Girlfriend and chronic HEALTH issue crossroad

[knabe]

Just break up with the poor girl. She already feels like a leper. Don't make it worse...unless that is your intent of course.

[NuevoYorko]

1) She should have told you before sex.

 

2) You are responsible for any diseases or babies you get when you don't wear a condom.

 

3) You think she tried to trap you and you have shown zero inclination to forgive her in this thread, so clearly you need to move on. Your descriptions of your relationship as "fairytale" etc. lead me to believe that you did not have a realistic perspective of it in the first place.

 

Speaking for myself, when I had my first sexual encounter I was too insecure to put on a condom. I feared I would lose momentum or fumble so badly she'd figure out I was a virgin. So I had unprotected sex. In retrospect I know, of course, how tremendously stupid that was and how lucky I am that I didn't have life altering consequences. Therefore I would completely forgive this young woman and if I had fallen in love with her I would not let this stand in our way.

[d0nnivain]

started having sex after around 2 months ..she told me about hep after 6

 

 

Yikes. She went 4 months without telling you. I am losing respect for her by the post. She is very manipulative. Be careful & do get re-tested in 6 months just to be sure.

[viviva]

Listen, after the first time, what difference does it really make when she told you? Done is done. She should have told you before that first time, yes. But, what were the circumstances the first time? When did you have it - # of dates? Drunk, heat of the moment? Planned? What?

 

I don't understand why you don't believe what she's told you about why she didn't tell you. Unless she's in the habit of lying to you about other things, I wouldn't doubt this.

 

And, yes, you should use a dental dam when you're having oral.

 

Have sex with him, show him that your the best person on earth, make sure he cant see his life without you, make him emotionally involved and when you feel he is 100% committed then tell him..that way he will be too blinded and the Hep B issue wont be an issue at all to him! -- There's no way for us to know that was her intention. But, it IS the way it worked out, doesn't it? And, there is no such thing as trapped. You can still bail if you want to. Frankly, the trust is broken now, so it may be difficult to recover from but not impossible.

 

was it a mistake she didnt tell me for so long? -- Perhaps, because she's had it for so long and basically a non-issue for her at this point, she just wasn't think about it at the time. Who knows. Out of sight, out of mind in a way?

 

i trusted her as we have literally known each other since childhood -- That obviously doesn't mean you know everything about her. And, not to cast aspersions on her -- how do you know for sure that she is a virgin? I'm just saying, just because you've known her since childhood, there are still lots of things you probably don't know about her because friends and dating partners are two different areas of "revelation".

 

Out of sight out of mind?

I mentioned earlier... 2 months in to our relationship she went for her yearly hep b check up and told me she was going with her parents for their general check ups!

[knabe]

Out of sight out of mind?

I mentioned earlier... 2 months in to our relationship she went for her yearly hep b check up and told me she was going with her parents for their general check ups!

 

We get it. She evil - you victim.

 

Just dump her.

[viviva]

We get it. She evil - you victim.

 

Just dump her.

 

Not really..i love her like hell..but i cant be blinded either..hence am here..

[d0nnivain]

Not really..i love her like hell..but i cant be blinded either..hence am here..

 

 

It all boils down to one Q: Do you trust her?

 

 

After this concealment, do you have any reason to believe she is still hiding things from you or that she will hide things from you in the future? If you don't trust her you have to break up because this will just fester & get worse. If you do trust her, continue to be cautious, get re-tested in 6 months & then put this behind you.

[Redhead14]

Out of sight out of mind?

I mentioned earlier... 2 months in to our relationship she went for her yearly hep b check up and told me she was going with her parents for their general check ups!

 

Ok, then, she was being completely surreptitious about the whole thing and she intentionally put you in danger. Therefore, you should move on. If she can cover up something so significant, then you'll always have to be wondering whether she's hiding other things as well.

 

For you own sanity, end things with her. She will hopefully learn from the experience.

[knabe]

Not really..i love her like hell..but i cant be blinded either..hence am here..

 

Break up with her. This is the answer. Then you won't have to worry about the risk and she won't spend her life behind the 8 ball.

[No_Go]

1. Get tested!

 

2. If negative - get vaccinated.

 

The rest you can figure out later. She doesn't seem like a honorable person to hide about an STD from you... Or she's mentally challenged and don't understand potential consequences (Hep B is carcinogenic virus, waaaaaay worse than the majority of STDs)... But you can think it through after you sort out your own health.

[elaine567]

I think you should get yourself tested for STIs too.

Many "virgins", are only PIV virgins, with oral and anal being not perceived as altering the virgin status, also some virgins are not actually virgins they only say that they are.

Get tested just to be certain.

 

There is some sympathy for the fact she is a virgin, but she is not a 16 yo virgin she is 23, and a 23 yo with a big family history of Hep B, with her mother and all her sisters being infected, so I am loathe to believe that she is as "stupid" about the disease as she appears to be.

 

NO_Go is right, Hep B is a very serious disease and not something to be taken at all lightly. I get that she may not want to think about it, but when she is placing others at risk, no matter how small a risk she may think it is, she needs to start thinking more responsibly.

[guest569]

Deal breaker for sure!!

[viviva]

Then when i confronted her she told me ..."i had told you all the main things about myself, i had even told you about my back pains very early. I told you everything that is important as my back pain is a big issue which can affect me in the future. The hep b will never affect me if i take care of myself and i am taking care of myself and my immunity is very strong, so its not such a big issue". what do you think about this?

 

at another time she told me.."you have a big ego and thats why you aren't ready to understand me/anything..you have made a small issue very big and while i have been trying to get you back the past month you have made no effort." (my effort was focused on researching hep at this time). Then she said "i told you i'm not infectious and i did not risk your health, if i knew i was infectious i wouldn't even date anyone at all" - but why not tell me about it anyways?

 

From my research she could have been infectious, but very lowly...according to her she wasn't at all...i really dont know if she's bluffing and waffling her way out..but with one active person in her family she surely would know the seriousness...so was she just being stupid about the whole thing..as im sure she didn't intentionally want do it...or what if she really thought/knows she isnt infectious?

 

and most recently she said "sorry, i understand where you are coming from..."

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry this happened to you but hopefully she'll mention it sooner into the relationship with the next man she's with.

[Gaeta]

Then when i confronted her she told me ..."i had told you all the main things about myself, i had even told you about my back pains very early. I told you everything that is important as my back pain is a big issue which can affect me in the future. The hep b will never affect me if i take care of myself and i am taking care of myself and my immunity is very strong, so its not such a big issue". what do you think about this?

 

at another time she told me.."you have a big ego and thats why you aren't ready to understand me/anything..you have made a small issue very big and while i have been trying to get you back the past month you have made no effort." (my effort was focused on researching hep at this time). Then she said "i told you i'm not infectious and i did not risk your health, if i knew i was infectious i wouldn't even date anyone at all" - but why not tell me about it anyways?

 

From my research she could have been infectious, but very lowly...according to her she wasn't at all...i really dont know if she's bluffing and waffling her way out..but with one active person in her family she surely would know the seriousness...so was she just being stupid about the whole thing..as im sure she didn't intentionally want do it...or what if she really thought/knows she isnt infectious?

 

and most recently she said "sorry, i understand where you are coming from..."

 

She is trying to trivialize the situation and trying to turn the table on you, she's trying to be the victim and you the bad man.

 

If you want the bottom of this ask her to take an appointment with the doctor treating her and you'll both meet him. You'll get the real story and when her doctor grill her for having unprotected sex and not telling her partner it may put some common sense in her head.

[d0nnivain]

She's demanding that you accept her position & her reasoning lock stock & barrel but she is unwilling to even discuss your concerns. That is a problem because it's a selfish pattern that is most likely to repeat often.

[Redhead14]

I agree she needs an as* kicking. The thing that keeps coming to my mind too is the fact that her mother had it and passed it to her. What about her father's exposure? How did the mother get it and how did they handle that issue?

[viviva]

I agree she needs an as* kicking. The thing that keeps coming to my mind too is the fact that her mother had it and passed it to her. What about her father's exposure? How did the mother get it and how did they handle that issue?

 

They all just found out 4 years ago! The mother got it from her mother!

The father was probably vaccinated so lucky or got infected and cleared it or never got infected at all ..idk.

Also, i wonder why her parents wouldn't tell her to tell me about this issue before moving on in the relationship, as they knew about us from day 1?

Perhaps, they even told her not to tell any new partners early?!

Edited September 8, 2017 by viviva

[knabe]

Then when i confronted her she told me ..."i had told you all the main things about myself, i had even told you about my back pains very early. I told you everything that is important as my back pain is a big issue which can affect me in the future. The hep b will never affect me if i take care of myself and i am taking care of myself and my immunity is very strong, so its not such a big issue". what do you think about this?

 

at another time she told me.."you have a big ego and thats why you aren't ready to understand me/anything..you have made a small issue very big and while i have been trying to get you back the past month you have made no effort." (my effort was focused on researching hep at this time). Then she said "i told you i'm not infectious and i did not risk your health, if i knew i was infectious i wouldn't even date anyone at all" - but why not tell me about it anyways?

 

From my research she could have been infectious, but very lowly...according to her she wasn't at all...i really dont know if she's bluffing and waffling her way out..but with one active person in her family she surely would know the seriousness...so was she just being stupid about the whole thing..as im sure she didn't intentionally want do it...or what if she really thought/knows she isnt infectious?

 

and most recently she said "sorry, i understand where you are coming from..."

 

At this point it is a broken record. This is always going to be your "trump card." That isn't fair. Just break up with her.

[knabe]

They all just found out 4 years ago! The mother got it from her mother!

The father was probably vaccinated so lucky or got infected and cleared it or never got infected at all ..idk.

Also, i wonder why her parents wouldn't tell her to tell me about this issue before moving on in the relationship, as they knew about us from day 1?

Perhaps, they even told her not to tell any new partners early?![/QUOTE]

 

This is just histrionic speculation - stop it.

 

You are being ridiculous now.

[viviva]

She's demanding that you accept her position & her reasoning lock stock & barrel but she is unwilling to even discuss your concerns. That is a problem because it's a selfish pattern that is most likely to repeat often.

 

she was ready to talk..but her main point being that she is not infectious so she did not risk my health..and..she did not need to or couldnt tell me early for the reasons i've mentioned earlier...but she kept saying sorry and that she loves me.

[viviva]

They all just found out 4 years ago! The mother got it from her mother!

The father was probably vaccinated so lucky or got infected and cleared it or never got infected at all ..idk.

Also, i wonder why her parents wouldn't tell her to tell me about this issue before moving on in the relationship, as they knew about us from day 1?

Perhaps, they even told her not to tell any new partners early?![/QUOTE]

 

This is just histrionic speculation - stop it.

 

You are being ridiculous now.

 

I didnt say they told her to have sex without informing..i just said they may have told her not to tell early..but obviously they wouldn't tell her to go ahead and have sex too..

[viviva]

At this point it is a broken record. This is always going to be your "trump card." That isn't fair. Just break up with her.

 

i thought itd be better if i gave more insight on what has transpired. The way you say just break up with her is making it look like you haven't paid attention to the whole scenario. if i wanted to just break up with her i would not be here wasting my time or yours!

Edited September 8, 2017 by viviva

[Redhead14]

They all just found out 4 years ago! The mother got it from her mother!

The father was probably vaccinated so lucky or got infected and cleared it or never got infected at all ..idk.

Also, i wonder why her parents wouldn't tell her to tell me about this issue before moving on in the relationship, as they knew about us from day 1?

Perhaps, they even told her not to tell any new partners early?!

 

You're right. She may have been encouraged not to tell anyone because of the stigma, etc. We don't know what influences her attitude/behavior. She did mention "it's a small town".

 

Perhaps, her parents had been very myopic about her upbringing and not thinking about or considering her future as an adult and how this would affect her? Perhaps, the doctors even told her not to worry about it. That's something you can explore with her. Maybe the doctor has been remiss about communicating the sexual transmission aspect.

 

They all just found out 4 years ago! -- I guess that says something about just how silent this virus really is and, apparently, doesn't affect people negatively throughout their lives until it actually starts being active enough to harm them. I know people who had it their entire lives as well and lived to ripe old ages without a single symptom and some had been receiving treatment and some weren't. You can't know for sure who will or who won't be affected or when, so it's best to be on the safe side, of course.

[TheWoman]

She certainly has started out in life with quite a set back. I feel a lot of sympathy for her, which probably colours my post. She has learnt from you (her first sex partner, at 23 and she chose a family friend), that's its best to be very honest and upfront about her inheritance. No matter how incredibly daunting that may feel. Her clear understanding of the illness and experience will of course be discounted by some, thus honesty is the best policy. I agree with knabe, end it, she deserves more ( we all do). She'll find an accepting love and you'll find someone else.

Edited September 8, 2017 by TheWoman