Judas Christian Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 It's just a name, for pity's sakes. An abstract entity. It's not as if she's got it tattooed to her face that you have to look at it every day! And god forbid a female should have her own will and ideas It's the whole desire for submission on the part of men who think this way which gives me the creeps. I'm sorry - you do have to look at it and hear it nearly every day because it's on most any sort of paperwork in that person's name and it is the name by which they are referred. It's not something trivial - having your spouse bear the name of their ex in your current marriage is tactless. It's not dissimilar to having the ex brought up in conversation all the time - it gets on your nerves after awhile. We all know our significant other has a past, etc, (in most cases anyway), but I absolutely would not want my wife's ex' last name as a helpful reminder. We can agree to disagree, if you like, but I don't think "It's just a name, for pity's sakes" - it would be if it were the maiden name, but a name received from a previous marriage is like any other gift that came from it - if you can in any way discard it, do it - you have a new life now. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 I would think of it as having the same name as the children, not the exH. My mom is in a serious relationship, they aren't planning to ever marry because they think they are "too old" to join assests. Don't get me started. Anyway, even if she did, I think it would be strange for her to change her name from my dad's and they've been divorced...17 years. I've never been married and got no kids. I'm gonna be: Bab Maiden Married. Once I've got a more permanent job, and people know me as Bab Maiden Married, I'll drop the Maiden. Link to post Share on other sites
Judas Christian Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 I can understand where you're coming from on that, but I have a different perspective. I am remarried and I had children with my ex. Far as I know, my ex still has my last name. I'd rather she didn't have it, because she's not married to me anymore. It's all-around a sticky situation because different people are going to have different reasons for why they should or shouldn't be concerned over it. So, I suppose it comes down to personal feelings and preference and it has to be discussed at real length before marriage ever takes place. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts