Married to a roommate

[kazen]

All I can say is that the ability to be perfectly content living alone is the greatest gift a person can have.

 

Then I must be one lucky guy. LOL I have always love living alone. But of course my hormones forces me to get a girlfriend from time to time. But at last as I'm older now, I am not affected by my hormones anymore. I am content on my own. I have plenty of free time to enjoy my hobbies.

[MidlifeMama]

Would you want to spend more time with your spouse? If so, start making plans to do so and see how that goes. My issues isn't so much of getting away, bringing back the spark, as much as it ... was the spark there to begin with? - We do spend time together but I feel like I'm hanging out with a friend who i can hug. We never have in depth convos unless i start them... we get along great when we are together.

 

That's where I'm at also

[Just a Guy]

Hi Anah and Midlife, see my post above. Have either of you tried doing something like I suggested? Try, it if for nothing else, just to see your husbands reactions to your activities. However, as I said there should not be even a hint of cheating. Fact is that activity should help you crystallize your views on what you have to do. Stay or divorce and move out. Staying in limbo never helped any one. Have you thought deeply about what it is that is holding you back from spreading your wings and moving out? If not then now may be the time. Also time is running out, it waits for no man( or woman)! Warm wishes.

[AMarriedMan]

Hi Married man, you may be correct. However very few people have the mental and emotional fortitude to be able to do that. As the years go by loneliness becomes the one great spoilsport to an otherwise idyllic solution. Just a thought.

 

I don't think it comes down to any kind of fortitude but preference. And I didn't mean becoming a hermit. Only abstaining from intimate relationships.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Marriedman, appreciate your post. In a lighter vein, one way to do what you are saying is to join the Roman Catholic priesthood. You are alone as in romantically alone and yet there are plenty of people around you to help stave off loneliness! May work.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Anah and Midlife, if you are wondering whether you two have a spark going for your husbands I would suggest a small experiment. The fact is that if you really love your husbands and are connected to them at a deep level you will have a psychic connection with them. See if you are ever able to preempt anything that they may be thinking by verbalizing it in their presence. Actually this works only when you are in their presence as I think physical distance attenuates the mental waves or whatever. If you find this kind of thing happening regularly where both of you are able to verbalize the other's thoughts spontaneously then you can take it that there is a romantic connection. If not, then you are just damn good friends and nothing more. Try it and see what happens. Warm wishes.

[kazen]

Hi Marriedman, appreciate your post. In a lighter vein, one way to do what you are saying is to join the Roman Catholic priesthood. You are alone as in romantically alone and yet there are plenty of people around you to help stave off loneliness! May work.

 

Since I'm one of the few people who is perfectly content being alone. I want to explain why it's the case for me. First, there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. You can be in a crowded room full of friends and still feel lonely. When you see your friends with their significant others you feel that loneliness. But for me, I hate being in a room full of people. I prefer solitude. I prefer the outdoors, I love to go fishing and I usually do that by myself. You see, when I am not with people, I don't have to waste energy to entertain them and I can just enjoy my time. Just me and nature. I know that's hard for people who are extraverted to comprehend. How can anyone not feel loneliness if they are alone. That's why I call that solitude. It's like when you get into a fight with your significant other, you want some time alone to clear your head or so things will calm down. It's like that, when I'm alone, I feel peaceful. When I'm with people, I feel stressed because people often complain about their problems too much. Life is too short to hear all that drama. The only reason I had girlfriends in the past was because of my hormones drove me nuts. I needed sex. But once my hormones were under control since I'm much older now, I have a sense of freedom. I still like to meet people. It's not I don't like people. I don't like crowd, if that makes sense. People in groups usually do dumb stuff that pisses me off. So I prefer one on one interaction. Also, when you have a hobby you're passionate about and a best friend who is also passionate about it, loneliness doesn't even enter your mind. Relationship doesn't cure loneliness, just go to the marriage forum and you see how they feel unloved and sad. Basically they are experience loneliness in a marriage. My happiness doesn't depend on others, I'm naturally happy because I enjoy my freedom and I have everything I wanted.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Kazen, I get your point believe me. That is why the folks of yore coined the adage " Exceptions prove the rule"! Fact is that you might be an evolved soul who has got past the stage of needing someone else in his/her life. I have seen cases like yours but I have noticed some aberrations in a person like that. There is a peculiar selfishness to them as, because they live alone and only have to cater to their own needs, they are not able to cater to the needs of others in a natural way. The fact is that Homo Sapiens are a social species. This means that they like to congregate and conduct social activities in a group. There is also the very basic need to procreate and to take care of one's young ones. In your case as I said you are the exception proving the rule. However, even you probably have to work for a living which will most likely put you in close proximity to people engaged in similar work. So for those few hours at work you are forced to be social( unless you enjoy being unsociable and get on everyone's nerves!). Consider a time when you are older, retired and not so mobile. You may be able to look after your needs on a day to day basis but if something were to happen to you like for instance you slipped and fell in the bathroom and hit your head on the door frame and passed out who would know of your condition? Also if you are stuck at home and cannot move around with the ease that you now do, how long do you think you can keep yourself entertained with watching TV or reading the newspaper,magazines or books? Human interaction is a necessity which we take for granted while we have it or can get it but once it is not available then we start missing it.

 

If you remember the movie 'Cast Away' in which Tom Hanks was stranded on an uninhabited island for some years you would get a real feeling of what it is like to be 'Alone'. There was a song which had a line in it that ran like this ' No man is an island and I need you , honestly I do'. Surveys conducted by different agencies have indicated that couples live healthier and longer lives while together than those who divorce or are perennial singles so I guess it is therapeutic to be yoked than unyoked! Anyway this was just for some diversion from the serious nature of this thread. Have fun with your solitude! Warm wishes.

Edited October 27, 2017 by Just a Guy

[AMarriedMan]

Hi Marriedman, appreciate your post. In a lighter vein, one way to do what you are saying is to join the Roman Catholic priesthood. You are alone as in romantically alone and yet there are plenty of people around you to help stave off loneliness! May work.

 

There are countless people who live without intimate relationships without joining anything. Many, if not most of them find their lack of intimate relationships unfulfilling. Some don't mind it at all. I think it is fairly common among middle-aged or older singles to not mind being single very much. Many such people have had bad relationships or bitter divorces. There is nothing like years of suffering in a bad marriage to teach a person to associate a foul taste with all intimate relationships. One of my friends has sworn off women for good after being married to an adulterous crazy woman who probably suffers from borderline personality disorder. His ex-wife once falsely accused him of battering her and the social services kept him from seeing his son for months even after he could _prove his innocence_ in a police investigation. That is some horrifying ****. He had some short term relationships after that but it did not take long for him to renounce relationships altogether at a time he was under 40 years old. Also, a small minority of people are asexual or have no romantic feelings to begin with.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Marriedman, I am with you on this. I agree that there are many reasons why some people decide to remain single. Bad relationships is one factor but, as you said, there can be others. It takes all kinds to make this world so I guess it is what it is. In the end it is a very personal choice and only the person making that choice knows his/her reasons. Warm wishes.

[MidlifeMama]

Anah

 

How are you doing?

 

I am struggling, as usual with my decision and longing for me.