Where is this even going?

[GemmaUK]

I told him I didn't want to rush a while back and I think he has done such a great job of respecting this. But then he tells me the other night how his sister was asking about me. I asked him what he said to her. He told me she was asking when she was going to meet me.

 

He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend or to meet anyone in his life. I didn't really know how to respond to him telling me that so I avoided it.

 

I feel like things are good and comfortable. But stagnant again. I don't want him to get fed up one day because we haven't had sex, or gotten closer. I'm afraid. I like him and I'm afraid.

 

Doing things such as the bold part will make this relationship stagnant.

he was basically offering up the suggestion that he'd like you and his sister to meet and you dropped it by not responding.

You seem to miss not so subtle communication. He wouldn't have talked to his sister about you and she wouldn't have come back asking to meet you if he hadn't indicated to his sister he was interested in you.

[ExpatInItaly]

Doing things such as the bold part will make this relationship stagnant.

he was basically offering up the suggestion that he'd like you and his sister to meet and you dropped it by not responding.

You seem to miss not so subtle communication. He wouldn't have talked to his sister about you and she wouldn't have come back asking to meet you if he hadn't indicated to his sister he was interested in you.

 

I agree with the above.

 

You're contributing to the stagnancy, OP.

[amkxoxo]

So I met this guy two months ago online. I was fresh off of two guys whom dated me, led me to believe they wanted a relationship with me, and then they disappeared. One after I went on vacation. He talked to me all through the vacation, but I never saw him again when I got home and he faded out. It hits you hard when things like this happened, but when I met Paul everything changed. He put me first. Paul lives 45 mins to an hour from me, which is far, but to me its not that bad. He always drives to me. I have my own place and he still lives with his family. I mention that we can meet in the middle, but he never takes me up on it. He treats me well and we have a lot of fun together. He tells his family all about me. He always compliments me and talks to me all the time, through text when we aren't together.

 

He works Tuesday through Saturday and I work Monday through Friday. We normally see each other Saturday nights and Sunday during the day. But recently I'm questioning things, because of his actions. This weekend for example. He came over Saturday after work. I made us dinner, we went out shopping for some stuff, we had a great time. He stayed late at my house. Everything was good. I think he wanted to stay at my house, but I wasn't ready for that, so I kicked him out.

 

I mentioned to him that on Sunday I have something with one of m girlfriends at 4:30pm, but that we can do stuff all before that. He couldn't really give me a yes or no answer, which I have now learned is no, and then he starts saying how he wants to sleep in and such. I tell him he should wake up a bit earlier and then we can see each other. He kind of just brushed it off. Then I mentioned that maybe we can meet in the middle of our houses, to make it easier on him, and he still couldn't agree to anything with me. So just because he wants to sleep until 1 in the afternoon, by the time we would meet up we would have no time. Its sort of immature to me.

 

It is now Sunday and I have a feeling I won't be seeing him at all and it stinks. I have told him to come over Monday, a day where he is off from work, and meet me after I get out, and we can do dinner and hangout, but he never does. This is weird to me, because he doesn't work or do anything all day. I don't expect him to stay late, just have some time to see me. We don't see each other Monday-Friday and we just make text talk during that, but sometimes I'm feeling like its not enough for me. I like him and I enjoy spending time with him. He makes me feel good about myself and encourages me to do positive things. But if I have any sort of plan on the weekend, say a sporadic girl thing or family obligation, I don't see him, or barely see him and its really not the best. I feel stuck some weekends, because I get invited to do some other fun things, and I can't because if I do, I won't see him at all. I do want to see him, its not that I want to run off with my friends and ditch him, but sometimes my girl friends invite me to fun things, and I keep feeling like I am missing out, because he is my priority. I don't know if I should go back out and keep dating and see if anyone is closer to me. He and I aren't exclusive and he hasn't brought it up, so technically I am single. I just feel bad seeing other men behind his back, because he's made it pretty clear he is only seeing me.

[OatsAndHall]

I suggest you communicate your concerns with him and talk about becoming exclusive, if that is what you want from the relationship. I would explain to him that you are making him a priority and want to see him but he needs to reciprocate if the relationship is going to move forward. Be ready to just call it off if he isn't willing to do so.

[Shining One]

2 months in with no sleepovers would be a red flag to me... not that I would wait that long. Perhaps he doesn't feel like you're all that interested in him.

[Gaeta]

You have bee dating 2 months and you still don't want him to spend the night over so you have to accept that he's not in the mood to drive an hour to you 4 times each weekend. Untill you know him enough, untill you confirm exclusivity, untill you feel comfortable enough to let him stay over then accept this will be the situation.

 

No, do not go date other men. If you want a bf at some point you've got to stop going left and right and give a fair chance to someone.

 

Are you SURE he is single?

[Gaeta]

In your last thread we told you YOU were the one keeping this relationship stagnant. Have you done anything to allow it to progress?

 

You told this man you wanted to take things slow, that's what he's been doing. He is not going to invest miles and miles of driving to see a woman that *wants to take things slow*, I am sure he would for a GF though.

 

Also he is NOT going to ask you to be his GF exactly because YOU told him you want to take things slow! He is respecting your wish and he is waiting for a green light from you.

 

Give him that green light you'd like to escalate this realtionship! YOU initiate a conversation about exclusivity. I am sure from there things will evolve naturally.

[OatsAndHall]

In your last thread we told you YOU were the one keeping this relationship stagnant. Have you done anything to allow it to progress?

 

You told this man you wanted to take things slow, that's what he's been doing. He is not going to invest miles and miles of driving to see a woman that *wants to take things slow*, I am sure he would for a GF though.

 

Also he is NOT going to ask you to be his GF exactly because YOU told him you want to take things slow! He is respecting your wish and he is waiting for a green light from you.

 

Give him that green light you'd like to escalate this realtionship! YOU initiate a conversation about exclusivity. I am sure from there things will evolve naturally.

 

I just read that thread and I agree with Gaeta on this. It sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it too.. I would have a hard time driving two hours, round trip,for a girl if I didn't know she was committed to me. That's a fair amount of time, energy, and money to invest into a questionable relationship.

 

It sounds like you need to decide what you want from the relationship and go from there. If you want exclusivity, then ask for it and start laying down the foundation of a relationship. If you want to continue to take it "slow" then don't expect him to invest much more than he is.

[amkxoxo]

I get that. I mean I feel like I am showing interest. I talk to him all the time. I send snapchats. I ask how he is. I make him dinner weekly, because I know he is tired after work and very hungry. I spend a lot of money buying good food and different things so its not repetitive. I tell him how I can't wait to see him. I have suggested many times me driving to his area and we can do something like bowling and such, but he never bites on it. I send him kiss faces and hearts and stuff through texting and tell him I miss him.

 

To me, I didn't feel right about having him stay over yet, because I didn't want him to think we were going to have sex, because I don't feel quite ready for that yet. I just want some more time, because I've had guys sleeping at my house after 3 to 4 dates and it always ends faster than it starts. And they want sex, but don't want a relationship with me, and I am scared of that happening again.

 

I also bought us tickets to this show in a few weeks. We have to travel to go there, snd we are going with my best friends, so he will meet them all. I don't just introduce anyone to my friends. That to me is including them deep in my life, so thats a big step for me.

 

I guess my mindset is that, if the situation was reversed, I would be driving to see him today, even if its for two hours, because its two hours together. I've done it for men in the past and I suggested us meeting in between and he didn't answer and blew it off. I don't expect him to drive to me all the time. But I would be seeing him today if I was the guy and the situation was switched.

Edited October 22, 2017 by amkxoxo

[Gaeta]

Have you read anything we said?

 

You told the man you want to take things slow. That is all is remembers. No matter the cook meals and the tickets you told him you were going to take things slow. This is him going slow. Do you understand he does what you asked for? If you wish to change the speed of this relationship you need to tell him with WORDS because men are very bad at understanding a hint. What is so hard in asking him if he'd like to date exclusively?

 

Expecting him to drive 1 hour, spend 2 hours with you and then drive another hour is a princess-demand.

[Zahara]

To me, I didn't feel right about having him stay over yet, because I didn't want him to think we were going to have sex, because I don't feel quite ready for that yet. I just want some more time, because I've had guys sleeping at my house after 3 to 4 dates and it always ends faster than it starts. And they want sex, but don't want a relationship with me, and I am scared of that happening again.

 

This isn't foolproof. There are men that can wait for as long as you need to just to have sex with you and leave. There are men that will have sex with you on the first date and want to continue dating you long term.

 

Projecting your past onto him is going to possibly sabotage this or potential mates that come into your life. You noted that you are scared of getting hurt again -- relationship = risk.

 

Side note - he drove to see you on Saturday. Then you kicked him out late that night and he had to drive home. Then you want to hang out again on Sunday before your friends meetup. So he has to up and drive to you again on Sunday for another hour and drive home before you have to go meet your friends. It's exhausting and you sound entitled. I can understand why he chose not to see you.

 

You want to take things slow. Then he's also allowed to take things according to his pace, not yours. And don't project - roles reversed. If you were in his shoes you'd be wondering why you're doing all this work for 2 months with no progression. He probably thinks you're not that interested.

Edited October 22, 2017 by Zahara

[staggerlee71]

This isn't about sex. This guy is being respectful and certainly showing interest and likes you.

 

Your expectations are not being met. your keeping score. your trying to quantify your relationship so you can determine how much he likes you.

 

its a shame you cant just let this breathe and enjoy it cause this guy likes you.

 

I almost died of suffocation reading this thread