Broke up with me by ignoring me

[toffeecream77]

Messaged him it's ok to want to leave, it's ok to meet someone else, just to talk to me, to say goodbye. I even said sorry for the situation and anything I might have done to hurt him. Tumbleweed...nothing. Anyway I left the door open, I told him if he feels able to do the decent thing and talk to me, he knows where I am. I can put money on it that I will never hear from him again.

 

It's easy to get dates and meet people with online dating.

Wouldn't be surprised if he's doing that.

 

I'm making peace with the break up, he wasn't the right person for me, but it really does hurt so much that he's done it this way. I constantly feel like I've been kicked very hard in my stomach. I'm keeping busy with work, thankfully, and have friends and family to see in my free time, but I can't help wondering - why has he done this? Is he being a coward? Or is he being spiteful?

 

I do think he's keeping busy with someone else. Good luck to them.

[stockyoldfrump]

The absolute worst.

 

My girlfriend would disappear for days or weeks when things weren't going well or she was in any way worried, anxious or doubtful. I'd have to hound her to get a response, begging for her to talk to me. Eventually I'd get one or two sentences and then another prolonged silence. I always overlooked it because I assumed I had done something unforgivable or just excused her behavior on the basis of her own personal issues.

 

When she dumped me, she disappeared again. One day we were spending all day together, the next I couldn't get her to answer a text. She ignored our plans, ignored my calls, ignored my pleading that she see me and just sent an occasional message here and there, always refusing to engage in any sort of dialogue. After a while she did finally break up with me in a text, but it was SO hurtful to have gone weeks not knowing without even being given the respect of a conversation about the issues she was supposedly contemplating.

 

I'm not sure I will ever date again, but if I do, I will be very, very wary of any sort of communication dodging. It's totally toxic and slowly erodes the foundation of the relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Wow, I'm terribly sorry to hear this OP. What an awful shock.

 

Do you have any inkling that he could have been spending time with someone else?

 

I can't imagine treating someone this way. You just saw a glimpse of his very ugly true colours.

[toffeecream77]

Does anyone think I should have tried to go to his apartment?

I'm certain if I did this to him he would have been knocking on my door.

This is so unlike him...

[Zahara]

Does anyone think I should have tried to go to his apartment?

I'm certain if I did this to him he would have been knocking on my door.

This is so unlike him...

 

He's read your messages and he's removed you from his social media. I believe that's a good enough response. I have to wonder if this guy has been seeing someone else and finally got caught.

 

Personally, I wouldn't chase him anymore. You noted he was not right for you anyway. Let this one go. He's actually doing you a huge favor.

 

Well, you would not have done it to him. It's just cruel.

[dumbass2]

Does anyone think I should have tried to go to his apartment?

I'm certain if I did this to him he would have been knocking on my door.

This is so unlike him...

 

No no no! Do not show up where he is unannounced. That's crazy ex stuff. I know this kind of treatment can drive a person crazy. It's mental abuse. He has given you your answers by his actions. These are not actions of someone that loves and cares about you. When someone is showing you who they are, believe it. This is who he really is. What he did is not normal in my book.

[abandoned386]

im really sorry to hear that you're going through this. I'm going through the exact same thing. GF of two years + broke up via text while I was asleep and I haven't heard a peep from her since that day, June 2nd. i will never understand how it can be so easy to just abandon someone you were with for over two years.

[toffeecream77]

At least you got a text

[penelopeanne]

it's hard. like i said, i can relate a bit, since mine ended via a sort of cold email but leading up to that was a lot of my ex avoiding.

that period of time was so difficult for me.

it is tough and takes time to heal from.

i would advise you stay no contact, as hard as it is.

i wanted more validation from him and was living in this awful limbo for months. when he finally did contact me through another email it felt somewhat validating but a little too late.

when i saw him 4 months later, i felt pretty indifferent.

turned off. and let down.

the healing has to be for you.

his actions speak louder than words.

after all that time he just disappears, this is someone you can't trust.

it's immature.

in time your heart will heal.

keep strong. take care of YOU

[divegrl]

I'm so sorry OP. As others have said this is the most cruel and cowardly behavior.

 

This happened to me as well. I struggled for months trying to understand, trying to figure out what happened. How could everything be ok one moment, and then he just disappears.

 

Surround yourself with family and friends. Spend time doing activities you enjoy. You are not alone my friend.

 

Hugs.

[toffeecream77]

Mostly getting over my ex and the break up.

 

The overwhelming emotion that is impacting me is my lack of optimism for the future and meeting someone. I have failed in my life so far, to meet someone special, what's to say this is going to change in the coming years? At my age, due to my biological clock, I do need to settle down, but the pool of men becomes weaker.

 

Can't stop thinking so negatively, almost like it's game over.

 

I am a good person, I have so much to give. Why is the universe not throwing any luck my way for once?

[preraph]

Stop being desperate. It's not attractive and men can smell it a mile away. Instead, you simply need to concentrate on your career and pursue your hobbies and make time for work and play and enforce balance in your life. You will either meet a man or not, but if you act this desperate, you will settle for a bad one. You are better alone than to do that.

[Been]

Its harder then people think. Usually for SO other gives you some sort of sign they are starting to have no interest: no as many texts, don't talk about things as much and infrequent sex.

But just to outright drop someone is horrible and its going to be harder for that person to get over it because a lot of questions will come to surface. Not to mention overtime I bet certain clues-rather looked for or not- will come to light about why this person did this. And that will tend to reopen wounds.

I'm sorry this happened to you and you have to go through this. It would be easy for me to tell you just to get over it but with so many questions left unanswered I know that's easier said then done.

My take on this situation is maybe you overlooked something which would make sense to why that person left. And once you figure out the whys then I think it will be easier to get over.

[toffeecream77]

Stop being desperate. It's not attractive and men can smell it a mile away. Instead, you simply need to concentrate on your career and pursue your hobbies and make time for work and play and enforce balance in your life. You will either meet a man or not, but if you act this desperate, you will settle for a bad one. You are better alone than to do that.

 

Who said anything about being desperate? I am not desperate. I am simply feeling quite down after being treated the way I have been and struggling to think positively about the future as a result. I am a very confident and independent women, I wouldn't just go for anyone, and I certainly haven't made that suggestion anywhere.

[mousse]

Hi toffeecream,

 

This is what happened to me in my last break up. It was the hardest break up I ever went through. It was super difficult to recover from it at first. It seemed as if I would never see the light at the end of the tunnel. But little by little, I started moving on and finding my answers. I realized that I didn't need him to be happy, that I could find closure by myself. I still miss him at times, years later, but mostly I'm real happy now, I rebuilt myself and my life and it's the best feeling ever. So, hang in there ! Those break ups seem impossible to get over from, but eventually, you do get over it, with time and hard work.

 

Good luck to you!

Mousse

[Bromeo]

Toffee,

 

I smiled sadly when I reread this thread. I know exactly how you are feeling. I went to my exs work to drop off her things that she abandoned - after breaking in to get the main load of her junk.

 

She treated me like a complete stranger.

 

She kicked up her hot/cold games for another month, until I made an emotional, ill-fated Hail Mary attempt, went to her work, professed love, etc.

 

She told me she happily seeing another man. After a couple weeks of not speaking. Felt like a sledge hammer after weeks of her game playing.

 

I laugh at the above now. Lol

 

If you are like me, then we solve problems through through action and communication. Block, delete, and "bye Felecia" isn't my style. And running away, like yours and my ex, simply isn't an option.

 

One good take away is that if you are like me, your emotions and senses will be finely tuned to avoid this type of person in the future. Even after a year, I'm still pissy about it some days. I avoid uncommunicative people like the plague now.

 

Dozens of people told me it wasn't my fault. Until you are ready to believe them, realize you are worth more that someone who would run away rather than communicate, your self respect, emotions, and pride will continue to hurt.

 

After all that I feel like a different person. I am calmer, communicate better, and can let people go much more easily.

 

Please don't go to his work. Learn from my mistake. I swore the blood oath to never look at my exs page, pictures, etc. ever again, after she was liking my page last month. I can promise it's helped.

 

Be safe. Online hugs.

[toffeecream77]

Toffee,

 

I smiled sadly when I reread this thread. I know exactly how you are feeling. I went to my exs work to drop off her things that she abandoned - after breaking in to get the main load of her junk.

 

She treated me like a complete stranger.

 

She kicked up her hot/cold games for another month, until I made an emotional, ill-fated Hail Mary attempt, went to her work, professed love, etc.

 

She told me she happily seeing another man. After a couple weeks of not speaking. Felt like a sledge hammer after weeks of her game playing.

 

I laugh at the above now. Lol

 

If you are like me, then we solve problems through through action and communication. Block, delete, and "bye Felecia" isn't my style. And running away, like yours and my ex, simply isn't an option.

 

One good take away is that if you are like me, your emotions and senses will be finely tuned to avoid this type of person in the future. Even after a year, I'm still pissy about it some days. I avoid uncommunicative people like the plague now.

 

Dozens of people told me it wasn't my fault. Until you are ready to believe them, realize you are worth more that someone who would run away rather than communicate, your self respect, emotions, and pride will continue to hurt.

 

After all that I feel like a different person. I am calmer, communicate better, and can let people go much more easily.

 

Please don't go to his work. Learn from my mistake. I swore the blood oath to never look at my exs page, pictures, etc. ever again, after she was liking my page last month. I can promise it's helped.

 

Be safe. Online hugs.

 

Wow this has really helped, thank you.

 

I am having a bad moment, the first since I last posted, otherwise he is never in my thoughts. I keep busy with work and my personal life. In fact, I have been quite happy. But a date tonight didn't go very well, and it's made me start thinking about my ex.

 

How could somebody do this? I have absolutely no idea. It's such an odd thing to do, a very cold approach. I do wonder what happened, I don't think he just wanted to leave...I think there is someone else involved, or he is leading another life. Which is strange, as we spent every minute together, never argued etc.