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[UPDATED] Guy went cold/lost interest unexpectedly. Any shot of him coming back?

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
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fmfan08 Established Member

fmfan08

Posted
Posted

I remember three months ago you gave me some great advice which helped me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/622175-not-sure-what-s-going-regarding-3rd-date-what-do-you-think-4.html#post7296930

 

I get it's hard when you felt you connected with someone, but it's better to just let go, let be, and not think too much. If they come around, great. But if they can't see how awesome you are, they just aren't the person for you.

 

And now I have found a girl I have met 10 or so times in the last month who's infatuated with me, shares so many interests and it's like I've met my soulmate.

 

An interested person makes it SO easy to meet you.

 

Forget about him and meet someone new, you'll be laughing by the end of the year :p

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
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Posted
I remember three months ago you gave me some great advice which helped me: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/622175-not-sure-what-s-going-regarding-3rd-date-what-do-you-think-4.html#post7296930

 

 

 

And now I have found a girl I have met 10 or so times in the last month who's infatuated with me, shares so many interests and it's like I've met my soulmate.

 

An interested person makes it SO easy to meet you.

 

Forget about him and meet someone new, you'll be laughing by the end of the year :p

 

Thank you so much :) I'm so happy for you.

 

That's a lot easier to apply when you behave like an awesome person or at least a consistent one. I can't not send mixed messages to people.

 

I honestly do better with emotionally unavailable men until I fall in love with them or something. I fit better with that lvl of commitment but even they don't wanna put up with me. Sorry for the pity party I'm throwing but I think you'd have to have a roo loose and the emotional capacity of a Vulcan to want to put up with my bs

 

 

I did block and delete. Another one bites dust.

 

Thanks again and grats!!

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

"Dating shouldn't be so hard"? Take a look at just one of your descriptions/interpretations of this dating situation below

 

Yeah you're 100% right...I guess it did.

 

I really don't like relying on text messaging other than to communicate succinct, necessary info quickly. I just can't deal with back and forth convos. It has to end somewhere.

 

And he could really still be busy because from allllllll the damn info he gave me. Apparently he works, but he's playing in some band and has some other one that is his main and they're going into the studio soon, so I'm sure he is busy.

 

The reason I feel strung along is that I only "talk"/flirt with one guy at a time. I don't like talking /flirting with different guys in my phone at once so once I see potential going somewhere with one I focus on that one. If they aren't into it I'd like to know as soon as they know, but of course that rarely happens, so have to rely on other indicators.

 

I didn't feel like meeting Saturday and I didn't know for 100% until Sunday I wanted to see him Monday either. I think we both just weren't into each other enough... OH WELL

 

Thank you

 

Here's my take on just what you wrote above. All problematic on your end (actually when you conveyed this guys convo with you after you basically dissed him, he was remarkably cool; seemed like a positive guy with amazingly still some interest.

 

*You don't like to text. Well, do you tell this this or expect them to mind read this info. Also how do you make up for this preference of yours--do you call? It seems like an unnecessary rule (and considering it is how most flirtations, dating is starting out, puts you at a disadvantage somewhat compared to other girls who don't mind it/like it). Also it seems like you take a negative stance with this and your other rules. And you also don't communicate your preferences. So you are neither presenting yourself in the best light (coming off with negativity rarely works and seems uptight in whichever way) nor do you provide a solution, such as telling the guy or taking matters into your own hands (like call him a bit after you receive a text from him and turn it into a date). Most guys would probably appreciate that if you don't create misunderstandings & come across as positive and self-assured, confident. I don't think you are doing any of those things based on what you have said here.

 

Second paragraph, you now are going over info in your head and admit it's possible he could be busy. Ok, why the block and delete then? Even if you are not that into him, it's a bit unnecessary and extreme. It's not only what will happen with this guy but also the information as to how you are going to characterize these interactions in your head after the fact. You are doing damage to yourself with extreme reactions and jumping the gun. This probably would contribute to your beliefs about yourself as it relates to guys and your belief that dating is hard. (you make it harder than it has to be, let's be honest, sorry).

 

You feel strung along completely based on stuff in your own head and YOUR OWN preferences to only date or talk to one guy at a time. Not enough real info based on this guy "stringing you along". He hasn't done anything like that to you AT ALL. So what i hear when you say this and the other times you mentioned it in this thread is that you want a guy to have an immediate answer about how he feels about you. If I read it right, you didn't even have a one real date!! Give a guy (and yourself) a chance. Not everyone falls in love the same way, same timeframe. I highly suspect even you in that timeframe is in love or wanting/needing to commit to one person, other than some arbitrary rule you have decided in your head. Also revisit talking to just one guy at a time! You are putting too much pressure on him/yourself to figure it out immediately. Also it's a numbers game, you are shortchanging yourself. Plus with these persnickety ways, you need more numbers anyway :)

 

"if they aren't into it". Please god tell me you don't say that to any guy. That kind of statement from a guy or a girl is almost a sure NOT into it or fade or ghost. Who says that? The base of a statement like that is a presumption that they wouldn't be into it. Work on positivity and self-esteem. Any statement like that screams low self-esteem as well as clingy & pushing for a relationship based on nothing. This statement however you express it or even if it is your motivating unsaid factor will doom your relationships. Just try to go to have fun. The right things will fall into place if you can do that.

 

So you rely on other indicators. Like I said in my previous post: they are all in your head. You are misinterpreting the events of this debacle. There are lots of presumptions and assumptions and no real communication. To be honest, it would really be a bit too soon to have a communication about "where is this going" but still. Communication has been poor (due to you IMO). Rely on other indicators at this point??? For what??? It hasn't even been one date. One meet up and some flirty texting, right? Slow down, relax, enjoy the ride. If it's fun, and he's been respectful and you are attracted to him--those are the basics. Don't think further than that. Check your anxiety and pushing at the door.

 

The last paragraph? I can't even. You are the one wavering all over the place. A relationship is a fluid thing. If you want him to remain interested, be interesting and interested. The wavering, flakiness and one-sided-ness won't get you far.

 

Constructive criticism. I think it's excellent to learn from your own real life examples. This is a good one if you are having problems dating. You have to bring better of yourself to the table if you want to find and take care of a good relationship. It starts with you. Good luck.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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*You don't like to text. Well, do you tell this this or expect them to mind read this info. Also how do you make up for this preference of yours--do you call? .

 

Versacehottie, you nailed it. I don't know what to do, though! I did tell one guy I was interested in that I was not a good texter( He's the one who I stole the "did I do something wrong? :(" line from.. Like you said, it's horrible, but it melted me and it appears to have guilt tripped this guy enough to at least respond) I don't like chatting with potential love interests,period, most days. Irl, phone, text, doesn't matter. They grill you, ask extremely personal questions, all up in your business and expect lovey doveyness in the beginning

 

With this guy, I would not respond for a day but as soon as I text back a couple seconds later "..." Didn't matter when. I'm thinking "wth? He doesn't expect me to do that right" That's not even practical. It made me feel a lot of pressure. This is why I hate cellular phones.

 

And why I don't multidate. Not because I'm an angel, but because it's hard for me to find guys I'm interested and vice versa and also I would end up snapping if I had to be interrogated by/entertain/keep the ball rolling with more than one man. One man is more than enough for me. And I try to get a day or two reprieve, I'm cold. Is this what dating is? I can't cope. The happiest moment I have in a convo with guys I'm dating is when I say" k well talk you later. have a great day/week :)"and they say "you too" and I know I'm off the hook for a bit. I was considering ghosting the guy so I didn't have to go on a date with him because the thought filled me with so much dread. But at the same time I desperately want a connection with a guy!!!

 

 

My strategy was (i played games) : Be super nice/fun/friendly but keep it very short, then drop off the map for a day or two and if I'm nice and fun enough he will not mind if I postpone seeing him. He will wait and it will build tension. It didn't work. It could not have worked less.

 

 

 

 

Thank you. I will take your advice and try to chill and tell the next guy I don't like to text much. Or something :(

bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

Posted
Posted

You say

I have this policy not to take ghosts back because it screams immature...

then say

I was considering ghosting the guy...

 

Your game is lies and hypocrisy. A good man with self-respect can see right through that bs.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Hey I thought about it. Can't a girl fantasize?

 

But yeah yeah you're right. I'm forever alone :(

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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If you'd stop playing the victim, and actually took the valuable advice many people have given you in your many threads, you'd see improvement.

 

As far as I can see, you have not done anything suggested in previous threads.

 

What's your objective in dating? Because it sure doesn't seem to be actually finding a partner. It's more like a power game to you, and you constantly seek out ways to position yourself as the wronged party. Unfortunately for you, most men will see through it and move on to someone who is more mature and ready.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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OP, while it may seem like a power trip from our view of your thread history, I am venturing to say that what you do is called self-sabotage. You want and need a partner, but for some reason, you fear that at the same time on a deeper level. So, you create impossible/unrealistic expectations to set yourself up for failure. And, you do things to test them -- and if/when they don't pass the test on your very narrow rules, you will cut them out thus preventing the opportunity for them to hurt you.

 

It's a push-push pull, hot-cold scenario and that is a typical trait of people who fear intimacy. I don't know what your life history is, but given your thread history, this theory is not a stretch.

 

My point is, you may want to visit a therapist and review your thread history with them. You really need some guidance. The more you put yourself through these veiled and failed dating attempts, the more you compound the problem for yourself. Stop dating for a while. Give yourself that emotional break.

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Versacehottie, you nailed it. I don't know what to do, though! I did tell one guy I was interested in that I was not a good texter( He's the one who I stole the "did I do something wrong? :(" line from.. Like you said, it's horrible, but it melted me and it appears to have guilt tripped this guy enough to at least respond) I don't like chatting with potential love interests,period, most days. Irl, phone, text, doesn't matter. They grill you, ask extremely personal questions, all up in your business and expect lovey doveyness in the beginning

 

With this guy, I would not respond for a day but as soon as I text back a couple seconds later "..." Didn't matter when. I'm thinking "wth? He doesn't expect me to do that right" That's not even practical. It made me feel a lot of pressure. This is why I hate cellular phones.

 

And why I don't multidate. Not because I'm an angel, but because it's hard for me to find guys I'm interested and vice versa and also I would end up snapping if I had to be interrogated by/entertain/keep the ball rolling with more than one man. One man is more than enough for me. And I try to get a day or two reprieve, I'm cold. Is this what dating is? I can't cope. The happiest moment I have in a convo with guys I'm dating is when I say" k well talk you later. have a great day/week :)"and they say "you too" and I know I'm off the hook for a bit. I was considering ghosting the guy so I didn't have to go on a date with him because the thought filled me with so much dread. But at the same time I desperately want a connection with a guy!!!

 

 

My strategy was (i played games) : Be super nice/fun/friendly but keep it very short, then drop off the map for a day or two and if I'm nice and fun enough he will not mind if I postpone seeing him. He will wait and it will build tension. It didn't work. It could not have worked less.

 

 

 

 

Thank you. I will take your advice and try to chill and tell the next guy I don't like to text much. Or something :(

 

Well thank you. Apologies to everyone for a ton of punctuation and other sorts of mistakes in my post. (I was on a tear!). Honestly, I don't understand why you do this to yourself, OP.

 

Like Expat said, do you really want a relationship? It actually doesn't seem like it from your dating behavior. You don't have to say it here on this thread but did something serious happen to you? Along with Redhead's supposition--there are elements where it seems like it. I think you can attempt to hide it but it's manifesting itself in elements of your behavior if so, like she said it seems like self-sabotage.

 

Your photo is pretty. You really should have no problem getting asked out. That said, it's not enough to keep things going.

 

So how are you getting these dates? From apps or online. I think the way you are in dating that is a huge mistake for you. You are treating people like they are disposable and at the same time want a really quick connection but doing nothing to foster it. Actually you are sabotaging attempts to get closer in reality with your rules, dating preferences, fickleness and assumptions, bad communication, unrealistic expectations and extreme reactions. I kinda remember your other threads but not exactly--I do remember you keep searching and stalling out right at the very beginning.

 

Ok to respond to the above. Telling a guy you are not a good texter is a start but probably not enough. Snooze, boring, negative. That's what I hear if someone were to tell me that. What do you do to "make up" for that fact? You need to communicate to build a connection sooooooo being that your preference stops attempts at communication what are you going to do to continue communication & present yourself in the best light? You have to call to show interest and get a date set so you can talk in person to build a connection. You can't just say "i don't like texting or am a bad texter" period. That's a buzzkill. You have to pick up where your preference leaves off and bridge the gap, which would mean you return a text with a phone call. Just keep it short but fun and enthusiastic (in your way). If it's feeling like an interview because you are mainly meeting guys from the internet than it's up to you to CONTROL the situation a bit better rather than sabotage it. Don't let it be an interview or long winded discussion. Keep it in present and jump around subjects. Also keep it short and give them what you both want--just wrap it up by saying so when are we going to meet up or something of that nature. You've got to find ways to turn your particularities into a win-win for you and the guy. If you don't like to talk that much in person, well then we've got a problem--maybe you just don't want to really date. Trust me, when a text or phone call or long conversation comes from someone you like it's usually exciting or welcomed!!!

 

I think you'd do better meeting guys through friends or similar activities. More of a slow build. Something build on REAL emotions not arbitrary time tables and unrealistic expectations. A real connection.

 

"did i do something wrong" in context could be ok and better especially if you hear tone of voice--yes that could be melting. In the context you used it when you didn't get a quick enough reply (what was that maybe 3-4 hours) and on shaky ground with this guy (because of your fickleness) was awful.

 

Potential love interests expecting lovey dovey ness well that would be inauthentic. I don't think you are obligated to do that and I wouldn't. (This guy didn't seem like he did that though right? You just wrote him off for other reasons). So yeah I agree and wouldn't be doing lovey dovey ness either on text or phone before that connection had ACTUALLY developed. You can still be playful, interested, enthusiastic and most importantly POSITIVE and CONFIDENT.

 

I just have to say though you can't expect a guy to know WHERE he wants things to go with you if you don't ALLOW a connection to develop in SOME way. I couldn't be fake either. My solution would be to make sure we have in person dates together so there would be a chance for that. If he couldn't do it as fast as I would like, it would:

a) not bother me if I didn't "feel" something for him yet (so slower dating would be ok)

b) caring enough that I would compromise what I would like with what time frame of dates he was offering. At beginning, for a busy guy, 1-2 times per week seems like a fair compromise. You can't expect to be a total priority to a worthy guy because he will have other stuff going on (same should apply to you).

 

What I bolded makes it sound like you want a boyfriend for some checklist but you do NOT want one in reality. You don't want to actually talk to them, be connected or go out with them. What else is there??? You know how crazy that sounds. It's fine that you don't want to be obligated to be full on right away but then you can't be the one pushing for assurances, looking for signs and feeling dissed before a first real date. It's like you want this person (whoever it is) in your back pocket to whip out when you have a momentary need for a boyfriend. Ugh. Not gonna work. Typically a bit of space reels a guy in. I think you are doing so much wrong & so much inconsistent behavior & disinterest that they lose interest almost immediately.

 

Lastly, talking to ONE guy at a time from what I can see must mean via internet is a JOKE. You gotta loosen up. They aren't doing that and it's a bad percentage game. You haven't even tested the connection or longevity potential. I could support that more if these were real guys that you met in person through friends or real life stuff and had been on at least two dates with. That's traction and then your rule would have some basis and be grounded in reality. Through internet guys, it absolutely does not. It's just silly. If it overwhelms you, you are not ready to date.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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OP, while it may seem like a power trip from our view of your thread history, I am venturing to say that what you do is called self-sabotage. You want and need a partner, but for some reason, you fear that at the same time on a deeper level. So, you create impossible/unrealistic expectations to set yourself up for failure. And, you do things to test them -- and if/when they don't pass the test on your very narrow rules, you will cut them out thus preventing the opportunity for them to hurt you.

 

It's a push-push pull, hot-cold scenario and that is a typical trait of people who fear intimacy. I don't know what your life history is, but given your thread history, this theory is not a stretch.

 

My point is, you may want to visit a therapist and review your thread history with them. You really need some guidance. The more you put yourself through these veiled and failed dating attempts, the more you compound the problem for yourself. Stop dating for a while. Give yourself that emotional break.

 

 

 

Thank you. Yes this is so right. Esp how I sabotage it.. & expat and versacehottie, ty. I appreciate it. I was emotionally abused in a past rship, so I guess I have some baggage. Maybe control is a better word than power. Romantic rship take a lot of vulnerability and early on, it makes me so uncomfortable, it's almost not worth it. I'm always thinking "why would this person want to hang out with me/talk to me, he could be with any other girl" and I do things to sabotage or push them away. I typically fade out and block them before the third date or they lose interest. I desperately want a connection/bf though.Thanks.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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You can't just get a "connection". Healthy serious relationships are built on intimacy, honesty, and trust. That means you spend time with someone, share your vulnerabilities with them and protect theirs, and work together to communicate in an effective way. It's like caring for a plant. You can't just buy it; it's a thing you nurture and invest in.

 

I am pulling for you, but I haven't seen any indication that you're emotionally mature enough for an adult relationship. You are still using people to ease your pain and feed your ego, and the second you aren't being actively validated you act out. That isn't healthy. In a real relationship you will have a partner who occasionally tells you things you don't want to hear, who will sometimes drive you up the wall, and need sacrifices like taking time off to bring him to doctor's appointments. Are you willing to do this? Can you be comfortable when everything isn't about you?

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I am. I wanna add I never met this person face to face. I was at the show with him when he was there. He said "again" so I don't know if he meant sarcastically or off in a distance. We met online. Thanks, all. I've blocked/deleted so the storty is closed.

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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I really have no idea why you have blocked/deleted a guy you seemed to like. I guess block/delete takes any pressure off you but it also removes a possible connection. You were completely erratic and confusing to him so he may have backed off a bit, but that does not mean he had completely given up. It seems the minute a guy shows interest, you panic. I can understand that feeling but it prevents you forming a real connection. Until you both know each other better, it is superficial. It seems you feel trapped very easily.

 

What kind of connection do you want with a guy? If you know, just tell them upfront then they know what to expect.

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olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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I am. I wanna add I never met this person face to face. I was at the show with him when he was there. He said "again" so I don't know if he meant sarcastically or off in a distance. We met online. Thanks, all. I've blocked/deleted so the storty is closed.

 

Cookies, girl, you're leaving the most important details out of your opening post!

 

The fact that you've never really met should answer your original question / thread title.

 

You've not built any sort of relationship other than an online/text one so I highly doubt he will be back around after your wishy-washy behaviour, at least not looking for anything serious.

 

However, I don't see the need to block him.

People seem to block everyone and their dog on LS.

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SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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Your really need therapy. You are struggling with uncontrollable behaviors and self sabotaging yet are surprised at the results (or lack there of).

 

All the posting in the world will not allow you to overcome this.

 

Therapy will help you get to the bottom of your issues and at least recognize why you are doing it.

 

You are not in a position to date and any RL you manage to get into will end in pain (for you or him).

 

Go get some help so you can have a healthy relationship.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Your really need therapy. You are struggling with uncontrollable behaviors and self sabotaging yet are surprised at the results (or lack there of).

 

All the posting in the world will not allow you to overcome this.

 

Therapy will help you get to the bottom of your issues and at least recognize why you are doing it.

 

You are not in a position to date and any RL you manage to get into will end in pain (for you or him).

 

Go get some help so you can have a healthy relationship.

 

All of the above.

 

I also had an abusive relationship in the past. I had to deal with the fallout before attempting to date again. You really need to do the same, because at this point, your unpredictable and inconsiderate behaviour is affecting other people.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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But yeah yeah you're right. I'm forever alone :(

 

If this is what you really want then this speaks it into existence.

 

Plenty of people here have given you solid advice which you rebuff at every turn because of pride, which goes before destruction (and the haughty spirit before the fall).

 

If you don't care to learn to do better, then you have to learn to be satisfied with and not complain about what you won't rise above; in your case, that is machining outcomes to bring about being forever alone.

 

You do have the power to change this; question is: do you have the will, discipline and bravery to do it?

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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and the haughty spirit before the fall -- This is dissociation -- her coping mechanism that allows her to do what she does and carry on. False bravado.

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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

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All this seems like nit picking and armchair psycho analysis.....no disrespect to anyone, just my opinion..

 

You didn't kick him in the nuts or push his granny down a flight of stairs...Guys who are sincerely interested wouldn't have let one day get in his way...especially after you then reached out to him..

 

Unless there are more details, or I missed something, he wasn't that interested....Period...

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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All this seems like nit picking and armchair psycho analysis.....

All this seems like nit picking and armchair psycho analysis.....no disrespect to anyone, just my opinion..

 

You didn't kick him in the nuts or push his granny down a flight of stairs...Guys who are sincerely interested wouldn't have let one day get in his way...especially after you then reached out to him..

 

Unless there are more details, or I missed something, he wasn't that interested....Period...

 

TFY

 

ROFL! This whole site is nothing but armchair psychoanalysis!

 

He's not here writing about her--she's writing about what she did to self sabotage on something she claims she wants.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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All this seems like nit picking and armchair psycho analysis.....no disrespect to anyone, just my opinion..

 

You didn't kick him in the nuts or push his granny down a flight of stairs...Guys who are sincerely interested wouldn't have let one day get in his way...especially after you then reached out to him..

 

Unless there are more details, or I missed something, he wasn't that interested....Period...

 

TFY

 

no disrespect to anyone - None taken.

 

armchair psycho analysis - I/we can never say with any certainty that our views/opinions are spot on without ever having met the OP or interviewing/profiling. However, I am giving insight based on her entire thread history and further pointing out possibilities/likelihoods even after her own admission that she, herself, sees/understands about herself while sitting in my almost $400K armchair ($ spent so far on education in psychiatry/psychology.) But, again, I will reiterate that I cannot and do not give diagnoses, only my personal opinions about what I read here and sometimes see hallmark queues about what may be going on.

 

Nevertheless, the truth is, yeah, this guy and others may simply have not been interested enough at least. But, she really hasn't given them much opportunity to proceed because she frequently plays a game with them and they fail to meet her stringent rules.

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OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

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He did try to set up a date with me for Saturday and asked me what I wanted to do and I never got back to him.>.< so he asked me to the show Friday. Then on the next morning he asked when we could meet again, and I told him (lie) I would be out of town all day but wouldn't give details when he asked because it was a bald faced lie

 

 

I just didn't feel like going out that day :(

 

Then I didn't respond to his question until Sunday night.

 

Is it unreasonable I feel I messed up a bit or that shouldn't have deterred him?

 

 

If a girl did that with me, she'd never hear from me again, but long before all of those rejections.

 

You are showing signs of being emotionally unavailable. Only moving forward when he pulls back, and pulling back when he moves forward. That sort of behavior when done by men, is probably more frequently ''successful'', but I think men react to it differently when women do it.

 

Your thread title '' Guy went cold/lost interest unexpectedly. Any shot of him coming back?''

 

What is unexpected about a guy that was rejected so many times deciding no longer to invest his time?

 

You need to start being honest with yourself. There may also be a reason why you went for a guy that is likely to have little alone time with you. If you think you aren't emotionally unavailable, read the book ''Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl'' and you will see that a lot may apply to yourself even if they talk about men more.

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Posted
and the haughty spirit before the fall -- This is dissociation -- her coping mechanism that allows her to do what she does and carry on. False bravado.

 

Such a great point, Redhead & Kendahke about the false bravado!! I mean, the last post from the OP stunned me. After all of this discussion on this thread (and others), she wraps it up like "i blocked and deleted so story over". ROTFLMO for this one. Story not over. The "story" is not about this guy, it's about you OP and the way you interact with guys. No longer getting contact from this guy is not your problem & simple proud resolution. Wouldn't it be nice if we could solve all of our problems with a block and delete??? I would hope you learned something from all of this, which you seemed to acknowledge and then jumped right back on the bravado horse! Idk i see that this cycle will just keep repeating itself over and over. Not to mention that as the entire story was coming out in bits and pieces, there is a fair amount of delusion involved as well.

 

Sorry Fool, you're right lots of armchair analysis on this site--like someone said pretty much the entire forum is about that. No surprise or anything special that it is occurring here. In fact, this thread has less of it than I would expect and than is probably warranted. Doesn't take a psychologist to recognize that there is something off with her dating stuff. Common sense.

 

Idk Cookies, you give good advice to others that i've seen on other threads. It can be a lot harder to do yourself right--however, it's the most important thing. Be honest with yourself. I don't think this is working for you.

  • Like 6
Bastile Established Member

Bastile

Posted
Posted
she wraps it up like "i blocked and deleted so story over". ROTFLMO for this one. Story not over. The "story" is not about this guy, it's about you OP

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

That's literally how I view every dating experience that I have too. Think it's the best way to view things.

 

How on earth is someone supposed to improve at anything without learning from their experiences?

 

 

Sorry Fool, you're right lots of armchair analysis on this site--like someone said pretty much the entire forum is about that. No surprise or anything special that it is occurring here. In fact, this thread has less of it than I would expect and than is probably warranted. Doesn't take a psychologist to recognize that there is something off with her dating stuff. Common sense.

 

Eh, see that for what it is. Someone trying to be "too cool for school", whilst hypocritically giving their own analyisis (which was a cop-out, imo).

 

 

Idk Cookies, you give good advice to others that i've seen on other threads. It can be a lot harder to do yourself right--however, it's the most important thing. Be honest with yourself. I don't think this is working for you.

 

She's smart, and she knows exactly the situation. I read a post she made elsewhere.

 

She's choosing not to engage in that discussion, for whatever reason. Which is up to her.

  • Like 3
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted

 

Listen, even if you pulled away initially, most men, if they're seriously into you, won't let something like that stop them from trying again and again...

 

And if he's one of these men who becomes disheartened so quickly, then that should tell you what you're in for with this guy. He will be a challenge because it will all feel like an endless game of push and pull.

 

This theme that seems so prevalent on LS where each aphorism begins with, "if they're seriously into you..." followed by a little nugget of universal truth that defines all male behavior, well, it just cracks me up.

 

Firstly, what if he's NOT seriously into her... is that an automatic discard? Maybe she's seriously into him! Maybe he assessed the flakiness accurately and he's better at it than she is. Maybe he's a guy with options and won't chase skirt like a dog in heat. Maybe he's cool enough to lay back and let her go through the spin cycle until she's ready to get real.

 

What's a gal to do with a guy who won't play by womenz rules... when he's got what she wants and the tables are turned?

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