Amazing new guy but I felt nothing! Help!

[JuneL]

We all need a different type of space. Some like communication every day, some prefer every odd days and even less. OP needs to define what she wants. If every day is too much for her then she needs to express that.

 

At least this guy is interested in getting to know her unlike all the dudes in her other threads. I feel he just needs some guidance. He's probably not experienced with dating.

 

I have no doubt he already told his parents OP is his girlfriend.

[coolheadal]

It happens to both men and women alike.. Attraction is the key, but sometimes gets overlooked and we just wonder why in the world I am with him or her? The answer is you are there because you know they're the right person for you, but you know they're not your type who you wanted in the first place. Life is complicated already don't make love that way and if attraction means so much to you can always say" listen not going to work sorry and move on" Easy said and done! NEXT

[amkxoxo]

We talked the other night on the phone. I told him I want to take things slow and because of past experience I am a little bit protective of myself. He said he got that vibe from me and said we can go as slow as I want and its no big deal with him. He said to let him know what I need.

 

We went out again today. We went hiking. We talked the whole time. he helped me through it. It was relaxing and nice. Still getting to know each other. I didn't find him clingy at all in person.

 

One thing that concerned me was he mentioned his dating history. He said he was with someone for 6 years.

 

He said his family thought they were going to get married. She was in his sisters wedding. He said she blind sided him one day, saying how she got another ob three to four hours away and she was moving there in two weeks. He said he didn't understand why she didn't tell him. Then he said she moves up there an he starts seeing on social media, her posing with friends and guys. Her kissing guys cheeks in photos. He said when he called her out on it, she claimed they were friends, but he said he was suspicious. He said he as driving out there almost every weekend to see her and started looking for a job up there himself. She knew this and encouraged it.

 

He said he found a job, accepted it, and was going to put in to leave his current job. He calls her to tell her the news and how he can move up there in a few weeks to be with her. He says she break up with him on the phone. He said he then saw what kind of person she was, which was a terrible one. He then met someone else a little while after. They dated for a year. I saw on social media that they went on vacations together and looked like a goof couple. He said they broke up a few months ago. He said the short relationship was a good rebound for him after his long relationship.

 

He seems very relationship oriented, clingy and all. But I also worry he hasn't been single very long and he isn't over things. I am not a rebound.

[Cookiesandough]

That would make me wary too

[OnlyHonesty]

You are not being honest with yourself. There should be no second date, and you should stop leading him on. You are not into him, and you know this will not last. You have had a pattern of dysfunction and dating emotionally unavailable men (I assume, not read your other threads). I also assume that you've repeated this pattern for a long time so aren't ready to date.

 

You should do this guy, and yourself a big favour and never see him again, and stop all dating because you need to find yourself, and understand what is wrong. Go and read out loud how you described the guys physical defects. Now just think, would you date a guy that said the same about you?

 

No one is perfect...speech impediment? slur? creepy eyes, sunken in eyes? Do him a favor and tell him you're not interested.

[Vyliss]

This guy seems way too clingy and overzealous. This is worse than the lack of attraction. I would be turned off too.

 

I agree just because a guy is being nice and attentive doesn't mean you owe him anything, there's plenty of nice men out there. Now find one that is attractive to you AND nice.

 

Maybe give this guy another date to see if attraction grows, if it doesn't I would move on.

[Gaeta]

 

He seems very relationship oriented, clingy and all. But I also worry he hasn't been single very long and he isn't over things. I am not a rebound.

 

How long has he been single?

[olivetree]

How long has he been single?

 

She said they broke up a few months ago.

So he has basically been in 7 years of relationships with no break (one 6-year, one 1-year back-to-back).

 

Be aware OP, this could be another emotionally unavailable man.

Honestly, in your other thread, it was weird that he was coming on really strong you even met.

Going slow is definitely the best thing you can do.

If he keeps talking about the ex though that's not good.

What made him tell you about her on your second date?

 

FWIW, you should check out the Baggage Reclaim site.

It has all sorts of info about emotionally unavailable men and men on the rebound so you can spot them better.

[Gaeta]

She said they broke up a few months ago..

 

To me 'a few months' is too vague. We have peole coming on here with dating a guy for 'a few months' and when you start asking questions turns out it's just been 2-3 months.

 

There is a difference between being out of a 1 year relationship for 2 months or 11 months.

 

OP how long has he been single?

 

If he is 6-8 months out of a 1 year relationship then you're fine.

[TheFinalWord]

Have you tried telling him that he is moving too fast for you?

 

If you have some interest, I would recommend to just say something along the lines of "I feel like we are moving too fast and would like to slow down" and gauge his reaction.

[smackie9]

OP how long has he been single?

 

If he is 6-8 months out of a 1 year relationship then you're fine.

She just said it has only been two months.

[Gaeta]

She just said it has only been two months.

 

I searched the thread and cannot find where she said only 2 months.

[Blackened Heart]

About 6 or so months ago, I met a girl online. She was beauty, had a career, was very family oriented, funny, we had the same taste of music, shows, movies, very similar aspirations of what we wanted to do in our future and many more positive things I could list about her to go on and on.

 

And yet, after about 3 weeks of seeing each other several times, I just didn't feel it. I couldn't make out a reason as to why, but I didn't. I could tell she liked me a lot and was already seeing a possible future with me. For a while I thought I was crazy, as many would say this is almost the perfect woman, but I didn't feel it.

 

I was honest with her and we decided it best to end things. What I learned is that even when a person can check all the boxes of what would be your "ideal" mate, you may not feel that connection still. And on the other spectrum, that connection of wanting to be with someone could be so strong, even when they have so much wrong with them

 

The advise I could give on this is if the person does have good qualities, give it a bit of a chance, but not for too long. And if you really don't feel anything, end things, it does neither person any good to try to force it.