CupCakess Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 After dating this guy for more than 2 months, the same guy that i previously wrote about him that he is short (5 ft 3 inches ) i came to a decision thag i will stop dating him. The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision. You will wonder why it took me time to think about this, well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me. I thought attraction can be developed over time but last week i felt like i am doing a lot lot of efffort to feel something but i did not. Then last week i was so depressed, i was squeezing myself to even talk to him or reply to a simple message. He simply didnt make me laugh, i did not feel butterflies. Do you think attraction can be built over time and how can nreak up in the less painful way ? You can't build attraction if there is none there. You have only been dating 2 months. That isn't a relationship, its dating. Its perfectly fine to end it if you don't feel its working. If you wish to spare his feelings, just tell him that you are not ready for a relationship given you are still dealing with the backlash from your previous relationship ending. While it will obviously upset him, any person can understand that. Again, you've only dated for a very short while. Just tell him he is great, and if you and him had met in another time you could have built something good, but that right now you need to deal with your past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Thank you all for the advice. I called him, told him i dont think things can work out between us, explained to him that i thought i was ready to be in a relationship but i was wrong, that he is an amazing soul & i wish things went otherwise. He was upset, said that i can stay with him and go with me to a therapist, i told him its not about that, i just need time alone & i cant make him happy now & he deserves someone to make him happy. He told me that once you go there is no way back, i surely told him thats not gonna happen and i respect that. At the end of the phone call, i recognized he was about to cry or smth so we hung up & i messaged him the best of luck. It was hard yet i am relieved, feeling like i want to be alone by myself for a while, meet someone when i am ready, feel attraction and build a healthy relationship. Yes, 2 months is a short period, but for him it was enough to build hope and expectation for a happy future & i ruined this for him. PLEASE KARMA DONT GET MEE LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Thank you all for the advice. I called him, told him i dont think things can work out between us, explained to him that i thought i was ready to be in a relationship but i was wrong, that he is an amazing soul & i wish things went otherwise. He was upset, said that i can stay with him and go with me to a therapist, i told him its not about that, i just need time alone & i cant make him happy now & he deserves someone to make him happy. He told me that once you go there is no way back, i surely told him thats not gonna happen and i respect that. At the end of the phone call, i recognized he was about to cry or smth so we hung up & i messaged him the best of luck. It was hard yet i am relieved, feeling like i want to be alone by myself for a while, meet someone when i am ready, feel attraction and build a healthy relationship. Yes, 2 months is a short period, but for him it was enough to build hope and expectation for a happy future & i ruined this for him. PLEASE KARMA DONT GET MEE LOL Just remember if someone dumps you because you gained weight.. just remember this dude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 After dating this guy for more than 2 months, the same guy that i previously wrote about him that he is short (5 ft 3 inches ) i came to a decision thag i will stop dating him. The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision. You will wonder why it took me time to think about this, well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me. I thought attraction can be developed over time but last week i felt like i am doing a lot lot of efffort to feel something but i did not. Then last week i was so depressed, i was squeezing myself to even talk to him or reply to a simple message. He simply didnt make me laugh, i did not feel butterflies. Do you think attraction can be built over time and how can nreak up in the less painful way ? No it definatley cannot I tri3d for 3 yrs and she enf3f up cheating on me for that exact reason Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 Just remember if someone dumps you because you gained weight.. just remember this dude. Weight is controllable, height is not. And I am sure he will find someone that will like him just the way he is. I dont mind short guys but i couldnt handle an extremely short guy who is barely my height & i am already a petite. I didnt feel much of a macho man with him. I like to feel this with the man i am with. In addition to that, we didnt click mentally. I think if he was smart the way i like i would have ignored some stuff. When a guy cant make me laugh then it means there is no chemistry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Just remember if someone dumps you because you gained weight.. just remember this dude. BUT is this not what dating is all about? Finding like-minded people we are attracted to, or was she just supposed to grit her teeth whilst they continued dating, got engaged, got married and had three kids... She found him boring, predictable and she eventually couldn't even bear a phone call from him, so she should have carried on regardless as he was a short guy and it would be terribly "shallow" of her to dump him...ever? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 10, 2017 Author Share Posted October 10, 2017 BUT is this not what dating is all about? Finding like-minded people we are attracted to, or was she just supposed to grit her teeth whilst they continued dating, got engaged, got married and had three kids... She found him boring, predictable and she eventually couldn't even bear a phone call from him, so she should have carried on regardless as he was a short guy and it would be terribly "shallow" of her to dump him...ever? I think i am an official fan of your comments lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 BUT is this not what dating is all about? Finding like-minded people we are attracted to, or was she just supposed to grit her teeth whilst they continued dating, got engaged, got married and had three kids... She found him boring, predictable and she eventually couldn't even bear a phone call from him, so she should have carried on regardless as he was a short guy and it would be terribly "shallow" of her to dump him...ever? clearly stated that this a rebound in my previous post and it didn't matter if he was taller or funnier or what ever.. she would have found a way out and everything is really just an excuse to justify breaking up. She is simply not over her ex.. point blank. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CupCakess Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 Thank you all for the advice. I called him, told him i dont think things can work out between us, explained to him that i thought i was ready to be in a relationship but i was wrong, that he is an amazing soul & i wish things went otherwise. He was upset, said that i can stay with him and go with me to a therapist, i told him its not about that, i just need time alone & i cant make him happy now & he deserves someone to make him happy. He told me that once you go there is no way back, i surely told him thats not gonna happen and i respect that. At the end of the phone call, i recognized he was about to cry or smth so we hung up & i messaged him the best of luck. It was hard yet i am relieved, feeling like i want to be alone by myself for a while, meet someone when i am ready, feel attraction and build a healthy relationship. Yes, 2 months is a short period, but for him it was enough to build hope and expectation for a happy future & i ruined this for him. PLEASE KARMA DONT GET MEE LOL You did the right thing. It would have been worse for him if you would have woken up one day a year into the relationship and wanted to leave. He may be sad now, but he will be ok in a couple of weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 10, 2017 Share Posted October 10, 2017 clearly stated that this a rebound in my previous post and it didn't matter if he was taller or funnier or what ever.. she would have found a way out and everything is really just an excuse to justify breaking up. She is simply not over her ex.. point blank. Ok, yes she may be still in the "I'm not over my ex" phase, I agree, but I was replying to your comment below regarding her being dumped in the future for gaining weight...why the need for a dig at the OP here? Just remember if someone dumps you because you gained weight.. just remember this dude. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iVisa Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 I really hate the idea that my ex is still on my mind after 5 months. He deeply hurt me,Why am i still thinking about him! First of all you should forget about your ex. You want to get married, but you are young! You have time. Don't rush. Probably it isn't time for your wedding and to start a family. Use this time for yourself, for hobby and career. Give time for yourself. If you will think about ex, thing about his disadvantages and what he did to you. He not deserve for memory. Treat it as a lesson and go on! Don't try to find another guy until you won't forget about him. ... it is such a shame, as you say "well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me" ... a lot of women would die for someone like this ... A lot of women would die for love, not for just good guy. Thank you all for the advice. I called him, told him i dont think things can work out between us, explained to him that i thought i was ready to be in a relationship but i was wrong, that he is an amazing soul & i wish things went otherwise. He was upset, said that i can stay with him and go with me to a therapist, i told him its not about that, i just need time alone & i cant make him happy now & he deserves someone to make him happy. He told me that once you go there is no way back, i surely told him thats not gonna happen and i respect that. At the end of the phone call, i recognized he was about to cry or smth so we hung up & i messaged him the best of luck. It was hard yet i am relieved, feeling like i want to be alone by myself for a while, meet someone when i am ready, feel attraction and build a healthy relationship. Yes, 2 months is a short period, but for him it was enough to build hope and expectation for a happy future & i ruined this for him. PLEASE KARMA DONT GET MEE LOL It's good decision. You realized it's no doubt it dosn't work and you get ovet it. Don't blame yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 You can't build attraction if there is none there. You have only been dating 2 months. That isn't a relationship, its dating. Its perfectly fine to end it if you don't feel its working. If you wish to spare his feelings, just tell him that you are not ready for a relationship given you are still dealing with the backlash from your previous relationship ending. While it will obviously upset him, any person can understand that. Again, you've only dated for a very short while. Just tell him he is great, and if you and him had met in another time you could have built something good, but that right now you need to deal with your past. Womanese rarely makes sense to men - especially those who have fallen for you. It's actually not kind or letting them down easy - it keeps them clinging to hope which is about the cruelest thing you can do to someone. As you can see from his response, he wanted to work through it with her because she used womanese and was not clear. If you want to be kind, tell the guy you're not interested in seeing him anymore. Period. It will hurt just as much but has the side benefit of letting him know there is no chance in the future. Although some of us get this elusive double talk, a lot of guys don't. Be strait forward, be kind. Link to post Share on other sites
CupCakess Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 (edited) Womanese rarely makes sense to men - especially those who have fallen for you. It's actually not kind or letting them down easy - it keeps them clinging to hope which is about the cruelest thing you can do to someone. As you can see from his response, he wanted to work through it with her because she used womanese and was not clear. If you want to be kind, tell the guy you're not interested in seeing him anymore. Period. It will hurt just as much but has the side benefit of letting him know there is no chance in the future. Although some of us get this elusive double talk, a lot of guys don't. Be strait forward, be kind. The guy is clearly someone that may not be succesful with women (or have little experience with them) given he is acting super clingy and passionate towards a woman he has been dating for only a little while and that has a clear set of red flags most guys would avoid (she still loves her ex). The problem has more to do with the guy that is willing to become a clear "rebound person" for the OP, instead of having self-respect for himself. The OP was perfectly clear that she is not into a relationship with him. She could have said nothing else, but politeness demands she gives a reason, which in this case is at least partially true. Even if the guy was hot and she was more attracted to him, she would probably still not be ready to date anyways. Edited October 14, 2017 by CupCakess Link to post Share on other sites
Lauradlou Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I am sorry about your situation. I would definitely say not to force anything! There is no need for you to rush into anything and there is no shame in not being attracted to someone. I think you can have an open and honest conversation with him. Explain that you think he is a really kind person and that you would like to remain just friends. Praying that you find the right timing and words! Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I am sorry about your situation. I would definitely say not to force anything! There is no need for you to rush into anything and there is no shame in not being attracted to someone. I think you can have an open and honest conversation with him. Explain that you think he is a really kind person and that you would like to remain just friends. Praying that you find the right timing and words! Yes, done that. Talked to him last week. I am sure in few weeks he will understand why i did that and he will learn a good lesson not to date girls that just broke off an engagement I all by my own now ! and im glad i am Link to post Share on other sites
JellyTot Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. You dated a nice guy who asked you out, but after a couple of months you still weren't feeling it, so you broke it off. I don't think you're shallow and I doubt it was solely about his height - you just weren't attracted to this particular guy as a whole package. Sometimes a guy grows on you over time but this particular one didn't. Take some time for yourself and don't let it put you off giving people a chance Link to post Share on other sites
Kellens Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Thank you all for the advice. I called him, told him i dont think things can work out between us, explained to him that i thought i was ready to be in a relationship but i was wrong, that he is an amazing soul & i wish things went otherwise. He was upset, said that i can stay with him and go with me to a therapist, i told him its not about that, i just need time alone & i cant make him happy now & he deserves someone to make him happy. He told me that once you go there is no way back, i surely told him thats not gonna happen and i respect that. At the end of the phone call, i recognized he was about to cry or smth so we hung up & i messaged him the best of luck. It was hard yet i am relieved, feeling like i want to be alone by myself for a while, meet someone when i am ready, feel attraction and build a healthy relationship. Yes, 2 months is a short period, but for him it was enough to build hope and expectation for a happy future & i ruined this for him. PLEASE KARMA DONT GET MEE LOL I think the above quote makes you sound quite callous in my opinion. You just broke a guys heart and end it with an "LOL" I don't think you made a bad decision and the way you went about it was correct, but you seem to have a lack of compassion. Maybe I'm being sensitive since I'm very empathetic but this just rubbed me the wrong way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Yes, done that. Talked to him last week. I am sure in few weeks he will understand why i did that and he will learn a good lesson not to date girls that just broke off an engagement I all by my own now ! and im glad i am Wait what!? Congrats on the blame shifting and lack of empathy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 Wait what!? Congrats on the blame shifting and lack of empathy. I am not blaming him !!! but i was saying that guys or girls should not date someone who just got out from a relationship. I was saying he will feel better with time and he will know that what i did was right. Blame all goes on me for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 I think the above quote makes you sound quite callous in my opinion. You just broke a guys heart and end it with an "LOL" I don't think you made a bad decision and the way you went about it was correct, but you seem to have a lack of compassion. Maybe I'm being sensitive since I'm very empathetic but this just rubbed me the wrong way. I am just numb, i was sad i had to do it this way but right now i am just numb. And im not literally Loling, I am just afraid Karma will get me, and i dont need another negative event to happen with me since my last break up was bad enough. Link to post Share on other sites
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