My ex and I broke up after 2.5 years of LDR, one year later and he's dating someone

[stillafool]

I'll also add that in the beginning of the relationship, whenever I had an issue of the relationship, he was willing to compromise and we discussed how to resolve it like two mature adults. (the pull phase)

 

However, when he was going into a deep depression (the push away phase), he was no longer able to work with me and instead gave empty "I'm sorry"s when I tell him how something he did hurt my feelings. It's empty because instead of acknowledging and discussing the issue like he used to, he apologized as a way of dismissing the issue.

 

Whenever I point out his own character flaws, like isolating himself or enabling the toxic behavior of his family members, he gives me empty "thanks" and then expects the discussion to end there. It frustrated the heck out of me and (before understanding BPD) I called him out that the way he was behaving was immature and selfish. His reply to me was, "I guess I'm not as selfless as I thought..."

 

I immediately thought he was being a dramatic baby by giving me that kind of response. Instead of explaining himself, he tries to put on the guilt trip instead. Again, unable to get in touch with his emotions or put himself in my shoes.

 

The above just sounds like a guy who is sick of the arguing, explaining, and constant discussions that some women like to have with their men and that is why he gave you short answers and smart ass remarks. He was tired of it. I think that he has tried to move on to someone who can make him happy. You definitely weren't happy in that relationship either.

[CeciliaCylara]

At 32, he already is set in his ways. And really, that's his problem. Not yours. One day you will be grateful for that!

 

I know. It's still a hard pillow to swallow for me. Ironically, I had to be the mature one despite being much younger than him.

 

I know for certain that I won't regret that our relationship ended. We were both messed up in our own ways. If a new chance shows up, we'd have to be different people. The old relationship isn't one I'd go back to, but thankful for because I learned a lot about myself and know what to improve on.

[CeciliaCylara]

My husband is a Gemini and is very loving and faithful so zodiac sign excuses don't fly. He may have had some childhood issues but who hasn't. I'm tired of everyone blaming their childhood problems on their unhappy life. Since he is now seeing a new girl maybe it will help you move on. I'm sorry that the other guy you were dating kicked you to the side but don't try to get back with this guy because you will find yourself hurt all over again.

 

I'm a Leo, and I'm pretty much accurate to what a Leo personifies. I definitely don't believe his "split personality" is an excuse. Split personalities come from the same person.

 

I've had a rough childhood too. I witnessed domestic abuse as a child. I've been bullied in school, being the only asian in a Catholic school. I was suicidal. One day I just decided to grab the reigns to my life and not let my past define me. I wanted to be a better person. I've certainly tripped a few times on the way, but I'm moving forward and learning. I will not go back to him, not until he shows up as a man and not a child.

 

The above just sounds like a guy who is sick of the arguing, explaining, and constant discussions that some women like to have with their men and that is why he gave you short answers and smart ass remarks. He was tired of it. I think that he has tried to move on to someone who can make him happy. You definitely weren't happy in that relationship either.

 

I can understand that frustration men can have. However, it becomes an issue when he continues his negligent behavior even after I voiced my unhappiness about it. It's just immature and cold to act that dismissive toward your partner. I hope he does find someone who'll make him happy. I've certainly tried my hardest to be that person and he took me for granted. Whatever mental chaos is going on in his head, I hope it improves with or without me.

[CeciliaCylara]

ExpatInItaly

 

I watched some of Matt Hussey's videos, and he's spot on. It doesn't really matter why (however, due to my logical nature, I tend to overanalyze). The result is no matter how much I tried to do on my end, the relationship didn't improve. It's supposed to be a two-way street. If he wants to keep sulking by himself or with someone else, that's his choice. I deserved better. I deserved to be loved that same way I would love someone. From here, I'm not going to be settling for less and will be more mindful of the red flags.

[stillafool]

You most certainly do deserve to be loved sincerely by someone and you will. Lucky for you you are only 23 with your whole life ahead of you. Love will find you.