Arieswoman Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Q. Should you text when at work? A. No. You go to work to work, that's what you're being paid for. You don't do your own "stuff" on the company's time. If you have an unpaid lunch-hour then it's fine to text then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted June 26, 2017 Author Share Posted June 26, 2017 Been dating a girl for just over a month - 4 dates, know she's interested and know she is definitely not seeing anyone else. However I last saw her in Thursday night. She worked long shifts all weekend and is working the night shift tonight, tomorrow and Wednesday night, then Friday night she goes to her home City until Sunday evening for a Hen party. So basically Thursday night I thought she might make time for me but judging from a text before it seems not. Therefore it's going to be at least 10 days between our last date... Part of me is saying be patient and accept this is just a crazy week for her that can't be helped but part of me is thinking what's the point. Am I unreasonable for thinking she should make Thursday night free for me if she's interested? Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 A hen party? I'm curious, did you use that phrase with her about her plans? I'm so turned off by this sort of phrase about women. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 (edited) Been dating a girl for just over a month - 4 dates, know she's interested and know she is definitely not seeing anyone else. t part of me is thinking what's the point. Am I unreasonable for thinking she should make Thursday night free for me if she's interested? When her schedule isn't busy with things she planned before she met you a month ago, how does she act when she's with you? Yes. You are being quite unreasonable. She's just a girl you're dating--you have not said that you two have discussed exclusivity/commitment with one another, so am I right to say that this hasn't been discussed? You are holding a lot of expectations for her when you barely even know her. And as I said, she most likely made those plans long before she met you, so yeah, you're going to have to chill for 10 days. You do have the self discipline to do that without trying to punish her, right? Edited June 26, 2017 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 She made these plans before she even met you, she has a hectic schedule and one day off before she has to be gone for the weekend. Cut her some slack. Yes, it would be nice if she carved out some time for you on her one day off, but she needs to get packed and ready. It's harder for the person who has more time and has to wait. You need to be patient with this. If this type of busy continues into your future, you have to decide if this is something you wish to continue or if you'd like to find someone with more time that meshes more with your schedule. For now, it's a long time to wait, but you have no indication she's not into you at this time, so just wait. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 A hen party? I'm curious, did you use that phrase with her about her plans? I'm so turned off by this sort of phrase about women. You do know that Hen Party is the female equivalent of a Buck's Party, yes? Are you equally offended by the name for the boys night? Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 It doesn't seem to me that you're all that interested if you're thinking of ending it due to her busy schedule in ONE MONTH! One month is nothing. If you continue to date her and she continues to be unavailable for maybe three or four months then you need to make a decision. Is she busy to avoid you? Or really busy? If it's to avoid you, then, yeah, end it. If she's really busy, and it's all the time, then you need to make a decision if you can deal with that or not. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 (edited) You do know that Hen Party is the female equivalent of a Buck's Party, yes? Are you equally offended by the name for the boys night? I've never heard of a buck's party. I grew up in the Eastern U.S. and a referring to a women's gathering as a hen party is a derisive comment there. So that is how I read that post. Thanks for mentioning this. Edited to add: Where I grew up bachelor parties were called stag parties. That I would have recognized, but like I said I'd never heard of a hen party being a pre-wedding party until I just googled it. Learned something new here from you, basil. Edited June 28, 2017 by greymatter Adding something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 Hi there, I've posted a few times about this girl I met on OLD and we met just over 5 weeks ago now. Since then we've seen each other 4 times and contacted every day but not a lot, mainly around 5-7 messages a day to touch base and set up plans. We haven't had sex yet - I went to her flat on date 4 (the last time I saw her, which was 9 days ago) but we have kissed on every date and I'm getting hints she likes me. On that particular date I took condoms just in case but never felt like it was in the air which is fine, I'm not really bothered to rush into sex if the girl isn't showing that she is either. Anyway, I haven't seen her in 9 days because she's been mad busy on work shifts, moving house and has gone to a Hen party with friends in a different city this weekend. However, she is back tomorrow and said we should get together. The plan is to go to her flat that she is leaving this week so all her furniture is no longer there, as I said I'd help her clean it a bit before she gives the keys to the landlord then we will go for food near her. The thing about sex though is that there's no furniture in her flat so I doubt it's on the table which again is fine....I'm just worried that I'll mess it up with sex. Either I'll try and initiate it too early for her or wait too long and she might feel rejected? She's not been overly explicit about anything yet. I feel like I'm getting slowly closer to her with every date but only seen her 4 times so don't feel overly close to her yet. I don't really feel comfortable with asking her about sex?? But I'm unsure. I live at home still with my parents so not asking her to my house just yet either... Anyone ever experienced this uncertainty girl or guys? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 No sex in the empty flat. You are there as extra muscle unpaid cleaning staff, not for sex. If she has any sense / manners she will treat you to the food afterwards to say thank you for the help. Let her pay. Invite her 'round to yours for the next date (not this one) or wait until she invites you to the new place. If she doesn't agree to come to yours, that is a signal that she wants to hold off on sex. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 No sex in the empty flat. You are there as extra muscle unpaid cleaning staff, not for sex. If she has any sense / manners she will treat you to the food afterwards to say thank you for the help. Let her pay. Invite her 'round to yours for the next date (not this one) or wait until she invites you to the new place. If she doesn't agree to come to yours, that is a signal that she wants to hold off on sex. He lives with his parents. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Missed the parents part. That's what I get for skimming. I still stand by no sex in the empty flat. When you get invited to her place next time, you can try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sbla22 Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 No sex in the empty flat. You are there as extra muscle unpaid cleaning staff, not for sex. If she has any sense / manners she will treat you to the food afterwards to say thank you for the help. Let her pay. Invite her 'round to yours for the next date (not this one) or wait until she invites you to the new place. If she doesn't agree to come to yours, that is a signal that she wants to hold off on sex. That's what I was thinking - I think I'll be asked to her new house pretty soon - We've mentioned it a couple of times and she seems keen for me to see it. Just she's never mentioned anything sexual so I don't know where she stands. As I said I live with my parents still so don't want to ask her over until I'm sure we have a solid foundation as at the moment I keep thinking she's going to cut me out her life! But this is founded on past OLD whereas this girl has never said or done anything in particular to make me think that, Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 When she invites you to see her new place, take her dinner or make dinner together and watch a movie. That's when you can have some fun making out and take your cues from that. There is another step between kissing and sex... Good for you for taking time to get to know her and enjoying the process, without the pressure of sex. When she is comfortable, it will happen... Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Just she's never mentioned anything sexual so I don't know where she stands. And there's a good chance she won't. Most women won't initiate. They expect you to do that, and sometimes they will feel a need to put up some mild resistance even when they're ready. They need the scenario to be like, it wasn't my idea but he was so suave and persistent and I could no longer resist. Plausible deniability, feigning demure, or whatever you want to call it. It's the way they're socialized. Obviously, I'm not generalizing about all women, but there are a lot of the demure, reticent type out there, even if they're fairly experienced. Example: my previous girlfriend, quite progressive and sexually adventurous as it turned out, never mentioned sex or did anything to indicate she was ready. It was after our third date and she invited me in as I took her home. We sat on the couch. At that point we had never even touched! No kissing, holding hands or anything. As I put my arm around her, she leaned in and sort of melted into me. We started kissing, which led to touching... I kept expecting her to say stop or push my hands away. I thought, I'm surprised she's so passive, but I'm not stopping until she says so. She went with it and we ended up going all the way. If I had waited on a clear signal, or for her to outright initiate, we probably would never have gotten naked. That's just one example. But yea, make sure the stage is well set so it feels safe and comfortable. There was another more recently who said that she didn't want sex too soon, so I limited it to kissing and fondling... but she never resisted at all. I'm now thinking that she may have actually been ready and wanted me to be more persistent... and the wanting to wait statement was just feigning demure to preserve the illusion of virtue. Man, you have to be really good at reading cues, context and knowing when no doesn't really mean no. Even at my age I find all of this stuff to be too much gamesmanship. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) I've never heard of a buck's party. I grew up in the Eastern U.S. and a referring to a women's gathering as a hen party is a derisive comment there. So that is how I read that post. Thanks for mentioning this. Edited to add: Where I grew up bachelor parties were called stag parties. That I would have recognized, but like I said I'd never heard of a hen party being a pre-wedding party until I just googled it. Learned something new here from you, basil. Born and raised in western NY and Hen party = stag party. OP, if she don't take you out and treat for food after helping her then I would assume she isn't interested. hell the fact she is even letting you help her is probably not a good sign. also at the glacial state she is moving you have plenty of time to be going out with other women off the dating site. But you aren't and this is why you are starting to sound a little desperate and are going to end up chasing and that usually doesn't work out. I don't think you are being aggressive enough and i think because of that you are going to end up friendzoned. Volunteering to help her clean is probably the worst thing you could do at this point but you did it. i know women whose BF's she is having sex with won't even take the garbage out when they leave. those women complain about those men, but they continue to sleep with them. just food for thought. but since i'm not there i can't tell you for sure what's going to happen. i can only relay my experience when i've been in these situations. Edited July 1, 2017 by phineas Link to post Share on other sites
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