated what your gut was telling you.

 

But, you'll cry, be angry, etc. over the course of the next few months probably. It's a process, not an event. Be patient and good to yourself always.

[Addius]

Thank you <3

 

No matter how many breakups one goes through, the sting is always unbearable. I’ll be okay.

[TheTraveler]

Thank you <3

 

No matter how many breakups one goes through, the sting is always unbearable. I’ll be okay.

 

You'll be fine. Hang with friends, family for the time being. Definitely don't ever go back to him. No random booty call 2 months down the road. Be done and move on.

 

You got this

[Gaeta]

Thank you everyone, your feedback truly helps. We haven’t talked since Tuesday and I haven’t replied. I’m still really hurt and sad, sad cause I got too invested and I made myself imagine a future that wasn’t ever going to happen. What is infuriating is that he chased me endlessly in the start and I wasn’t into it but he didn’t budge.

 

My friend did make a good point, she said this commitment crap issues he’s got has always been there, he had an ex who he was with for 5 years and they never got married. She pressured him and he proposed and they got engaged but she eventually ended it cause she said he treated her bad, as not being emotional or romantic enough towards her.

 

I just thought he’s a man who likes to take it slow. I’m not used to this, all my ex’s were pretty gushy and romantic to me. I just kept thinking things will change once he knows me more.

 

I’m surprised I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would.

 

The first step to meeting a great guy and having a great relationship is to believe it exits! I am sure this one won't sting for long. This is all experience and wisdom so don't regret any of it just move on. Each people crossing our path teaches us something about ourselves. You can take time to reflect on that: what did I learn, what will I change next time, what will I do differently, what I don't want to deal with again, etc etc.

 

 

[OatsAndHall]

Thank you everyone, your feedback truly helps. We haven’t talked since Tuesday and I haven’t replied. I’m still really hurt and sad, sad cause I got too invested and I made myself imagine a future that wasn’t ever going to happen. What is infuriating is that he chased me endlessly in the start and I wasn’t into it but he didn’t budge.

 

My friend did make a good point, she said this commitment crap issues he’s got has always been there, he had an ex who he was with for 5 years and they never got married. She pressured him and he proposed and they got engaged but she eventually ended it cause she said he treated her bad, as not being emotional or romantic enough towards her.

 

I just thought he’s a man who likes to take it slow. I’m not used to this, all my ex’s were pretty gushy and romantic to me. I just kept thinking things will change once he knows me more.

 

I’m surprised I haven’t cried as much as I thought I would.

 

Unfortunately, I have been privy to more unhealthy behaviors in relationships than healthy ones and it is discouraging. But, I have gotten to the point where I am quick to cut ties when I recognize a serious red-flag. I just don't have the time and the energy to even risk getting caught up in drama. It might not be fair to some women as everyone is fallible but it's just the way it has to be for me.

 

But, I certainly watch out for gaslighting now. I dated a woman for two months who tried to turn things back on me ONCE and I ended it in the same conversation. I noticed she was still having contact with an ex via Facebook and pointed out that her and I agreed that "an ex is an ex for a reason". She spun it around and stated that she didn't have me "pegged as the jealous, controlling type". I didn't bother to argue; I wished her the best and called it off.

[Addius]

Unfortunately, I have been privy to more unhealthy behaviors in relationships than healthy ones and it is discouraging. But, I have gotten to the point where I am quick to cut ties when I recognize a serious red-flag. I just don't have the time and the energy to even risk getting caught up in drama. It might not be fair to some women as everyone is fallible but it's just the way it has to be for me.

 

But, I certainly watch out for gaslighting now. I dated a woman for two months who tried to turn things back on me ONCE and I ended it in the same conversation. I noticed she was still having contact with an ex via Facebook and pointed out that her and I agreed that "an ex is an ex for a reason". She spun it around and stated that she didn't have me "pegged as the jealous, controlling type". I didn't bother to argue; I wished her the best and called it off.

 

I guess I just kept telling myself well no one is perfect, I’m not perfect and all relationships will have issues to be worked through, that’s why I stayed that long maybe I was just delusional and hoping for him to finally say and do things I thought he will if I was just more patient.

 

I’m 30, and I feel like with age dating becomes even more challenging cause people figured out that they don’t want to waste months to years putting up with things they don’t think are good enough.

 

I feel like I’m chasing a unicorn.

[Addius]

So today I finally cried. We haven’t talked since Tuesday and although it’s been hard and I’ve been through a rollercoaster of emotions, I kept going, but tonight it hit me when I looked at my calendar that our trip is in 2 weeks, that’s when I started to cry. I don’t know how I’ll feel when the day is here but we aren’t. He said he wasn’t going to go either when we last talked.

 

:’(

[No_Go]

So today I finally cried. We haven’t talked since Tuesday and although it’s been hard and I’ve been through a rollercoaster of emotions, I kept going, but tonight it hit me when I looked at my calendar that our trip is in 2 weeks, that’s when I started to cry. I don’t know how I’ll feel when the day is here but we aren’t. He said he wasn’t going to go either when we last talked.

 

:’(

 

Hey sorry that you're experiencing sadness... But it is completely normal. I figured out nothing makes the grief period easier... Besides time. As time will pass, you'd start feeling better, the memories will fade away, you'd start thinking about other people, all will come back to normal.

 

I had a terrible break up an year ago with a guy I was hanging tight on just because I thought I'm getting too old (I was 30 when I met him, almost 32 at the time we broke up). I know 30 is a crisis time - but if you rationally think about it - you have so much time ahead to meet your right man, don't get stuck in dead end relationships.

 

Hugs.

[Addius]

Thank you No_Go for coming back and replying and sharing your own heartbreak, it helps to know this doesn’t just happen to me, you know? Just keep wondering if it was me. It seems like every day I have even more questions, but no answers, and I know that I won’t ever get closure from him. I keep thinking, is he also hurting like I am?

 

I hope it’s okay that I keep updating this thread from time to time just so I can have an outlet, I know the more I talk about it the faster I’ll process it. I’ve shared with a few of my girlfriends but I don’t want to abuse them.