Not sure what's going on regarding 3rd date. What do you think?

[fmfan08]

Met this great girl on POF and we immediately hit it off over messaging and text. We met up for the first date, which she had to postpone to the weekend due to a family emergency. We then had our second date and she continued texting me in an eager way still, so I assumed things were going well.

 

She would initiate like 75% of the time. In the past week I've started like 2 conversations and she's started about 6 or 7. Twice on some days. She always asks me questions, how my day is going, uses a lit of emoticons/emojis and laughs at my jokes.

 

We had a date arranged for late Tuesday but she had to postpone due to her work placement.

 

Just a little confused as she asked me if I'm free at the weekend, then tells me she'll get back to me about Sunday but she cannot do Saturday. As you can see from the pictures, she gets back in touch with me but not about Sunday.

 

I'm not reaching out again, especially if she initiates contact with me a lot already. I'd guess that would continue.

 

What do you think?

Edited April 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed personal identifying info

[Knix]

After looking at the messages, I would think that she is still interested... but because she keeps having reasons to cancel on you, I would say she's playing games.

 

If someone genuinely wants to spend time with you, they will make the time. She can tell her friends she already has plans with you or go to a later yoga class/ meet you for lunch after her interview... make sense? She could MAKE time...she's just stringing you along in my opinion.

 

My guess is that she is probably seeing multiple guys... and that's okay because you're just dating, but if I were you I would pull back on the texting. Text her only to make plans. If she keeps canceling than move on, your time is valuable too.

 

 

Best of luck!

[fmfan08]

After looking at the messages, I would think that she is still interested... but because she keeps having reasons to cancel on you, I would say she's playing games.

 

If someone genuinely wants to spend time with you, they will make the time. She can tell her friends she already has plans with you or go to a later yoga class/ meet you for lunch after her interview... make sense? She could MAKE time...she's just stringing you along in my opinion.

 

My guess is that she is probably seeing multiple guys... and that's okay because you're just dating, but if I were you I would pull back on the texting. Text her only to make plans. If she keeps canceling than move on, your time is valuable too.

 

 

Best of luck!

 

Yeah definitely playing games. Not had a reply yet but I guess because she's at her work placement until evening. Let's say she is seeing other guys, I can't be that good if she is putting plans with others first. Then again there's no evidence that she is because she seems to tag herself at locations with friends that she goes to, even our dates she did and she has only added one other guy on there since meeting me (who looks like an old work colleague who's married with a family). She's also never shown an "online now" status on POF either since our first date two weeks ago and I've been on there regularly every day so she hasn't used it.

 

It does take her 25-30 minutes to drive to the city centre though, so that with getting ready then having to travel back might be a bit late for her. We can't meet after her interview on Wednesday as I'm working late all week.

 

But there's definitely mind games going on. Part of me just wants to leave it and hope she gets in touch because everyday when I haven't texted her, she'll always text me wondering what I'm up to. The other part of me wants to call her out on it and tell i'm going to leave it etc but that might seem emotional etc, although she did say to me it's okay for guys to be emotional when we joked about something.

 

She's sent me two drunk texts within the last week as well.

 

Guess I'll wait it out, my gut says she's probably met someone on a night out. We'll soon know because we'll get silence then an explosion of interest once it doesn't work out for her.

Edited April 25, 2017 by fmfan08

[smackie9]

Go out on a date with someone else.....don't sit at home because she can't get her $%%& together.

[Knix]

Yeah definitely playing games. Not had a reply yet but I guess because she's at her work placement until evening. Let's say she is seeing other guys, I can't be that good if she is putting plans with others first. Then again there's no evidence that she is because she seems to tag herself at locations with friends that she goes to, even our dates she did and she has only added one other guy on there since meeting me (who looks like an old work colleague who's married with a family). She's also never shown an "online now" status on POF either since our first date two weeks ago and I've been on there regularly every day so she hasn't used it.

 

It does take her 25-30 minutes to drive to the city centre though, so that with getting ready then having to travel back might be a bit late for her. We can't meet after her interview on Wednesday as I'm working late all week.

 

But there's definitely mind games going on. Part of me just wants to leave it and hope she gets in touch because everyday when I haven't texted her, she'll always text me wondering what I'm up to. The other part of me wants to call her out on it and tell i'm going to leave it etc but that might seem emotional etc, although she did say to me it's okay for guys to be emotional when we joked about something.

 

She's sent me two drunk texts within the last week as well.

 

Guess I'll wait it out, my gut says she's probably met someone on a night out. We'll soon know because we'll get silence then an explosion of interest once it doesn't work out for her.

 

I wouldn't invest so much energy into who she is seeing/talking to/etc. That's just going to make you paranoid.

 

 

There's a great chance that she's talking to other guys, it's normal to date around-- you're not in a committed relationship and that is her right, but if she keeps making plans with you and canceling, she's just wasting your time. Again, pull back-- talk to other people on the dating sites if you'd like, just take your mind off of her. It's best to get a thick skin on these dating sites because everyone has a lot of options and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Just relax and see what happens.

[fmfan08]

Go out on a date with someone else.....don't sit at home because she can't get her $%%& together.

 

I'm going out with a mate later to watch the EXACT movie we supposed to be seeing, might tag myself on Facebook showing that too

[Miss Spider]

She's stringing you along so hard....

[fmfan08]

I wouldn't invest so much energy into who she is seeing/talking to/etc. That's just going to make you paranoid.

 

 

There's a great chance that she's talking to other guys, it's normal to date around-- you're not in a committed relationship and that is her right, but if she keeps making plans with you and canceling, she's just wasting your time. Again, pull back-- talk to other people on the dating sites if you'd like, just take your mind off of her. It's best to get a thick skin on these dating sites because everyone has a lot of options and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Just relax and see what happens.

 

It's annoying as we've met twice but we've spoken most days, nearly every day with the odd day of no contact. I remember the first date was supposed to be on a Thursday three weeks ago but she postponed that to Saturday so I thought ok this might be the same.

 

Yeah I'll back off and talk to others. She's been initiating texts with me 75% of the time for the last two weeks so lets say out of sheer bad luck she didn't get my last text (she probably did but it can happen) then she will reach out to me if she doesn't hear back. Once when I was at work and I didn't reply for 4 hours she texted me again but I'll just be patient.

 

If I hear nothing by the weekend I might tell her I'm backing off because of the impression i've been getting from her and that she seems busy with her uni work and that i'll respect that and move on and if she does want to meet, she has my number to let me know.

 

I'll see how I feel.

[Knix]

Yes but don't TELL her you're backing off, just do it. She'll wonder why and perhaps if you both decide to make plans she won't be so flaky.

 

 

I know this sounds like games, but if you like her you're going to have to play a bit. Otherwise move on.

[fmfan08]

She's stringing you along so hard....

 

Is it really that obvious? What makes you say that?

[Miss Spider]

It's annoying as [...]

If I hear nothing by the weekend I might tell her I'm backing off because of the impression i've been getting from her and that she seems busy with her uni work and that i'll respect that and move on and if she does want to meet, she has my number to let me know.

 

I'll see how I feel.

 

Why do guys say stuff like this( I guess women do too sometimes) She already knows she's not too busy with her uni work and she's stringing you along, she already knows you're getting that impression(if she thinks you have any sense at all), hopefully you do intend to respect her and move on (as opposed to...), and she's well aware she has your number.

 

I know you like her, but next move is hers, not yours...

[fmfan08]

Why do guys say stuff like this( I guess women do too sometimes) She already knows she's not too busy with her uni work and she's stringing you along, she already knows you're getting that impression(if she thinks you have any sense at all), hopefully you do intend to respect her and move on (as opposed to...), and she's well aware she has your number.

 

I know you like her, but next move is hers, not yours...

 

So don't bother sending her a message like "i'm getting the impression that this isn't what you want, etc" ?

 

If I don't hear anything by the weekend should I just delete her number and remove her off Facebook instead?

 

She does have her uni work due in this weds/thurs along with an interview. It could be a busy and stressful time for her.

[Miss Spider]

So don't bother sending her a message like "i'm getting the impression that this isn't what you want, etc" ?

 

If I don't hear anything by the weekend should I just delete her number and remove her off Facebook instead?

 

She does have her uni work due in this weds/thurs along with an interview. It could be a busy and stressful time for her.

 

Nay. Do not bother. I can't think of one instance I viewed that favorably. Messages like that are more to give you closure, I suppose. But it's needy.

 

Edit: I'm sorry. I misread you've been on 3 dates. Yeah... I would just leave the call in her court til the weekend. If she bails, start moving on... sorry

Edited April 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[kendahke]

So don't bother sending her a message like "i'm getting the impression that this isn't what you want, etc" ?

 

If I don't hear anything by the weekend should I just delete her number and remove her off Facebook instead?

 

She does have her uni work due in this weds/thurs along with an interview. It could be a busy and stressful time for her.

 

Those who can, do..

 

Those who can't, talk about it.

 

She knows how to find you at school if she wants to talk with you, so yeah, remove all methods of contact and start going out with other women.

 

And read my tag line

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[smackie9]

or date those who treat you the way you want to be treated......

[Imajerk17]

If there is any lesson I have learned, it is to follow someone's ACTIONS more than their words. Yes people do get busy. If she truly wants to meet up with you, she'd still find a way to make some time to do so.

 

Hopefully you didn't buy that Harry Potter keyring after all

[fmfan08]

So she ended up replying before saying "Thank you sorry just read my phone been planning for my interview and in school. I do have plans on Sunday sorry. Xxxxx"

 

So I replied "Fair enough, I'll leave it then. Maybe some other time x"

 

Then she replied "That's an off text...sorry I have plans, just that's it's a bank holiday and been planned for a while x"

 

Meh, guess that's a rejection then. I don't get it. She was so into me these last couple of weeks on our dates and over text, even last few days reaching out to me etc.

 

I don't get how it's suddenly flipped like this. Maybe there is someone else she prefers, oh well.

[fmfan08]

If there is any lesson I have learned, it is to follow someone's ACTIONS more than their words. Yes people do get busy. If she truly wants to meet up with you, she'd still find a way to make some time to do so.

 

Hopefully you didn't buy that Harry Potter keyring after all

 

Unfortunately I did but I'll just return it and use it for beer money lol

[fmfan08]

Okay so this took a bit of a turn. I decided to persist instead of moaning, but I will be expecting her to cancel plans again, but hey-ho let's give it one more shot, because there's been evidence that she is interested but she's also got a busy and stressful week. BUT I will aim to take out a different girl this Sunday, just incase.

 

I'll just paste the full conversation from just now:

 

Girl - Thank you sorry just read my phone been planning for my interview and in school. I do have plans on Sunday sorry. Xxxxx

 

Me - Fair enough, I'll leave it then. Maybe some other time x

 

Girl - That's an off text...sorry I have plans, just that's it's a bank holiday and been planned for a while x

 

Me - That's okay. When are you next free? x [Looks silly on reflection as I pretty much contradicted myself after my last reply, but at this point I gave it the benefit of the doubt to see if she'll give me the "i'm busy" excuse or whatever]

 

Girl - That seemed a really weird text off you...I'm free next Wednesday? x [Not sure which text she was calling weird, I was thinking the "maybe some other time" one as that's the first time I've not acted positive/out of character with her, or it could be that I went from "forget about it" to asking when she's next free lol]

 

Me - Yeah that's great, how does Wednesday at 7 sound? I'm working that morning x"

 

Girl - Yeah sounds good what was the Facebook status about today? What you been up to? x [i put a facebook status up 3 hours before saying "finished work, can't wait for later :p" as we were supposed to have our date tonight but now I'm going out with a friend after she postponed it]

 

Me - Going to watch a film then some drinks with a friend, probably get into trouble how's the interview planning going? x" [i'm going seeing the exact movie we planned to watch, but with a friend. maybe I could have gone "never you mind nosy ;)" but didn't want to risk her thinking I was with another girl, I've done something similar before and this other girl outright rejected me eventually because she thought I was making her jealous and that I had 10 girls on each arm]

 

Girl - Oh right, well try your hardess not to haha. Alright I think... just won't sleep tonight thinking about it x

 

Me - You got this, I believe in you Anyway going to put my phone on silent and get going otherwise people will be throwing popcorn at me! See you cheeky x". [was the first part cheesy? i was 50/50 on it, but wanted to show my support]

 

I didn't get a goodbye response but I guess that's because I'm going to put my phone on silent and be in the cinema. She's done that before though.

 

Anyway I'll let her get in contact with me next time. I've managed to get the "date" if it ends up existing by next Wednesday, so I'm going to back off and let her reach out to me next time.

 

Thought I'd write this quick as I actually do have to set off. I'll reply to anything later, but I'll be expecting the worst just incase.

Edited April 25, 2017 by fmfan08

[kendahke]

So she ended up replying before saying "Thank you sorry just read my phone been planning for my interview and in school. I do have plans on Sunday �� sorry. Xxxxx"

 

So I replied "Fair enough, I'll leave it then. Maybe some other time x"

 

Then she replied "That's an off text...sorry I have plans, just that's it's a bank holiday and been planned for a while x"

 

Meh, guess that's a rejection then. I don't get it. She was so into me these last couple of weeks on our dates and over text, even last few days reaching out to me etc.

 

I don't get how it's suddenly flipped like this. Maybe there is someone else she prefers, oh well.

 

That was her trying to manipulate you into keeping her hook in your cheek. Don't fall for her guilt trip.

 

Be prepared for her to cancel on Wednesday.

Edited April 25, 2017 by kendahke

[Imajerk17]

Jeeze Louise OP, this whole thing is an awful lot of effort and mental energy for a girl you've gone out w only three times (excuse me, TWO times, you are planning your THIRD date). You last saw each other *how many* weeks ago?

 

I'm not making fun of you, I just want you to consider the bigger picture here. How many more of these text exchanges between you and her are you going to be analyzing between now and your scheduled date next Wednesday (a full 8 days away assuming it even happens that is). You don't have time for this!

Edited April 25, 2017 by Imajerk17

[fmfan08]

Jeeze Louise OP, this whole thing is an awful lot of effort and mental energy for a girl you've gone out w only three times (excuse me, TWO times, you are planning your THIRD date). You last saw each other *how many* weeks ago?

 

I'm not making fun of you, I just want you to consider the bigger picture here. How many more of these text exchanges between you and her are you going to be analyzing between now and your scheduled date next Wednesday (a full 8 days away assuming it even happens that is). You don't have time for this!

 

Yeah our last date was last Tuesday so it's been a week already, but it has been hard to arrange dates because I've been working a lot of lates at work and she has to drive 25 mins or so to see me, so meeting after I work is out of the question.

 

This is the first text conversation with her I've analysed so far, but I do have a plan now. Just play it through and see if she commits to Wednesday. I am expecting her to cancel but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, being that this week is a hectic week for every student at University having to hand assignments in, and she has an important job interview tomorrow. That is her FINAL chance.

 

If she flakes again, then I'll say that I'm not going to pursue something like this and end contact, remove her off facebook and be done with it.

 

I'm aiming to get a different girl out for this Sunday though.

[fmfan08]

I remember her mentioning on our last date about how her last relationship ended in her ex disappearing for 6 months and returning to find he had got someone else pregnant (this stemmed from her asking about my sister btw).

 

I don't know if this would have anything to do with her possibly playing "hard to get" or possibly making me work for her, etc.

 

Just adding information incase it helps.

[Mkn1010]

The above could POSSIBLY be a reason why she's flakey. But it could be anything, I personally see it a red flag when someone can't commit to a simple date schedule. I'm a very organized person and I don't ever cancel on people, it shows a lack of respect for their time. It's quite narcissistic actually in that it demonstrates an unwillingness/incapacity to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

 

 

But more importantly, I have found every person that has been flakey to have emotional issues. They cannot even commit to days/times to see someone as that simple act is too much commitment/overwhelming for them (they usually have an avoidant attachment style). Just food for thought.

 

 

EDITED TO ADD: I'd also be concerned with the drunk dialing thing as this is pretty immature and also supports the idea that she has emotional issues.

[fmfan08]

The above could POSSIBLY be a reason why she's flakey. But it could be anything, I personally see it a red flag when someone can't commit to a simple date schedule. I'm a very organized person and I don't ever cancel on people, it shows a lack of respect for their time. It's quite narcissistic actually in that it demonstrates an unwillingness/incapacity to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

 

 

But more importantly, I have found every person that has been flakey to have emotional issues. They cannot even commit to days/times to see someone as that simple act is too much commitment/overwhelming for them (they usually have an avoidant attachment style). Just food for thought.

 

 

EDITED TO ADD: I'd also be concerned with the drunk dialing thing as this is pretty immature and also supports the idea that she has emotional issues.

 

She's a very sociable person with her girl-friends. She must have about 1000 pictures on her Facebook of her going out etc so I know a lot of time is dedicated to her group of friends. I'm the new guy she's only seen twice, so I guess I'm a lower priority.

 

I don't want to defend her totally, it could have been an excuse but she seemed very apologetic about Tuesdays postponement and it seemed like a legit reason given how important her teaching work placement is and all the deadlines to meet this week too with her essays. I did tell her I was considering cancelling incase she hadn't finished so she could focus on it but she beat me to the punch. Although I was 50/50 about cancelling because it would be a while until I'd see her again and didn't want to lose the momentum. Then again it could be a well thought out excuse.

 

I spoke to a family member about it and they seemed confused when I asked her about Sunday and that she "had to check with her girl-friends if their plans were still on" yet later says she's "had plans for this bank holiday weekend for a while". If she'd have known about those plans, she wouldn't have had to have checked. And why ask me if I was free anytime at the weekend? Unless she was hoping I was free earlier on in the day, but I suggested evening/night.

Edited April 25, 2017 by fmfan08