preraph Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 It's the drinking that bothers me. Why do you need to go binge drink and go out to bars if you're in a relationship that you're happy in? When I go out with my friends I'm home by midnight because I'm bored and don't have a reason to be in a bar really. I can do other things with my friends besides get drunk. Silly question. Why do you need to go binge drink at all? Because you enjoy it. If this is not your lifestyle and you can't tolerate it, then why are you with him? He's got no real reason to want to change. You can't make him stop. If he has a serious problem, he's got a long way to go before he might be motivated to do something about it. Sounds to me like he's just young and this is his lifestyle for now. So you're not compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 I can't begin to understand why you think him getting drunk on a boys week has any reflection on his feelings for you and the relationship. He's just having fun with his mates. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. The world does not revolve around you. Indeed. It was my first thought - I sense some selfishness and immaturity in your thinking/decisions. Perhaps, it's actually a good thing that this relationship is over for now. A little more life experience and emotional maturity will really help you to be successful with your relationships. Regardless, inyour last post you were anxious and worried that he would cheat with his ex. Now, you admit that he gets blackout drunk. It certainly sounds like he has some maturing to do as well for the two of you to have a healthy relationship. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631748-i-m-worried-my-boyfriend-will-leave-me-his-ex-girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 There's an old line...it shouldn't be and isn't always true, and it can go both ways, but: "a man meets a woman, hoping she'll never change. A woman meets a man, hoping she can change him." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Why do you even need to do that if you have a girlfriend back home? I understand having a couple drinks but when he gets that drunk it makes me feel like he doesn't care I don't understand the connection between not drinking on a boy's weekend and having a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 OP, it's fine if you gave up the drinking and partying, but you can't exactly expect someone else to do just because it's what you want. You are not dating yourself. Having said that, if it's a frequent occurrence that he's getting black-out drunk, then I can absolutely understand why it concerns you and why it's a turn-off. In that case, you did the right thing ending it because you two are not compatible at this point in your lives. You have different lifestyles and different priorities. Thus, it was not a match. Now you can move forward to find someone who's habits are more in line with what you are looking for. Trying to make someone change to suit your vision of a good partner almost never works, and now you don't need to waste any more time doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 My boyfriend and I have been together six months and he is about to go on vacation for a week. He hasn't even left for his trip yet and I already find myself getting upset and missing him. I'm going to be busy this week as well but that doesn't really stop me from thinking about how he's going to be across the country. Is there anything I can tell myself or do throughout the week in order to take my mind off of it? I just really love him and honestly hate being without him. How lucky is your boyfriend to have a cool chick like u that's all I can say Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Oliviasmith24 It's good that you & your BF broke up. You & he are not compatible. You might think you love him. (6 months is too soon to know especially in college). You & he have vastly different views of the world. You think that it should just be the two of you cocooned up together against the world. He still wants to be out in the world interacting with people in addition to his SO. Drinking & spending time with friends is not the same thing as cheating or even being disrespectful toward your SO. My husband was supposed to go on a trip to see his buddies but his flight got cancelled. I was out in a bar with friends when he got home. I invited him to join me but I didn't come rushing home for him. It's not that I don't love him but there was nothing I could do. You need to find a new BF who shares your views & values regarding drinking, interacting with friends while in a relationship & who wants to devote the majority of time to you & the relationship. In college you are looking for a needle in a haystack but the good news is boys do grow up into responsible, respectable men even if the sew a few wild oats before graduation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted August 9, 2017 Author Share Posted August 9, 2017 I just think my issues are with being controlling. I haven't ever had a serious boyfriend before this and I'm only 21 so I'm not perfect. But I do think that if I don't want someone who gets black out drunk with a girlfriend at home then I don't have to change myself to be accommodating of that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 I just think my issues are with being controlling. I haven't ever had a serious boyfriend before this and I'm only 21 so I'm not perfect. But I do think that if I don't want someone who gets black out drunk with a girlfriend at home then I don't have to change myself to be accommodating of that. Nobody wants to be with somebody who gets blackout drunk regularly. you are certainly not wrong for wanting to get away from that. You certainly don't have to change yourself. But sometimes to be true to ourselves we have to recognize that other people are incompatible with our values. It's best not to try to change them or to abdicate your own true beliefs to accommodate them. I don't see you as controlling per se. You were after all initially OK with him going on the trip. You only got upset when you learned the true nature of the trip: getting hammered over & over to the point where he has no memory. If you were raising the same level of ire at a few drinks where he wandered back to his room tipsy & fell asleep, then I might more strenuously tell you to simmer down. But black out drunk & routine binge drinking are problem behaviors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 I just think my issues are with being controlling. I haven't ever had a serious boyfriend before this and I'm only 21 so I'm not perfect. But I do think that if I don't want someone who gets black out drunk with a girlfriend at home then I don't have to change myself to be accommodating of that. You're absolutely correct. That is why it is best that you two have parted ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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