Am I being unreasonable? anyone?

[preraph]

My guess is you ended up wanting weekends because of your prior work schedule. Am I wrong? Didn't see how you'd keep them and work through the week?

 

As far as renegotiation, it's fine to try, but just realize she's organized her entire life around this existing schedule and is making it work, and it's unfair to ask her to have to regorganize her whole life to accommodate you or to ask her to take an additional day with the kids unless she wants an additional day, which she might, but if you've fought about it before, maybe not.

 

 

But the good thing is also realize that not everyone works a M-F job. I've only had one M-F job in my entire life and it wasn't really because there were so many extracurricular duties at all hours. Lots of people have one or two days off through the week -- or no days off or if their only day off is Sunday they're too busy to do more than go buy groceries and run errands anyway. I don't think it's going to be a big issue with everyone, although holidays can be a sticking point once you are in a new relationship, so be sure you divide those up so if you meet someone you can either do TG or Christmas with their family at least.

 

Good luck. I agree with the six-month rule.

[Blanco]

What mother wouldn't want to have her children for a weekend now and again? If I'm reading it correctly, she never has them on the weekend, and is unwilling to bend on that.

 

At the age these kids are at, the average week is probably go, go, go. The weekend is likely the only period you could spend some real quality time and do things with them. So why would a parent not want to do that at all?

 

Sorry, something doesn't add up. This woman had an affair, the ultimate betrayal, and with the OP's best friend, no less. Add in that it doesn't seem like she's interested in having her children on the days when they'd actually be around for more than a few hours, and, I dunno, I get the picture of a selfish woman who may be also trying to obstruct the OP's search for a partner.

[BaileyB]

Exactly, what mother wouldn't want to see her children in some weekends when they can spend quality time together?

 

And, she may have "organized her life around this schedule" but as a parent, things change and you must be flexible and available for your children when they need you. She can organize her life around a different schedule next year... I don't have much sympathy for this woman. I don't think requesting a change in the agreement is unreasonable at all.

[beatcuff]

... This woman had an affair, the ultimate betrayal, and with the OP's best friend, no less....

irrelevant, they have been divorced for NINE YEARS.

 

I get the picture of a selfish woman who may be also trying to obstruct the OP's search for a partner.

how so? why is she selfish when he is now only asking because it is interfering with his love life (a/k/a putting himself in front of the kids). how about him asking then we can discuss based on her response.

 

these posts always confound me. what's the worst that can happen if you ask? she says 'no' and you continue as is. there is nothing wrong with asking. failing that, OP, what would you do if you were still married? yep, get a babysitter for a couple of hours.

 

op, i suggest you ignore the why and simply state: 'i would like to change the visitation to ------'. when she asks why, say 'i though maybe you would like a weekend from time to time'.

[Blanco]

irrelevant, they have been divorced for NINE YEARS.

 

It's not irrelevant. Time passing doesn't erase that the OP's ex-wife was deceiving her then-husband and jeopardizing the familial unit all in the name of her own interests. It establishes that she's perfectly capable of extremely selfish behavior.

 

how so? why is she selfish when he is now only asking because it is interfering with his love life (a/k/a putting himself in front of the kids). how about him asking then we can discuss based on her response.

 

He mentioned that any time he's asked to alter the schedule on a one-off basis, he's been chided about how he "has enough time to socialize during the week," and says that it becomes a "nightmare."

 

op, i suggest you ignore the why and simply state: 'i would like to change the visitation to ------'. when she asks why, say 'i though maybe you would like a weekend from time to time'.

 

I agree he should propose the idea, but I think it's strange that a mother even needs to have it suggested to her that she might enjoy spending an occasional weekend with her own kids.

[JuneL]

Of course the ex doesn't sound like a prize. But unless the OP has real obligations (e.g., work events, urgent medical appointments), he can't expect the ex to watch their kids so that he can go out dating and having fun with other women.

[knabe]

Of course the ex doesn't sound like a prize. But unless the OP has real obligations (e.g., work events, urgent medical appointments), he can't expect the ex to watch their kids so that he can go out dating and having fun with other women.

 

Why not? That's basically what he is doing for her.

[JuneL]

Why not? That's basically what he is doing for her.

 

My understanding is that the OP's getting the kids every weekend is their official agreement. He should get this schedule modified officially, instead of relying on his ex to agree on a different schedule informally.

[BaileyB]

But unless the OP has real obligations (e.g., work events, urgent medical appointments), he can't expect the ex to watch their kids so that he can go out dating and having fun with other women.

 

Of course he can. It's called "shared custody." Both parents should share the responsibility of raising the children. And both parents have equal opportunity to have a personal life on the weekend. Why should she get to have have all the fun...

[preraph]

Get a babysitter. Problem solved. That's what everyone has to do. You can't expect your wife to babysit when it's not her time or upset her schedule unless she just wants to.