Any hope for [this] serial cheater?

[carhill]

My bet is, even if you were an outstanding spouse, and perhaps still are, something changes when you have affairs. Now, some spouses may be clueless but if they're the least bit sensitive to their partner they'll pick up on the changes, not that they'll necessarily connect them to infidelity. A good psych will turn from your H's disclosures regarding your fights and whatever his issues are and invite you to share your contribution to the marriage. That's your opportunity to reflect on changes in your relationship that you made as a result of your affairs, even if not disclosing those affairs. You don't have to, of course. Nobody has to do anything in counseling. It's totally for your benefit and you and your spouse drive it. The counselor or psychologist is merely a facilitator and guide.

 

Watch out for this though...if you have a good one like we did, they remember everything so don't think you can snow them and change it later. Nuh, uh. You can try but they're pros at both catching it and bringing it up in ways which, again, focus on the marriage.

 

If your H continues to refuse MC and you refuse to disclose, sorry to say I think you're hosed. I've seen a couple like that since nearly all the guys I know think MC is a waste of time and money and the couple has worked out a routine and soldiered on. Personally, I can't live like that and would rather just be alone but everyone is different and the arrangements work for them.

 

As a former BS, a male, who posted a lot here in the past, used to opine, if the marriage has a good foundation then it has a good chance at recovery from infidelity. If your situation reflects a good foundation and then things went sideways, the chances, in his opinion as a BS, are greater for full and complete recovery. His username is "Owl" if you want to look up his posts.

 

FWIW, having known a lot of MW's in life, your story isn't exceptional or strange or unique. It goes on all the time. I was the product of a good marriage for life so had a great example but man my generation threw me a bunch of curve balls I simply didn't know how to handle, starting with the lady in my story and her lying about not being married. TBH, the whole thing, decades of it, has put me off women totally. I just can't deal with it anymore.

 

I hope you find some peace. FWIW, the few women I know personally who are single (very rare!) and my age are single precisely because their ex husbands did exactly what you have been doing. They could easily be married again or have an active dating life but they're totally off men and, no that's not because they won't date me . They're longtime friends, now divorced 15-20 years. That's how deep the serial infidelity cuts with some. How it might with your H, unknown. Hopefully he'll never find out from an ex-lover. Just saying. I've done my fair share of disclosing to H's so it is possible.

 

Lots of stuff to consider and I wish you well in your choice.

[usa1ah]

They can't leave because of finances and they also want to see if if there's a chance of working it out with their spouse. I'm really looking for answers that might help.

 

Then start by being honest with yourself.

 

You can leave, you have just decide it is not worth the struggle.

 

You don't love your husband but you love the money and home he provides.

 

You are scared you will lose everything if he finds out that you are cheating.

[ItsColdAsCrapInAlaska]

Dear,

 

I know how you feel and have walked that road before. You can do it, it takes hard looks at yourself, but more importantly IC did not help me in the why, it helped me to connect the dots in my behavior and what I need to thrive. Then it suddenly became clear as to why....

 

You will not get hate from me, just grace....because you need it

[Try]

They can't leave because of finances and they also want to see if if there's a chance of working it out with their spouse. I'm really looking for answers that might help.

You want the financial security of your spouse, while having the addictive sex of an affair, that is called cake eating. The fact that in your mind this type of logic makes sense is why you think like, act like, and are in fact a serial cheater. The magic answer that includes telling you that cake eating is OK does not exist. BTW, almost every cheater finds reasons to blame the spouse for their cheating, this is called blame shifting. Even if we assume that he is an alcoholic, that gives you the right to give up the financial security that he provides by divorcing him, but not to cheat. Edited July 3, 2017 by Try

[harrybrown]

It is tough to get over an addiction.

 

IC before MC. Without the truth, MC is a waste of time and money.

 

Did you get tested for stds?

 

If you can't stop you addiction, then file for D and leave.

 

You can't keep cheating and stay married.

 

I usually like the truth, because you have built walls to hide your affairs.

 

With all of your different partners, you will get caught.

 

Not by your spouse, but by one of your AP's wife or girlfriend.

 

Your AP's brag about you to others. Word gets around and you will have others seeking you out. Hope you do not confuse the sex with love. your AP do not love you. And you have gotten a reputation of being easy.

 

Sorry, but they do brag about having sex with you.

 

 

If you tell it will destroy him.

 

but if you will not D, you should tell him rather than one of his buddies.

[BetrayedDad]

My wife cheated on me for 4 years...I believe once she crossed the line and got away with it, it just continued because she thought she would never get caught and never truly considered the ramifications of her actions. It wasn't until D-day and the weeks afterward that she actually started to realize the damaged she had done.

 

It's been a little over 6 weeks since D-day and she is adamant that she will never cheat again because she now realizes how much it hurts her spouse and family. Unfortunately, here betrayal is more than I can take and we are in the process of divorce.

 

It will not be easy, but if you really want to change and stop cheating, I would recommend that you tell your spouse about it and not lie to them. It may not make any sense to you, but the lies afterward are as damaging to your chance of reconciliation as your affairs were to your marriage.

 

I hope seeing the hurt in your spouses eyes will be enough to change your behavior in the future.

Edited July 3, 2017 by BetrayedDad

[lftbehind]

My bet is, even if you were an outstanding spouse, and perhaps still are, something changes when you have affairs. Now, some spouses may be clueless but if they're the least bit sensitive to their partner they'll pick up on the changes, not that they'll necessarily connect them to infidelity. A good psych will turn from your H's disclosures regarding your fights and whatever his issues are and invite you to share your contribution to the marriage. That's your opportunity to reflect on changes in your relationship that you made as a result of your affairs, even if not disclosing those affairs. You don't have to, of course. Nobody has to do anything in counseling. It's totally for your benefit and you and your spouse drive it. The counselor or psychologist is merely a facilitator and guide.

 

Watch out for this though...if you have a good one like we did, they remember everything so don't think you can snow them and change it later. Nuh, uh. You can try but they're pros at both catching it and bringing it up in ways which, again, focus on the marriage.

 

If your H continues to refuse MC and you refuse to disclose, sorry to say I think you're hosed. I've seen a couple like that since nearly all the guys I know think MC is a waste of time and money and the couple has worked out a routine and soldiered on. Personally, I can't live like that and would rather just be alone but everyone is different and the arrangements work for them.

 

As a former BS, a male, who posted a lot here in the past, used to opine, if the marriage has a good foundation then it has a good chance at recovery from infidelity. If your situation reflects a good foundation and then things went sideways, the chances, in his opinion as a BS, are greater for full and complete recovery. His username is "Owl" if you want to look up his posts.

 

FWIW, having known a lot of MW's in life, your story isn't exceptional or strange or unique. It goes on all the time. I was the product of a good marriage for life so had a great example but man my generation threw me a bunch of curve balls I simply didn't know how to handle, starting with the lady in my story and her lying about not being married. TBH, the whole thing, decades of it, has put me off women totally. I just can't deal with it anymore.

 

I hope you find some peace. FWIW, the few women I know personally who are single (very rare!) and my age are single precisely because their ex husbands did exactly what you have been doing. They could easily be married again or have an active dating life but they're totally off men and, no that's not because they won't date me . They're longtime friends, now divorced 15-20 years. That's how deep the serial infidelity cuts with some. How it might with your H, unknown. Hopefully he'll never find out from an ex-lover. Just saying. I've done my fair share of disclosing to H's so it is possible.

 

Lots of stuff to consider and I wish you well in your choice.

 

I don't know if he picked up any changes in me, because of the affairs. Things changed a lot after we had one huge fight and he was very mean to me and said that he wanted a divorce. I was very despondent after that and haven't felt good about him for a while.

 

I think disclosure is definitely a personal choice and I just can't do it. Things would probably get too crazy here if I did and I can't handle that. I'm thinking that if I work on myself, then I can stop cheating. I know it's not good, even if he treats me badly. I just feel so alone sometimes and like someone to talk to and be with.

 

I have read some of the posts by BS and I feel bad for them. As are painful all around. I have read some of Owl's posts, too.

 

I'm sorry that you're put off of women and I can see how that could happen. It's too bad the lady in your story lied to you about being married. You must have cared about her a lot. Even after everything I've been through with men, I can't see myself losing interest in them. I've been through quite a bit. We each have to do what's right for us.

 

Thank you for wishing me peace and I do want to change. I just need to start working on it.

[ItsColdAsCrapInAlaska]

I don't know if he picked up any changes in me, because of the affairs. Things changed a lot after we had one huge fight and he was very mean to me and said that he wanted a divorce. I was very despondent after that and haven't felt good about him for a while.

 

I think disclosure is definitely a personal choice and I just can't do it. Things would probably get too crazy here if I did and I can't handle that. I'm thinking that if I work on myself, then I can stop cheating. I know it's not good, even if he treats me badly. I just feel so alone sometimes and like someone to talk to and be with.

 

I have read some of the posts by BS and I feel bad for them. As are painful all around. I have read some of Owl's posts, too.

 

I'm sorry that you're put off of women and I can see how that could happen. It's too bad the lady in your story lied to you about being married. You must have cared about her a lot. Even after everything I've been through with men, I can't see myself losing interest in them. I've been through quite a bit. We each have to do what's right for us.

 

Thank you for wishing me peace and I do want to change. I just need to start working on it.

 

IC is what you need.....you will know in your heart when to involve the spouse

[ItsColdAsCrapInAlaska]

You want the financial security of your spouse, while having the addictive sex of an affair, that is called cake eating. The fact that in your mind this type of logic makes sense is why you think like, act like, and are in fact a serial cheater. The magic answer that includes telling you that cake eating is OK does not exist. BTW, almost every cheater finds reasons to blame the spouse for their cheating, this is called blame shifting. Even if we assume that he is an alcoholic, that gives you the right to give up the financial security that he provides by divorcing him, but not to cheat.[/Quote]

 

I love angel food cake covered with fresh berries and whip cream.

 

But this lady sees what she is doing wrong and wants help and you beat her down. Great help you are.

Edited July 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[elaine567]

It is very natural for a person in a bad and abusive situation to reach out to others and unfortunately that can mean cheating.

The level of "comfort" and "emotional intimacy" that can be achieved from friends or relatives or colleagues may be far less than the "buzz" that an affair may bring.

 

It may also be felt necessary to hide a bad marriage from those closest and finding a fellow sufferer in the guise of an AP may be seen as a godsend.

 

OP

Unless you sort out your marriage, you will always be attracted to the kindly "stranger" offering you a safe haven from your "hell" of a marriage. You have crossed the line many times without bad effect so I guess you will continue to do so unless something drastically changes.

 

Has your husband always had a drink problem?

[QuietDan]

I think I understand what you were originally asking for. Over the years, I have heard of many stories of woman who have had similar life histories, and worse..

They were able to change and find good healthy relationships.

It is not too late to have children for you with modern medicine.

Many woman have children in their late thirties and early to mid forties.

 

However, most of the stories/personal accounts that I have heard, the woman take more ownership in their history. They seem to have a greater understanding in what it takes to be successful in a relationship.

 

I think you can get there if you want, but, you need to be intentional about it. You need to figure out what a real relationship is about. You need to figure out what sort of behavior is acceptable and isn't acceptable for a long term committed successful relationship.

 

Affairs don't really equate to long term committed relationships.

It is a part time relationship. Mostly fun times, but no real life issues to work through and negotiate with. No issues with money, or chores, responsibilities. Lots of romance, however, probable no dirty laundry issues. No house keeping issues...Since you don't really have to live with them, non of the fighting over the details of the toilet seat or toilet paper.

All the usual day to day things that are cute for the first few months but get annoying a little bit later on stuff. So, there you have it, affairs, are they the perfect relationship? Both parties can play terrific lovers, then walk around complaining how mean, boring, uncompromising the stay at home loyal partner's are.

 

One persons alcoholic, is another persons two beers on Friday night drinker. You never drink, he has a few. You drink, he drinks more. You drink a lot, he drinks even more....

He may be just as you described him.

Maybe you are doing a bit of wayward justification.

Seems like most waywards always portray the person they are living with but cheating on as terrible horrible people... people that deserve to be cheated on...feel sorry for the wayward....

If the person you were cheating on had a lot of problems, did you encourage them to get help?

Did you try to fix the relationship? Did you own your part of the problems?

Most problems are two people issues.

Each person acts and reacts to the other.

He was acting, you were reacting, he then reacted, and the circle goes round and round.

[lftbehind]

It is very natural for a person in a bad and abusive situation to reach out to others and unfortunately that can mean cheating.

The level of "comfort" and "emotional intimacy" that can be achieved from friends or relatives or colleagues may be far less than the "buzz" that an affair may bring.

 

It may also be felt necessary to hide a bad marriage from those closest and finding a fellow sufferer in the guise of an AP may be seen as a godsend.

 

OP

Unless you sort out your marriage, you will always be attracted to the kindly "stranger" offering you a safe haven from your "hell" of a marriage. You have crossed the line many times without bad effect so I guess you will continue to do so unless something drastically changes.

 

Has your husband always had a drink problem?

 

Yes, he's had always had a drinking problem. He's driven home times where he could hardly even walk. I offered to come pick him up, but he wouldn't tell me where he was.

[lftbehind]

You want the financial security of your spouse, while having the addictive sex of an affair, that is called cake eating. The fact that in your mind this type of logic makes sense is why you think like, act like, and are in fact a serial cheater. The magic answer that includes telling you that cake eating is OK does not exist. BTW, almost every cheater finds reasons to blame the spouse for their cheating, this is called blame shifting. Even if we assume that he is an alcoholic, that gives you the right to give up the financial security that he provides by divorcing him, but not to cheat.[/Quote]

 

I love angel food cake covered with fresh berries and whip cream.

 

But this lady sees what she is doing wrong and wants help and you beat her down. Great help you are.[/Quote]Thank you, Ray1201

Edited July 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[lftbehind]

I think I understand what you were originally asking for. Over the years, I have heard of many stories of woman who have had similar life histories, and worse..

They were able to change and find good healthy relationships.

It is not too late to have children for you with modern medicine.

Many woman have children in their late thirties and early to mid forties.

 

However, most of the stories/personal accounts that I have heard, the woman take more ownership in their history. They seem to have a greater understanding in what it takes to be successful in a relationship.

 

I think you can get there if you want, but, you need to be intentional about it. You need to figure out what a real relationship is about. You need to figure out what sort of behavior is acceptable and isn't acceptable for a long term committed successful relationship.

 

 

Affairs don't really equate to long term committed relationships.

It is a part time relationship. Mostly fun times, but no real life issues to work through and negotiate with. No issues with money, or chores, responsibilities. Lots of romance, however, probable no dirty laundry issues. No house keeping issues...Since you don't really have to live with them, non of the fighting over the details of the toilet seat or toilet paper.

All the usual day to day things that are cute for the first few months but get annoying a little bit later on stuff. So, there you have it, affairs, are they the perfect relationship? Both parties can play terrific lovers, then walk around complaining how mean, boring, uncompromising the stay at home loyal partner's are.

 

One persons alcoholic, is another persons two beers on Friday night drinker. You never drink, he has a few. You drink, he drinks more. You drink a lot, he drinks even more....

He may be just as you described him.

Maybe you are doing a bit of wayward justification.

Seems like most waywards always portray the person they are living with but cheating on as terrible horrible people... people that deserve to be cheated on...feel sorry for the wayward....

If the person you were cheating on had a lot of problems, did you encourage them to get help?

Did you try to fix the relationship? Did you own your part of the problems?

Most problems are two people issues.

Each person acts and reacts to the other.

He was acting, you were reacting, he then reacted, and the circle goes round and round.

 

There's been more happen in my life history than I've posted here. I do take ownership of my choices and mistakes, but there's been some bad luck there, too. I thought that I made it clear in my posts that although my husband has treated me poorly, I shouldn't have cheated. I know that I didn't handle it in the right way. I'm sure that I do have more things to learn about relationships.

 

I'm not doing wayward justification or trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me, just telling things how they are. I drink a little, but he is an alcoholic by anyone's standard. He knows it's been a problem, but he's not going to work on it. I do want to work on my part of the problems, but I can't control what he does.

[lftbehind]

It is tough to get over an addiction.

 

IC before MC. Without the truth, MC is a waste of time and money.

 

Did you get tested for stds?

 

If you can't stop you addiction, then file for D and leave.

 

You can't keep cheating and stay married.

 

I usually like the truth, because you have built walls to hide your affairs.

 

With all of your different partners, you will get caught.

 

Not by your spouse, but by one of your AP's wife or girlfriend.

 

Your AP's brag about you to others. Word gets around and you will have others seeking you out. Hope you do not confuse the sex with love. your AP do not love you. And you have gotten a reputation of being easy.

 

Sorry, but they do brag about having sex with you.

 

 

If you tell it will destroy him.

 

but if you will not D, you should tell him rather than one of his buddies.

 

No AP know each other and I don't have a reputation of being easy. In fact, no one would ever think that I was. I live in a big metropolitan area, so no one really knows or cares.

[Morgoth]

This is an interesting dilemma. Not everyone wants to blow the hell out of their finances, split assets and go through the legal system just for getting laid and having an orgasm, hopefully the sex is good with your AP. Maybe your husband would quit drinking and being an ass to you if you totally changed your approach. Quit nagging the crap out of him about his drinking, tell him you want to go to the bar with him once, get a nice hotel and take him back their and blow his mind, among other things. Find some common ground. Men medicate with substances when we're miserable and stressed and feel like we have no outlet. Men also feel love through sex, so doll up and get in shape for him, give him want he wants or desires. Not saying you OP, but it's amazing to me when a spouse gains 20lbs to 50 lbs, and starts complaining how the other spouse loses interest in sex. We are mammals and the laws of attraction are still at play. Good luck OP.

[wmacbride]

They can't leave because of finances and they also want to see if if there's a chance of working it out with their spouse. I'm really looking for answers that might help.

 

You indicate your marriage isn't working well and you are unhappy. It also sounds like your spouse has issues with alcohol.

 

So no, I'm not going to offer advice to help you stay in that situation. What I will advise you to do is leave. Give yourself a chance to get your thinking clear and then see where you stand.

 

I think all cheating is wrong, but I usually say that because it's hurtful to the bs. Your cheating will certainly be hurtful to your spouse, and while I am not trying to minimize that in any way, you are here and he is not. I'd advise you to stop cheating because:

 

( a) it's a crutch that has allowed you to keep your marriage limping along even though you are unhappy

 

(b) it doesn't sound like it's who you are at the core of your values system

 

As I said above, give yourself some time and space to breathe. Stop cheating and be on your own for a while. That doesn't have to mane divorce, but your husband clearly has some issues here, and he needs help. Help that you can't give him because, no matter how much you care and how good your intentions might be, you aren't a professional counselor, and because he has to ask for, and want, that help.

 

From what I can tell, you haven't blamed your husband for your actions, and that is a good sign. Spend some time with a counselor to help you sort through all of this.

Edited July 5, 2017 by wmacbride

[lftbehind]

This is an interesting dilemma. Not everyone wants to blow the hell out of their finances, split assets and go through the legal system just for getting laid and having an orgasm, hopefully the sex is good with your AP. Maybe your husband would quit drinking and being an ass to you if you totally changed your approach. Quit nagging the crap out of him about his drinking, tell him you want to go to the bar with him once, get a nice hotel and take him back their and blow his mind, among other things. Find some common ground. Men medicate with substances when we're miserable and stressed and feel like we have no outlet. Men also feel love through sex, so doll up and get in shape for him, give him want he wants or desires. Not saying you OP, but it's amazing to me when a spouse gains 20lbs to 50 lbs, and starts complaining how the other spouse loses interest in sex. We are mammals and the laws of attraction are still at play. Good luck OP.

 

Wow, you think that you know everything. I don't nag husband about his drinking or anything. He always drinks, whether we're getting along or not. It's not my fault that he drinks. I'm in great shape, too. I won't repeat myself explaining more about my marriage and how I want to change, I already did in other posts.

[wmacbride]

This is an interesting dilemma. Not everyone wants to blow the hell out of their finances, split assets and go through the legal system just for getting laid and having an orgasm, hopefully the sex is good with your AP. Maybe your husband would quit drinking and being an ass to you if you totally changed your approach. Quit nagging the crap out of him about his drinking, tell him you want to go to the bar with him once, get a nice hotel and take him back their and blow his mind, among other things. Find some common ground. Men medicate with substances when we're miserable and stressed and feel like we have no outlet. Men also feel love through sex, so doll up and get in shape for him, give him want he wants or desires. Not saying you OP, but it's amazing to me when a spouse gains 20lbs to 50 lbs, and starts complaining how the other spouse loses interest in sex. We are mammals and the laws of attraction are still at play. Good luck OP.

 

A man ( or woman) who drinks too much could very well be addicted to alcohol.

Someone's spouse can't be held responsible for someone having brain chemistry that makes them prone to addictions, or for choosing to self medicate with alcohol, or for treating her like crap when he does.

 

He husband doesn't drink because she nags at him, because she's a bad wife or for any other reason because it does something for him. Just like he can't make her cheat, she can't make him drink.

[lftbehind]

You indicate your marriage isn't working well and you are unhappy. It also sounds like your spouse has issues with alcohol.

 

So no, I'm not going to offer advice to help you stay in that situation. What I will advise you to do is leave. Give yourself a chance to get your thinking clear and then see where you stand.

 

I think all cheating is wrong, but I usually say that because it's hurtful to the bs. Your cheating will certainly be hurtful to your spouse, and while I am not trying to minimize that in any way, you are here and he is not. I'd advise you to stop cheating because:

 

( a) it's a crutch that has allowed you to keep your marriage limping along even though you are unhappy

 

(b) it doesn't sound like it's who you are at the core of your values system

 

As I said above, give yourself some time and space to breathe. Stop cheating and be on your own for a while. That doesn't have to mane divorce, but your husband clearly has some issues here, and he needs help. Help that you can't give him because, no matter how much you care and how good your intentions might be, you aren't a professional counselor, and because he has to ask for, and want, that help.

 

From what I can tell, you haven't blamed your husband for your actions, and that is a good sign. Spend some time with a counselor to help you sort through all of this.

 

Hi wmacbride,

Thanks for your reply. I can't leave right now, because I don't have much money or anywhere to go. I have been wanting to work it out with H, too. I want to feel the same way about him that I did, but he's hurt me so deeply with some of the stuff he's said to me.

 

The cheating has been a crutch and a diversion and it's not who I am at my core. It's definitely time to quit. Thanks for being so insightful about that. I've been lonely and sad in my marriage, but I don't want to hurt my H.

 

He doesn't want to give up drinking and has never gotten help for it. I don't think that he will. I will keep separation in mind, if there's any way that I can do it. I will look into counseling, too. At some point, if I'm going to counseling, he'll probably say that I'm the one with the problems, not him. I think that I need to take it 1 day at a time.

[wmacbride]

Hi wmacbride,

Thanks for your reply. I can't leave right now, because I don't have much money or anywhere to go. I have been wanting to work it out with H, too. I want to feel the same way about him that I did, but he's hurt me so deeply with some of the stuff he's said to me.

 

The cheating has been a crutch and a diversion and it's not who I am at my core. It's definitely time to quit. Thanks for being so insightful about that. I've been lonely and sad in my marriage, but I don't want to hurt my H.

 

He doesn't want to give up drinking and has never gotten help for it. I don't think that he will. I will keep separation in mind, if there's any way that I can do it. I will look into counseling, too. At some point, if I'm going to counseling, he'll probably say that I'm the one with the problems, not him. I think that I need to take it 1 day at a time.

 

Sometimes that's the best way to go. One day at a time.

 

In the interim, is there any way that you can find a face to face support group or other support system for yourself to help you through all of this?

 

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's a terrible guy at heart, but alcohol can really mess with a person, as I am sure you've seen.

 

I do hope you can find a counselor to talk to, even if it just lets you get it all out in the open.

[lftbehind]

Sometimes that's the best way to go. One day at a time.

 

In the interim, is there any way that you can find a face to face support group or other support system for yourself to help you through all of this?

 

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's a terrible guy at heart, but alcohol can really mess with a person, as I am sure you've seen.

 

I do hope you can find a counselor to talk to, even if it just lets you get it all out in the open.

 

I'll look into finding a support group or system. I work at night, from 2-12, so it will be hard. I think that meetings are typically at night, when I'm working.

 

He's not a terrible guy, I can't get my feelings back for him that I had, though.

 

I'll look for a counselor and hopefully I can afford it. I definitely need counseling.

[Bastile]

Someone too used to acting a certain way never changes. They must come to ruin when the times, in changing, are no longer in harmony with their ways.

 

Niccolo Machiavelli - The Prince

[ztmymmy]

This is an interesting dilemma. Not everyone wants to blow the hell out of their finances, split assets and go through the legal system just for getting laid and having an orgasm, hopefully the sex is good with your AP.

 

No one forces you at gun point to get married.And i assume you knew the rules and consequences before doing so.

 

"just for getting laid and having an orgasm"

 

You shouldn't have married someone who cant give you one.

[QuietDan]

He is mean. Say terrible things. Drinks heavily, is a dangerous drunk/ drives when he is so drunk he cann't hardly stand up. He, won't get help, refuses to seek treatment.

You lost the loving feeling and cann't get it back.

Doesn't sound like you have any respect for him either.

Other than it's economically inconvenient, is there any reason to stay in this relationship?

Why do you want to stay in this relationship with your husband for the long run?

In the long run, is it good for your husband to be married to someone who doesn't really love or respect him? In the long run is it good for you?

Do you plan to eventually tell him? Or, are you planning to take it to the grave?