5 year LD relationship over

[whatnot]

they're out there Pirandello. Women who'll love who you are and not just for what they can get from you.

 

My first g/f in college. She wanted nothing from me. She just wanted me. And I knew that. But ... it scared me. It made me feel...that....I'd lose myself....and there'd be nothing inside me if I let her look.

 

 

Ever since then, it's been women who want. I flew for a company....I was paid so good to do that. And I was flying with a guy one day who told me (over a 3 or 4 day trip you get to know each other pretty well)...."You're going to have a problem." "What's that?" He said..."the money your making and you being single. It's gonna be tough. Knowing which women want you for you and which women want you for your money".

 

My ex wife left me for an attorney. My ex g/f left me for a lit-up geetar-man.

 

But that little pearl....who I was so afraid of in college....you could see right through her. She was so transparent...no agendas.

 

 

You sound like a giver. There's women out there that's appreciative and grateful. That if you give them who you are....and let them see who you are....they will not take advantage. They'd love nothing more than to be married to a man who doesn't mind doing chores....going to the store, etc...so appreciative, in fact....that if you don't wanna always do them on their timeline....they'll understand....and you will not feel taken advantage of.

 

(at least that's what my shrink says LOL but...no....really...I've met 'em.....they're there man) It's my job....in the interim....to reveal those big 'ol boogie men inside of me that I feel would be so bad if exposed.....

Edited August 7, 2017 by whatnot

[Pirandello]

whatnot,

 

i warn you this is going to be a long thread, lol.

 

I have a lot of hurt inside and anger and i have to get it out.

For now this is my only place i can talk about it.

I booked an appointment with psychologist but there is a long waiting list.

 

When she decided to break it, she was confused as hell, she showed mixed emotions. First she was a cold hearted B**** and did not even let me in the main entrance and told me to go in the basement and my stuff was all packed in bags. I felt like i was a criminal and i had committed a crime with her. This is the treatment i got. i collapsed to the floor in shock, my blood sugar spiked to 20 mmol, which is not very good.

 

I told her i can't take all my stuff and hit the road right away, i need to calm down and take insulin. She had a little remorse and let me in the living room upstairs. As we sat down, she said give me the keys to the house and car. she had given me the extra keys at the beginning of our relationship. I gave her the keys and then she said she had lost her feelings in the end and felt we were like roommates. She felt suffocated and she wanted it over.

 

I said i don't understand we only see each other on week ends, how can you feel suffocated? She said i became too jealous and insecure. I explained to her that this happened because she changed a lot and was spending more time by herself and calling me and texting me less and less than usual. She was more distant and cold and not intimate with me anymore.

 

So i feel i was having doubts, when you have doubts you may appear as insecure and that's normal. I got a little emotional because i felt she lacked empathy and became like another person, evil person with no heart, no understanding, this was not her usual self. It's like she had been brainwashed by friends and family or her psychologist.

 

I know this because she has a low self esteem and is very easy influenced by others opinions. So once she saw me emotional, it's like her old self came back for a moment and she offered we stay in contact and do some outdoor activities once a week and if i would show her i was active again she would reconsider and we would get back together in a month.

 

I packed my stuff in car and went back home. she texts me an hour later to go for a walk. I accept and we go for ice cream. we say goodbye and she kisses me and giggles. The following week she called me everyday at night to talk about her day and say goodnight.

 

The last day we spoke was a friday and this time she called me in the morning and we talked for 2 hours, she tells me she won't be calling me at night because she is going swimming and then going out and she will be home late.

 

You can imagine i had a very bad night of sleep, all kinds of scenarios popping in my head and i then realised, why am i doing this, why am i accepting her to treat me like this and have so much power over me?

The next day when she called to go walk our dog, i ignored her calls, she left me 3 messages in my voice mail, she texted me like 5 times, i ignored her for a good hour and she even tried to call my parents, they ignored her too.

 

I gave her a taste of her own medicine, when she ignored my calls or texted me 2 hours later. I told her that i needed a real break and no contact for a month. I needed to do a reflection on myself and the relationship. We were suppose to contact each other a month later but nothing happened, she has too much pride to take phone and call. I am the dumpee and i know by rule that i should not break NC and have not broken it. it's been 2 months now of NC.

 

She told a family member of mine that she would call me soon to get her things, but i know she won't, she doesn't have the courage to call, she feels guilt and even blocked me on facebook because she probably checked my status often and had to stop.

 

What's even more weird about her is that she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me and go to a friend's wedding with me in august. How can she even think doing that while we are on a break ?

 

I know for a fact now that we are officially over. She is just too selfish, a manipulating liar and i can't trust her anymore.

[Pirandello]

2 weeks ago, my aunt contacted her to get my stuff back, i did not ask her to do this, but she volunteered to, also to try to see what was going on on her side.

 

She told her to show up at her house on a sunday at 4 pm, When she got there, the whole family was there, was like they were protecting her from my aunt.

 

They probably thought i sent her there to try to convince her to come back. So that goes to show you that she let her family decide for her, she can't make her own decisions.

 

They probably said, look at him he sends his aunt to get his stuff...

I am sure her brother who hated me so much must have said, he doesn't even have the courage to come here himself.

Some people would say that is breaking NC, but i say whatever works to don't fall back to square 1.

 

But i kept my word, i told her when we broke up i would never come back to the house and send someone to get my things.

Even though i did not go, when my aunt came back and gave me news it was almost like i broke NC.

She did not give her any news about me though.

 

I told her once, if you let your family into our relationship it is going to kill it.

Sure enough she did and we have the result today as i predicted.

They are all broken up, divorced, separated, single. None of them are in a relationship and it's like they were jealous of us and just wanted us broken up.

[Pirandello]

Well, I understand about getting tired quicker, but I'm also guessing you being diabetic is why she is pushing you to be active because exercise helps your blood glucose and so does losing weight, but even exercise without losing helps you. She probably just doesn't want to sit around and watch you decline, honestly.

 

yes you are right preraph, but i am not equipped with blood glucose monitoring systems like some diabetic athletes have.

 

I would need a continuous glucose meter which monitors glucose 24h/7 so hypos can be avoided during intense workouts.

 

I am not overweight, i am thin and in good shape, i just need to stay active so the sugar is burned and insulin works better when you move.

 

she just needed to understand that i can't follow her intensity or pace, i have to do it at my own pace. She is a nurse and she should understand this, but she did not have any diabetic training in her resume.

[Pirandello]

a week before the break up i took her for breakfast and all she had was a bagel with some fruits on the side while i ordered the big plate of eggs benedict and you had to see her staring at my plate. lol.

 

You could tell she wanted some. But i had to make her suffer for all the times we could not eat eggs for breakfast because she was allergic and she refused many times to go get an allergy treatment for it. it is treatable.

[Pirandello]

Maybe the ex-girlfriend is trying to do No Contact with you.....

 

Seriously, who cares if she blocked you from FaceBook. You need not care anymore....no contact....

 

Recovering from break ups take time, give yourself some time but stay away from anything and everything that reminds you of her.

====

 

Just read your 6:39pm post, even more reason why you need NO CONTACT; more reason she is not the right person for you, nor you for her.

Gotta move on......let it go. Yes, it will be hard. But it sounds like she has a lot of negatives that you can think about which should speed up your break up recovery.

 

She is hurt for sure because she told my aunt that she would contact me for her things once the dust has settled.

 

For saying once the dust has settled, and this was like end of july, it means she still had emotions running. I just won't answer my phone, i don't want to speak to her. she is going to ruin my no contact progress.

 

The only thing i can see for the future is her texting me happy birthday in mid september and even then she might even forget my birthday cause she got no memory lol

[HarmonyDriven]

OP, maybe you can have your aunt take the ex's belongings to her so you don't run the risk of seeing her? Or make some type of arrangement for someone to get her personal belongings out of your place and over to the ex?

 

The goal is not to see her, not to talk to her, not to think of her......ultimately.......so you can move on....happily.

 

Hopefully, she does not remember your birthday. = no contact.

Hopefully, you do not send her birthday wishes. = no contact

 

Good luck

[Pirandello]

Maybe the ex-girlfriend is trying to do No Contact with you.....

 

Seriously, who cares if she blocked you from FaceBook. You need not care anymore....no contact....

 

Recovering from break ups take time, give yourself some time but stay away from anything and everything that reminds you of her.

====

 

Just read your 6:39pm post, even more reason why you need NO CONTACT; more reason she is not the right person for you, nor you for her.

Gotta move on......let it go. Yes, it will be hard. But it sounds like she has a lot of negatives that you can think about which should speed up your break up recovery.

 

Today i ckecked facebook and now she changed her last name and removed all the letters except for the first 2.

 

Why would someone do that? the only reason i could think of is because i deactivated my account and she couldn't find me and thought i blocked her, so she changed her last name?

 

weird...

[Pirandello]

OP, maybe you can have your aunt take the ex's belongings to her so you don't run the risk of seeing her? Or make some type of arrangement for someone to get her personal belongings out of your place and over to the ex?

 

The goal is not to see her, not to talk to her, not to think of her......ultimately.......so you can move on....happily.

 

Hopefully, she does not remember your birthday. = no contact.

Hopefully, you do not send her birthday wishes. = no contact

 

Good luck

 

Hi Harmony,

 

yeah i already did send her wishes her birthday was during our break. I know i broke NC, but she wanted me to take her out on her birthday, so instead i just texted her a casual happy birthday and she said thanks and that was it.

That was the last communication i had with her on june 10th. So tomorrow will be exactly 2 months of NC.

 

She did not call for her stuff yet, i guess the dust hasn't settled yet for her.

 

One of my buddies contacted me today to go spend the week end in Sutton, a ski area in the winter and a trail in the summer. But i took my ex there 5 years ago and i am worried i am going to get flashbacks of her if i go there.

 

I told him i would think about it, maybe i need more time before i go to places i have been with her. i can't stand reminders. I try to avoid objects and places i was with her. Is that normal ? or am i losing my mind?

[Pirandello]

Today is another step towards moving on.

60 days of NC achieved. I know for some people it's not much.

For me it's something because it was a very difficult decision to take. You can't forget a 5 year LD relationship in a couple of weeks or months. I almost broke NC a few times, especially when i got news she was expecting me to call her.

 

She is the one who felt suffocated and wanted a break and space. It was up to her to call not me. I gave her space and a break and plenty of time to reflect.

It's tough to let go of your fears but you have to do it. if you fear losing her for good by doing NC, it's a chance you have to take. It's he only way you will know if she really loved you or not. I let go of this fear of never seeing her again. Also have to fight the fear of change. A lot of people fear the changes that life brings after a break up.

 

Sometimes a change is good for you, if you want a better life and you feel your life was not amazing while in the relationship because you let yourself go. Change will bring new projects, new career opportunities, new hobbies, meeting new people. Letting go of the past and just think of the present and tomorrow.

 

Law of attraction. how do you attract what you want? Why i read about this all the time and still cannot figure it out. Attracting what you want by visualizing it like you already have it ? Does this make sense ?

Can you visualize yourself getting back with your ex ? Can the law of attraction bring you back together ?

[HarmonyDriven]

Hi Harmony,

 

yeah i already did send her wishes her birthday was during our break. I know i broke NC, but she wanted me to take her out on her birthday, so instead i just texted her a casual happy birthday and she said thanks and that was it.

That was the last communication i had with her on june 10th. So tomorrow will be exactly 2 months of NC.

 

She did not call for her stuff yet, i guess the dust hasn't settled yet for her.

 

One of my buddies contacted me today to go spend the week end in Sutton, a ski area in the winter and a trail in the summer. But i took my ex there 5 years ago and i am worried i am going to get flashbacks of her if i go there.

 

I told him i would think about it, maybe i need more time before i go to places i have been with her. i can't stand reminders. I try to avoid objects and places i was with her. Is that normal ? or am i losing my mind?

 

Maybe you do need time before you go places you have been with the ex. Kind of like a shared song.....if you hear it, reminds of her, turn it off. Same concept.

 

Yes, I think it's normal. No, you are not losing your mind.

[HarmonyDriven]

Today is another step towards moving on.

60 days of NC achieved......

 

Can you visualize yourself getting back with your ex ? Can the law of attraction bring you back together ?

 

 

Excellent! 60 days NC! Woot! Woot! Congrats!

 

1. Nope, an ex is an ex for a reason

2. Possibly, all depends on many factors, but like I said, an X is an X for a reason

[Pirandello]

A little update,

 

it will be 3 months on august 27th and i don't know why but this week i have been thinking if i did the right thing by not calling her when she hinted to a family member of mine that she was waiting for my call...

 

Then i say to myself, what if i called her, maybe she would have told me some hurtful things like, a month has passed and i realized i have no more feelings for you or i met someone else or i prefer being alone right now.

 

if she lost the feelings in the first place, it's not a month break that would bring them back. What i don't understand is why was it up to me to call her when it was her idea to go on a break?

 

Then she said that she would call me when the dust had settled to come take her things, this was like 2 or 3 weeks ago... She hasn't called which i figure is a good thing because i don't want to break NC, i am not ready to talk to her and i am going in for therapy on wednesday.

 

Yes i been doing good by reading and writing about all the good and the bad, i been doing biking and weight lifting but i feel i need to see a psychologist because i can't seem to get it off my mind and still have a lot of anger, maybe because i felt betrayed the way she ended things, did not feel like she was a good partner, i kind of regret that i stayed that long with her and if i knew she would backstab me like this i would have ended it a long time ago.

[Pirandello]

Hi everyone,

 

any of you heard of Gaslighting ? or another term Narcissistic ?

 

I have been reflecting on some moments of the failed relationship and i have a feeling i was dealing with a narcissistic girlfriend, she manipulated me into believing that i caused the relationship to fail with my doubts, which she called insecurities or jealousy.

 

Which is not true because i only had doubts in the last month, so i was always confident and i trusted her for 4 years and 10 months. Never did i display jealousy before this period where she changed and became cold and distant.

 

She also manipulated me into being an anti-social person when in reality she was the one who did not want to invite people over etc... yes i avoided her family because her brother had no respect for my family and he never apologized to my family for the crap he said.

 

She made me believe i was a lazy person and brought me breakfast in bed when i did not even ask for it. Why do this and then turnaround and call me lazy? It was like she was creating the negative situations on purpose to turn them against me...

 

To create ammo to use later when the breakup moment arrived. Does this make any sense ?

[Pirandello]

a little update, today marks the 90 days of no contact.

 

I am doing better, i only think about her for a few minutes in the morning and sometimes on fridays, i found some good relationship tips on the internet, i found this relationship coach who has a book and videos on youtube, Corey Wayne. I recommend it to all who are suffering after a breakup or are having troubles in a relationship and don't know what to do. If i had found this book earlier i probably could have saved the relationship. No regrets though, things happen for a reason, accept things and move on and don't waste your time to try to make someone love you if they don't want to keep you. Be able to walk away and don't look back. If they want to be with you, eventually they will call you back, if not, move on and be happy with yourself and follow your purpose in life and be happy single for a while. Don't be afraid to be alone, be happy single and eventually you will attract someone good in your life. Someone that you mesh with and mutually deserve each other. Good luck!

[Pirandello]

another little update,

 

Was my birthday 2 days ago and she didn't text me or call me to wish me happy birthday, was a little sad she didn't because i wished it to her on her birthday but i guess she is a total different person now and is a ghost of what she was. The good thing is at least No contact was not broken and did not fall back to day 1 and i am still moving forward.

[HarmonyDriven]

Well, she is doing NO contact as are you. This is a good thing. Both of you are moving on which is needed in order to heal completely (IMO.) My exbf birthday was earlier this month and I wanted to send a HB text but I didn't. I was proud of myself for staying No Contact....I wished him Happy Birthday in my thoughts as I really do wish him well. But, I need to stay No Contact.

 

Oh.....Happy Belated Birthday!

[Pirandello]

Thank you Harmony,

it will be 4 months on september 27th that we broke up.

It was suppose to be a break of 1 month, but then we did not call each other once the break was over. What i have learned from relationships is if she wanted space and wanted break, then it was up to her to contact me after the one month period. I always keep feeling guilty i did not call her. But now it's too late and too much time has passed. I still think what would have happened if i called her? would things be different for better or for worse? I know no contact helped me heal and move on. For some reason i keep thinking why did she want a break and not a breakup ? Why did she tell my aunt she was waiting for my call ? It feels like i will never know the answers to these questions and it creates anger in me. What can i do to put this behind me for good and stop torturing myself with these questions ?

[HarmonyDriven]

What can i do to put this behind me for good and stop torturing myself with these questions ?

 

First, you put this behind you for good and stop torturing yourself with these questions.

 

Second, rinse.

 

Third, repeat.

 

You are doing great with NO CONTACT. Leave it at that.

[Pirandello]

today is 4 months we broke up. Still hard to forget.

No contact has helped me heal. I still wonder what would have

Happened if i called her when she said she was expecting my call.

Was it for trying a 2nd time or was it just to say some meaningless

Things like: i am doing good and happy single. I guess i am better off

Not knowing.

[MyOphelia]

I'm sure this won't be the first or last time I ever write this, but this is why I'll never "do" facebook or any of that stuff. I think it complicates matters so much. There's too much re: checking statuses and blocking friends and invites and requests, and...to be honest I don't know how a lot of it works but I hear far more horror stories about it than I do happy stuff.

 

That was just my little contribution...

[HarmonyDriven]

I don't do FaceBook either......easy peasy.

 

I have had people tell me "I can't believe you don't have a FB page" and then there are people who tell me "be thankful you don't have a FB page, too much drama."

 

Go figure.....

[Pirandello]

I understand your point of view that facebook is evil, i been on it for 10 years and the only reasons are: I have family and friends from high school on it and i reconnected with some old friends. I admit when it comes to relationships and ex girlfriends, it is complicated because you ask yourself: Should i block her? should i unblock? should i delete them?

 

You can get hurt and hurt others feelings especially with romantic relationships.

Also some people post a lot of selfies and show a fake view of their life like everything is perfect. In reality they have problems and setbacks like everyone else.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I resisted FB for a long time. My brother convinced me to setup an account so that we can keep up with one another's family. Now, I have friends and family communicating with me via FB. I check it maybe 1-2x per week from a couple of minutes at a time and post less than that. FB becomes an issue if you allow it. FB in itself, is not an issue. I befriend everyone that wants to. I don't add gfs and exes, etc. It is strictly my and my family's point of online presence and not a retelling of every minute, event of my life.

[MyOphelia]

I do understand that it's not necessarily that FB is "evil" - because that's as crazy as saying "guns are evil." It's the PERSON and the PEOPLE and how they use these things that are the bottom line.

 

But I still don't want anything to do with it because I compartmentalize, and I'm not sure that how I communicate with my friends would be what I'd want to share with my family. Well not me personally as I have no family... but generally speaking, I think it's not a good idea. I've seen more harmful things come from it and I'd rather not be a part of something like that.