DKT3 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 My exMM was 4 months younger than myself. We were not typical as for reasons why. We fell in love completely. I did find out when it ended badly and my exMM became angry and harassed both myself and my family, when we talked to the police, they said what the see very often in such cases, are a married man who gets involved with a caring woman because they are married to a controlling wife. This was a statement made from the head of the police department. It has nothing to do with the age of the affair partner/other woman... it has to do with the wife being controlling. I can be direct and say that I saved sex until marriage, was married 20 years and had felt infidelity was one of the worst things someone could do to another human being. I have a very strong faith in God and knew what was right and what was wrong. I don't have a low self-esteem and sure wouldn't let my exMM control me. So for those of you who are busy judging the other woman as to why she was involved with a married man, be it their age or another factor, until you experience how affairs can happen and understanding the feelings that can develop with another person, you will never fully comprehend why. I just love the if you haven't already done it you can't understand logic. If I recall correctly your story, your married to a man you believe is homosexual. That would leave you feeling undesirable, which naturally would lower your self-esteem. I imagine MM made you feel desirable, sexy like a woman, all the things you didn't have in your marriage. Yet I get it. The flaw you were a married woman involved with a married man. It could have as easily been a divorced woman involved with a single man. You could have had those same feelings. Only difference you could have had a future, people didn't have to get hurt 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 My exMM was 4 months younger than myself. We were not typical as for reasons why. We fell in love completely. I did find out when it ended badly and my exMM became angry and harassed both myself and my family, when we talked to the police, they said what the see very often in such cases, are a married man who gets involved with a caring woman because they are married to a controlling wife. This was a statement made from the head of the police department. It has nothing to do with the age of the affair partner/other woman... it has to do with the wife being controlling. I can be direct and say that I saved sex until marriage, was married 20 years and had felt infidelity was one of the worst things someone could do to another human being. I have a very strong faith in God and knew what was right and what was wrong. I don't have a low self-esteem and sure wouldn't let my exMM control me. So for those of you who are busy judging the other woman as to why she was involved with a married man, be it their age or another factor, until you experience how affairs can happen and understanding the feelings that can develop with another person, you will never fully comprehend why. How does one become head of a police department while saying such unprofessional thugs? How would he know what the wives are like? Why would he play armchair Pysch? That's just a bizarre story. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 My WH was involved with a younger OW. Not too much, 10 years. She isn't super young innahe, but she is a train wreck like most typical 21 year olds (she is not 21, much older). He believes that some women search out MM for the sake of just having NSA sex. So they can have their fun and not have someone clingy. (Ummm, doesn't this sound a bit like projecting, I know there are some women like this, but this is mostly a male behavior). I think younger OW tend to be attracted to the establishes guy. When they are married, they obviously can make a commitment (let's forget the joke of commitment not being honored if in an affair). Typically, the older MM is further in his career, makes decent money, etc. All things attractive to a younger ow. And then to add to it, I am sure it is quite the ego boost when this MM has what seems to be the perfect life and he is willing to screw it up for her. This had nothing to do with me being a controlling wife (a cop said This? Ha! But I am certainly not a nagging, controlling wife), overweight (definitely not... I am in good shape), unattractive (I believe myself to be an attractive woman), non-attentive (I worshipped my husband), all the other cliche things that we like to point out that the wives are that make men cheat. I am none of those things.... he wanted extra piece on the side. It was HIS problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Nah... Can you blame these women?? Have you seen what 95% of the men age 20-35 look/act like?? Two distinct body types...Fat or rail/beanpole thin...And whining unmanly little girls that get b!tched around by the women in their lives...Its pathetic and I have never seen it this bad...And if you believe half of the stories posted in the sex category, many are even unable to get it up...I mean do hipster beards, dainty hands, and skinny jeans make any woman wet?? As this ties into the OP's question... More often than not, its not as if the guy pursued, groomed, hoodwinked, tricked of conquered anything...It was handed on a silver platter... That's the part that most women don't really understand, and I am not intending to justify it......Or they just don't believe it...But take it for what its worth.. TFY I'm not sure where you are from but around here the young men are HOT! So are the young women. I think it depends on how you look and what you can attract. When beautiful young people attract other beautiful young people they usually don't date older. They don't have to. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Basic biological needs: Men are more valuable to women when they are older. Women are more valuable to men when they are younger. I think wives/gf get complacent... they get older, gain weight, and cut sex, clipping slowly at his needs without realizing it. Add nagging to the mix and soon they are cheating. I don't feel that men are more valuable as they age and what about husbands who gain weight, go bald, impotency and bad moods. Is this why older women cheat with younger men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I don't feel that men are more valuable as they age and what about husbands who gain weight, go bald, impotency and bad moods. Is this why older women cheat with younger men? Here's the difference... Older guy in good shape, good looking, money, power, etc trumps most younger guys no matter who they are...That's why young women fall for them...Ive heard younger women(some much) say that all their contemporaries are nothing but immature, unmanly, jackoffs, and that they prefer what they call a "real man"...Ive even read numerous stories here.. Older woman in good shape(or even not) will find younger guys, but only to be used for sex....I dont really see 20 something guys seeing any women over 40 to be long term relationship partners..If you do find them looking to make relationship partners with older women, its usually a dynamic where the guy has been rejected by younger women and therefore look for older women who have been kicked around(not literally) and looking for a safe landing.. Disagree all you want, but that's been my observation... I have an attorney buddy...Not particularly attractive, typical late 50's look,, Grey, bald, belly, jowly, etc...Married a 26 year old and they have been married for quite some time...And here's the kicker...She signed a pre-nup, so when/if they split, she leaves with what she came with...no more...No kids... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I don't feel that men are more valuable as they age and what about husbands who gain weight, go bald, impotency and bad moods. Is this why older women cheat with younger men? It's a standard theory for people who base the entirety of human relationships around money and sex. Men are only good for money. They tend to make more money as they get older and get career advancements. Therefore, older men are more appealing. Women are only good for sex. They are sexier when they are younger, and better able to make lots of babies. Therefore, younger women are more appealing. And since there ARE people who think this way about life, you will definitely find older men who are ugly but well-off swanning around with pretty young things who are happy to trade sex for money. It's definitely not how all people see relationships. Some people actually like each other. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Here's the difference... Older guy in good shape, good looking, money, power, etc trumps most younger guys no matter who they are... Disagree all you want, but that's been my observation... TFY Well I definitely disagree with the above. Give the money and power to the younger man and see who comes out on top. What young women don't understand is they have a short window to attract and be in a romance with a young man who will actually fall in love with her. I can pretty much guarantee if a young woman marries and older man there will be a time when her eyes will gaze and lust after the younger men she never experienced. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Older guy in good shape, good looking, money, power, etc trumps most younger guys no matter who they are...That's why young women fall for them...Ive heard younger women(some much) say that all their contemporaries are nothing but immature, unmanly, jackoffs, and that they prefer what they call a "real man"...Ive even read numerous stories here.. My last gf was 17 years younger than I but that was more by accident. There are definitely qualities in older men that are attractive, if they are lucky. If you have become self-assured, relaxed, and don't need to prove anything anymore, the overall calm attitude can be very attractive IMHO. But that is often the exception, meaning that men collect emotional scars just like women do. But that doesn't trump most younger guys, if they are physically fit you cannot compete in the looks department, nor does what you deem physically attractive in a man necessarily correlate with a woman's point of view. Plus what they lack in experience they can make up with optimism and enthusiasm, a blank canvas so to speak. Something an older man cannot offer. You are who you are. Most younger guys I meet are very similar to how I was at that age. I find the younger generation sometimes a bit timid, but not immature. Quite the opposite, the "hard years" during the recent economic crisis seemed to mature them rather quickly, and their attitude towards relationship seems to be rather conservative. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Look at Prince Charles going for that nasty Camilla woman when he could have been with Princess Diana and you'll see the answer to your question is NO 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Look at Prince Charles going for that nasty Camilla woman when he could have been with Princess Diana and you'll see the answer to your question is NO It's all in ones eye, I don't think Diana was an attractive woman. Plus he was in love with Camilla and were he just a normal guy would have married her long before Diana was in the picture. According to the show I just watched recently, they were in a relationship before he was FORCED to marry Diana. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 It's all in ones eye, I don't think Diana was an attractive woman. Plus he was in love with Camilla and were he just a normal guy would have married her long before Diana was in the picture. According to the show I just watched recently, they were in a relationship before he was FORCED to marry Diana. Oh poor him. My heart breaks for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 When was the last time you turned on the TV (or you tube) and saw an add for a moisturizer that'll make your skin look older? Why does a woman have to be under the age of 30 to play Tom Cruise's love interest in a movie? I don't think you have to look any deeper for why men have affairs with younger women typically. I don't buy some of this "less trouble" stuff. Having an affair with a single young woman is way more likely to blow up than having an affair with a married woman of the same age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 (edited) My last gf was 17 years younger than I but that was more by accident. There are definitely qualities in older men that are attractive, if they are lucky. If you have become self-assured, relaxed, and don't need to prove anything anymore, the overall calm attitude can be very attractive IMHO. But that is often the exception, meaning that men collect emotional scars just like women do. But that doesn't trump most younger guys, if they are physically fit you cannot compete in the looks department, nor does what you deem physically attractive in a man necessarily correlate with a woman's point of view. Plus what they lack in experience they can make up with optimism and enthusiasm, a blank canvas so to speak. Something an older man cannot offer. You are who you are. Most younger guys I meet are very similar to how I was at that age. I find the younger generation sometimes a bit timid, but not immature. Quite the opposite, the "hard years" during the recent economic crisis seemed to mature them rather quickly, and their attitude towards relationship seems to be rather conservative. All I am doing is reporting what I am hearing from younger women...Most of my nieces are all in their 20's and while they admit they may settle with a contemporary for practicalities sake, that their maturity level over those guys is way lopsided...Again, their view/opinion, not mine... I get a fair amount of attention from women in late 20's early 30's, and I am over 50 now...I am not on the market, looking, or even flirting with them...I guess you would have had to ask them what they thought was so great.. Additionally, a buddy of mine recently divorced...Biker with tats, early 50's, shytty job, no money...etc..Even he was amazed at the amount of women that he connected with on OLD that were in the 27-35 year range....Some pretty nice looking professional women, I saw the pics...He ran through a bunch of them, then settled down with a woman in her early 40's....Still 10 years his junior... Again, just observations... TFY Edited June 21, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I think it depends on his motivation -- i.e. if he's having a mid-life crisis and seeking validation for his manliness, wanting to feel young again, they seek out younger women. If the guy is just feeling unappreciated or his relationship is emotionally stale, etc., he will seek a woman who is more mature and closer to his age, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 All I am doing is reporting what I am hearing from younger women...Most of my nieces are all in their 20's and while they admit they may settle with a contemporary for practicalities sake, that their maturity level over those guys is way lopsided...Again, their view/opinion, not mine... Young women are often more mature than young men, but that hasn't really changed. And it didn't tip the scales much when it came to dating behavior. I get a fair amount of attention from women in late 20's early 30's, and I am over 50 now...I am not on the market, looking, or even flirting with them...I guess you would have had to ask them what they thought was so great.. Of course they flirt, because they can and they know they will get a positive response. But attention doesn't really translate into interest. Additionally, a buddy of mine recently divorced...Biker with tats, early 50's, shytty job, no money...etc..Even he was amazed at the amount of women that he coínnected with on OLD that were in the 27-35 year range....Some pretty nice looking professional women, I saw the pics...He ran through a bunch of them, then settled down with a woman in her early 40's....Still 10 years his junior... Again, just observations... TFY Indeed, just your observations, just like my own relationship with a much younger woman was the exception. Statistically speaking large age differences in relationships are uncommon, especially if younger partners are involved. Spreads from 2-3 years (young) up to 6-7 years (older) would be typical. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 It's all in ones eye, I don't think Diana was an attractive woman. Plus he was in love with Camilla and were he just a normal guy would have married her long before Diana was in the picture. According to the show I just watched recently, they were in a relationship before he was FORCED to marry Diana. I think her point is Charles chose an unattractive older woman over a young woman who most considered to be pretty. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 (edited) Young women are often more mature than young men, but that hasn't really changed. And it didn't tip the scales much when it came to dating behavior. It's(the gap) is worse than it's ever been...I know more of this than most people, because I have been employing guys in this age range for the better part of 25 years now...These guys make up 90% of my workforce..It wasn't like this in the 90's(and before) that's for sure.. Of course they flirt, because they can and they know they will get a positive response. But attention doesn't really translate into interest.You are stating opinion, not fact...I'm not a "fun" or flirty type, meaning it's been my experience that I don't get attention from women just for the hell of it...I don't respond to it, or have the type of persona that is even receptive to it.. Indeed, just your observations, just like my own relationship with a much younger woman was the exception. Statistically speaking large age differences in relationships are uncommon, especially if younger partners are involved. Spreads from 2-3 years (young) up to 6-7 years (older) would be typical.I gave real world examples, I guess they don't count...*shrug* Whatever, man..... TFY Edited June 21, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 I gave real world examples, I guess they don't count...*shrug* Whatever... TFY No, for a statistic a particular data point does not count. I just left a team where I was the oldest guy in the bunch. All the younger guys were family-oriented, and half of them already married with kids. Only one acted immaturely. Yet I would not consider my experience to be representative, either. But there is a decent amount of statistical evidence that the Millennials are more conservative at their age than my generation (Gen X) has been. (Do you remember the grunge movement and what type of people that generation produced?) In either case it is pretty obvious that our perceptions do not translate into a change in dating behavior. People are generally still in relationships with partners close to their age. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 The reasons people cheat are as individual as the people themselves. One thing really stands out though. So many times in affairs, the excuse is given " I wasn't looking for it, it just sort of happened". If this is the case, then I don't know much actual "choosing" really takes place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 All I am doing is reporting what I am hearing from younger women...Most of my nieces are all in their 20's and while they admit they may settle with a contemporary for practicalities sake, that their maturity level over those guys is way lopsided...Again, their view/opinion, not mine... I get a fair amount of attention from women in late 20's early 30's, and I am over 50 now...I am not on the market, looking, or even flirting with them...I guess you would have had to ask them what they thought was so great.. Additionally, a buddy of mine recently divorced...Biker with tats, early 50's, shytty job, no money...etc..Even he was amazed at the amount of women that he connected with on OLD that were in the 27-35 year range....Some pretty nice looking professional women, I saw the pics...He ran through a bunch of them, then settled down with a woman in her early 40's....Still 10 years his junior... Again, just observations... TFY We tend to think that what we observe is a measuring stick for all of society. We also tend to take the actions of a few and then assign those actions to all. I've no doubt that you get hit on here and there by young women but for every woman that flirts with you there are hundreds or thousands of young women who would never dream of hitting on a man 20yrs older than them. Just like I've been hit on by married men. From that I could come to the conclusion that it's the norm for men to cheat, however when I look at the bigger picture I can see that the majority of married or taken men I know have not hit on me. It's been maybe 1 in every 10 or 15 men, so not the norm or the majority. I do agree that many women in their twenties find men in their twenties too childish and immature. Girls have always matured faster than boys. I know I always dated older guys but for me older was 5 to 10 yrs my senior anyone more than 10yrs older than me was an old man in my eyes. My observation has been that most people are still coupling up with people within their age bracket, especially young people who are looking to get married and have families. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 (edited) OK....so let's veer this derailment back to the topic as posted by the OP...Forget couplings/LTR's and such.... And because people think that a younger woman falling for an older man is like a Unicorn sighting, let me add this... How many threads have I seen on here of women that start by... "OMG, I have fallen for my much older Dr/ Boss/teacher/Indian Chief, whatever".. Id have to say that in my time here, it has to at least be in the hundreds...And you can probably find at least one on any given day... So the why's and wherefore's are really moot....If it's happening, then sure, those married guys are probably taking whats being offered...if they are vulnerable or have some reason for doing it, whatever that is.. Its not rocket science here, folks.. TFY Edited June 21, 2017 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 And because people think that a younger woman falling for an older man is like a Unicorn sighting, let me add this... Absolutely not! Men marrying younger women has been going on since the beginning of time for whatever reason. A Unicorn sighting would be more the older woman with a younger man; but that is changing also. However the majority of both genders marry within their age range. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 tfy, if you want to go through the threads and pull out actual data of how often these things are stated, feel free! it would probably be quite interesting to see ACTUAL statistics of how many threads posted in the last year have a clear age gap, a suggested age gap, or no age gap, and so on. But if you go by simply 'I remember seeing it a lot' then your memory will tend to be skewed by the things that are most in line with your expectations sticking out more, and the things you think of as weird being brushed over. No one has said it's a unicorn sighting, only that it's absolutely not a rule followed by all people in all situations. It's ridiculous to think all women want older men, it's ridiculous to think no women want older men. It's ridiculous to think all men want redheads, it's ridiculous to think no men want redheads. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 (edited) Absolutely not! Men marrying younger women has been going on since the beginning of time for whatever reason. A Unicorn sighting would be more the older woman with a younger man; but that is changing also. However the majority of both genders marry within their age range. Not a unicorn but not common, either. Statistically speaking between 2% to 5% percent, depending on how you define much older. Or in other words, not applicable to 95% of all men. (Not sure if it is allowed to link out directly, but Wikipedia has these statistics readily available.) Edited June 21, 2017 by CptInsano Link to post Share on other sites
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