Marital problem

[sandylee1]

It doesn't sound like he wants it to work.

 

He won't do the homework in MC.

 

He could as you've said have checked out of the marriage, but knows he can't afford to end it.

 

He's unable to point out where you treat him like a child.

 

Nothing you've said make it seem like he's making any effort.

 

Have you asked him what can be done to fix things? Because you can't carry on like this. Raising a child in this environment isn't great for anyone.

 

Can you take some time away to visit family with your daughter and get some space between you?

 

I think it's out of order that he uses your weight as an excuse, but as you said, he has never had a high sex drive anyway.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Camelia, a lot of good points about your situation have been raised by a number of folk on here. You have also been given a lot of good advice so I am not about to add to it or repeat what has already been offered. I want to ask you why you are with your husband?. From what you have written I think you married him when you were 27 years old and he was 39. It seems obvious that the two of you are just not compatible and the problem of his infertility and your great desire for kids has only exacerbated the problem. The use of donor sperm to impregnate you has probably been the last straw on the camel's back and has alienated him from you.

 

In the existing circumstances and with his inability to be a good and loving husband to you apart from not being able to meet your sexual needs, I would seriously look at the possibility of a divorce. Maybe at 46 his inability to earn a good living to be able to support his family coupled with his emasculation as a man and a husband has made him completely unable to be the man and husband he is expected to be. In the meantime your sexual needs are going to be around for a while and so it is best that you find yourself a young man nearer your age who is financially stable and sexually capable of fulfilling your needs. Think about it. Warm wishes

[salparadise]

Hi Camelia, a lot of good points about your situation have been raised by a number of folk on here. You have also been given a lot of good advice so I am not about to add to it or repeat what has already been offered. I want to ask you why you are with your husband?. From what you have written I think you married him when you were 27 years old and he was 39. It seems obvious that the two of you are just not compatible and the problem of his infertility and your great desire for kids has only exacerbated the problem. The use of donor sperm to impregnate you has probably been the last straw on the camel's back and has alienated him from you.

 

In the existing circumstances and with his inability to be a good and loving husband to you apart from not being able to meet your sexual needs, I would seriously look at the possibility of a divorce. Maybe at 46 his inability to earn a good living to be able to support his family coupled with his emasculation as a man and a husband has made him completely unable to be the man and husband he is expected to be. In the meantime your sexual needs are going to be around for a while and so it is best that you find yourself a young man nearer your age who is financially stable and sexually capable of fulfilling your needs. Think about it. Warm wishes

 

 

Kick'em to the curb, eh? What a novel idea!!! Why didn't anyone think of that sooner. Perfect solution... easy as trading in an old car for a newer one. And, if she gets herself inseminated before she gives him the boot, it will be like getting two for the price of one. Or she could just get herself naturally inseminated and have two baby daddies working four jobs to pay support. That's what I call utside the box thinking... only one question... if he's having trouble paying for one household, how's he going to pay for two?

[BluesPower]

Kick'em to the curb, eh? What a novel idea!!! Why didn't anyone think of that sooner. Perfect solution... easy as trading in an old car for a newer one. And, if she gets herself inseminated before she gives him the boot, it will be like getting two for the price of one. Or she could just get herself naturally inseminated and have two baby daddies working four jobs to pay support. That's what I call utside the box thinking... only one question... if he's having trouble paying for one household, how's he going to pay for two?

 

I am not sure that JAG is saying that...

 

But on the other hand, I think what he said is kind of spot on.

 

The husband is totally emasculated of that I have no doubt. I for one think he is looking for a way out. Working 2 jobs and OP aka entitled princess is still not happy. He is probably too tired to have sex, I have heard it happens. Frankly after the sperm donor incident, I am guessing he does not want to touch her.

 

This whole situation stinks in general it seems like...

[central]

He's stressed, probably depressed, and possibly resentful. My conjecture is that it's related to his inability to father a child, and having to accept a sperm donor to get the job done, And then, you want another, and once again he can't do this himself. It can be very psychologically damaging to be infertile - you probably know yourself, how much you want a child of your own, and what you went through to have one.

 

 

Would you be willing to adopt a second child, instead?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Salparadise, I'm sorry that you seem to think that you are the sole custodian of internet wisdom and that others are idiots who have no right to express their opinions. On a previous occasion you shot me down because of some pompous theory that you had just propounded and found my post to be just the right target to home in on. I did not take issue with you on that occasion but I certainly do take issue this time around. You seem to think that you and you alone are the repository of all that is wise and anything emanating from any one else which runs counter to your elevated level of intellectual offerings is a damn fool who needs to quashed under your foot like some creepy crawly. I'm sorry but that is just not acceptable. This is a public forum and any and everyone is free to express their opinions and advice. If you disagree with something you ate most welcome to say so in a civilized and polite manner. However to use derogatory or sarcastic terms just because it feeds your inflated ego is not palatable or acceptable. You have posted your views and advice and while I may not agree with it I have not remarked on it. You have imputed a number of possible hypothetical situations arising out of my suggestion to the OP which I never intended or, indeed, even thought of. Maybe your mind works along those lines. Mine does'nt. If you don't like my posts or disagree with them kindly ignore them and if you must refer to them then ease be civil in your responses. Thank you.

[salparadise]

I am not sure that JAG is saying that...

 

But on the other hand, I think what he said is kind of spot on.

 

The husband is totally emasculated of that I have no doubt. I for one think he is looking for a way out. Working 2 jobs and OP aka entitled princess is still not happy. He is probably too tired to have sex, I have heard it happens. Frankly after the sperm donor incident, I am guessing he does not want to touch her.

 

This whole situation stinks in general it seems like...

 

I agree in a sense... the whole mess is dysfunctional, she'll never be happy no matter how many jobs he works, so what's in it for him in the first place? I just dislike it when people post for help with their situation and responses are kick's to the curb. These are real people with real lives.

 

She just wants to stay at home, have sex, make babies and have everything taken care of for her. She doesn't get it (or doesn't care) about them not being his biologically, so what––they're her's... sperm is sperm, babies is babies, money is money. He doesn't want to bang her, she resents him, he resents her... match made in heaven. I wonder where he's posting.

[dichotomy]

I can understand that you feel bad when your husband rejects you for sex. I suspect that has more to do with the sperm donor then your weight. He feels like less of a man because he couldn't give you a baby with his sperm now that has effected his sex drive. Any money problems you are having add to his feelings of emasculation.

 

Still she should not be calling you names. Have you told him how much it hurts when he does that?

 

You two may need marriage counseling to get to the bottom of this & to solve it.

 

He stays out to avoid coming home, to avoid you & the baby that is not biologically his. It's a big mess

 

 

I have to second d0nnivain posts here as a big possibility - failing at his man hood and his lively hood - he is feeling angry. I would.

 

Also why in the world would you discuss sperm donor route with anyone outside of your husband and you. That could make his pride/shame/burden all that more to carry. Perhaps you should have just kept that all to yourselves and picked a donor that looked like him.

 

Also I did not read - how is he acting towards your child?

[stillafool]

He tells me he wants me to work but my thoughts how when I don't have time to myself she literally takes up all my time. He doesn't get it. I love him but hate his anger and he doesn't realize how much his words hurt me or rejection of sex. We've done therapy it didn't help he wouldn't do the homework I am trying to juggle everything but it's hard when I feel like I'm alone. He works 2 jobs yes I appreciate him for that but I work too raising a child not easy when no family or support is there. I get what u guys r saying he's stressed but what now we have a child and he gets on my case about my weight, parenting style, he has ocd therefore wants the house clean all the time it's like OMG I'm only 1 person.

 

I'm sure he feels as if he is juggling everything also by working 2 jobs. He doesn't have any time for his self either. This is where you guys are in your lives right now. If you feel you now have no time for yourself why do you want another child? It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't sound like your husband even wants to be there anymore.