[UPDATED] Guy went cold/lost interest unexpectedly. Any shot of him coming back?

September 2, 2017

I'm curious to know what thought made you realize that this was not a good idea. It's interesting to read your thoughts sometimes because it seems like you have gone through some changes since time has passed. And by changes, I mean some kind of insight that makes me go, "hmm, interesting." idk if that makes sense.. Maybe I'm just talking out my butt. Anyway, I hope, hope that you don't just ghost the guy, and instead tell him something quick like "it ain't gonna work" or something? That'd be my only suggestion. But if you've already went through a dance like that with him, :shrug: I'd have to catch back up with this thread to give more input, but since you wanna close it, C'est la vie.

yes I am super confused. I feel no longer warm fuzzies about this guy after what happened, his lack o interest, and I dont like that he's in a band. I also don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to date or a relationship or anything it changes from one minute to the next. So I understand how it could look a little all over the place and confusing to place to anyone reading. I will definitely be shooting him a text tomorrow. I've been getting more respectful about that. I haven't thought of what I'm going to say, but I'll figure it out. I think I'm going to say I'm not ready to date which is honest. Thanks, blue This thread can be closed bc this ones done.

Edited September 2, 2017 by Cookiesandough

September 6, 2017

Hi I had a date last night with a guy who blew me off for our first date http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/629791-guy-went-cold-lost-interest-unexpectedly-any-shot-him-coming-back

I was surprised how great it went. I knew I was attracted to him already but convo flowed pretty easy even though he's introverted. We have a lot in common and he wears glasses and have tatts :love:We went for drinks and we both do not drink much but still wound up spending 2 hours there. I paid while he was up so we pinky sweared he'll get the " next one. "

We walked and looked around at a record store. He knew a lot of ppl in town so it was kind of awkward just sitting there while he chatted but otherwise this went smoothly too.

He had told me before our date even that he had to go hang with his friend for nerd night lol(destiny 2 came out at midnight!!) I was totally fine with this because I'm a nerd too. So when he asked me what I wanted to go I played with his necklace coyly and said wanna call it a night. As we hugged he gave me 2! 2! kisses. I felt serious sparks. Panty droppers, those kisses were...

I was still feeling them when he texted me the dated ended too soon

Me: destiny 2>chicks

Him:Lol god I'm lame. But you're really cool, and you're gorgeous, and I want to get to know you better

Me: Lol You're amazingly cool. I had a really fun time and ditto

Him: I will say that I wasn't expecting a kiss, let alone two

Him: What's your Monday night look like next week?

Him: Maybe even Sunday depending on work

Me: me neither :shy emoji: lets shoot for mon

Here is where my question comes in... I'm not sure if I want to go on date 2??? That's why I said "shoot" for date 2. I dunno what's going on. I swear I like him and I'm attracted to him. Could it just be fear? Maybe meeting this guy was a conquest(he was seriously hard to meet). He's been texting me today and I'm giving short answers which I'm sure he can pick up on vs how I was before.

I'm not sure I want to cut it off completely yet. Part of me thinks if I just lay low and fall off the map/stop answering texts/ say I'm busy for a bit maybe he won't notice much since it's been 1 date and I can come back when I'm sure if he's still around. Is that horrible? Should you just let people go even when you like them if you're not sure

September 6, 2017

It keeps being said to you that you need to take time out completely from dating. It really seems that you do not know what you want, and hence the flip-flopping (here and in a couple of your other threads). You tend to get heat on your threads because you are trying to date despite this, and thus pulling other people into your confusion in the process.

We can't work out what is going on inside your head, you'd need a therapist for that (also recommended before). If you really don't feel like going on this second date, then letting the guy know that you realized that you "really aren't ready to date after all" is the right--and honest--thing to do.

September 6, 2017

Go on a second date.

September 6, 2017

. If you really don't feel like going on this second date, then letting the guy know that you realized that you "really aren't ready to date after all" is the right--and honest--thing to do.

Go on a second date.

Thanks so much. Ugghhh I don't know!! I'm so conflicted. I wonder if 2 weeks would be too long to wait for second date so I can think about it or things would fizzle on his end.,

Edited September 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough

September 6, 2017

Hi I had a date last night with a guy who blew me off for our first date http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/629791-guy-went-cold-lost-interest-unexpectedly-any-shot-him-coming-back

I was surprised how great it went. I knew I was attracted to him already but convo flowed pretty easy even though he's introverted. We have a lot in common and he wears glasses and have tatts :love:We went for drinks and we both do not drink much but still wound up spending 2 hours there. I paid while he was up so we pinky sweared he'll get the " next one. "

We walked and looked around at a record store. He knew a lot of ppl in town so it was kind of awkward just sitting there while he chatted but otherwise this went smoothly too.

He had told me before our date even that he had to go hang with his friend for nerd night lol(destiny 2 came out at midnight!!) I was totally fine with this because I'm a nerd too. So when he asked me what I wanted to go I played with his necklace coyly and said wanna call it a night. As we hugged he gave me 2! 2! kisses. I felt serious sparks. Panty droppers, those kisses were...

I was still feeling them when he texted me the dated ended too soon

Me: destiny 2>chicks

Him:Lol god I'm lame. But you're really cool, and you're gorgeous, and I want to get to know you better

Me: Lol You're amazingly cool. I had a really fun time and ditto

Him: I will say that I wasn't expecting a kiss, let alone two

Him: What's your Monday night look like next week?

Him: Maybe even Sunday depending on work

Me: me neither :shy emoji: lets shoot for mon

Here is where my question comes in... I'm not sure if I want to go on date 2??? That's why I said "shoot" for date 2. I dunno what's going on. I swear I like him and I'm attracted to him. Could it just be fear? Maybe meeting this guy was a conquest(he was seriously hard to meet). He's been texting me today and I'm giving short answers which I'm sure he can pick up on vs how I was before.

I'm not sure I want to cut it off completely yet. Part of me thinks if I just lay low and fall off the map/stop answering texts/ say I'm busy for a bit maybe he won't notice much since it's been 1 date and I can come back when I'm sure if he's still around. Is that horrible? Should you just let people go even when you like them if you're not sure

He blew you off for the first date back in June! Three months ago.

I can come back when I'm sure if he's still around. -- Seems to me that was his thought process . . .

You stressed over this guy a ton back in June. You really feel like going through that again? He didn't nail down Monday's date, did he? No specific time or place. So, you're gonna be sitting there waiting and wondering when/if he will confirm, etc.

If he firms things up and you want a second date with him, go on the date. But don't do the whole passive-aggressive "I'm busy" thing to test him.

September 6, 2017

Why do you date? I mean, there must be something that you are trying to accomplish. If you chicken out prior to the 2nd date on a great kisser who seems interested ... what exactly are you dating for?

September 6, 2017

He blew you off for the first date back in June! Three months ago.

I can come back when I'm sure if he's still around. -- Seems to me that was his thought process . . .

You stressed over this guy a ton back in June. You really feel like going through that again? He didn't nail down Monday's date, did he? No specific time or place. So, you're gonna be sitting there waiting and wondering when/if he will confirm, etc.

If he firms things up and you want a second date with him, go on the date. But don't do the whole passive-aggressive "I'm busy" thing to test him.

Thank you!!n You think it would be ok tojust give some time to think about it? The reason I feel bad is we've actually met in person now(we met online) and I don't do that to others usually. + He said he was busy for a week and I immediately blocked him. We reconnected on the app.

After I said shoot for mon he asked what time Monday works for me and I said we can figure it out later. He talked about where we'd go on our date.

September 6, 2017

Thanks so much. Ugghhh I don't know!! I'm so conflicted. I wonder if 2 weeks would be too long to wait for second date so I can think about it or things would fizzle on his end.,

Whether you decide to go on a second date with this guy or decide NOT to, it's fine. But the point of my post is that instead of spinning in your thoughts, you need to *make a choice* and be done with it. And let the guy know in a timely respectful manner.

I'd typically advise to just go on the second date. But you come across so confused, self-protective, and erratic (on here anyway, not sure how you are in real life, not trying to be mean, just honestly presenting relevant information as I see it) that I find myself telling you to just scrap dating altogether.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Imajerk17

September 6, 2017

I'm not sure cptinsano. I think I date to have fun and enjoy sharing my timr with another person but I also like being by myself too. It's so peaceful.

Whether you decide to go on a second date with this guy or decide NOT to, it's fine. But the point of my post is that instead of spinning in your thoughts, you need to *make a choice* and be done with it.

I'd typically advise to just go on the second date. But you come across so confused, self-protective, and erratic (on here anyway not sure how you are in real life, not trying to be mean, just honestly presenting relevant information) that I find myself telling you to just scrap dating altogether.

Thank you! Is two weeks too long? He has to go to a bachelor party this weekend but he gets back SundayZ. I feel like a week at most is as long as you can go or things fizzle out? That's so much pressure.

September 6, 2017

I'm not sure cptinsano. I think I date to have fun and enjoy sharing my timr with another person but I also like being by myself too. It's so peaceful.

Thank you! Is two weeks too long? He has to go to a bachelor party this weekend but he gets back SundayZ. I feel like a week at most is as long as you can go or things fizzle out? That's so much pressure.

It's hard to say if two weeks is too long. If your schedules *naturally* just don't line up until 2 weeks out, and you both keep in touch in the meanwhile, it is often quite doable.

A possible pitfall is that he loses interest thinking you aren't into him (the key word in the above paragraph about schedules not lining up is "*naturally*", he otherwise may be wondering why can't you seem him for two weeks, he gets back on Sunday that's not even 5 days from now). Another possible pitfall is that he meets someone else in the meanwhile.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Imajerk17

September 6, 2017

Cookies! You're doing it again lol.

I think you have a huge fear of getting close to people.

Probably because when you're close someone can really hurt you.

All of this is subconscious though.

You need to work through where this comes from, and also push through these feelings and give people real chances to get in your bubble.

It's the only way to conquer your fear.

Of course this is complicated because sometimes you do need to guard yourself against people that haven't really shown you that they value you.

So just take it slow and try to be aware of what niggling feelings come from fear and what come from your intuition (a more neutral feeling of knowing).

Go on the date!

Sounds like you really had a good time on #1.

September 6, 2017

A possible pitfall is that he loses interest thinking you aren't into him (the key word in the above paragraph about schedules not lining up is "*naturally*", he otherwise may be wondering why can't you seem him for two weeks, he gets back on Sunday that's not even 5 days from now). Another possible pitfall is that he meets someone else in the meanwhile.

That's true... That sucks for me because I don't like to text and I know the amount of space I need sometimes is plenty of time to lose interest/move on/meet someone better. *sigh*

September 6, 2017

Cookies! You're doing it again lol.

I think you have a huge fear of getting close to people.
Probably because when you're close someone can really hurt you.
All of this is subconscious though.

You need to work through where this comes from, and also push through these feelings and give people real chances to get in your bubble.
It's the only way to conquer your fear.

Of course this is complicated because sometimes you do need to guard yourself against people that haven't really shown you that they value you.
So just take it slow and try to be aware of what niggling feelings come from fear and what come from your intuition (a more neutral feeling of knowing).

Go on the date!
Sounds like you really had a good time on #1.

Thank you, olive. I suspect it is subconscious fear. I really don't want to go and I think I will put it off and give an excuse 99% leaning that way. It's just he's coming on really strong now even on our date he was planning next one and telling me about how "you'll meet these guys eventually if you stick around" and it just seemed too much...

And yes because he did blow me off previously it makes matters worse. It put a bad taste in my mouth of what he's capable of like redhead said, but he said he wasn't sure I was me. My pics on app are a bit professional. But so are his?

You know a lot about attachment styles...does that mean I'm an anxious attached? I wasn't neglected by either of my parents, so loved, so I'm confused why? Could it be from being bullied in grade school? Sorry for the tangent. I tried researching but it's over my head.

September 6, 2017

I planned another date today and I'm sooooooo sleepy. I just want to curl in a ball and loveshack and sleep. But I have to go :[ Multi dating is exhausting

September 6, 2017

I'm new on here so I don't know what other threads people are talking about, nor do I care to cite them on this separate one. Hate when people do that!

Anyway, I think maybe you're just scared of putting yourself OUT there! I get it, it's so scary. But you survived the first date, no one died or got hurt right? You're still ok, he's still ok, and in fact he seems so into you already! Maybe you expected more of a rollercoasters of feelings, highs and lows? Those suck. I dated a guy like this, and that adrenaline rush gets OLD FAST.

Give the guy a chance, especially if the kiss was really good. Plus, he will pay this next time, order freaking mozzarella sticks.

September 6, 2017

Thank you, olive. I suspect it is subconscious fear. I really don't want to go and I think I will put it off and give an excuse 99% leaning that way.

It sounds like fear and/or anxiety, which is fairly normal for most people. I remember a lot of second or third dates I wanted to blow off out of fear.

Just go on the date. I totally understand being introverted and wanting to be alone and at home and to not have to go to the effort of dating....but just go on the date if you like the guy. You have nothing to lose. If you are having a terrible time, just cut the date short and go home.

And yes, two weeks is too long. Go on the date with him on Monday.

September 6, 2017

I'm new on here so I don't know what other threads people are talking about, nor do I care to cite them on this separate one. Hate when people do that!

Anyway, I think maybe you're just scared of putting yourself OUT there! I get it, it's so scary. But you survived the first date, no one died or got hurt right? You're still ok, he's still ok, and in fact he seems so into you already! Maybe you expected more of a rollercoasters of feelings, highs and lows? Those suck. I dated a guy like this, and that adrenaline rush gets OLD FAST.

Give the guy a chance, especially if the kiss was really good. Plus, he will pay this next time, order freaking mozzarella sticks.

Thank you, clia and caramelpopcorn!! Yes the roller coaster exciting and addicting but it's also a PITA. You're right.

Clia, your post pushed me over and I think I'm gonna just bite the bullet and go like I'm going to do with this other guy tonight. What to lose? Could be a disaster or could be more fun

Possibly ordering mozzarella sticks lol

Thanks again:)

Edited September 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough

September 6, 2017

I'm happy for you, Cookies. Though I did kind of face-palm when at the end of this really good date, you went, "not sure if I want a second date?" I was just like,"...what? " lol - didn't make sense. But I have a better understanding of your thought-processes now from your previous threads, so I agree with some of the others that say to just go for it. I dug CptInsano's question, and your answer made it clear. Maybe try to keep that in mind - you want to have fun and share your time with someone. That's it. So relax. It's not a pressure thing, it's just about having a good time.

Good luck

September 6, 2017

I suspect it is subconscious fear. ...does that mean I'm an anxious attached?

No, avoidant. To the extreme it would seem. You go on dates, finally find connection and attraction, the very reason people date, and you're acting like he's a serial killer. You're trying to sabotage it by pushing away. It seems like you mostly want to be pursued, without being caught.

September 6, 2017

Thank you, olive. I suspect it is subconscious fear. I really don't want to go and I think I will put it off and give an excuse 99% leaning that way. It's just he's coming on really strong now even on our date he was planning next one and telling me about how "you'll meet these guys eventually if you stick around" and it just seemed too much...

And yes because he did blow me off previously it makes matters worse. It put a bad taste in my mouth of what he's capable of like redhead said, but he said he wasn't sure I was me. My pics on app are a bit professional. But so are his?

You know a lot about attachment styles...does that mean I'm an anxious attached? I wasn't neglected by either of my parents, so loved, so I'm confused why? Could it be from being bullied in grade school? Sorry for the tangent. I tried researching but it's over my head.

Could this be from being bullied? Absolutely.

I am not sure what your attachment style is.

If you actually desire closeness but run away from it, I would guess you're fearful-avoidant.

If you have a strong urge to run/push someone away when they get close, it's just fear.

The first thing you have to do is be conscious of it.

Tell yourself - this is just fear.

Next, tell the other person what you need.

If you need to go slow, say so.

Maybe that means keeping it to one date a week to start till you're ready for more.

If he's not cool with that, next him.

September 6, 2017

Whether you decide to go on a second date with this guy or decide NOT to, it's fine. But the point of my post is that instead of spinning in your thoughts, you need to *make a choice* and be done with it. And let the guy know in a timely respectful manner.

I'd typically advise to just go on the second date. But you come across so confused, self-protective, and erratic (on here anyway, not sure how you are in real life, not trying to be mean, just honestly presenting relevant information as I see it) that I find myself telling you to just scrap dating altogether.

I agree with imajerk. I'd tell you to go typically too since you had fun and why not but for such a seemingly together person (as evidenced by your advice on other people's threads) when it comes to yourself, there is a tremendous amount of fear. I'm not exactly sure of what but it needs sorting out.

I honestly don't believe you will find happiness from dating at the moment with the way you flip flop and panic regarding yourself dating now. I think it will take longer than two weeks and require a professional to help you through whatever you are going through but it's needed. You're a cool girl; it'd be a shame if you couldn't just date in a straightforward way to find the best guy for you. In the meantime you are going to drive away good people and self-sabotage every step of the way in your current state. I'm afraid the way you characterize the aftermath will hurt you more than help you by pressing forward with dating--it "appears" like it already has otherwise you wouldn't waffle as much. Good luck

September 6, 2017

I honestly don't believe you will find happiness from dating at the moment with the way you flip flop and panic regarding yourself dating now. I think it will take longer than two weeks and require a professional to help you through whatever you are going through but it's needed. You're a cool girl; it'd be a shame if you couldn't just date in a straightforward way to find the best guy for you. In the meantime you are going to drive away good people and self-sabotage every step of the way in your current state. I'm afraid the way you characterize the aftermath will hurt you more than help you by pressing forward with dating--it "appears" like it already has otherwise you wouldn't waffle as much. Good luck

I agree with the above

No way would diving into dating resolve these deep rooted issues

I think dating will only set you back until you sort everything out

I feel like you're only digging the hole deeper by continuing to date

You're like one of my best friends, she is with this awful guy that cheats on her, degrades her etc etc. And I'm torn because a part of me wants to be a friend and support her because she loves him but the other part of me wants to smack some sense into her until she wakes up. I dont know whether or not to co-sign her BS... same with you Cookies

I dont see anything ending well in your dating life until you seek professional help and have some success in sorting your issues out

Xoxo Cookies

September 6, 2017

Why do women fall for band/music guys,lol. Where you go bands/music-there's women everywhere for the band. If there's a cantina, guys pulls out guitar and the women just go around. Very interesting and puzzling.

September 7, 2017

Ty I will research avoidant. I never thought of that.

Ty Versace and dis, you guys are kind. And you are right, I need a lot of work before I can seriously date, but I just want Casual atm so how much harm can come? Just want someone to go out with and share some laughs and kisses. Shiiild be no problem. I hope your friend gets out of the situation, Dis...that does not sound good x

Ty fasthands I only like Him bc he is sweet, cute, wears glasses, and plays video games.

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[UPDATED] Guy went cold/lost interest unexpectedly. Any shot of him coming back?

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