1st date- hug goodbye and he texted after...but ?

[AdentureWithMe]

I went on what I thought was a good first date with a guy I met off an app. He is early 30s and I am late 20s.

 

He told me he was going to text me a picture of himself/what he was wearing so I could find him. I thought it wasn't really nessicary as I had his profile pics but it worked out fine. ( I suspected he was new to online dating when he did that, which I later found out was true)

 

Conversation flowed easily, he is a BIG talker, told lots of stories and it was a bit hard to get a word in, but I was able to. I told some stories myself, he asked some questions about me, I asked questions about him etc. We both had 2 rounds of drinks and I thanked him for them each time, and also at the end of the date when we closed the tab. We also laughed a LOT, it was probably one of the more enjoyable, easy going dates I've had.

 

We found out we had some things in common, the whole standard good "first cono" The date lasted about 4 hours, he asked how I was feeling towards the end and i said "fine" and he said no, I mean do you want to close our tab and leave? I was having a good time, but by that question I felt like he wanted to get going so I said "oh, ok.. sure". He told me he wanted to leave as he had a recreational sports game in the AM that he wanted to be rested for ( prior he was telling me how he doesn't sleep well).

 

He said i have ANOTHER story for you ( related to his up coming sports game). Basically his friend had connections and was able to get them to play with some brazilians at a well know professional sports arena in my town. I told him that was really impressive.

 

When it was time to go, I called an Uber (he was walking distance from his home). He told me I"ll wait for your Uber until it gets here if that's OK. I said it was. We hugged, said goodbye, he told me to get home safe. I told him I had fun ( he did not reply me too) and told him good luck with his game tomorrow. He replied thanks, take care! Then I got into the Uber.

 

I didn't feel like the ending went great... seemed kinda like a blow off from him. But i DID get a text from him when I got home " Thanks for coming out tonight. Just reached home. hope you made it back alright!!"

 

^ again not sure what to make of that and the "thanks for coming out". He DID tell me this was the first time he's ever met up with someone off an app.

 

Do you guys think he's not interested? I was thinking of texting something like "Good luck with your x stadium debut today "

Edited September 2, 2017 by AdentureWithMe

[d0nnivain]

I think first meets off OLD are awkward to begin with. The end of a 1st date / 1st meet is even more fraught with tension & pitfalls. He handled it OK. You are over reading it.

 

Do text him the good luck message & see what happens.

[caveman621]

I would text him. It's difficult to know how to end a first OLD date. My two cents: Early on in an OLD "relationship" just have fun. Have conversation. Get out of the house. But don't put too much into it. I think if people go on OLD looking for immediate sex or immediate connection to a possible life partner, they are disappointed. It's like going to Vegas and assuming you're going to win. It will almost guarantee a bad time. Just have fun with it. If you make it through three or four dates, maybe then start to think, "Is this going anywhere or should it end?"

 

Good luck!

[Robratory]

Do you guys think he's not interested? I was thinking of texting something like "Good luck with your x stadium debut today "

 

I didn't catch anything that said he's not interested. He did suggest an end to the date, but on the other hand, the date did last four hours. If I meet someone from OLD and turns out I'm not interested, I excuse myself in 20 minutes.

 

Sure, send him that text, and then see how he responds. He'll ask you out again if he's interested.

[Gr8fuln2020]

The guy's response is exactly what I do when I am not interested in pursuing. If I were interested, I would have suggested a second date before the end of the night.

 

Everyone is different, but not certain, if interested, why he didn't ask for a second date. It could be that he is multi-dating and didn't want to commit just yet or he is someone who needs a little time to think things over, but that is risky.

 

BTW, getting a text like that doesn't mean anything either way. He's just a considerate guy.

[d0nnivain]

The guy's response is exactly what I do when I am not interested in pursuing. If I were interested, I would have suggested a second date before the end of the night.

 

Everyone is different, but not certain, if interested, why he didn't ask for a second date. It could be that he is multi-dating and didn't want to commit just yet or he is someone who needs a little time to think things over, but that is risky.

 

BTW, getting a text like that doesn't mean anything either way. He's just a considerate guy.

 

Remember this was the very first OLD date ever for the guy in question. He probably hasn't developed game yet so he's going to fumble a bit.

[SevenCity]

Remember this was the very first OLD date ever for the guy in question. He probably hasn't developed game yet so he's going to fumble a bit.

 

True, but I tend to agree of the lack of interest. Experience or not he likely would have setup the next date when she texted him.

 

I don't setup dates while on a date, but I will if they text me afterwards.

 

It is possible he's just taking his time but his response smacks of disinterest.

[Confusion2]

I don't see where he seems disinterested at all except maybe that he should've paid for the Uber for you. Everything seems fine to me, he even texted you when he got back.

[act00]

It sounds great to me!

 

• You not only had one drink together, but two...he could have ended it after the first. Your date was four hours.
  
• He asked about extending the evening.
  
• He stayed with you while you waited for your ride.
  
• He texted you telling you he had a great time.
  

 

I don't see how the ending didn't go well outside of the fact you didn't get some lip action. Men will hold back and try not to be too forward, particularly if he's getting signals not to make that move, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing. All things considered, it sounds like everything went really well. He talked a lot, and that could be nerves and not allowing dead air, and not necessarily ego. He listened to you too. You had an overall very good feeling about the evening, and it seems like he did too and told you as much. I really don't see what the problem is, other than jitters and those first moments on a first date that can be awkward. Leap in and enjoy date #2!

 

Is there something else going on that you're not sharing that makes you think ending didn't go well and he's not interested?

[Gr8fuln2020]

It sounds great to me!

 

• You not only had one drink together, but two...he could have ended it after the first. Your date was four hours.
  
• He asked about extending the evening.
  
• He stayed with you while you waited for your ride.
  
• He texted you telling you he had a great time.
  

 

I don't see how the ending didn't go well outside of the fact you didn't get some lip action. Men will hold back and try not to be too forward, particularly if he's getting signals not to make that move, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing. All things considered, it sounds like everything went really well. He talked a lot, and that could be nerves and not allowing dead air, and not necessarily ego. He listened to you too. You had an overall very good feeling about the evening, and it seems like he did too and told you as much. I really don't see what the problem is, other than jitters and those first moments on a first date that can be awkward. Leap in and enjoy date #2!

 

Is there something else going on that you're not sharing that makes you think ending didn't go well and he's not interested?

 

All my dates are like this. Even those that I feel will not conclude with another date. I don't recall him wanting to 'extend' the date?

 

I only recall this:

 

The date lasted about 4 hours, he asked how I was feeling towards the end and i said "fine" and he said no, I mean do you want to close our tab and leave? I was having a good time, but by that question I felt like he wanted to get going so I said "oh, ok.. sure". He told me he wanted to leave as he had a recreational sports game in the AM that he wanted to be rested for ( prior he was telling me how he doesn't sleep well).

 

That sounds like someone who wanted to end the date as it was going a little too long.

 

Again, everyone is different, but as d0nnivain pointed out to me, the guy was new to OLD, so maybe playing it cool for now.

[d0nnivain]

True, but I tend to agree of the lack of interest. Experience or not he likely would have setup the next date when she texted him.

 

I don't setup dates while on a date, but I will if they text me afterwards.

 

It is possible he's just taking his time but his response smacks of disinterest.

 

 

She has not texted him yet. The spoke as she was waiting for the Uber. He sent her a text saying he got home safe. She was debating sending him a good luck text. I encouraged her to send that text to give the guy the opportunity to ask for the next date

[Popsicle]

This guy is not interested. Sorry.

[d0nnivain]

You are all actually confusing me.

 

OP went on 1 date with a guy. It was his 1st OLD date. He reached out via text when he got home. She is debating wishing him luck on plans he has today. I think she should.

 

Where in there does that signal lack of interest? The guy has plans to play a sport today. It is also a holiday weekend.

 

Personally I'd be off put by a guy who asked me out at the end of the first date -- moving too fast, too pushy, no time for reflection.

 

Somebody enlighten me about where you see no interest from an unsophisticated guy when this was his 1st OLD date?

[Popsicle]

She can wish him luck. Give it a try.

[act00]

The question, "Do you want to close the tab and leave," seems to be more of an invitation to extend the evening (your choice), not put a stop to it. If he wasn't interested in spending more time with you, he would have closed the tab after the first drink and not made any offer at all whatsoever as to what you want to do.

 

I really don't see any issues here. I think if you haven't told him you had a great time already, you need to do so now, and you should also ask how his event is going or how it went. He may not text back right away due to being involved, but he will be ever so pleased you like him back and will respond.

 

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. The date sounds like it went well.

[salparadise]

I really don't see any issues here. [...] Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. The date sounds like it went well.

 

Agree. Why is everyone jumping to negative conclusions? There just isn't enough info to know if he's interested in continuing, but since the date went well and OP seems interested she should definitely text him.

 

If I go on a date and text afterward, and get no response... THAT is indication of no interest.

[Gr8fuln2020]

The question, "Do you want to close the tab and leave," seems to be more of an invitation to extend the evening (your choice), not put a stop to it. If he wasn't interested in spending more time with you, he would have closed the tab after the first drink and not made any offer at all whatsoever as to what you want to do.

 

I really don't see any issues here. I think if you haven't told him you had a great time already, you need to do so now, and you should also ask how his event is going or how it went. He may not text back right away due to being involved, but he will be ever so pleased you like him back and will respond.

 

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. The date sounds like it went well.

 

This seems to dispute or question his desire to extend the date:

 

We found out we had some things in common, the whole standard good "first cono" The date lasted about 4 hours, he asked how I was feeling towards the end and i said "fine" and he said no, I mean do you want to close our tab and leave? I was having a good time, but by that question I felt like he wanted to get going so I said "oh, ok.. sure". He told me he wanted to leave as he had a recreational sports game in the AM that he wanted to be rested for ( prior he was telling me how he doesn't sleep well).

 

He brought up the closing of tab to gauge AND plant in her mind that he was ready to go. That's the way I read it.

[AdentureWithMe]

I'm the OP and I'm just going to clarify a few things as they seem to be getting lost.

 

Yes, he did bring up closing the tab and say he wanted to leave. It was about 10:45pm and he said he doesn't mean to sound lame but he has a game he's excited for tomorrow and wants to be well rested for it as he had to be up early. I WAS disappointed but I understood as I've had early activities and want to be sure I'll do well/ get enough sleep.

 

We chatted as I waited for my Uber. I told him (in person) I had fun. My concern was he didn't say "me too" or something to mirror that.

 

HE texted me first once we both got home.

 

HIM: Thanks for coming out tonight. Just reached home. Hope you made it back alright!

 

ME: Just got back. Uber driver shared some funny stories pickup up various drunks hah. Thanks again for a a fun night!

 

*next morning*

 

ME: Good luck with your x stadium debut today (I did text based on the feedback encouraging to do so here)

 

HIM: Thank you! I'm super excited! And it is such a great day for it.

[Robratory]

He brought up the closing of tab to gauge AND plant in her mind that he was ready to go. That's the way I read it.

 

Yabbut... four hours? At my least experienced, I might have sat through dinner with someone I had no interest in at all, but four hours? No, that goes way beyond politeness.

[Robratory]

ME: Good luck with your x stadium debut today (I did text based on the feedback encouraging to do so here)

 

HIM: Thank you! I'm super excited! And it is such a great day for it.

 

Well, I suppose it's a bit of a red flag that he doesn't say how nice it was to meet you, but all you can do is wait and see if he asks you out again. I'm in no way against the woman making the first move, but the ball is clearly in his court.

[AdentureWithMe]

Yabbut... four hours? At my least experienced, I might have sat through dinner with someone I had no interest in at all, but four hours? No, that goes way beyond politeness.

 

 

Yes, it was a 4 hour date. As I mentioned it SEEMED to go smoothly, lots of laughing, and story telling. He got very excited saying "I have another story for you!" each time.He started showing me random things like his driver's license, all the movies on his phone ( let me scroll through), talked a lot a bout his family, co-workers, etc.

 

I told my friend and she said he sounded sweet but super nervous. He admitted he didn't know how "these things go" when meeting someone from an app.

 

We talked about our favorite food/restaurants in the area. I was thinking of texting him in a few days asking if he'd be "interested in going to x restaurant sometime this week?" The place being one of the restaurants we talked about and like.

 

I've had guys ask for another date at the end of a date, or text me after saying they want to see me again. I've also texted guys asking them for a 2nd date. All situations turned into something monogomous for months before we called it off.

 

With this in mind, I feel me asking him if he wants to go to dinner is very clear I like him and depending on how he answers, it will be very clear if he's interested in me or not. Then I can see if I should move on or not-no games.

[d0nnivain]

Let him get through his game. He was looking forward to that & in the short term was more excited about that then date 2 with you. I think date 2 will come but you might not hear from him today -- he had his game & time with his buddies.

 

Hang in there until Tuesday.

[Cookiesandough]

I would be put off by the guy ending the date early. That would seem like he's not interested. I also got a "thanks for coming out" from a guy too. But in person.............

 

I figured that was the end of that, but he texted me when I got home and told me he was basically just nervous and wanted to see me again. So who knows

[Popsicle]

Yabbut... four hours? At my least experienced, I might have sat through dinner with someone I had no interest in at all, but four hours? No, that goes way beyond politeness.

 

The last date I had several months ago was 3-4 hours long. I knew 5 mins in that I didn't like him enough to continue seeing him, but I didn't have anything else to do, and he had driven far so I stayed and had a good time.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yabbut... four hours? At my least experienced, I might have sat through dinner with someone I had no interest in at all, but four hours? No, that goes way beyond politeness.

 

Okay. It was a long date and they seemed to enjoy one another. I have had 'coffee' dates that turned into multiple hour dates b/c I was having a good time and time simply vanished. No doubt a good sign, but his exit strategy seemed clear. I need to end this. Even after the four hour date, if all went spectacularly, why not ask at the end of the date or text soon after? I just think he was being polite, enjoying himself as well, but not fully invested.

 

Just my take.