Wedding dates clashing with major social/sporting events

[BaileyB]

Sometimes I think that many people confuse the term "Alpha" with "A-hole."

They aren't the same. An Alpha male is confident enough to consider the needs of others. He doesn't need to bully everyone into doing whatever he wants all the time. An Alpha male inspires respect. An a-hole inspires resentment and indignance.

 

Indeed. I think sometimes people use the term "Alpha male" to excuse what is sometimes, just really poor behavior.

 

In my book, an Alpha male can have strength, be a "man's-man," and still have the confidence to consider other people. A man who is a leader for his family - he cares for his wife and teaches his children the things they need to be successful in life and be good people. A man who treats everyone he meets with respect - whether that person is their best friend or the waiter who served his dinner. This kind of man, will have the love and respect of friends and family. He will be the kind of person with whom people want to spend time and want to call "friend" - because he makes people feel good about themselves when they are with him.

 

I wonder when I read your post OP, just what exactly is this man teaching your children? Is he teaching them to treat people with respect? Is he teaching them to consider the needs and feelings of other people? How is he going to respond, when his children grow up and test the limits - challenge him and his "authority" - as all children do? Just things to think about as you explain and excuse his behavior...

Edited October 5, 2017 by BaileyB

[TunaCat]

If I were with someone that put a higher priority on a sporting event than a family wedding, I would seriously question why I was with that person.

 

For me, family trumps sports. Every time.

[LivingWaterPlease]

You are playing with fire here.

YOU chained yourself to a tiger and have persuaded yourself he is a pussy cat.

This is a guy who is basically not a good person.

He is only "nice" on his own terms, otherwise he is NOT nice.

 

The trouble with guys like this, is that the moment he realises he doesn't actually like you or that he would rather be with someone else, or that you are not making enough compromises FOR HIM, or that you cannot be "controlled" to his satisfaction, then he will make your life a living hell.

 

All those "ultimate alpha male" traits, all his "strength, intelligence and capabilities", all his rudeness, arrogance and need for supreme control will be aimed at you.

You will then see the fangs and claws of the tiger.

He will no doubt try to fight you to the death too.

It will not be a fair fight as he NEEDS to win.

You may lose everything, including your children.

 

So instead of sitting there as Queen to his Royal Highness, it will be you that will then be the muck he scrapes off his shoe.

Be very careful here, do not lose yourself in his "madness".

Make sure you have your ducks in a row and have adequate funds laid by to fight him if you ever need to.

 

^

This, Chardonnay.

[Chardonnay Renée]

Thanks for the replies. A lot of what has been said, I disagree with. A handful of times I had managed to get halfway through a reply before deleting my post for fear of being accused of being an enabler or just making excuses for some of my husband's behaviour.

 

I can see the sense in a some of what has been said, though. I do try to look at the situation as someone who isn't in the situation would see it; I would probably think similar thoughts in some instances, too.

 

The thing is, in my defence, I don't just let things slide with my husband. However, if I agree with some aspects of his opinion, saying that I agree with him on that particular aspect doesn't make me an enabler for other aspects of his poor behaviour.

 

I'm not going to go on the defensive and disagree with him for fear of his propensity to take a more extreme view on something and run with it. I agree where I agree and I disagree where I disagree.

 

I do have it in the back of my mind, though, that if we get to the point where we're so combative due to disagreeing all the time, things could spiral quickly. I'm not the argumentative type, but to be honest neither is my husband.

 

So long as my husband is talking to me, I have something to work with. For the most part I can successfully reign him in. I beleive I balance it well and get the best out of him, as I don't overdo the nagging, but I don't let him get away with blue murder, either.

 

My husband is a good man who just needs a nudge in the right direction sometimes. He's fiercely independent and works his butt off, first and foremost to provide for his family. He loves his boys and spends as much time as practicable doing all sorts of things with them.

 

Yeah, sure, there's things that frustrate me about him. There's aspects about him that also worry me. One day will the house of cards come crashing down if I don't delicately balance getting the best out of him so he can willfully provide the emotional needs I have?

 

A lot of you are probably thinking he's this cold, passive-aggressive psychopath who's played me for a fool and is using me for some kind of end game which, when realised, will render me as nothing more than used toilet paper.

 

I know him better than anyone I believe, and I don't feel that it's the case at all. My dad is usually a good judge of character, and he seems to like him. Sure, some of the issues we've had would probably not go down so well with my dad, but they're our issues which we're working on.

 

Every successful couple has issues, including issues which if their parents knew, wouldn't be happy about. I do feel as though my husband is committed to the bigger picture; working together for a better "us".

 

I can't help if he's a little selfish at times. I can't help it if he is impatient at times, especially behind the wheel. I have, however, mitigated many of those issues, issues which have resulted in him reigning in his own behaviour because he doesn't like the consequences.

 

All in all, both myself and my husbands combine to create a hodgepodge of idiosyncratic issues which translate to a complicated but manageable relafionship. Sometimes rewarding, sometimes frustrating... my husband can be many things, but I still love him warts and all.

 

P.S. He doesn't really have warts.