Pumpkin008 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Doesn't anybody call anyone anymore??? It sounds like you have made up your mind but I would have suggested calling her and asking if she has plans for the weekend. Maybe she was busy and life got in the way. I would have exerted a little effort after going on 5+ dates. Now if she didn't respond and return the call then I wouldn't follow up again and find someone else to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) I've ghosted (and been ghosted) many times. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, it's not easy to say no and that you're no longer interested. Unless you're bg/gf then you don't owe the other person anything. They could have the best date of their life, you can still ghost them the moment you get back home. Don't contact this girl, whats the point? Are you hoping that she'll somehow change her mind? I never even realized "ghosting" (defined here as completely stopping communication with someone you've been on no more than a handful dates with and no longer are interested in) was that bad until I came to this site. It's a cardinal sin here. Apparently men would rather have their balls dragged through than be ignored. It's funny because I'd rather just be ignored. Unless its a LTR(where ghosting is absolutely unacceptable) Edited September 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike B. Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 I never even realized "ghosting" (defined here as completely stopping communication with someone you've been on no more than a handful dates with and no longer are interested in) was that bad until I came to this site. It's a cardinal sin here. Apparently men would rather have their balls dragged through than be ignored. It's funny because I'd rather just be ignored. Unless its a LTR(where ghosting is absolutely unacceptable) i'd forget about them in a few days max. out of sight out of mind! I agree. Guosting is a part of dating life. People have different views on it but I am okay with the concept. I pride myself in taking hints and if someone stops communicating with me, I just move on. Ghosters are not evil persons and they are not necessarily immature. They are just people who want someone to go away quietly. They don't owe anyone an explanation. Some people just have trouble with letting someone down and hurting other feelings so they slip away. I really wouldn't want to be the octopus that reaches out with its tentacles to keep the ghoster from leaving quietly. I would just let them slip away in the night. I wouldn't block their escape route demanding an explanation. All I would need to know is that she is not feeling me and I know that by her not communicating any longer. Take care ghoster. Don't let the door hit you on the way out of the escape hatch. Be free. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 I suppose I have some maturing to do because I would have gone the petty route and messaged my ghoster. I would definitely recommend deleting her number and social media. I had been talking/dating to this guy for months and he slowly started to distance himself from me. I called him out for it (after a few glasses of wine). Shortly after I did that, I of course felt a bit of remorse like wow maybe I shouldn't have messaged him at all. But you live and you learn. Looking back, I don't necessarily regret it, because I was honest and said how I was feeling...(which seems to be a rarity amongst my generation) Anyway, after being ghosted several times, like the above poster said I normally try to be more aware of whether or not someone seems to be distancing themselves from me. If I notice it, I distance myself too so it's less awkward for all parties involved. I'm also guilty of ghosting from time to time, but that's normally after 1-2 dates, not after as many as you had. To each their own though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bpb2017 Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 until I came to this site. It's a cardinal sin here. Apparently men would rather have their balls dragged through than be ignored. That's why I take all advice from any online forum with a pinch of salt, because it's all about reinforcing existing opinions only. People that get ghosted are hurt and then complain about it. If they get a "sorry, but no" text then they would complain about that and prefer to be ignored. As a guy I can say that pretty much all men IRL get it when a women stops responding to texts or receiving calls that she's no longer into you especially after 3 days or so. If there was a guy that still didn't accept it then I'd watch out for him because he's clearly someone that doesn't accept no (even though he might have been told it his whole life). Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Yeah . This site helped me understand that a lot of men prefer a concise "Sorry. I don't think we're a match" so I try to do that now even if we've only had 1 date. I guess it gives them a sense of finality they need to move on. Why they can't find that themselves after not receiving a response for days is probably always going to be beyond me, but I can still respect it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mjm1014 Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 Sorry you're having to deal with this OP. Nothing stings worse than someone you really like, have been out with a few times, completely vanishes without an explanation. Had this happen 9 months ago and still constantly wonder what happened. So, I'm going to tell you the opposite of what I did (because it didn't work for me). -don't delete her on social media..she will think you're immature, overreacting, and if she had the nerve to ghost, she prob doesn't care if you do anyways. Instead, show her through social media that you're having fun without her, living your life, dating other women/out with other women as friends..it might just make her wonder and slightly jealous. Don't bank on it, but you never know. -do not text or call her anymore. This will cause her to pull further away. If you do feel the need, hit her up in a few months once the dust has settled. Again easier said than done. -basically just act cool about it. Get it in your mind that its HER loss (easier said than done) and forget about her. One thing this type of situation encourages me to do is hit the gym hard and get ripped. Show her what she's missing in a few months when you're ripped. Even if you aren't a gym rat, even shedding a few pounds or sculpting a new muscle will do wonders and will boost your confidence. You might not get her back and that's fine but your attractiveness will definitely increase. Who knows you could end up with an even hotter chick that's just as fun to be around. Let this situation motive you to make some positive changes in your life, no matter what it is. Lastly look up coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. His advice seems spot on on a verity of dating subjects such as this one. I usually turn to his videos when I need advice and it usually, not always, makes me feel better. You might even learn where you went wrong. Good luck OP.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h647 Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 Did you have sex with her for the first time, last time you heard from her? No, we had sex when she stayed over at my new place. We had a couple of dinner dates after but because of our work commitments etc couldn't stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author h647 Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 Update - she messaged me yesterday answering a message of mine from few days previous. Didn't ask me any questions etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted September 29, 2017 Share Posted September 29, 2017 What she is doing is probably benching. Most often when I 'disappeared' for a few days and did not answer a guy, it was because I was very low interest. That is a huge reason why people want you to tell them you are not interested. But this is also where "are you still interested?" is a tricky question to answer. Because if I were to be truthful to the guy who asked this it would be " Not really now. But maybe later if you're still around? " Benching. Because people pop back up when bored or nothing better going on. It is selfish but people put themselves first. I block sometimes for this reason. They always come back and hassle you... get ready to be strung along Link to post Share on other sites
Author h647 Posted September 29, 2017 Author Share Posted September 29, 2017 What she is doing is probably benching. Most often when I 'disappeared' for a few days and did not answer a guy, it was because I was very low interest. That is a huge reason why people want you to tell them you are not interested. But this is also where "are you still interested?" is a tricky question to answer. Because if I were to be truthful to the guy who asked this it would be " Not really now. But maybe later if you're still around? " Benching. Because people pop back up when bored or nothing better going on. It is selfish but people put themselves first. I block sometimes for this reason. They always come back and hassle you... get ready to be strung along I didn't reply to the message so if we speak again she will have to reach out as I deleted her number Link to post Share on other sites
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