From a Guy to Ladies: Guy moved too fast, but did you remember him?

[Yosemite]

Well, now that I know what is driving away people, I just need to figure what is attracting them to me.*

 

You don’t need to figure out what attracts people to you, you just need to accept that people are attracted to you. Just like you don’t need to understand molecular gas exchange in order to breathe, you just breathe. (It is useful to be aware of any negative behaviors you may have.)

 

I did run into this girl once after all of this and her rejection after the letter. She was getting real close and there a lot of "accidental" touching despite being plenty of room and she stayed rather close to me. Is that just physical attraction? I walked away.

 

IDK what her motives are. If you really want to see if there’s still a chance with her, ask her for a date. If she says no, then put her out of your mind for good. If she says yes, don’t write her a letter!! Lol j/k just go on the date and have fun.

 

I've learned that her GPA in school has dipped considerably and she is not getting the promotion she wanted and will be released when her contract expires.

 

So what. People go through ups and downs in their lives, that’s what living is. Are you saying that it’s a good thing that things didn’t work out between you two because now you don’t have to have a gf who’s going through a rough patch in her career? That’s a pretty awful way to think about things.

 

You shouldn’t be following her closely enough online or through talking to her friends to find out that info. It makes you look obsessed and creepy. Not saying that you are those things, but that it gives that impression. Move on mentally and emotionally. Stop thinking about her.

 

I have been rejected by people that I have crushed on longer than her, but I never felt this hurt. I usually get over crushes fast. Is it possible I actually fell in love with her even if we did not date?

 

You may have a fear of intimacy because of a fear of heartbreak. It may help you move your life forward to believe that you were in love with her and once you get over her, you can think, well, I fell in love with this girl and I went through heartbreak and came through the other side just fine. Therefore, I can take the risk and ask out another woman and allow myself to have a real relationship because I know that if it doesn’t work out with her, the heartbreak will hurt, but then I’ll eventually be fine.

 

I had this go on in high school and my early years of college. I personally do not think I am good looking, super intelligent, powerful, or anything that special. I'm pretty shy and quiet. In high school, I had cheerleaders doing this and I never acted on it. I always thought it was a joke.

 

So change your behavior. Talk when you would otherwise be silent. Act on it when you wouldn’t have before. It’s really as simple as that.

 

You seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is flirting with you which is a skill a lot of guys who struggle with dating don’t seem to have. So, instead of convincing yourself that it must not be flirting or attraction and that it must be a joke, just flirt back a little bit and then ask her out.

 

It’s not your job to decide for her that she should or shouldn’t be attracted to you. That’s for her to decide, and if she decides that she wants to flirt back with you and accept your date invitation, then you don’t convince yourself that she’s joking. You go on the date and have a good time. Then you call her and ask her out again etc. If either of you wants to stop along the way, then you do, but you don’t decide for her that she will or won’t stop. You can only decide that for yourself.

[JJ1088]

You don’t need to figure out what attracts people to you, you just need to accept that people are attracted to you. Just like you don’t need to understand molecular gas exchange in order to breathe, you just breathe. (It is useful to be aware of any negative behaviors you may have.)

 

 

 

IDK what her motives are. If you really want to see if there’s still a chance with her, ask her for a date. If she says no, then put her out of your mind for good. If she says yes, don’t write her a letter!! Lol j/k just go on the date and have fun.

 

 

 

So what. People go through ups and downs in their lives, that’s what living is. Are you saying that it’s a good thing that things didn’t work out between you two because now you don’t have to have a gf who’s going through a rough patch in her career? That’s a pretty awful way to think about things.

 

You shouldn’t be following her closely enough online or through talking to her friends to find out that info. It makes you look obsessed and creepy. Not saying that you are those things, but that it gives that impression. Move on mentally and emotionally. Stop thinking about her.

 

 

 

You may have a fear of intimacy because of a fear of heartbreak. It may help you move your life forward to believe that you were in love with her and once you get over her, you can think, well, I fell in love with this girl and I went through heartbreak and came through the other side just fine. Therefore, I can take the risk and ask out another woman and allow myself to have a real relationship because I know that if it doesn’t work out with her, the heartbreak will hurt, but then I’ll eventually be fine.

 

 

 

So change your behavior. Talk when you would otherwise be silent. Act on it when you wouldn’t have before. It’s really as simple as that.

 

You seem to have the ability to recognize when someone is flirting with you which is a skill a lot of guys who struggle with dating don’t seem to have. So, instead of convincing yourself that it must not be flirting or attraction and that it must be a joke, just flirt back a little bit and then ask her out.

 

It’s not your job to decide for her that she should or shouldn’t be attracted to you. That’s for her to decide, and if she decides that she wants to flirt back with you and accept your date invitation, then you don’t convince yourself that she’s joking. You go on the date and have a good time. Then you call her and ask her out again etc. If either of you wants to stop along the way, then you do, but you don’t decide for her that she will or won’t stop. You can only decide that for yourself.

 

Haha...no more letters! I think that is why Santa Claus hasn't written me back or given me presents in over 19 years. Lol.

 

As for her career and grades, a buddy of mine told me she seemed like a wreck in school. I'm not saying that she deserves anything bad, but I feel like she probably would have had more important things on her mind anyway. She is very career oriented.

 

I don't follow her online or any other way. I just hear it by word of mouth. Scratch that, when this first happened, I asked our mutual friends if they knew she if she hated me. They said they would ask and I said no and left it at that. My other buddy said that she was saying I was calling her and hanging up, but I do not know how that is possible when I blocked her number and never called her phone...like ever. I do not reach out after rejection for dating again. I periodically send a "Hi, hope you are well." email like once every 3 months. I know we are not "friends", but a friendly hello could not hurt, right? Yet, she busted into my computer and phone at school and asked how many exes I had an social media. I learned a lot ways to zero. Lol.

 

Anyway, I need to man up on asking people out. At least I might have some fun. Or at least practice my Zap Brannigan pickup lines from Futurama. Lol.

Edited November 10, 2017 by JJ1088

[Yosemite]

Anyway, I need to man up on asking people out.

 

I hope you do ask more people out. Just go for it and have a good time.

 

Good luck OP.

[JJ1088]

I hope you do ask more people out. Just go for it and have a good time.

 

Good luck OP.

 

Thanks! I'll need it! Thanks everyone! If the moderator wants to close this thread, then that would be great! I do not want to create unnecessary clutter!