Girlfriend and chronic HEALTH issue crossroad

[viviva]

She certainly has started out in life with quite a set back. I feel a lot of sympathy for her, which probably colours my post. She has learnt from you (her first sex partner, at 23 and she chose a family friend), that's its best to be very honest and upfront about her inheritance. No matter how incredibly daunting that may feel. Her clear understanding of the illness and experience will of course be discounted by some, thus honesty is the best policy. I agree with knabe, end it, she deserves more ( we all do). She'll find an accepting love and you'll find someone else.

 

She deserves more? LOL..and i deserve to be infected?

anyways....infectious or not ..telling me after 6 months sounds to me like she was hooking me to the bait all that while to make sure i dont slip when she reveals the hep b...im sure you know the power of sex when two people are in love and maybe she used that too! (btw our 6 months were as good as 1 year as we met that often and came so close)

what if she tells someone a day before getting engaged..i would definitely see that as a trap!

i was 100% committed and honest about everything. I gave myself to her openly and expected the same!

funny im getting bashed..anyways..

[TheWoman]

She deserves more? LOL..and i deserve to be infected?

anyways....infectious or not ..telling me after 6 months sounds to me like she was hooking me to the bait all that while to make sure i dont slip when she ....

 

We all deserve more than to be with someone who thinks we 'hooked them like bait'. Just end it, why are are you even asking us, you want to feel right? Trust is broken, relationship over. You're both better off out of it.

[Gaeta]

Viviva: Ask her to take an appointment at her doctor and you both go.

 

* You will know the truth about the chances of being infected. Each person is different and google knows nothing of your gf medical record. You need to know the truth about her level of contagion. If she refuses to take you to her doctor to discuss her medical record than it confirms she's a big liar.

 

* This young woman needs to have a good pep-talk about honesty and she needs a good scare about the legal trouble she may get into if she repeats this.

 

Both going to this doctor is a win-win decision even if the relationship ends.

[Gaeta]

We all deserve more than to be with someone who thinks we 'hooked them like bait'. Just end it, why are are you even asking us, you want to feel right? Trust is broken, relationship over. You're both better off out of it.

 

He may love her but she betrayed his trust and he is right to question her character. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you after 4 months of unprotected sex that he has HIV? No difference than this, I bet you would be outraged at his actions toward you. Hep B is a serious condition you can die from, we're not talking about the flu here.

[TheWoman]

and even had unprotected sex once all this BEFORE informing me about her hep b carrier state.

 

Now I am starting to wonder if all this was a plan to trap me so that I am blinded by love and don’t ditch when she reveals her hep b. I’m worried that how amazing she was could all be an act?

 

 

They had unprotected sex ONCE, and he states earlier in the post the chance of him contracting it is almost zero anyway.

 

Then he talks about it being a plan to trap him, then more recently how he is bait in a hook

 

A 23 year old losing her virginity to a guy she's known since she was a child.

 

This is an inherited disease, no fault of her own and she has only known of it herself she was 19. I just think someone more understanding might be a better match.

[guest569]

They had unprotected sex ONCE, and he states earlier in the post the chance of him contracting it is almost zero anyway.

 

Then he talks about it being a plan to trap him, then more recently how he is bait in a hook

 

A 23 year old losing her virginity to a guy she's known since she was a child.

 

This is an inherited disease, no fault of her own and she has only known of it herself she was 19. I just think someone more understanding might be a better match.

 

I don't blame OP for not being more understanding.

 

If she had been honest about it before having sex, and ensured he was vaccinated, it may have been fine. I'm sure a lot of people would be understanding in that case.

 

Why do you suppose she waited until 6 months to tell him?

[Gaeta]

They had unprotected sex ONCE, and he states earlier in the post the chance of him contracting it is almost zero anyway.

 

Then he talks about it being a plan to trap him, then more recently how he is bait in a hook

 

A 23 year old losing her virginity to a guy she's known since she was a child.

 

This is an inherited disease, no fault of her own and she has only known of it herself she was 19. I just think someone more understanding might be a better match.

 

They had unprotected sex more than once check his posts.

 

Hepatitis B is an infection of your liver. It can cause scarring of the organ, liver failure, and cancer. It can be fatal if it isn’t treated.

 

It’s spread when people come in contact with the blood, open sores, or body fluids of someone who has the hep B virus.

 

We are all talking about getting it through sex but this virus can be transmitted to a partner in many other ways. She HAD to tell him EARLIER. Hep B can be transmitted through body fluids that means saliva! sperm, vagina discharge, tears, and all the other fluids I am forgetting. He can get it by using her nail clipper! This is NOT trivial ! this is not about 'love'.

[viviva]

They had unprotected sex ONCE, and he states earlier in the post the chance of him contracting it is almost zero anyway.

 

Then he talks about it being a plan to trap him, then more recently how he is bait in a hook

 

A 23 year old losing her virginity to a guy she's known since she was a child.

 

This is an inherited disease, no fault of her own and she has only known of it herself she was 19. I just think someone more understanding might be a better match.

 

Actually from what everyone has told me (my friends), if they knew earlier, before the emotional manipulation and before they were taken so far out in to the sea (and then drowned) most people would leave anyways as they wouldn't want to deal with this at 23..so i see this as a tactic. If i knew earlier i could have made a sane decision on my own.

 

Why do you think she waited 6 months? (sex or no sex)

she even hid/lied when she was going for her hep b tests.

seems like youve got protective answers for everything.

if someone with HIV took you for a round for 6 months it would be cool with you right?

Edited September 9, 2017 by viviva

[viviva]

They had unprotected sex more than once check his posts.

 

Hepatitis B is an infection of your liver. It can cause scarring of the organ, liver failure, and cancer. It can be fatal if it isn’t treated.

 

It’s spread when people come in contact with the blood, open sores, or body fluids of someone who has the hep B virus.

 

We are all talking about getting it through sex but this virus can be transmitted to a partner in many other ways. She HAD to tell him EARLIER. Hep B can be transmitted through body fluids that means saliva! sperm, vagina discharge, tears, and all the other fluids I am forgetting. He can get it by using her nail clipper! This is NOT trivial ! this is not about 'love'.

 

Thats why i mention trust, morality, responsibility, honesty etc etc...a lot of character issues..unless there was an agenda behind keeping it secret..

[viviva]

I dont know why i feel if a guy did this same thing to a girl he would be summoned to hell !!! But in this case not much the same

I had seen an entire future with her ...how is it fair on me.. to drop a bomb like that after i am 100% committed and emotionally attached..hep b is not a small thing!

Edited September 9, 2017 by viviva

[2much4]

I don't think she hid it for that long because she wants to "trap" you. She was probably scared/ashamed to tell you, which is also why she's downplaying the issue.

 

She probably didn't think about this issue nearly as much you think she did.

 

Not saying you shouldn't break up, I think her behaviour is unacceptable.

[viviva]

I don't think she hid it for that long because she wants to "trap" you. She was probably scared/ashamed to tell you, which is also why she's downplaying the issue.

 

She probably didn't think about this issue nearly as much you think she did.

 

Not saying you shouldn't break up, I think her behaviour is unacceptable.

 

When she finally did tell me ..i asked her what it is..and she told me "its an extra cell..everybody including you have extra cells"..then i didnt want to choke her with questions so i just kept quiet at that moment thinking its not much of a big deal and i didnt want to pressure her. But 2 weeks later i bothered to check it on the internet to find out its much more serious then that and that its a virus. At least when she revealed it to me i should have been told properly ..its like the whole thing was being downplayed.

You say her behaviour is unacceptable yet just before that you were justifying it!..this is exactly why im at a cross roads..i do not know her intentions!

[guest569]

When she finally did tell me ..i asked her what it is..and she told me "its an extra cell..everybody including you have extra cells"..then i didnt want to choke her with questions so i just kept quiet at that moment thinking its not much of a big deal and i didnt want to pressure her. But 2 weeks later i bothered to check it on the internet to find out its much more serious then that and that its a virus. At least when she revealed it to me i should have been told properly ..its like the whole thing was being downplayed.

You say her behaviour is unacceptable yet just before that you were justifying it!..this is exactly why im at a cross roads..i do not know her intentions!

 

I don't think it is possible to tell why. All you can do is speculate, look at the facts, and make a decision based on your overall feelings. Summing up a few reasons she may have hidden the truth for 6 months:

 

• Shame
  
• Fear that you would leave (trapping)
  
• She thinks that passing around Hep B is no biggie!
  
• Lack of understanding/information about Hep B
  

 

Are there any other possibilities? Can you accept any of these reasons? Is it possible she will transmit it to her children?

 

I think you are completely reasonable to make judgments about her character based on all of this.

[viviva]

I don't think it is possible to tell why. All you can do is speculate, look at the facts, and make a decision based on your overall feelings. Summing up a few reasons she may have hidden the truth for 6 months:

 

• Shame
  
• Fear that you would leave (trapping)
  
• She thinks that passing around Hep B is no biggie!
  
• Lack of understanding/information about Hep B
  

 

Are there any other possibilities? Can you accept any of these reasons? Is it possible she will transmit it to her children?

 

I think you are completely reasonable to make judgments about her character based on all of this.

 

Hi, now she just says she has been feeling guilty and that she is sorry. She claims she is not infectious and she sent me her conversation with 2 doctors who are both telling her she isn't infectious with her blood test results. its been a roller coaster ride. It could be all the reasons combined that she didnt tell me...but i believe that she thought she isn't infectious..even then...why not tell a partner for 6 months? Someone who can keep this to themselves for so long is definitely someone to be vary of dont you think?

And besides all this, I also have to deal with her hep b so i have to think about that too..

[Gaeta]

Hi, now she just says she has been feeling guilty and that she is sorry. She claims she is not infectious and she sent me her conversation with 2 doctors who are both telling her she isn't infectious with her blood test results. its been a roller coaster ride. It could be all the reasons combined that she didnt tell me...but i believe that she thought she isn't infectious..even then...why not tell a partner for 6 months? Someone who can keep this to themselves for so long is definitely someone to be vary of dont you think?

And besides all this, I also have to deal with her hep b so i have to think about that too..

 

Conversations with doctors? No sorry, doctors don't email or text. If you are thinking of working this out with her you need to visit her doctor in person.

[viviva]

Conversations with doctors? No sorry, doctors don't email or text. If you are thinking of working this out with her you need to visit her doctor in person.

 

doctors who are one of her sisters friends who is in the medical field..

anyways..i think ive got too much doubt in my head now..theres not much i can do..I really dont even care wether she was infectious or not now (maybe she really thought or knows she isnt infectious)..but not telling me for 6 months is crazy...you cant take someone that far out at sea...she could look me in the eye everyday knowing very well she has a big secret..i wouldnt be able to behave normally if i had something like this at the back of my mind..that just makes me think that she could do it in the future again if it suits her..and more so that she could have planned this (as not telling me was clearly intentional - for whatever reason). There is just way too much to think about now and its overwhelming..

[coolheadal]

I have been dating a girl for the past 6 months. We have known each other since childhood. The 6 months have been a fairy tale, she was the perfect one for me and I couldn’t and still cannot imagine anyone better then her. We hit it off perfectly right from the start and she was my dream girl over the 6 months. So, after around 6 months she reveals to me that she is a lifelong inactive carrier of hepatitis b virus, which she contracted from her mother at birth but only found out she has it four years ago. An inactive carrier does not need any medication but only monitoring every year for the rest of their life to make sure the virus is not becoming active.

 

The problem starts here…she waited 6 months to tell me about this. Over the 6 months I fell head over heels for her and was 100% committed to the point I could see the rest of my life with her. SHE called me her soul mate, wanted us to meet each others parents, planned a weekend trip for the 2 of us and we met very very regularly. If we weren’t meeting we were texting each other a lot…ALL this before she revealed her hep b to me. She ALSO lost her virginity to me and we had sex loads of times. After my research I have found out that a inactive carrier of hepatitis b could also potentially be infectious (however very lowly, even close to 0 chance of transmission but not zero) ;and hence partners should be vaccinated and precautions should be taken but she never bothered to ask if I’m immunised and even had unprotected sex once all this BEFORE informing me about her hep b carrier state.

 

Now I am starting to wonder if all this was a plan to trap me so that I am blinded by love and don’t ditch when she reveals her hep b. I’m worried that how amazing she was could all be an act? Im worried about why she had sex before informing me!

 

Firstly, she claimed she didn’t tell me earlier as it is a small issue, then she said she cant go around telling everyone as we live in a small town, then she said she told me after 6 months as now she felt we were ‘that connected’ (she lost her virginity to me in 3 months of the relationship to put this into perspective). When she went abroad for her yearly hep b tests, 2 months into our relationship she informed me that she was going for her parents regular check ups so she hid/lied then. About the sex, she kept claiming that she KNOWS she is NOT infectious but from all my research all precautions should be taken and partners should be informed even if you are an inactive carrier.

Initially she begged me not to leave her then later she blamed me

for making a small thing big and took 0 blame…but 4 weeks later she started apologising and saying she understood where I came from and that maybe we aren’t meant to be as I had told her i cant do this. Her mother and 2 sisters (one of who is currently active) all have hep b and have a professional doctor abroad too so im sure she knows all about the condition and I don’t know if she really thought it was not infectious at all or what she was thinking.

At this point I am going crazy as I loved her endlessly and had given myself to her and I felt that she returned all that love back and gave herself to me and we had a amazing understanding. I cannot even clearly see what has happened and whether it is right or wrong. I’m also afraid if she played a game and gave me sex etc so that I’m fully into her and would never think of leaving her. I don’t know if she was genuine. Also, even if we did not have sex, she still should have told me before calling me her soul mate etc???

What do you people think about this situation and PLEASE tell me what you would do!!

 

 

She was selfish not to tell you before you had sex, but in any light you did and what do you want to do about it, you want nothing to do with her or do you want to continue with her. Ask yourself that question.

[NuevoYorko]

There is no repairing this relationship under any circumstances. Trust is broken. The OP already thinks this girl is dirt and the punishment will never end. Whether she is vile or not is beside the point; nobody ought to be in a relationship with a person they think so poorly of. Conversely, no one ought to be in a relationship where they are thought so poorly of.

 

OP you are clearly not feeling anything positive or empathetic towards her, you feel victimized by her. Enough already.

[viviva]

She was selfish not to tell you before you had sex, but in any light you did and what do you want to do about it, you want nothing to do with her or do you want to continue with her. Ask yourself that question.

 

what would you do? just as an opinion..

[introverted1]

I am baffled by the responses that suggest you should understand or forgive her.

 

Your gf is carrying a virus that can cause either acute or chronic disease. It's not up to her to decide what risk is acceptable for you. She should have made a full disclosure to you BEFORE you had sex. That she didn't do that and, even worse, was not remorseful but attempted to minimise and shift blame back onto you, speaks volumes about her character. Do you want to wait for the next secret to be revealed (or found out) or do you want to find a gf you can trust?

[olivetree]

anyways..i think ive got too much doubt in my head now..theres not much i can do..I really dont even care wether she was infectious or not now (maybe she really thought or knows she isnt infectious)..but not telling me for 6 months is crazy...you cant take someone that far out at sea...she could look me in the eye everyday knowing very well she has a big secret..i wouldnt be able to behave normally if i had something like this at the back of my mind..that just makes me think that she could do it in the future again if it suits her..and more so that she could have planned this (as not telling me was clearly intentional - for whatever reason). There is just way too much to think about now and its overwhelming..

 

This is your answer, at least for now.

Right now you feel you can't move past it, so don't force yourself.

You will either get there on your own or you won't.

[coolheadal]

what would you do? just as an opinion..

 

If you can get treated then get it. Stop having sex with her then. I wouldn't be caught in these situations. So much risk today.. It's not your fault remember that she choose not to tell you and has taken your choice to choose if you wanted sex or not with her knowing far well she was infected. When they don't tell you they are infected they taken your rights away and they're in control of your life and not yours.

[coolheadal]

what would you do? just as an opinion..

 

If you can get treated by GI Doctor then get it. Stop having sex with her then. I wouldn't be caught in these situations. So much risk today.. It's not your fault remember that she choose not to tell you and has taken your choice to choose if you wanted sex or not with her knowing far well she was infected. When they don't tell you they are infected they taken your rights away and they're in control of your life and not yours.

[viviva]

@introverted1 @coolheadal

 

wether she is infectious or not doesnt matter right?

[introverted1]

@introverted1 @coolheadal

 

wether she is infectious or not doesnt matter right?

 

I think she had a responsibility to talk to you before engaging in any activity that could potentially jeopardize you. I am not a health expert, but when I looked it up on the National Institutes of Health (US) site, I read "In addition, approximately 20 to 30% of persons in the inactive HBsAg carrier state may undergo spontaneous reactivation of hepatitis B during follow-up." So I don't know how she can know whether she is infectious. She can know that the odds are very low, but it is wrong of any person to decide for another what risk that other person should be willing to take.

 

More to the point, her behaviour afterwards is very worrying, imo. Her attempts to minimize rather than to understand and to present you as the the wrong-doer all point to someone who does not take responsibility for her actions but instead finds others to blame for her own short-comings. This does not bode well for the future.

 

Of course, ultimately it is up to you. If you can overlook this aspect of her character, then carry on. But you have to be all in or all out - there is no way for this to work if you have lingering doubts about her (which would be entirely natural, imo).