rightondude Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second.
Popsicle Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second. I don't know. I find that never married, no kids people think totally different from divorced w/kids people and they just don't get it. You would never be able to explain it to them and they would be offended at your suggestions. I would just fade to black and not say anything. It's not worth it. Say you're busy. 1
Lobouspo Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Sounds like you could be an orbiter OP. Seen alot of women like this over the years. These types tend to have alot of male friends they keep men in orbit and use at their convenience. If you want more OP, let your feelings known. If you're not comfortable with the current milieu back off. Ultimately, your kids are your first priority. At the end of the day we can't control the way people feel or act toward us, but we can control our reaction to them 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Going back and reading your other post, I must say that you need to up front about what you can offer her and how much time you actually have to dating. I am an actual single parent of two beautiful children under the age of 13 (no exes involved), but I have family support to allow me to give the proper time to someone who is looking for a relationship. Also, since she is so much younger, she may be looking to start her own family and you say that you cannot. So, you should really let her know that you can neither provide the time nor the family needs/desires she may have and end it. I don't know about an orbiter, but you certainly should let her know that you are not fully invested. 1
spiderowl Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Can you not say you thought you'd give her a little space because she seems to be involved with other guys and you weren't sure how you fitted in? That way, she knows you are feeling uncertain and why. It is then up to her to reassure you that you do have a place in her life. 8
basil67 Posted August 5, 2017 Posted August 5, 2017 Can you not say you thought you'd give her a little space because she seems to be involved with other guys and you weren't sure how you fitted in? That way, she knows you are feeling uncertain and why. It is then up to her to reassure you that you do have a place in her life. Spiderowl nailed it. This is the perfect thing to say to her.
Robratory Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" Text back and say, "Oh, yeah! When do I get to see you again?" Enjoy it while it lasts. Don't make a lot of drama. You know this can't be long term, but sometime's life's chapters are short. 1
kendahke Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Nothing. You don't owe her a response. She's got her hands full with other guys she tells you about---that what friends do: they talk about who they're dating. Meaning: the best you're getting with her is friendzone. If you were a serious contender with her, she'd never mention any other guy, let alone be seeing other guys in the first place. She's fishing for attention because the other guys are tending to their lives. I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second.If you want to shift out of being needy/clingy/smothery, then cut this chick loose and find someone your own age. She's not done playing in the sandbox and you don't have time. I'd just stop talking with her. She'll get over it and move on. 1
Author rightondude Posted August 6, 2017 Author Posted August 6, 2017 Spiderowl nailed it. This is the perfect thing to say to her. I like it too. Well, we'll see how it goes!
Miss Spider Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 (edited) Yeah she's priming you to be an orbiter. This is called e-tethering. She wants you to stay on her string while she's goes on more dates with her prime choice...the one she's instagraming about, probs. 'Cause you know, that may fall through. Why anyone would entertain this behavior and not block this clutter is beyond me. Maybe if you wanna hookup sometime it's not such a bad idea Edited August 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough
coolheadal Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second. Your not getting the point here. She's single never married doesn't have kids. Where you are married/divorced with kids. You have experienced child birth, she hasn't. You have experience engagement, process of getting married and then the process of being married then the process of getting a divorce and then being single again. Plus you have kids. She's not ready to be a step-mom so quick not fair for her to be one where she can have kids and have her own. You said you can't have kids in your other post. Was that by choice or a medical condition? Optional answer.. So you see if she met you she was turned on to you by your charms and the way you contacted yourself, now she met another guy she's turned onto. You have to get over this ego thing you have. She can go out with any guy sh wants too. You have kids to tend too. She free and can look for any guy without kids. Just have to under stand that. A lot of women and men who don't have kids yet don't want to raise other peoples kids there is a lot to it most are not seeing clearly enough. The kids matter more than them, sure you going to put your kids ahead of this girl. She might not want that emotionally. That is why it's better for you to go after someone who goes through what you have to this point. You can better rate than she can with you.
The411 Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second. You either ignore her or give her some humorous retort that shows that her question is silly. Girl: Is everything OK? You: *looks down* Two balls, one cock yep, everything is in order. The reason this works is that you are basically defusing her emotional state with silly humor, which takes her mind off whatever she is stressing about and makes you come off as a guy who is cool in the face of a tense situation and a guy who isn't afraid to talk about sex or saying anything to a girl. Lots of guys screw up by trying to answer the question when it is rarely about you being ok in terms of being badly hurt (i.e. An accident, close family member getting hurt etc.) 1
Versacehottie Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second. To me, to say that you thought SHE needed a little space is needy and pathetic. Sorry, OP. Is passive-aggressive the right word? Why not tell her what is going on with you and how you feel rather than make assumptions about her "needing space" which is thinly disguised excuse of you needing space for insecurity reasons. If you want to date her but the fact that she has lots of guy friends that she tells you what they are doing (or perhaps flaunts it) tell her that's why you are hesitating. One of the worst things in communication is when you presume what the other person thinks, feels or wants. The right thing to do is to say what YOU think, feel or want. Even if you are confused about that then say "i'm confused about what I want with you because of xyz" or "i wanted some space because of xyz". She already is better at communicating because instead of presuming or accusing, she just asked if everything was ok. Good luck 4
smackie9 Posted August 6, 2017 Posted August 6, 2017 I like responding with a funny comment, it's OK if your were young but you are not. You are a grown man and you are now at a point where you want to know what this is and where it's going. You are a father with two kids, and it seems to me you would like a relationship that has an established future of some kind and not to wast anymore of your time. If it's casual, then that lets you keep looking for someone more suitable to your lifestyle. 2
Author rightondude Posted August 7, 2017 Author Posted August 7, 2017 (edited) Well, I'm pretty sure I've been ghosted. I called her. No answer. I texted her and I haven't gotten an answer in about 12 hours but I've seen she's active on FB. Screw it. Smackie, you're right. I think my balls just dropped straight out of my ex-wife's purse and back into my sack. Tomorrow starts another day. I feel better for having screwed a few times just to reaffirm I am attractive to a sexy woman. Now it's time to focus on me. My kids will always get my absolute attention, my career and success second (but really first since that's the best way I can make a great life for my kids), and whoever wants to come along for the ride third. They'll have a good time, but never again am I going to sweat someone else's role in my life. Thank you all. Edited August 7, 2017 by rightondude 3
Author rightondude Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 sometimes you get a taste of something so great and everything seems so perfect and life seems spectacular then "something" happens with that other individual person, that person with their own life and their own wants and needs and you'll probably never find out what that "something" is was it as simple as one misstep on your part? one lack of response at the wrong time? you'll rack your brain trying to figure it out there's so many possibilities and yet none because in your head it was all perfect, well, except for that one minor thing, or that other thing I wished I'd done and you swear you'll never do it again but you don't want to do anything again with anyone else because you know you'll do it again whatever it was rinse, wash, repeat
mikeylo Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 sometimes you get a taste of something so great and everything seems so perfect and life seems spectacular then "something" happens with that other individual person, that person with their own life and their own wants and needs and you'll probably never find out what that "something" is was it as simple as one misstep on your part? one lack of response at the wrong time? you'll rack your brain trying to figure it out there's so many possibilities and yet none because in your head it was all perfect, well, except for that one minor thing, or that other thing I wished I'd done and you swear you'll never do it again but you don't want to do anything again with anyone else because you know you'll do it again whatever it was rinse, wash, repeat Point being ?
Redhead14 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I posted this earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint Basically I am "seeing" this younger woman with whom I don't have a whole lot in common from a life perspective. Me: divorced w/ 2 kids. Her: 10 years younger never married no kids. We hang out and it's great; a lot of fun. But she has a lot of guy friends and tells me about plans with them. I've decided to cool the jets and give her space. As much as I don't want to. I have no idea what I am to her exactly. So I haven't texted her in a couple of days and she hasn't to me either. She texted me asking "is everything OK?" What exactly do I say to that? Is now the time to establish what we are exactly? Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? I am definitely needy on here (I need your advice!) but I've tried my best not to be needy/clingy/smothery with this girl. Truth be told, I have little time or freedom to offer her. She should be someone's #1 but in my situation she can only come second. Should I tell her I thought maybe she might want a little space? - I am a woman and I don't like anyone telling me what THEY think I want or need. Be honest with her. Tell her you aren't looking for anything serious. PERIOD.
preraph Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 I really don't see the problem. She has guy friends. So what? Are you assuming because you would sleep with any girls who were friends that she will sleep with any guys who are friends? And if you have no exclusivity arrangement, she's broken nothing even if she is sleeping with them. But she wouldn't be telling you about them if they were guys she's sleeping with. If she has guy friends and you can't handle that, she's not the woman for you. But if you want to talk about exclusivity with her without trying to tell her to ditch her friends, go right ahead.
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