Does profession/job affect attractiveness?

[Cookiesandough]

. I didn't know if that would make a difference but i believe that the job is more attractive than the one i have at the minute. I am going to become a firefighter, as opposed to working in engineering at the minute.

 

Do you think this would make a difference either way?

 

It will make a little difference. Maybe in women who care a lot about income, but definitely because career can reveal a lot about a person. It might attract a different kind of woman, because I have heard of some finding firemen very sexy.

 

Grats on your new career!

[SwordofFlame]

As a guy, I don't really care too much about the woman's salary and compensation, as long as she isn't earning minimum wage. However, I do believe that certain professions do tend to attract people with certain personality types that I may not be compatible with. For example, I don't think I could ever date a woman in sales or any sales-type job. They're way too outgoing for me.

[Jt93]

I understand what you are all saying and i am in no way taking the new job to become more attractive to women, infact i applied and done all of the stages to get the job whilst being in a (i thought it was a seemingly good) relationship.

 

Where i am at the minute, the wages are relatively similar as a Firefighter as opposed to an engineer so that didn't sway me. Im doing it because i feel like i want to make a difference to the community and to help people, who are often more vulnerable than i am within my area. I just want that feel good factor that i am actually helping others who need it.

 

I was just hoping that it wouldn't put potential partners off in the future, i understand dating may become a bit tricky as i wont always have the normal Friday/Saturday nights free every week but i will have a lot more free time to myself in the new job. But like was said a few times in the posts, that will help me filter out who could be potentially the right person for me straight away.

 

My life has changed so much in the last 3 months its unbelievable but im only now starting to think straight again and get myself back on track and even think about potentially dating, but if my new job can give me an edge and open me up to more people then great! I have to keep fit as part of the job and have time allocated in the working day to gym so in general i think it cannot make my chances worse.

[thefooloftheyear]

It just depends on where you are in life...

 

Sure...For some that are just starting out and have little to nothing but debt, than sure, it's gonna be a big deal...

 

I've seen and done it all....Worked my ass off and now I don't really have to do anything...I have more than most people would want and would never be financially dependent on anyone for the rest of my life..I'

ll likely continue to work hard(I am an entrepreneur type), but I have scaled it back a bit...Not killing myself anymore..

 

So why would what I do at that point really matter ??

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

I was just hoping that it wouldn't put potential partners off in the future, . . .

 

 

Like anything else, it will make some women like you more & it will repel others.

 

 

Your hair color, your value system, your political leanings, your geographic area all do that now.

 

 

Just be yourself & the person who likes you for you will come along.

 

 

Personally I don't care for firefighters who don't have Dalmatians. ( look at my avatar)

[normal person]

I've seen and done it all....Worked my ass off and now I don't really have to do anything...I have more than most people would want and would never be financially dependent on anyone for the rest of my life..I'

ll likely continue to work hard(I am an entrepreneur type), but I have scaled it back a bit...Not killing myself anymore..

 

So why would what I do at that point really matter ??

 

I'm in a similar spot, I would never want to be financially dependent on anyone. That being said, I similarly wouldn't want to be with someone who was totally financially dependent on me, and those guys who want their girlfriends/wives to have non-lucrative jobs, make less than them, or stay home, always make me shake my head.

 

Dependence in general is unattractive. I'm doing much better than most people, but I still prefer dating women who value hard work and don't just view successful men as winning lottery tickets (no, I'm not saying all women are one or the other -- far from it). Someone with their own career, goals, ambition, and income is a lot more attractive to me than someone who'd be more reliant. I wouldn't be able to help but think that if we got married, what's going to happen to her/my kids if I die? There needs to be a contingency plan for them aside from savings/life insurance/the government. In my mind, life is way more unpredictable, difficult, and expensive than a lot of people think. Better to be as prepared as possible.

[Els]

I'm in a similar spot, I would never want to be financially dependent on anyone. That being said, I similarly wouldn't want to be with someone who was totally financially dependent on me, and those guys who want their girlfriends/wives to have non-lucrative jobs, make less than them, or stay home, always make me shake my head.

 

There are certainly men whose reasons are facepalm-worthy, usually stemming from insecurity or sexism.

 

In other cases though, especially if someone has an extremely busy and high-paying career and is certain that they want children, it isn't necessarily wrong for them to want a partner (male or female) who is able to do most of the childcare - which by necessity would usually involve a less lucrative job or staying at home. Most of the time, there is a tradeoff. Higher pay = higher stress and less time at home, and vice versa. If both parties have high pay and consequently high workloads, the children won't see much of either parent. There are a rare few people who earn lots of money for doing nothing much, and are thus able to spend lots of time with their families despite having a high income, but they are the exception to the norm.

[No_Go]

I think job/career encompasses what you do *right now* and how much you have/earn. For me it matters mainly because of 2 reasons: 1) interests 2) lifestyle.

 

If someone tells me they have such and such carer but right know they are on a break or taking less challenging activity - that's totally fine, if not preferred (on peaks of one's career relationships are secondary).

 

If someone is having whatever job that they show NO passion about and NO interest in changing it - red flag. It tells me they are complacent in life.

 

I generally get turned off from people that approach their career in extremely practical manner and separate 'work' and 'life' (I prefer more integral approach).

 

Earning potential is the least of my concerns because I mine is good. I have a pet peeve for men that are over-spending their limited resources or even trying with spending mine, but that's a whole other story.

 

 

It just depends on where you are in life...

 

Sure...For some that are just starting out and have little to nothing but debt, than sure, it's gonna be a big deal...

 

I've seen and done it all....Worked my ass off and now I don't really have to do anything...I have more than most people would want and would never be financially dependent on anyone for the rest of my life..I'

ll likely continue to work hard(I am an entrepreneur type), but I have scaled it back a bit...Not killing myself anymore..

 

So why would what I do at that point really matter ??

 

TFY

[No_Go]

Yep, and that's not gender related. 3 of my friends now have stay at home husbands out of necessity (child care). And all 3 guys gave up good well paying careers to support the one of their wives.

 

2 extremely ambitious people rarely work well together.

 

In other cases though, especially if someone has an extremely busy and high-paying career and is certain that they want children, it isn't necessarily wrong for them to want a partner (male or female) who is able to do most of the childcare - which by necessity would usually involve a less lucrative job or staying at home.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I would totally date someone that in currently unemployed but has a career and a plan. For example, a postdoc that recently ended a contract and has nothing else lined up would be no problem.

 

For a man in his mid 30s and above, I expect an established career path. It's the least to do with income - it's personality, lifestyle, values. Someone's career path (rather than just a current job) is the single most informative piece of info that a stranger can share about themselves. For OLD purposes, I would rather see a man's CV than a photo

[Gr8fuln2020]

I would totally date someone that in currently unemployed but has a career and a plan. For example, a postdoc that recently ended a contract and has nothing else lined up would be no problem.

 

For a man in his mid 30s and above, I expect an established career path. It's the least to do with income - it's personality, lifestyle, values. Someone's career path (rather than just a current job) is the single most informative piece of info that a stranger can share about themselves. For OLD purposes, I would rather see a man's CV than a photo

 

Am I wrong in saying that you have become a little more cynical? Or have I just been missing that?

 

Anyway, I think I am closer to your thinking on this. I'm in my late 40s and no way am I dating someone who is not gainfully and solidly employed with a plan to responsibly retire and capable of sustaining oneself financially. I have worked too hard to allow that into my life.

 

Surprisingly, I find enough attractive women out there that fit that bill. Of course the more conservative parts of the country has fewer professional women, but I have not been too disappointed. I find many women wanting a guy who has his stuff together, but often times don't have their own ducks in a row. I've dated a couple of professional women thus far since making my relocation, just need to find one that is actually fit/active.

[Blanco]

I'm in a similar spot, I would never want to be financially dependent on anyone. That being said, I similarly wouldn't want to be with someone who was totally financially dependent on me, and those guys who want their girlfriends/wives to have non-lucrative jobs, make less than them, or stay home, always make me shake my head.

 

Dependence in general is unattractive. I'm doing much better than most people, but I still prefer dating women who value hard work and don't just view successful men as winning lottery tickets (no, I'm not saying all women are one or the other -- far from it). Someone with their own career, goals, ambition, and income is a lot more attractive to me than someone who'd be more reliant. I wouldn't be able to help but think that if we got married, what's going to happen to her/my kids if I die? There needs to be a contingency plan for them aside from savings/life insurance/the government. In my mind, life is way more unpredictable, difficult, and expensive than a lot of people think. Better to be as prepared as possible.

 

I don't quite get this, either. It's almost seems like these guys subconsciously need that perceived leverage to feel more secure about the woman sticking around. Personally, I'd feel like such a dynamic would make for a shallow, unfulfilling dynamic.

 

Not gonna lie: Despite being really empathetic toward a lot of the women's equality issues, just about any time I see an attractive woman in her twenties or thirties get out of a BMW, Lexus, or Benz-level car during traditional working hours, I can already feel certain I'll see a ring on that finger if I take a look.

[Els]

Yep, and that's not gender related. 3 of my friends now have stay at home husbands out of necessity (child care). And all 3 guys gave up good well paying careers to support the one of their wives.

 

2 extremely ambitious people rarely work well together.

 

Agreed on both points.

 

Besides kids, there's also the two- body problem to consider. Lots of high paying careers will require relocating now and then. Chances are a particular location isn't going to be the best for BOTH people's careers. One of them will have to take the hit, either by declining a potential promotion that would involve relocating, or by moving with their partner when their partner needs to.

 

Almost all of the "power couples" I know (where both parties earn well over 100k and neither is willing to sacrifice their career) had to do long distance at some point. One of them has been long distance for 6 years! They intend to close the distance once they have finished specialty training, but that's still another year to go and even then there's no guarantee they'll both find a post in the same location.

[Farfromthemadding]

Is school librarian considered an attractive job for a woman? Just wondering...

[noelle303]

It's probably a personality-type thing. AFAIK bankers, stock traders, corporate lawyers etc often tend to be ESTJ types, which isn't necessarily everyone's cup of tea. As a woman I'm not theoretically against those professions, but I've never found myself attracted to that personality type in a man either (especially the ES part).

 

Well, to be fair, the way someone is at work isn't necessarily the way they are at home, in their personal time.

 

I'm very much Type A at work and my direct reports probably hate me sometimes because I am a total perfectionist. Most people at work have to pick their jaws of the floor when they find out I am a mom and a very involved and nurturing one as well as being pretty chill in my personal time, with friends and in relationships.

[Els]

Well, to be fair, the way someone is at work isn't necessarily the way they are at home, in their personal time.

 

I'm very much Type A at work and my direct reports probably hate me sometimes because I am a total perfectionist. Most people at work have to pick their jaws of the floor when they find out I am a mom and a very involved and nurturing one as well as being pretty chill in my personal time, with friends and in relationships.

 

Yes, but certain careers naturally attract certain personality types. Even if they are able to compartmentalize well, there is still a reason why they were drawn to that career in the first place. For instance, you are much less likely to find an INTJ kindergarten teacher than you are to find an INFP.

 

Of course, these are all just generalizations. It's entirely possible that, say, someone chose sales because he really needed the money and it was the only job available, even if he wasn't a natural fit for it.

[Versacehottie]

As a guy, I don't really care too much about the woman's salary and compensation, as long as she isn't earning minimum wage. However, I do believe that certain professions do tend to attract people with certain personality types that I may not be compatible with. For example, I don't think I could ever date a woman in sales or any sales-type job. They're way too outgoing for me.

 

I think your post just illustrates that there are various elements of the profession that are considered. I think the 3 main are:

 

*Earning potential

*What type of hours/lifestyle the profession will dictate

*What type of personalities are drawn to the various profession

 

It's funny that doctors keep being brought up, as kinda the be all, end all. I just met a young, single doctor through friends the other day. He was definitely flirty with me (had no idea one way or another of my status and I think presumed I was single). I'm kinda neutral to not interested in doctors. This guy happened to be critical care/emergency room surgeon. He works approximately 80-100 hours a week and lots of 24 hour shifts. When he is off, he sounds like he is comatose, pretty much. Has money of course due to his job but rarely goes anywhere or has a chance to spend it nor has time for any outside interests. He was smart and engaging enough but same as most other doctors wouldn't have been for me and job was part of the reason.

 

*Earning potential (generally girls care about this, guys don't generally care nearly as much)

*Hours/lifestyle (both sexes seem to care about this, though they may not realize it until the relationship gets going)

*What personalities are drawn to the profession (probably both sexes seem to care about this, I think women more than men, but some people in general don't seem to give much thought to this and then end up with a person that really is not for them).

 

It's a fallacy that women just care about earning potential. There are guys with well-paying careers that I would never be interested in for precisely the job they held even though it pays well. To me, the personalities that are drawn to the particular profession would highly impact what guys I'm interested in--so of course that is going to be very different depending on which girl answers the question.

 

I agree that some girls might have a problem with firefighters because of the potential to get hurt/killed. In general, I think you might meet more women than as an engineer. I could be wrong but I think your earning potential will be limited vs engineering. Also you might have to worry about longevity in the job vs. engineering. Firefighters definitely have a reputation for being cute or good looking and some women will buy into that even though you obviously look jus as good/the same as you did as an engineer. One of my uncles is a firefighter and i think he does 3 day shifts and then off for a few days. Hasn't seemed to cause him a problem with his personal life. Don't think this will hurt you with women at all. So to sum up, people do care what their potential partners do--however, it's not prudent to generalize since it will vary based on the person choosing.

[Versacehottie]

Yes, but certain careers naturally attract certain personality types. Even if they are able to compartmentalize well, there is still a reason why they were drawn to that career in the first place. For instance, you are much less likely to find an INTJ kindergarten teacher than you are to find an INFP.

 

Of course, these are all just generalizations. It's entirely possible that, say, someone chose sales because he really needed the money and it was the only job available, even if he wasn't a natural fit for it.

 

Agreed. Not to mention if the guy (or girl) comes home and wants to discuss what happened that day, would it interest you or bore you? I also think one of the main components of the same discussion about personalities types does a guy want to keep growing in his career, profession, ambition or will he settle in for a paycheck (could be a substantial paycheck but no mental growth or challenge within the job). All of these are things I consider.

[normal person]

Yep, and that's not gender related. 3 of my friends now have stay at home husbands out of necessity (child care). And all 3 guys gave up good well paying careers to support the one of their wives.

 

2 extremely ambitious people rarely work well together.

 

That's great if it works for them. I'm sure this is more of a personal issue but I'm not sure I'd ever be able to shake the fear that my wife wouldn't respect me if I wasn't visibly "working." See below.

 

There are a rare few people who earn lots of money for doing nothing much, and are thus able to spend lots of time with their families despite having a high income, but they are the exception to the norm.

 

I make a lot of passive income -- that was my dream. But I busted my butt for years doing all the work for it, setting it up just so, and all I have to do is some admin/maintenance for a few hours a week. I made the conscious choice to make sacrifices and frontload my work for a few years, then just chill out and collect checks. It sounded nice to me and I thought that would be pretty appealing to a lot of women too. Now that I'm there, you'd be surprised how many people think I "don't do anything," women included. The dream is to just be completely independent and give my future family everything they'd ever need, but I feel there's this societal view that men have to portray some image of visible industry and labor. The thought of my wife coming home in her professional get up after a hard day at work only to smile when she sees me finger painting with a toddler just doesn't seem that plausible, even if I bought the house myself in cash.

[elaine567]

I think that many people do not actually take the partner's job seriously enough.

 

They can get carried away with the "romantic notion" or the "intellectual capacity" or the "earning potential" of their partner's job and forget that the job may entail a huge commitment, masses of overtime, unsocial hours, "on call" rotas, working away from home, little actual "time off" or vacation time, massive amounts of stress, excessive tiredness. even mental illness... etc.

Living with such a partner long term can be very hard.

[thefooloftheyear]

This topic also may have cultural biases....

 

I can tell you first hand that most(esp good looking) Italian women with "old school" foundation, don't bother with any men that aren't high level/high earning capacity...Same for Jewish women...

 

These women will lose respect quickly for any guy, if he's the career student, drifter, starving artist/musician, unambitious, types etc. Stay at home dad???:laugh:...no way....

 

It's not absolute, but it seems like its more of the norm than just coincidental....

 

TFY

[Blanco]

I make a lot of passive income -- that was my dream. But I busted my butt for years doing all the work for it, setting it up just so, and all I have to do is some admin/maintenance for a few hours a week. I made the conscious choice to make sacrifices and frontload my work for a few years, then just chill out and collect checks. It sounded nice to me and I thought that would be pretty appealing to a lot of women too. Now that I'm there, you'd be surprised how many people think I "don't do anything," women included. The dream is to just be completely independent and give my future family everything they'd ever need, but I feel there's this societal view that men have to portray some image of visible industry and labor. The thought of my wife coming home in her professional get up after a hard day at work only to smile when she sees me finger painting with a toddler just doesn't seem that plausible, even if I bought the house myself in cash.

 

Funny how that works, isn't it?

 

I'm self-employed, and so while my hours aren't conventional, I'll usually end up clocking in the standard number of weekly work hours.

 

I don't make great money, but I make enough to pay bills, stash some away, and lead an enjoyable social life. Despite this, I've known many people who couldn't wrap their head around it. To them, if you weren't going to sit in an office-like setting for 40 hours a week, it's not "real" work.

[Bastile]

This topic also may have cultural biases....

 

I can tell you first hand that most(esp good looking) Italian women with "old school" foundation, don't bother with any men that aren't high level/high earning capacity...Same for Jewish women...

 

Can't speak for Jewish women, because never had the pleasure of dating one.

 

But I've dated Italian women (actually born and raised in Italy). And the main thing for them seems to be a threshold of dominance, if anything.

 

I think Italian men seem to be much more macho over there as standard. Had the girl challenging me to "insist more" for example early on, and I am quite aggressive by English standards.

 

I just haven't found money to be any sort of issue in attraction. It's more of an issue in keeping a woman long-term. It's logical compatibility.

 

And any man trying to seduce women with logic doesn't know his arse from his elbow

 

Regarding my own filters: being a mooch is a complete deal breaker. Beyond that, I'm very open minded.

Edited August 17, 2017 by Bastile

[don't talk to me]

Not per se. But complete lack of drive, plan and dreams is an issue because it usually transfers to other areas of one's life. If someone does minimal effort career wise they probably do the same in their relationships.

[Jt93]

I think going by what everyone has said that although the actual profession that one is in does make a little bit of difference but it is still mostly down to the person themselves and that if that person seemed right then the job sort of wouldnt matter which I have the same view on towards females.

 

As long as they are ambitious and have life goals in respects of their work then that works for me, money or earning potential wouldnt sway it for me I dont think, it all depends on the person for me. But there are some jobs like i said that seem to be more attractive than others but that would just make a difference on initial attraction which is i suppose part of my question that i have sort of answered for myself....