Jump to content

Miscommunication or am I to blame?

iekika

By iekika,
in Dating

 Share Followers 2

Recommended Posts

  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Are you a guy? How what would he not know you didn't have a condom on?? I'm confused.

 

No I'm a girl. I don't know how he didn't know, as it was in my hand, not opened the entire time and I had obviously thought it would have felt immensely different seeing as he claimed he felt nothing with one on!!

 

Im thinking its all just bull**** to be honest.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

Posted
Posted (edited)

Or perhaps if he is incredibly manipulative and decided a great "out" would be to blame you for not using protection instead of just saying he's no longer interested? . That means he is crazy. You can't really spend too much time speculating on crazy. Unless you make a living at it, it will be to little benefit. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself. Make sure to not repeat the mistake and also If you care about your health and that of future partners, be tested. You have no idea what he stuck his crazy in.,Sure many see it as most STI as NBD, but many are. Some you don't even know you have can cause infertility and cancers.

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

Posted
Posted
His response was to ask me to delete his details and never contact him again.

 

I have obviously kept his number but wont be contacting him.

 

Well he made it seem he was up for it and he only complained later that night, not even to my face!

 

...Why? Jw

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lostweekend

Lostweekend

Posted
Posted (edited)

So the guy never noticed that you didn´t place a condom on his d...?? Come on now! Is he dead from the waist down? Even through the craziest and most passionate moments he could have done a safety check. Hey, just put your hand down there and check if it´s there / on, it´s not rocket science!!

 

To me he sounds like an idiot, who just fund a "reason" to dump you! Sorry for being blunt, but using contraception is a shared responsibility. Blaming you is just about as stupid as it gets, especially since he recently said that he would not mind going "bareback"!

 

Won´t go into my thoughts about unprotected sex in general, or not using a condom, but his reasoning is stupid and I don´t believe him for one minute!

Edited by Lostweekend
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted
...Why? Jw

 

Well just incase. As I said I get tested, and if at my next one I end up having any STIs, I would like to inform him seeing as I am a decent human being.

 

That's why I posted this to get a mans perspective too.. I would imagine you would remember a condom being put on and also be able to tell the difference so it really does baffle me how he said absolutely nothing until hours later.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

Posted
Posted (edited)

Actually looks like his well is running a little dry and or he's just looney and he's back.

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Trip2TheSky

Trip2TheSky

Posted
Posted

I had that same trust, but it's been one h*** of a ride learning that I can't trust a single soul, besides my Husband.

 

Never have unprotected sex with anyone, unless you know for sure in writing that they are clean.

 

I have never had an STI, either and have way less experience number wise than you, but all it takes is one person with HIV to shorten and ruin your life forever.

 

No judgement here, either.

 

I never used protection for the most part, but I was lucky and only have had 3 partners before marrying my H.

 

Don't be a fool, wrap his tool. ;)

 

Get tested today, just in case. <3

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lostweekend

Lostweekend

Posted
Posted
He's contacted me today apologising for his 'overreaction' and is acting as though nothing happened :/

 

One extreme to another.

 

Are you prepared to accept his apology?

Link to post
Share on other sites
kendahke

kendahke

Posted
Posted
He's contacted me today apologising for his 'overreaction' and is acting as though nothing happened :/

 

One extreme to another.

 

Are you going to continue to deal with him?

 

How he treated you was not right. I'd be completely suspicious of him and keep the distance he started going.

 

Especially if he's acting like nothing happened. He's now mind effing you:

 

~Setting up a pattern of behavior

~bringing pain by interrupting the pattern of behavior, causing insecurity/self doubt to spike

~popping back up like nothing's wrong.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I told him that I was actually pretty upset that I had been accused of doing such a thing. He didn't say sorry once. He just said 'I overreacted' and 'When we do it again it will always be bareback now'.

 

I told him there was no way after that incident that I would be having sex again without a condom.

 

I don't know whether its a case of, I actually left and made no attempt to contact which prompted him to contact me (perhaps a silly game he is playing) or if he is just a nut case or if the whole thing is genuine.

 

I am keeping my distance for now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
kendahke

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I told him that I was actually pretty upset that I had been accused of doing such a thing. He didn't say sorry once. He just said 'I overreacted' and 'When we do it again it will always be bareback now'.

 

I told him there was no way after that incident that I would be having sex again without a condom.

 

Oooh, girl... no. The answer was "there isn't going to be a next time", then hang up, block and delete him. Your answer alludes to you being open to having sex again, once you're done "overreacting", with condoms.

 

I don't know whether its a case of, I actually left and made no attempt to contact which prompted him to contact me (perhaps a silly game he is playing) or if he is just a nut case or if the whole thing is genuine.

 

I am keeping my distance for now.

 

And he's on block/delete, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Gaeta

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
I told him that I was actually pretty upset that I had been accused of doing such a thing. He didn't say sorry once. He just said 'I overreacted' and 'When we do it again it will always be bareback now'.

 

You are at a crossroad here and you need to use judgment. This man is 43 years old, you only had a few dates with him and already he's sending double messages, bursting in anger, blocking you, coming back, and the above in bold are the words of a manipulative and controlling man. He is commanding you that from now on it will be unprotected sex. Recognize the red flags here.

 

You have the choice to dump a manipulator or to reconnect with him and enter a manipulative and abusive relationship.

 

If you go back to this man, you are telling him it's ok to treat you badly and he'll do it again.

 

Don't waste your best years on a 43 year old man that many women rejected already.

 

There is also a reason this middle-age man is dating young 20ish women. Young women are more naive, they have less experience with manipulator and it takes them longer to reject bad treatment. A woman his age would see right through his game and would never deal with him.

Edited by Gaeta
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I decided to end contact after he got very clingy very quickly again and started calling himself my boyfriend, which made me feel uneasy.

 

I told him goodbye, and blocked and deleted on all social media and texting/calling apps so hopefully this will be the last of it.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
heavenonearth

heavenonearth

Posted
Posted
We were stone cold sober. He knows I am on the coil.

 

Up until this moment, I thought OP is a guy, as I couldn't imagine how in the world the other guy would have not noticed he was having sex without a condom the whole time.

OP IS A GIRL? This changes things.

Yeah, so this guy definitely knew he was having sex without.

Probably was all horny in the moment and didn't care about protection until after. What a douche bag!

 

Be glad you got rid of him!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Up until this moment, I thought OP is a guy, as I couldn't imagine how in the world the other guy would have not noticed he was having sex without a condom the whole time.

OP IS A GIRL? This changes things.

Yeah, so this guy definitely knew he was having sex without.

Probably was all horny in the moment and didn't care about protection until after. What a douche bag!

 

Be glad you got rid of him!

 

Yeah I think there was a bit of a misunderstanding. I just assumed that guys would have known. Apparently he didn't, he just thought I got 'better' LOL.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

Posted
Posted
I decided to end contact after he got very clingy very quickly again and started calling himself my boyfriend, which made me feel uneasy.

 

I told him goodbye, and blocked and deleted on all social media and texting/calling apps so hopefully this will be the last of it.

 

Wow, he sounds really unstable. Hope he leaves you alone and sorry this happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
iekika

iekika

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Wow, he sounds really unstable. Hope he leaves you alone and sorry this happened.

 

Yeah all the signs were there really but that incident really opened my eyes.

 

1. He would be hot and cold. One minute telling you you're amazing and he really cares for you. The next minute he would be saying things like 'oh you'll do for now'.

 

2. He would call if he was drunk. Over and over. Non stop. And texting non stop.

 

3. Accusing me of being too clingy when I wasn't at all, and in fact the first time he told me to not contact him, he was deleted off my contacts within seconds.

 

4. We were actually FWB before dating and during this time he was telling me how much he wanted to spend time with me, then the next minute it was all about sex again.

 

Its just odd as I thought an older man wouldn't have time to play games with peoples heads. But I don't have time for that, I am a full time single working mother to a 7 month old baby and don't need negativity in my life like that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 2
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...