I became the other man and broke apart a family

[Veronica73]

Everything BaileyB said.

 

Plus this woman sounds absolutely NUTS. Who decides to leave her husband after kissing another guy? If she did this, it's because of her, not because of you. It could have been anybody. Don't get saddled down with some crazy lady and her kid because you want to be nice and you feel guilty for stealing away this crazy lady from her husband. And if he really is so ready to let her go without a fight, what does that say about her? Run away! And even though you slept with her... still that's not some sort of commitment on your part. It's just not.

[eternally_confused]

Had similar feelings for a coworker... Actually my manager. We never kissed or anything because I did all to restraint myself, but it sucks so much to find someone with such a beautiful connection and not being able to be together.

 

Well, it's just the way life is.

Edited September 22, 2017 by eternally_confused

[BoboFett]

Well, I calmed down a little and followed your advice. Did not contact the husband.

 

Me and N. had a talk and I communicated that I feel extremely unhappy with what we are doing and that I can't be with her.

 

She didn't take it particularly well, was very heartbroken, said she loves me. We agreed to be in each other's lives though as friends - I know it's not the best idea, but can't live with going NC with her - it just seems too cruel/unnecessary.

 

About her husband, she said that it was a decision made not because of me, but rather something that me coming into her life helped her realize needed to be done.

 

Anyway, I don't kid myself that this is over and done, but I feel it's a step in the right direction.

 

Feel very bad about the breaking her heart and this whole situation, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror again.

 

I don't see why she is a user or a bad person. Maybe I have rose-tinted glasses, but I don't really see her as such.

 

Thank you for all your help!

[BoboFett]

The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

 

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

 

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

 

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

 

What do I do next?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

 

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

 

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

 

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

 

What do I do next?

 

NO CONTACT. And just learn from this. Resolve to never be "that kind of person" again. Draw a hard line you will never cross.....never become involved in any way with a married woman.

 

Hang in there. You're not a horrible person.

[elaine567]

The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

 

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

 

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

 

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

 

What do I do next?

 

Many women have exit affairs, it gives them a nice soft landing when they jump off that cliff and end their marriage.

I doubt she will see you as "father and husband material" so once your job is done, she will bin you and go off looking for a man who doesn't think it is OK to sleep with another man's wife behind his back.

Hypocritical yes, but it is often the way it pans out.

[lostgirl87]

The more the fog clears, the more I think it was the right choice.

 

I guess the biggest red flag for me was how fast she was willing to leave her husband. Another red flag was that she kept pressuring me to define our relationship.

 

I think sometimes "what if we had something special", but the sobering though is that at some point in the past she loved her husband enough to get married, and to have a child with him, which was a planned decision in their case.

 

I feel really bad and guilty about the whole thing. I guess it could've been anyone in her case, but it was ME. I feel bad for her, for her husband, and for her child. I guess the irreparable damage to their marriage is already done...

 

What do I do next?

I don't see why you can't still be there as her friend. You seem to care for her in some way. You don't have to cut her off but you don't need to be there as her rock. Try and find a balance and go from there.

 

You don't need to have it all figured it out right away. But if you don't want to be involved in any way then don't contact her at all. Just be honest about what you're feeling and what you want with yourself. Then go from there.

[elaine567]

I don't see why you can't still be there as her friend. You seem to care for her in some way. You don't have to cut her off but you don't need to be there as her rock. Try and find a balance and go from there.

 

You don't need to have it all figured it out right away. But if you don't want to be involved in any way then don't contact her at all. Just be honest about what you're feeling and what you want with yourself. Then go from there.

 

He can't be just her friend as he is somewhat emotionally involved and will want "more" but at the same time does not really want to take on her "baggage" and the fallout from her marriage.

Better for him and for her and her child actually too, if he just stays away.

[lostgirl87]

He can't be just her friend as he is somewhat emotionally involved and will want "more" but at the same time does not really want to take on her "baggage" and the fallout from her marriage.

Better for him and for her and her child actually too, if he just stays away.

Gotcha. Well if he's not ready to take it all on (understandable) then yes staying away completely is best. Otherwise this will get even more messy and hurtful for everyone involved.

[eye of the storm]

Take the job. And anytime someone tries to pressure you into insta relationship, hit reverse in high speed.

 

 

Normal healthy people do not act the way she is. She is forcing you to be responsible for her feelings. You can't take a better job because she will be sad?! Who says that. Someone who cares more for themselves than other people.

 

 

She is trying desperately to get you on her crazy train. There is nothing but drama ahead for you if you stay connected to her.

 

 

Good luck.

[cocoa342]

I am sorry that you had to go through and experience this roller coaster. As hard as it is for now, pulling away from her like you did might be the best option. I also want to say if you ever did get involved, you want to be sure that she has in fact told the husband about you and that it's over between them.

 

I had a man many years ago who was married chase me, and we were both attracted to each other, I didn't get involved with him. He disappeared and re-entered my life some time later and told me he had divorced. We got together and built a life together and later found out he was still married!

[freengreen]

I am sorry that you had to go through and experience this roller coaster. As hard as it is for now, pulling away from her like you did might be the best option. I also want to say if you ever did get involved, you want to be sure that she has in fact told the husband about you and that it's over between them.

 

I had a man many years ago who was married chase me, and we were both attracted to each other, I didn't get involved with him. He disappeared and re-entered my life some time later and told me he had divorced. We got together and built a life together and later found out he was still married!

this man took it to another level.

[BoboFett]

I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?

[BaileyB]

You walk away from this woman and tell him to stop harassing you, or you will file a restraining order.

 

End this relationship and walk away...

[freengreen]

Ensure him that you are leaving them alone and walk away. Ask him to stop these awkward tantrums... walk away and dont look back.

[BTDT2012]

I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?

What do you want to tell him. Block him, block her, and get on with your life.

[Birdies]

Unfortunately this kind of thing can be the side effect of getting involved in someone else's marriage. (Spoken from experience.)

 

If I were you, I would BLOCK HIM AND HER on every social media, email, phone, etc. If he continues to harass you, you can file a restraining order, but it'd be a lot better not to have to go down that route...that will just worsen and prolong the drama.

[Miss Clavel]

I'm in trouble again. Her husband wrote to every one of my fb friends that i'm stealing his wife and destroying his family. He added me on one of the messangers too, although we didn't have a talk yet. How do I handle this situation? What do I tell the husband?

 

 

the same thing she told you:

 

 

Later this evening she wrote me that she talked to her husband about me, he understood and that she and her child will live on their own.

 

i'd reply to all, "it's not true and your post is not helping, anyone, take it down".

[Vivir]

Based on everything that BoboFett has written here, I have the distinct impression that this MW created this elaborate scene to get her husband to take some kind of action. If true, the OP, meant to be a soft landing if her husband responded by kicking her out, got caught in the crossfire.

[oldbutcurious]

you've been manipulated. "Like" is different from love.

[BoboFett]

Well, after interacting with her husband we stopped communicating with N. However she got through to me that what I was doing (pulling away) was hurting her very badly. I bumped into her at work and she was very pale and sickly looking. She asked me to talk to her and I reluctantly agreed.

She basically said very passionately that I'm "the one", and she wants so much more than she ever wanted with anybody else. She also wrote me a letter wxplaining her feelings, which I was extremely moved to read. She said that her H is not her husband anymore and haven't been for a long time, because he stopped caring for her. I still said that this isn't right and I can't be with her. She said that I will never be happy unless I switch off my rationality and give in to my feelings.

 

I feel extremely guilty for hurting her. Every time I pull away, she gets through to me and shows how badly it hurts her. I don't know how to do it without this extreme guilt that I cause her such pain.

 

What if she is genuine and I'm pushing away someone who really loves me? But at the same time there is a wisper in my mind that I might be manipulated... But she makes it sound like I ran from hapiness in my life...

 

Rationally, I understand that there are so many red flags and questionable things, but at the same time rejecting someone who says that she loves you and want to do everything in her power to be by your side and help you is so extremely hard.

 

Guilt, guilt, guilt... This is what I feel. I really don't know what I feel besides that, and it she is not giving me any space to figure it out. I feel like I'm a torturer and a tormentor to her.

[Birdies]

Guilt, guilt, guilt... This is what I feel. I really don't know what I feel besides that, and it she is not giving me any space to figure it out. I feel like I'm a torturer and a tormentor to her.

 

This isn't what love feels like. Back away from the crazy. This is a can of worms you don't want to keep opened up!

[Clay]

I think the other people said it best. Run. Run as fast as you can. If you stay with her just look at the husband and see your future.

 

Its not worth it.

 

C

[BaileyB]

Well, after interacting with her husband we stopped communicating with N. However she got through to me that what I was doing (pulling away) was hurting her very badly. I bumped into her at work and she was very pale and sickly looking. She asked me to talk to her and I reluctantly agreed.

She basically said very passionately that I'm "the one", and she wants so much more than she ever wanted with anybody else. She also wrote me a letter wxplaining her feelings, which I was extremely moved to read. She said that her H is not her husband anymore and haven't been for a long time, because he stopped caring for her. I still said that this isn't right and I can't be with her. She said that I will never be happy unless I switch off my rationality and give in to my feelings.

 

I feel extremely guilty for hurting her. Every time I pull away, she gets through to me and shows how badly it hurts her. I don't know how to do it without this extreme guilt that I cause her such pain.

 

What if she is genuine and I'm pushing away someone who really loves me? But at the same time there is a wisper in my mind that I might be manipulated... But she makes it sound like I ran from hapiness in my life...

 

Rationally, I understand that there are so many red flags and questionable things, but at the same time rejecting someone who says that she loves you and want to do everything in her power to be by your side and help you is so extremely hard.

 

Guilt, guilt, guilt... This is what I feel. I really don't know what I feel besides that, and it she is not giving me any space to figure it out. I feel like I'm a torturer and a tormentor to her.

 

This is not love.

 

And, she is not genuine. Run and don't look back.

[sandylee1]

Do you reaily need all this drama in your life. Deactivate fb for now and make it clear you don't want this relationship.

 

Your frievds