[Facebook friend asks]"Do you know any single women?"

[mortensorchid]

I was having a Facebook chat with a female friend of mine. She worked for the same two substitute teaching outfits that I worked for last year and we were having gripe sessions about our experiences. She got a job as a librarian and is happy to be out of it, btw but that's not exactly what this thread is about...

 

Out of no where she sends me an IM today as we had been trying to find a time to meet up for lunch or drinks soon, and she said she has this friend who has been asking her if she knows any single women. I was kind of blown away, we'd never talked about ANYTHING in this arena before. The only thing even close is when she shared photos of her husband with me and I said "Wow, THAT's your husband?" because he's quite the Adonis, but that's all I said and she says everyone reacts like that when they see him. Otherwise I have not discussed anything in this realm with her. She said he has been hounding her because he needs a date for a concert. (I don't know what that means.) I asked what was wrong with him - jail sentence, schizophrenia, extra toes, drug addiction, etc. She said there was nothing wrong with him, he saw my profile photo on Facebook (which is just me as Wonder Woman) and he said he wanted to see a picture of me. He's been divorced for a long time and has a 20 year old daughter in college. She told me his name, I looked him up ...

 

And then I said to her "Sure, what the hell? What happens next?" And ... Nothing yet. I will update others as things unfold. Hopefully I will not have gone headfirst into a landmine.

[mortensorchid]

So per her instructions, she said "Send him an IM, he will be expecting it." So I sent him an IM saying "I understand you need someone to go to a concert with. I am a friend of (name's) and she guided me to you." Nothing yet.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Well that was putting you in an odd position, Wonder Woman . Why didn't she just tell him to message you??

[kendahke]

Not everyone lives on Facebook--give him a minute. He'll get back to you.

[mortensorchid]

24 hours since the exchange. No response.

 

I feel like an a******.

[Popsicle]

Well that was putting you in an odd position, Wonder Woman . Why didn't she just tell him to message you??

 

Have you seen that movie? Wonder Woman takes charge and does everything.

[Erik30]

I'm thinking this is a really passive and/or shy guy. He lets other people do all the work here.

 

If he wants a date that bad, he should be the one sending you a message

[Chilli]

I'm thinking this is a really passive and/or shy guy. He lets other people do all the work here.

 

If he wants a date that bad, he should be the one sending you a message

 

 

yeah afraid so , exactly. he didn't do one thing but now he has a women texting him offering a date.

Just wondering why you didn't tell her to tell him to call you .

Anyway , hope he gets back to you , he probably will .

[CptInsano]

It was arranged through somebody else, and in my experience chances that something goes wrong with that approach are rather high, similar to somebody trying to set you up with somebody else at a dinner among friends.

 

I mean, he could have already found a date at the time your friend reached out to you, but simply forgot to tell her, or he changed his mind about the concert, or any of a number of reasons because he didn't reach out to you directly. It may also have everything to do with the situation and nothing to do with you.

[mortensorchid]

Update:

 

Well I did hear from him after waiting for about 48 hours. He replied to the Facebook IM. He said he has two tickets to a concert in August and wanted someone to go with for Nickelback (I hate Nickelback). I think the situation is a bit strange, as other who have commented on it have agreed. I decided to ask a few questions, the exchange went like this :

 

Me: "Why is it you request someone to attend with you?" (As in attend the concert)

Him: "I always buy two tickets for them in the hopes that I will end up with someone I want to date but usually end up going alone."

M: "I see well that's planning if nothing else."

H: "Wishful thinking."

M: "So I must ask a few questions being the circumstance in which we are now talking."

H: "Ask away."

M: "Lawn or pavilion tickets?"

H: "Pavilion."

M: "Nice."

H: "I believe in go large or go home."

M: "Right, agree."

H: "Where do you live?"

M: "(city). You?"

H: "I live in (city)." (The cities in which we live are very far apart, btw.)

M: "I don't think I have ever been there, is that near (city)?"

H: "About 10 minutes south of there."

M: "Ok, I have been out that way but never to your city then."

H: "Do you have a picture of yourself?"

 

I felt my heart drop into my stomach with that question. We are talking on Facebook, we are not Facebook friends, and my profile photo is of Wonder Woman. At least he didn't think that I was actually Gail Gadot. And this is like when you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another picture of you. Red flag? I think so.

[Erik30]

We are talking on Facebook, we are not Facebook friends, and my profile photo is of Wonder Woman. At least he didn't think that I was actually Gail Gadot. And this is like when you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another picture of you. Red flag? I think so.

 

I thought the photo was of you dressed up as Wonder Woman? (So he should know what you look like already)

 

If you actually are using a picture of Gail Gadot, maybe he didn't realize that it wasn't you, but figured it out later. Perhaps that's why he took so long to reply, and is asking for a picture now. Anyway, he's probably having second thoughts

[phineas]

he wants a picture.

you don't have a picture of you on your profile?

Or you are dressed in a costume on your profile?

 

Either way if my only pic provided to someone was Henry clavicle as superman or me in a superman body suit and someone asked me for a pic i wouldn't get bent out of shape over it.

 

women asked me all the time for recent full body pictures when i did online.

no big deal, i got nothing to hide and they weren't asking for shirtless pics either.

 

do not see a single problem here at all.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Update:

 

Well I did hear from him after waiting for about 48 hours. He replied to the Facebook IM. He said he has two tickets to a concert in August and wanted someone to go with for Nickelback (I hate Nickelback). I think the situation is a bit strange, as other who have commented on it have agreed. I decided to ask a few questions, the exchange went like this :

 

Me: "Why is it you request someone to attend with you?" (As in attend the concert)

Him: "I always buy two tickets for them in the hopes that I will end up with someone I want to date but usually end up going alone."

M: "I see well that's planning if nothing else."

H: "Wishful thinking."

M: "So I must ask a few questions being the circumstance in which we are now talking."

H: "Ask away."

M: "Lawn or pavilion tickets?"

H: "Pavilion."

M: "Nice."

H: "I believe in go large or go home."

M: "Right, agree."

H: "Where do you live?"

M: "(city). You?"

H: "I live in (city)." (The cities in which we live are very far apart, btw.)

M: "I don't think I have ever been there, is that near (city)?"

H: "About 10 minutes south of there."

M: "Ok, I have been out that way but never to your city then."

H: "Do you have a picture of yourself?"

 

I felt my heart drop into my stomach with that question. We are talking on Facebook, we are not Facebook friends, and my profile photo is of Wonder Woman. At least he didn't think that I was actually Gail Gadot. And this is like when you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another picture of you. Red flag? I think so.

 

Would you want to meet him for a concert if you had no clue what he looked like?

[mortensorchid]

To clarify, my Facebook profile photo is of Gail Gadot as Wonder Woman, not ME dressed as Wonder Woman. And, if he wanted to see a picture of me that's fine but he could send me a friend request and then I would accept it to have him see photos me. I will send him a photo of me so he can of course see me, but my reaction was that of like if you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another photo of you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

To clarify, my Facebook profile photo is of Gail Gadot as Wonder Woman, not ME dressed as Wonder Woman. And, if he wanted to see a picture of me that's fine but he could send me a friend request and then I would accept it to have him see photos me. I will send him a photo of me so he can of course see me, but my reaction was that of like if you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another photo of you.

 

But he hasn't seen ANY photos of you!

[thefooloftheyear]

To clarify, my Facebook profile photo is of Gail Gadot as Wonder Woman, not ME dressed as Wonder Woman. And, if he wanted to see a picture of me that's fine but he could send me a friend request and then I would accept it to have him see photos me. I will send him a photo of me so he can of course see me, but my reaction was that of like if you connect with someone on a dating website and they ask to see another photo of you.

 

 

You are making Mt Everest out of an anthill....Just send him a pic and see where it goes??..

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

You chatted with a stranger, albeit a friend of a friend. It's really not that much different then chatting with a stranger in a bar, except in the bar he knows what you look like. Send him the picture for heaven's sake. If you don't like Nickelback & think he's G.U.D. just back out now.

 

 

Say something like:

 

 

Here's the photo you requested. In all honesty I'

m

not a Nickelback fan. I messaged you as a favor to [friend]. Hope you find somebody else to go with you because they do sound like great seats. If I find a fellow fan, I'll send her your way.

 

The be done with it.

 

 

So far I don't see you or him as doing anything other than being polite.

[phineas]

But he hasn't seen ANY photos of you!

 

You are making Mt Everest out of an anthill....Just send him a pic and see where it goes??..

 

TFY

 

yep.

 

It's almost as if since the guy hasn't done anything wrong she is looking for something, anything no matter how petty to disqualify him.

 

if you don't want to go OP then just tell your friend you don't want to go.

why make this man out to be the bad guy in order to justify you not wanting to go out with him?

[GemmaUK]

He's wise not to send a friend request, you haven't even met yet.

 

Just send him a pic, his request isn't a red flag.

 

Have you told him that you hate Nickelback and wouldn't want to go yet?

[Popsicle]

All of it sounds awkward.

[mortensorchid]

All of it sounds awkward.

 

It does, and that's what gives me pause about this. It's not unreasonable considering the situation that he wanted to see a picture of me, but he could have easily just sent a friend request in order to see them, let alone interact a bit better with this.

 

But to update, I did send him a photo of myself, he sent me a friend request, and I accepted it. I went out Lyft driving on Saturday night, had an accident (not a bad one, I drove over something and shredded a cable under the car that caused the engine to not connect to the gear shifting), and posted on it. He replied eventually he was sorry about the car, I said I was okay and thanks.

 

I will continue to chat with this guy here and there and then see if he will eventually ask to meet me. I'm sure as hell not going to go to the concert with him blindly and that's in another month or so.

[thefooloftheyear]

But to update, I did send him a photo of myself, he sent me a friend request, and I accepted it. I went out Lyft driving on Saturday night, had an accident (not a bad one, I drove over something and shredded a cable under the car that caused the engine to not connect to the gear shifting), and posted on it. He replied eventually he was sorry about the car, I said I was okay and thanks.

 

.

 

 

Sounds pretty normal to me....

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

Sorry about your car.

[GemmaUK]

MC if you find all of this odd then why did you mail him?

[mortensorchid]

To update all on this situation, we have exchanged some conversational information. He's watched my Facebook updates (the car problem), and he said he hoped I would be okay. I wrote back today that I am doing alright and I hope he is as well, did he have any plans on July 4th? He said he did not have any, I said I had planned to go to a BBQ. He said that sounded like fun. Then the conversation just tapered off.

 

I have a feeling this could be one of those situations where we will be chatting for a while and then eventually it will taper off. He has not once mentioned wanting to meet me nor the Nickelback concert in August he is supposedly looking for a partner to attend with. We'll see what happens.