How to deal with current wife and boyfriend?

[Myasylum]

Yes, I should make that clear, I am not fighting to get her back. Especially after all this.

If this was a simple divorce I may want to try to work on things, but she's damaged it beyond recognition.

 

I'm sure maybe way back in the sick part of my brain, where I seem to enjoy the abuse it's still a thought.

 

But I don't even know who she is anymore, and I don't think want to. She disturbs me.

[Myasylum]

My fear as well is that exposure could effect the court case for the divorce.

They will know it came from me.

1st of all the wife will really have a axe to grind with me and suddenly become impossible to agree with anything.

2nd the attorney could use this against me somehow in from of the judge.

 

You guys think that is possible?

[MJJean]

My fear as well is that exposure could effect the court case for the divorce.

They will know it came from me.

1st of all the wife will really have a axe to grind with me and suddenly become impossible to agree with anything.

2nd the attorney could use this against me somehow in from of the judge.

 

You guys think that is possible?

 

Do you really think a judge is going to come down on you for telling your friends and family that your wife had an affair and left you for her affair partner?

[Myasylum]

What about if I expose to HIS friends and family?

 

Would that be considered irrational, vengeful to the court?

 

Would that make my wife more unagreeable?

 

Just trying to weight out my options.

 

My point isn't to get her back, it is just to "out" them as the creeps they are.

[stillafool]

People are going to find out what she is without you saying a word. If you feel that exposure will affect your case just let it go.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

What do you do: Leave them be. Hopefully they'll be together for a loooong time and that cheating so called "wife" will stay out of your life forever.

 

The guy: Hope he's an amazing man because he will be around your kids. Sucks I know

 

Guy code: Doesn't exist, he proved that. Heck, friends sleep with friends wives all the time and this guy didn't even know you.

 

Her being selfish: Of course she is. She's in the honeymoon stage with new guy, she thought enough of you and your marriage to cheat and leave you for him. Don't expect anything less than you being a stranger to her. Oh... if she's ever nice, be careful, she's up to something or wants something.

 

Them getting married: Good luck with that! She cheated on her husband with that guy. That's the biggest red flag! *If* I had an affair with a married woman, NO WAY I'd consider a long term relationship... she has shown through her actions how much she values relationships/marriage.

 

Exposing them: Will do nothing for you. You may get a moment of happiness from doing it but the high won't last. They'll still be together, their family/friends will always side with them, and at the end of the day you may even strengthen their bond.

 

Hurry up and divorce this wench. Send a strong message to everyone that you are not accepting of lying and cheating. You send the correct message to your kids, you teach them that in life they should never accept being the door mat, and they will respect you more as they get older too. Good luck sir

[lostgirl87]

Exposing is literally the worst advice I've ever seen on this site. It's a desperate attempt at pressuring a cheating spouse to stay with the betrayed spouse via what others think/say, at best. And in the worst light, it's seen as a desperate attempt to get revenge on the cheater and the AP and needlessly airing your dirty laundry whioe causing more drama in your own life.

 

She's left, she's with her AP, it sucks for you but there's nothing you can do about it except take care of yourself and your kids. Show your attorney anything you have to "prove" the affair to help make sure you don't have to pay her any alimony. Fight for your kids and let them know that you love them and are there for them always. I'm sure the kids are on "your side" but don't alienate them from their mom either. However your kids may be old enough to know the separation was caused by mom and the bf so they may not be all too thrilled to spend time with her. That's ok. That's a consequence of her selfish actions. You aren't at fault for that.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this and that this affair is essentially being thrown in your face. I can't even imagine the anger and frustration!

[Chilli]

Nope , l'd never advise it now either.

l did it , and l still regret it 5yrs later and divorced, and it didn't change one damn thing anyway.

As a matter of fact , l think it actually made me look like a desperado , l sure ended up feeling like one.

 

But you can tell her , or try to , ask or whatever, not to have the om around your kids, it is way way way too soon for that bs.

And to def' not go asking a 15yr old boy stupid damn stuff like that just 3wks after his families just been destroyed.

l also had to do this but it worked. It should be a yr min' but even that is still way too soon, 2 is much better .

Talk to her , and hopefully she'll at least have the decency to agree to that for her children.

 

ps , so sorry your going through this.

Edited September 14, 2017 by Chilli

[Myasylum]

I told her That it was WAY too soon to have new BF around our kids, we aren't even divorced yet, and I just moved out 3 weeks ago. Divorce is hard enough on children much less a new BF. I sent this via text.

 

15 minutes later, I text her because I needed tax info for the divorce.

Here the boyfriend was at her place the entire time (which I didn't realize), and he went on her computer and sent me our the tax records because she didn't know how.

 

I was so angry! I'm like so your letting him look at our taxes too?

 

The reply, "No one cares".

[stillafool]

Try to relax. There doesn't seem to be anything you can do about this situation unless you have the kids come live with you. Your ex is not going to get rid of him.

[Chilli]

I told her That it was WAY too soon to have new BF around our kids, we aren't even divorced yet, and I just moved out 3 weeks ago. Divorce is hard enough on children much less a new BF. I sent this via text.

 

15 minutes later, I text her because I needed tax info for the divorce.

Here the boyfriend was at her place the entire time (which I didn't realize), and he went on her computer and sent me our the tax records because she didn't know how.

 

I was so angry! I'm like so your letting him look at our taxes too?

 

The reply, "No one cares".

 

 

Don't worry my ex scoffed at me not wanting him around my daughter too, they totally lose the plot.

l had to threaten going for full custody and l also printed up all the studies of the net about the effects on the kids it will have.. It took two wks but finally she agreed.to keep him away from her and l agreed the same with any new women.

That was totally insensitive of her letting him into your private matters like that,

They really do just lose the plot.

Edited September 15, 2017 by Chilli

[Myasylum]

These are just selfish creatures that only think about themselves. Not you, the children, anyone.

 

It's destructive behavior and just have to hope someday they see the light.