Guy acted like it was offensive I asked him to get tested for STIs?

[kendahke]

In this day and age, no one should be surprised that they are asked to get tested for STD's. What rock have they been living under that they think STD's have gone away, or that they are so puffed up on themselves that they think they can spot someone with an STD? You don't have to look like a crack addict to carry an STD. Look in the mirror--that's what they look like... and that's what they depend upon for you to let them slide on in without protection.

 

Hell no. Get tested or get out.

[Gaeta]

I would not ask a man I have been on a couple of dates with to get tested. I don't intent to have unprotected sex with anyone I am not exclusive with and we're both tested. You bring up testing when you're ready to get rid of condoms which should be a few months in and after testing.

 

If this guy got tested today his tests wouldn't be reliable anyway. Many viral infections like hsv and hsp take a few months to show up in a blood test. You need to date someone 3 months exclusively THEN you both get tested.

 

His reaction was over the top and probably hiding something. I have learn that nurses don't know anything about stds. They have experience with taking your pressure, stopping your bleeding and helping you during a stroke but other than that they have no study or experience in stds. I know, I carry an std and I dated a nurse. He had 20 years experience in Emergency rooms and knew 0 of my condition.

[viatori patuit]

As a guy I have had this request. It makes sense and understand the desire for it.

 

But...

 

It is offensive. The intimation is that somehow I am not trustworthy. The wording is the problem. Say to me “are you worried about STI’s? I am. Have you ever been tested? I think we should if we are active” is a lot different than “you need to get tested I we are going to have sex”. The first I recognize as common concern. The second looks like judgement and condecension to me.

 

It is also a mood killer. The lead up to a sexual encounter can be downright intoxicating. That makes it sound like a mechanical process. I get the quandary and I am not sure I would be any where near as excited about that encounter if we had to swap test results.

 

But to each his or her own.

[HiCrunchy]

My ex’s response to “hey can you get tested” was “sure baby”

“Ur not mad?” “No, of course not. It’s normal”

And that was that. Not sure why this guy is getting so defensive??

 

Tho to be fair I asked my ex while we were cuddling so I may Be had an advantage haha.

 

This dude is weird and for sure has something to hide. If you slept with him, I think u should get tested dear

Edited September 27, 2017 by HiCrunchy
Spelling

[Gr8fuln2020]

I would not ask a man I have been on a couple of dates with to get tested. I don't intent to have unprotected sex with anyone I am not exclusive with and we're both tested. You bring up testing when you're ready to get rid of condoms which should be a few months in and after testing.

 

If this guy got tested today his tests wouldn't be reliable anyway. Many viral infections like hsv and hsp take a few months to show up in a blood test. You need to date someone 3 months exclusively THEN you both get tested.

 

His reaction was over the top and probably hiding something. I have learn that nurses don't know anything about stds. They have experience with taking your pressure, stopping your bleeding and helping you during a stroke but other than that they have no study or experience in stds. I know, I carry an std and I dated a nurse. He had 20 years experience in Emergency rooms and knew 0 of my condition.

 

I disagree. Unless one's intent is to hold off on sex for a month or longer, okay, but most are not going to do that. I wouldn't. I don't push, but I do make it clear that a physical relationship is desired when both parties are comfortable and not a month or more later. Any STD test will reveal important information regardless of when you are tested. I am assuming that most people don't wait month(s), so an immediate test before sex is prudent. Condoms alone do not guarantee that you will not contract an STD. Being exposed to some STDS, the bodily fluids by other means don't care if you have condoms on or not.

 

I would have the test before you have sex. Period....and wear condoms.

[Cookiesandough]

I would not ask a man I have been on a couple of dates with to get tested. I don't intent to have unprotected sex with anyone I am not exclusive with and we're both tested. You bring up testing when you're ready to get rid of condoms which should be a few months in and after testing.

 

If this guy got tested today his tests wouldn't be reliable anyway. Many viral infections like hsv and hsp take a few months to show up in a blood test. You need to date someone 3 months exclusively THEN you both get tested.

 

 

I completely agree. I'm just thinking if a man I'd just started seeing asked me to go get tested at the beginning of dating I would be kind of put off, possibly to the point of not not wanting to see him anymore. If we became exclusive , I would say something like "I think we should get tested" if I thought that were an issue. Note the WE not "You" because since you're promiscuous and I'm not you clearly have something and I don't. Not how it necessarily works

Edited September 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[knabe]

Getting tested AFTER you have sex is....illogical.

[Cam1]

I would not ask a man I have been on a couple of dates with to get tested. I don't intent to have unprotected sex with anyone I am not exclusive with and we're both tested. You bring up testing when you're ready to get rid of condoms which should be a few months in and after testing.

 

If this guy got tested today his tests wouldn't be reliable anyway. Many viral infections like hsv and hsp take a few months to show up in a blood test. You need to date someone 3 months exclusively THEN you both get tested.

 

His reaction was over the top and probably hiding something. I have learn that nurses don't know anything about stds. They have experience with taking your pressure, stopping your bleeding and helping you during a stroke but other than that they have no study or experience in stds. I know, I carry an std and I dated a nurse. He had 20 years experience in Emergency rooms and knew 0 of my condition.

 

While I understand your points, I have to disagree--I would not be sexually active even with condoms with someone who had not been tested. All it takes is a condom breaking. Additionally, most infections can be spread to the throat/mouth through oral sex (not as likely, but it can happen). I want that person to be tested before we become active.

 

Also, I agree with you about the three month thing--most STDs will not show up positive on a blood test until the 12 week mark. But the last time this guy had sex was March. so he's past that point, and results today would be indicative of his true status on anything.

 

Also, that may be true of nurses...But he's not a nurse. To be vague...he's something that requires an additional few more years of schooling...

[Cookiesandough]

But the last time this guy had sex was March. so he's past that point, and results today would be indicative of his true status on anything.

 

...

 

So he says ... this guy you have been on couple dates with? It's obviously up to you but for someone so conscientious about not catching an STD I think you might be overlooking some major things

Edited September 27, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

While I understand your points, I have to disagree--I would not be sexually active even with condoms with someone who had not been tested. All it takes is a condom breaking. Additionally, most infections can be spread to the throat/mouth through oral sex (not as likely, but it can happen). I want that person to be tested before we become active.

Then do not have sex for 2-3 months.

 

But the last time this guy had sex was March. so he's past that point, and results today would be indicative of his true status on anything.

This man is a stranger to you, why would you believe him? For your safety please do not believe what men tell you just because you had a couple of dates with them. People lie, no matter if they are plumbers or doctors.

[dumbass2]

You're request is fine, if done person or at very least over the phone. This isn't a request you make by text. I think if it had been presented differently it may have had a better outcome.

[kendahke]

Getting tested AFTER you have sex is....illogical.

 

Quite true.

 

Until the two involved begin turning either action or conversation towards sexual things, there is no need to talk about testing. But once deep french kissing and petting is introduced, no matter how many dates you've been on, that's the time to slam on the brakes and talk about where this is going and the need for tests/disclosure.

 

Be it the second date or the 20th date, that talk needs to be had before bodily fluids are mixed.

[harrybrown]

Glad that you are watching out for your health.

 

Your folks are proud of you, I am sure.

 

keep healthy.

[joseb]

The exact text dialog that precipitated this:

Me: "You need to be tested before that happens."

Him: "Wait seriously?"

Me: "About getting tested?"

Him: "Yes."

Me: "Why do you act offended by this?

Him: "Because that's a pretty offensive requirement."

*Cue phone call*

 

If some girl I had just met and hadn't had sex with asked me like this, I wouldn't be too impressed.

 

I've only had one girl ask me for tests, and at the time i thought it was a little weird (I'd never had unprotected sex at the time) but she asked in person, and nicely.

 

Look at the exchange.

"you need to be tested"

Not " I think we should get tested"

 

That does sound quite acquisatory.

 

Then when he just checks if you are serious, you say he is acting offensively (which totally explains why he uses the word "offensive" to describe the way you 'requested' this.

 

Words are important. Texts are dangerous.

As he seemed ok on the phone, I wouldn't read too much into this.

 

Except not to have important discussions via text.

[SmartDude]

Ya, you might have messed this one up already.

 

It would be pretty offensive to have some one demand testing before sex happens if you are hetero sexual. Especially in 2017. If it was 1995 I would be more understanding. Statisticly male to male sexual contact is the big disease vector. Society has come a long way in preventing the aids epedemic of the 80's. The public campaign for sexual saftey was very effective. The truth is that you can just use a condom and you will be at a slight risk of getting an STI as a female. Repeat condom sex until your man finally gets tested, no presure.

 

Do you ever drive a car with other drivers also on the road? You are already taking risks in life.