30 and never had a girlfriend. Any ideas?

[BaileyB]

Never did I say its insurmountable. However, it is fate to a lesser or greater degree. You can do everything you want and still land up not getting what you want, such is life.

 

You definitely contradict yourself.

 

I do believe that there is an element of luck to dating - you have to be in the right place to meet the right person at the right time... But, I don't think that its fated that you will not meet someone. Give yourself enough opportunities and work toward success (by working on your self esteem, social skills, and dating skills) and it is bound to happen eventually.

 

But, even if it doesn't happen... Who said that life is fair? You want a girlfriend and you are envious of other people who have girlfriends... Well, you have good health and other people wish that they had the gift of good health that you have. Nowhere is it written that you will get everything that you want out of life or that life will be fair to anyone...

 

With all due respect, you are the king of "yeah, but...." In other words, "Yes, I hear what you are saying, but... This is what I really think, and this is the way that it is, and this is why it's not fair, and is is why it will never change..." Trying to get you to see another point other than your own feels a little like trying to nail jello to a tree.

 

You have a very defeatist attitude and what we are all trying to say is, you will not get what you want until you work on your self esteem and adopt a more positive attitude... As someone who also likes to do this, stop trying to overanalyze and control everything. Trust people, take risks, try new things, and live your life. One step at a time, step out of your comfort zone and grow!

Edited July 17, 2017 by BaileyB

[JuneJulySeptember]

Never did I say its insurmountable. However, it is fate to a lesser or greater degree. You can do everything you want and still land up not getting what you want, such is life.

 

 

My point remains the same, its much more difficult to learn at 30 than it is at 16, at 30 there is an expectation of experience. Its difficult to beat that expectation.

 

 

I don't think anyone is ever truly out of options, its whether they like those options, that's a different matter.

 

 

This whole mantra of "well you need to learn with something on a different level to what you want" seems to support my view of experience mattering.

 

 

In the OP scenario he has nothing to loose chasing who he likes, if they reciprocate, great if not then default to friends, that way you really end up loosing nothing at all. Friends can teach you a lot, I wish I had had more of them growing up. The fact he can be friends with girls is hugely positive, despite the stigma friend zone seems to have on here.

 

 

Kudos to you for beating the odds, anyone who does has my respect. Some want dating more than others, at 16, I couldn't care less about dating, mostly anyway. My focus was elsewhere, do I regret that, sure sometimes but it is what it is. In fact one of my worst dating experience was at 17 when I did ask someone out I liked and was turned down in front of an entire crowd.

 

 

We all have our own wants and each of us should strive towards them, the idea of working my way up the so called dating ladder has zero appeal at all, ultimately there is more to life than chasing dates.

 

I do agree there comes a point where it can be mentally unsurmountable.

 

Though I think that age is closer to 40. The guys that I know that are close to 40 or over (and I do know around 4-5 of them), they've basically given up. They think "It's too hard at this point so why try?"

 

And in their particular case, without massive effort, it will never come to them. It's a Catch 22.

 

But 30 is not near that. I know a few guys who never had a woman at age 30 and eventually started doing OK. It is still quite young and you still have quite a large pool to work with.

[ZA Dater]

You definitely contradict yourself.

 

I do believe that there is an element of luck to dating - you have to be in the right place to meet the right person at the right time... But, I don't think that its fated that you will not meet someone. Give yourself enough opportunities and work toward success (by working on your self esteem, social skills, and dating skills) and it is bound to happen eventually.

 

But, even if it doesn't happen... Who said that life is fair? You want a girlfriend and you are envious of other people who have girlfriends... Well, you have good health and other people wish that they had the gift of good health that you have. Nowhere is it written that you will get everything that you want out of life or that life will be fair to anyone...

 

With all due respect, you are the king of "yeah, but...." In other words, "Yes, I hear what you are saying, but... This is what I really think, and this is the way that it is, and this is why it's not fair, and is is why it will never change..." Trying to get you to see another point other than your own feels a little like trying to nail jello to a tree.

 

You have a very defeatist attitude and what we are all trying to say is, you will not get what you want until you work on your self esteem and adopt a more positive attitude... As someone who also likes to do this, stop trying to overanalyze and control everything. Trust people, take risks, try new things, and live your life. One step at a time, step out of your comfort zone and grow!

 

Definitely nothing wrong with my self esteem, if anything I feel far better since adopting "I am going to be me, not what others want me to be or what I think I need to be for others to like me".

 

 

I also feel better about not bothering to fit in and just simply again being me with my own interests and likes. If nobody else likes those things then so be it.

 

 

Sure, things aren't fair but you can for the most part have some indication as to how things might play out. For example I don't bother chasing models because I know they aren't interested in me, as a lovely thought it is to be wanting to punch above my weight I know I am just going to get a bloodied face. While things are fate you can also some of the time predict the outcome, well I believe so anyway.

 

 

A lot of it is how people get treated, I have a fried who ragged me continuously about being single "you are never going to get any" and then resorted to trying to set me up with people where I could see from the outset there would no possibility of success. No words I can type here can convey how horrible those two things made me feel.

 

 

Positivity is a function of success, even the most minute slice of success will infuse life with positivity but when everything is uphill its very easy to find oneself sliding down a slippery slope.