Money control?

[Wattstress]

She probably thinks that you are not really that serious with her and that at 8 months you would not be buying a new place if you see a future with her, or at the very least she probably thinks you could have included her more in the decision. Could you have continued to rent this place or did you have to buy it? Just my initial thought. Hard to tell without more background information. BTW I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your decisions, just that she may have a particular interpretation of these events.

 

If your decision to purchase does not matter to her, and she really is annoyed by the inexpensive date, I would say that you two may not be that compatible (life is going to get a lot harder than that), but my guess is there is something about your decision to buy that is really at the bottom of things.

 

Yes, I had the option to re-up my lease but I genuinely was no longer interested (I was tired of my loud-mouthed neighbor). I told her about wanting to look at a house and she was honestly encouraging it. I invited her to join me in some tours and she accompanied me on 3 occasions before I picked one in which she also liked. As I've said before, we only briefly discussed moving in together once before and I was left with the impression that she wanted to maintain her current lease until it expired in May of 2018. I really came away feeling she wasn't ready for either of us to 'move' in together.

[No_Go]

Of course you'd buy your house when you can - she can always move in with you later if it makes sense. I was waiting my ex to join me in a purchase and respectively bought a full year later than what I wanted and prices cranked up in the meanwhile... Wasn't my best move...

 

I'm curious if $50 per date nite is 'cheap' what do you usually spend for dates per night and per week?

[Ami1uwant]

I bought a new place because I had been renting for the last 3 years and wanted to/was ready to take the leap to owning/maintaining my own home. She lives in a condo community and at the time I was first was getting to know her/before we really dated, she had completed a new 2 year lease in her current place. I did discuss with her a few months back that I was in the market in buying a house as my lease was ending in June and was ready to take the leap. We did briefly discuss future living arrangements but she did state that this was a discussion in which we should wait for until her 2-yr lease was ending. We never seriously discussed this again. She had been very encouraging in helping me find a place and was with me on some of my house tours, giving insight and suggesting questions/what to look for. She seemed seriously involved.

 

You talked about this too early....

 

she signed a 2 yr lease not buying a place. There is a big difference.

 

How much involvement was she in this outside of her being there when papers were signed? How much did you guys talk about this purchase?

 

If there wasnt much then that is what really bothers her. IF you were buying a place you both liked and seemed to agree opon there is ways out of the lease she could do and move in with you.

 

buying a house is abig decision and so involving a SO in the decision says you are looking long term as if you ar a couple, if you arent talking it with her , you arent committed to her long term.

[mikeylo]

High maintenance! and only after your paycheck.

 

You dodged it !

[Ami1uwant]

Yes, I had the option to re-up my lease but I genuinely was no longer interested (I was tired of my loud-mouthed neighbor). I told her about wanting to look at a house and she was honestly encouraging it. I invited her to join me in some tours and she accompanied me on 3 occasions before I picked one in which she also liked. As I've said before, we only briefly discussed moving in together once before and I was left with the impression that she wanted to maintain her current lease until it expired in May of 2018. I really came away feeling she wasn't ready for either of us to 'move' in together.

 

 

buyng is different from a lease. You likely didnt really involve her in the decision process and a have a talk on her thoughts/opinion on what you were looking at. She likely stayed quiet because it was all your decision.

 

Were I you, I would have talked to her in depth about this and had her involvement in it if this was a realtionship that was going some place.

[TheFinalWord]

buying a house is abig decision and so involving a SO in the decision says you are looking long term as if you ar a couple, if you arent talking it with her , you arent committed to her long term.

 

That is my thought as well. I think OP is well within his rights to go about his life how he sees fit, or to consider their relationship as still in the early dating stages. She may think, at the 8-month mark, his decision to buy a house is sending a subtle signal that OP does not see her as a long-term prospect. I also agree that she handled it immaturely. But assuming this woman is mentally stable, it seems odd to just start complaining out of the blue that he is manipulating her financially. Again, not saying OP did anything wrong, just trying to give him some ideas of what might be going through her mind.

[Lorenza]

I mean, what kind of communication is that if you need to play detective and try to guess a hidden meaning behind a complaint? If she isn't happy about him buying the house without considering her, she should tell exactly that instead of camouflaging it with a complaint about a "cheap" date. At 8 months you should be able to speak up. If this is really the case, I'd be wondering what's next, would she always try to hide her discontent like this? And why being all supportive and encouraging about the whole house thing if she's not? Talk about honesty...

 

Anyway, whether it's her being genuinely displeased with the date or having a deeper reason for it, both cases doesn't sound very promising...

[SammySammy]

Some women believe being with a man means they should have access to his money and should determine how it's spent. Preferably on them.

 

It's a sign. Pay attention to the signs. Proceed accordingly.

[elaine567]

Were I you, I would have talked to her in depth about this and had her involvement in it if this was a relationship that was going some place.

 

Yes, but at 8 months in, was moving in together really on the cards? Having a serious in depth talk abut how he doesn't really want her to move in, would not have gone down too well either.

It is all just awkward timing.

 

He needed to move, he wanted to buy. He bought, she didn't move in.

I can see how that could have been upsetting and the cheap date compounded things further, but it may not be anything to do with that. They need to talk and soon, if he wants to continue with the relationship.

[coolheadal]

Yes, I explained this to her beforehand. She knows I had bought a new place and she was even with me when I signed the papers and everything else. Before this 'cheap' date, I showed her my account and my posted transactions as to what I spent and just wanted a cheap night out while I recharge.

 

Well now you know what your dealing with. There are some women would love to be on cheap date and there are some that don't. I've been with both but to be honesty even though they agree to be on the cheap date they really want and expensive date. They do not like to be limited to funds spent on them. I had a few women who didn't want me to cook a home meal for them and told me hey when you can take me out for dinner call me if not don't call then. Wow! I had asked to cook instead it's like I started WW4. So you got an expensive dinner date, you best get two jobs to take her out if you don't have it already. Can't change her your already made her think you going to spend a lot of money on her for dinner and such. You made your bed now accept it or just don't bother with such a woman. You can't change her you can't deal with her so you can only leave her!

[No_Go]

The women that reject a home cooked meal usually don't do it because it is 'cheap' - they are usually considering that a home invite equates to invitation to have sex. THat's why they refer to 'take them out' (i.e. out = no sex yet).

 

Well now you know what your dealing with. There are some women would love to be on cheap date and there are some that don't. I've been with both but to be honesty even though they agree to be on the cheap date they really want and expensive date. They do not like to be limited to funds spent on them. I had a few women who didn't want me to cook a home meal for them and told me hey when you can take me out for dinner call me if not don't call then. Wow! I had asked to cook instead it's like I started WW4. So you got an expensive dinner date, you best get two jobs to take her out if you don't have it already. Can't change her your already made her think you going to spend a lot of money on her for dinner and such. You made your bed now accept it or just don't bother with such a woman. You can't change her you can't deal with her so you can only leave her!

[BikerAccnt]

Yes, but at 8 months in, was moving in together really on the cards? Having a serious in depth talk abut how he doesn't really want her to move in, would not have gone down too well either.

It is all just awkward timing.

 

He needed to move, he wanted to buy. He bought, she didn't move in.

I can see how that could have been upsetting and the cheap date compounded things further, but it may not be anything to do with that. They need to talk and soon, if he wants to continue with the relationship.

 

Yeah, at 8 mos. I wouldn't be considering living with/marrying someone. Then again, I've been there done that. I'm at 1 year with my SO and we've not even gone there.

 

Plus as someone else said, I doubt OP just up and bought a house without mentioning it. If she was interested, she could have said something.

 

None of us are mind readers.

[Wattstress]

WOW!!! -- At eight months, she should be past the whole "wining and dining" phase. It's expensive to go out all the time and you have made some big leaps financially that actually indicate fiscal acuity/responsibility. She's not looking at the big picture with you that's for sure.

 

She sounds like a petulant, selfish, demanding, myopic, gold digger . . . as a woman, I find her behavior/attitude to be an embarrassment.

 

Call her and tell her you are moving on . . .

 

 

Update: Since it was moving into the 4th day since she told me to leave and no communication, I thought I would call/text her to try opening some dialogue. Well, I've learned my number has been blocked; she didn't try saying anything. It is what it is and I'm going to have to walk away. Lesson learned.

[TheWoman]

Money problems are the single largest contributor to divorce. Consider yourself very fortunate to have discovered this about her relatively early on. Additionally, blocking you without any further discussion after 8 months is another very interesting insight into her personality. Id go find a friend and celebrate (in a nice expensive restaurant) the dodging of this bullet

[Tribble]

Lets be fair here, buying a house is a big decision. I sold and bought a new house and it took over 8 months for it all to be completed. Which means when he decided to buy, the relationship would have been in the early stages. Should he have put this on hold? Obviously not. The timing is a little awkward but no-one can get annoyed at that.

 

I'm also concerned why you felt the need to show her your bank balance and statements?? You've clearly had a lot of financial pressure recently. Wanting to go on a cheap date is completely reasonable. It shows you are responsible but still valuing her by taking her out. I'd have been happy with a movie night on the sofa! Respect and value isn't about the pennies spent, it's about how you treat your partner and spending time with them.

 

Update: Since it was moving into the 4th day since she told me to leave and no communication, I thought I would call/text her to try opening some dialogue. Well, I've learned my number has been blocked; she didn't try saying anything. It is what it is and I'm going to have to walk away. Lesson learned.

 

Now having seen this, you should be counting your blessings. Be thankful you didn't move in together and that she showed her colours this early on. Imagine finding this out when you've invested even more in the relationship!

[No_Go]

It sounds bad but... good for you! This woman was a parasite,

inconsiderate to no end (to block you after 8 months without explanation is out of my mind), financially irresponsible... Imagine if she had clawed her way to move in your new house and you had to find a way to kick her sad a** on the street... You lucked out.

 

Update: Since it was moving into the 4th day since she told me to leave and no communication, I thought I would call/text her to try opening some dialogue. Well, I've learned my number has been blocked; she didn't try saying anything. It is what it is and I'm going to have to walk away. Lesson learned.

[Chilli]

Couple of things.

l guess there's all kinds of people and relationships out there but crikey, you two sound incredibly formal with each other for a couple.

And given the way too that you can't even have a simple night together for once, wouldn't you rather someone a bit more chilled and natural, fun, anyway.

 

But anyway, as far as the way she's carrying on about that night and reacted later, there's some real personality traits there gonna be a big pain in the ass and really come out later on. She sounds like a brat.

[Gaeta]

I have read this thread in disbeleif. I don't have much to add. You've dudged a huge bullet here.

 

I like previous poster's comment that your relationship seem very formal and unatural. Who expects to be wined and dined a couple of times a week after 8 months.

 

I have a hard time beleiving there were no clues to her poor character before today. Now that she's out of the pictures signs of her true nature will all get back to you.

[No_Go]

Who expects to be wined and dined a couple of times a week after 8 months.

Well my ex expected it when we have been dating 1.5 years... People like this exist but they are not the greatest relationship material

 

I have read this thread in disbeleif. I don't have much to add. You've dudged a huge bullet here.

 

I like previous poster's comment that your relationship seem very formal and unatural. Who expects to be wined and dined a couple of times a week after 8 months.

 

I have a hard time beleiving there were no clues to her poor character before today. Now that she's out of the pictures signs of her true nature will all get back to you.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

This all seems very strange...

 

 

In my mind, 8 months is a long time to date someone. You should both be comfortable with each other and seeing each other shouldn't have to be a date.

 

 

It should just mean spending time together. Whether that's watching a movie indoors, taking a walk in a park or eating out.

 

 

I wonder if there is some more underlying reason for her behaviour? I'm not saying she was in the right, far from it, but if you like her then arrange to meet up and discuss what's going on.

 

 

Best of luck.

[elaine567]

..but if you like her then arrange to meet up and discuss what's going on.

 

See update

She has blocked his number.

[Gaeta]

Who expects to be wined and dined a couple of times a week after 8 months.

Well my ex expected it when we have been dating 1.5 years... People like this exist but they are not the greatest relationship material

 

Our of curiosity, was he able to enjoy the simpler things of life like spending an afternoon in a park, a movie night at home?

[No_Go]

Not really... If we were out of the house he wanted to something targeted (restaurant, event, sports etc, no random walks), and at home - we'll have movie nights regularly but in the end he complained this bored him.

 

Our of curiosity, was he able to enjoy the simpler things of life like spending an afternoon in a park, a movie night at home?

[Els]

Ah. I had a response all typed up for the OP, but it seems they split up? Good for him, bullet dodged.

 

Not really... If we were out of the house he wanted to something targeted (restaurant, event, sports etc, no random walks), and at home - we'll have movie nights regularly but in the end he complained this bored him.

 

That sounds absolutely exhausting. I'm a big proponent of taking the time to 'date' one another no matter how far into a relationship a couple is, but a date shouldn't have to be a fancy restaurant ALL the time. And if they can't find anything interesting at all to do together at home, chances are they're likely incompatible.

[knabe]

I'm sorry, but this woman is spoiled and entitled.

 

You aren't married, you aren't engaged, you've only been dating 8 months. You buying a house doesn't need her approval or even input.

 

My fiance works hard and owns the home we live in, and I NEVER expect him to "go big or go home." In fact, I push to pay for things so I can be an equal contributor. This girl (I'm not calling her a woman) needs to grow up and be less selfish.