Greekboy Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Hey guys and girls, I hope everyone is doing well. I've posted here a few years ago after a traumatic break-up experience and received amazing feedback. Since then I (28.y.o) have fully recovered and have been the best version of myself getting a distinction for a postgraduate degree and achieving success in my field. Even though I wasn't active on the forum I always kept reading the threads as a reminder to never resort to old ways. This brings me to today. During the past years I've dated (briefly) a lot of amazing girls and even though we shared some intimate moments I never found a person that I could see myself with. However, a few days ago I went out on a date with a girl (29y.o) that I met via friends and I had an awesome time. The connection was insane and we ended up at her place having the best sex ever(yes there was squirting involved). Fast forward a few days later and I invited her to my birthday bash only to be met with a reply that "I don't think this is a good idea, I had the most amazing time with you but I felt pressured, Its not you its me and I don't know if I want to date anyone at the moment". This came out of nowhere to me since I felt like we had a connection and I'm the most chilled guy ever! My new improved self wished her the best for her and her daughter and said that I respect her decision but I would love to see her more, if you ever change your mind you know where to find me. I'm feeling a little low as it has been a while since I felt this way over a girl and although I changed my attitude on how to behave towards these type of situations it still bothers me. I was just hoping you guys can enlighten me on what went wrong, if there's anything I need to change for future partners etc. Thank you;)
olivetree Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 She probably had fun with you and I'm sure you did nothing wrong. I would take what she said at face value. She is not ready for a relationship. She probably isn't over an ex. The fast intimacy probably made that even more clear to her. 3
Author Greekboy Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 I'm not doubting what she said and by no means I will try to change her mind. We're only responsible for our feelings and actions. However, it is a bummer how I finally had a connection with someone after 2 years and it resulted to the "Its not you its me" type of thing.
smackie9 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 There is someone pulling her out of your orbit.....could be an ex, someone she was seeing, maybe a LDR......her heart belongs with someone else. 3
SevenCity Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 That sucks dude. It's disheartening to go through a pile of crap to find one only to have it fail. I agree, there are likely some external influences at work. Awesome job making her squirt! 1
Author Greekboy Posted July 28, 2017 Author Posted July 28, 2017 That sucks dude. It's disheartening to go through a pile of crap to find one only to have it fail. I agree, there are likely some external influences at work. Awesome job making her squirt! I know man, that's why it got to me. After all this time you find someone interesting and it is due to external variables (albeit ex's, relationship baggage, whatever) that it all falls apart.
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 the "I feel pressured part" probably means she is rebounding or something. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 the "I feel pressured part" probably means she is rebounding or something. She also could be regretting the sex on the first date and feels pressured to jump right into something hot and heavy because of it. 2
Miss Spider Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 Yea maybe she just wanted a roll in the hay or maybe despite 'squirting' there was something about the sex that was off( don't ask me how I know this can happen....).....There is a poster her that says if you should always assume when you sleep with someone in the beginning you'll never see them again and only do it if you're comfortable with that. Sorry this happened!! 1
guest569 Posted July 28, 2017 Posted July 28, 2017 I had a more pessimistic feel and wondered if she does this a lot?
The411 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Hey guys and girls, I hope everyone is doing well. I've posted here a few years ago after a traumatic break-up experience and received amazing feedback. Since then I (28.y.o) have fully recovered and have been the best version of myself getting a distinction for a postgraduate degree and achieving success in my field. Even though I wasn't active on the forum I always kept reading the threads as a reminder to never resort to old ways. This brings me to today. During the past years I've dated (briefly) a lot of amazing girls and even though we shared some intimate moments I never found a person that I could see myself with. However, a few days ago I went out on a date with a girl (29y.o) that I met via friends and I had an awesome time. The connection was insane and we ended up at her place having the best sex ever(yes there was squirting involved). Fast forward a few days later and I invited her to my birthday bash only to be met with a reply that "I don't think this is a good idea, I had the most amazing time with you but I felt pressured, Its not you its me and I don't know if I want to date anyone at the moment". This came out of nowhere to me since I felt like we had a connection and I'm the most chilled guy ever! My new improved self wished her the best for her and her daughter and said that I respect her decision but I would love to see her more, if you ever change your mind you know where to find me. I'm feeling a little low as it has been a while since I felt this way over a girl and although I changed my attitude on how to behave towards these type of situations it still bothers me. I was just hoping you guys can enlighten me on what went wrong, if there's anything I need to change for future partners etc. Thank you;) Doesn't matter ... had sex. But seriously, there are a few things at play here. 1. Never been a big fan of dating single moms and likely that's what is happening here. This girl either just needed some sex or woke up with buyers' remorse and realized that she wasn't ready to introduce you to her kid. Also possible that the father isn't completely out of the picture. Chalk it up to a learning experience. Who know you may get a call from her down the road, but I wouldn't be waiting around.
fred123 Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 Doesn't matter ... had sex. But seriously, there are a few things at play here. 1. Never been a big fan of dating single moms and likely that's what is happening here. This girl either just needed some sex or woke up with buyers' remorse and realized that she wasn't ready to introduce you to her kid. Also possible that the father isn't completely out of the picture. She aint into you. None of this she isnt over her ex crap. Trust me. Next guy she meets probably next week who she is into she wont be saying thqt crap to him trust me. If she really liked you you think a girl would say that to a guy?
Author Greekboy Posted July 29, 2017 Author Posted July 29, 2017 Thanks for your replies people, they are all possible explanations as to what really went down. End of the day it is what it is, it may hurt a little but its just a learning experience. I wish she was honest from the start though, saying I only want sex and what not. It would have made things easier
Robratory Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 it is a bummer how I finally had a connection with someone after 2 years and it resulted to the "Its not you its me" type of thing. Yes, it's a bummer. It sucks. Now, if a 28-year-old sees two years go by without meeting someone he connects with longer than a couple of dates, there's a strong possibility that Seinfeld Syndrome is involved. Jerry was forever dating beautiful women and then rejecting them for insignificant little things. Ask yourself if you're being too picky for your own good. And sex on a first date is always a bad sign. The reason is that most women won't, so when one does, that generally means there's something going on in her life that's making her act out of character. 1
The Urbanyst Posted July 29, 2017 Posted July 29, 2017 A lot of girls these days just want to have fun. Men who take dating, sex and relationships too seriously will repel that type of woman. When you are a man, the less you care the better. When you don't care, you attract all types of women. When you are needy and desperate to be with someone, you repel most people. Ever make a new friend who doesn't give you any space? Its kind of like that. Never chase or rush women in any way. If you don't want the same thing at the same time, consider meeting new women who share your enthusiasm. 1
Author Greekboy Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 Yes, it's a bummer. It sucks. Now, if a 28-year-old sees two years go by without meeting someone he connects with longer than a couple of dates, there's a strong possibility that Seinfeld Syndrome is involved. Jerry was forever dating beautiful women and then rejecting them for insignificant little things. Ask yourself if you're being too picky for your own good. And sex on a first date is always a bad sign. The reason is that most women won't, so when one does, that generally means there's something going on in her life that's making her act out of character. Hey man, thanks for the reply. I was dating a girl for 4-5 months about a year ago so it has gone past just a few dates, it just wasn't strong enough on my side to see a future with her. Can you please elaborate on the Seinfeld Syndrome as I can't find anything online. On what Urbanyst said: Yeah I'm familiar with how push and pull behaviours work but when you're really into someone and you feel like the feelings are reciprocated it all goes out the window. I'm sure you've been there too!
rightondude Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 man I think I'm (almost) there with you, good luck brother. With that said, I'd say tell her how much you enjoyed things, but you don't want to put any pressure on her. You're not going to change her mind with some evidence, she is going to have to come to the realization on her own. It may take some time. Let her know you'll be there, but at the same time not waiting around. Not sure how to best phrase that. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint#post7378039 1
Bastile Posted July 30, 2017 Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) And sex on a first date is always a bad sign. The reason is that most women won't, so when one does, that generally means there's something going on in her life that's making her act out of character. I wouldn't say that it's always a bad sign. One of my best LTR's started with first date sex that she initiated. But that was an exception. Typically I've found that healthy women wanting to LTR will want sex, but put up some sort of resistance to it. It's quite amazing the self-control they have over this. Done in order to control your perception of them, and to protect their feelings. I concern myself with first date sex so little now that I don't even plan for it logistically anymore. I'm not really a "one and done" kind of guy either, and I prefer relationships. I've come to expect a little resistance to sex, tbh. I think it's a bit dodgy when a woman wants to jump straight into your bed on a first date without any. Edited July 30, 2017 by Bastile 1
Author Greekboy Posted July 30, 2017 Author Posted July 30, 2017 (edited) man I think I'm (almost) there with you, good luck brother. With that said, I'd say tell her how much you enjoyed things, but you don't want to put any pressure on her. You're not going to change her mind with some evidence, she is going to have to come to the realization on her own. It may take some time. Let her know you'll be there, but at the same time not waiting around. Not sure how to best phrase that. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/631246-new-forum-looking-another-viewpoint#post7378039 Thanks brother! I think it is kind of late now to say all this, I've already said that if she changes her mind she can text me and I wished her well. There's nothing else to do really and I definitely don't want to initiate contact again. I wouldn't say that it's always a bad sign. One of my best LTR's started with first date sex that she initiated. But that was an exception. Typically I've found that healthy women wanting to LTR will want sex, but put up some sort of resistance to it. It's quite amazing the self-control they have over this. Done in order to control your perception of them, and to protect their feelings. I concern myself with first date sex so little now that I don't even plan for it logistically anymore. I'm not really a "one and done" kind of guy either, and I prefer relationships. I've come to expect a little resistance to sex, tbh. I think it's a bit dodgy when a woman wants to jump straight into your bed on a first date without any. I don't know man, I've had long term relationships that I had to wait for a few dates before sex and others that happened on the first or second date. I don't think its necessarily a case of being a puritan or not but instead acting out on what feels natural. I've never pushed or demanded sex on the first date, everything just naturally unfolded. On a positive note, I'm going out on a date with this awesome writer tonight. Wish me luck Edited July 30, 2017 by Greekboy
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