starrynight4321 Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Am I in the wrong for not liking her dirty texting and hooking up with him even though we aren't exclusive? We have been on 5 dates and have been talking/dating for past month and a half. She went on a date with this other guy a week before our first date but has continued to still hang with him and dirty text him as we continued to date past month and a half. It just doesn't sit well with me knowing she has been hooking up and dirty texting him while dating me seriously and not taking this other guy seriously. She does dirty text me a lot but now it feels like its meaningless and that she never meant a dirty text she sent to me. Is it ok to not want to date someone for those reasons? You are a normal person for not liking this. It's just that the popular thing these days is for people to pretend that this doesn't bother them and that it's ok because they aren't exclusive yet. As if people don't experience any normal human feelings until AFTER they have the exclusive label. I'd feel the same way if I were you. You two are just not compatible. She's playing the field while you seem to genuinely be looking for a decent person to invest your time in. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 (edited) This is a reason to go, not to stay. Keep away from people with "issues" and "depression" and the ones who need "saving". They, as you have found with this girl, often do not play by the rules, their view of normality is skewed, they suck you in and before you know it they may be happy but you certainly aren't. As you are a guy who wants exclusivity and a normal monogamous relationship then you need to look for a girl who is not bending the rules to satisfy her own needs. The minute she said she didn't want exclusivity with you that was when you should have ended it, as you are not the type of guy who can tolerate that. At that point you were incompatible and you should have walked away. Multi-dating works for some, but for others including a large proportion of the Western world outwith the US, multi-dating is not practised widely and is considered to be cheating. people with depression are also normal elaine.....can be in monogamous relationships married or not, be truthful and honest ....bad behavior cant be medicated..dishonesty is bad behavior....and you dont need depression to be a dishonest person....depression can be treated and dealt with by medication either holistically or pharmaceutically.....its not a reason for men to stay away from women with depression..that's a bit harsh......depression doesnt make us lepers to be avoided(not that you need to avoid lepers either).......yes ..i have clinical depression among other illnesses....and when i date....i am an honest person and i dont multi date depressed or not.... i have gone through depressive episodes in relationships and dating ...i prefer to date in a clear frame of mind....but the fact remains...i go through depressive episodes and i inform any potential partner of that fact............you cant blame depression for her behaviors..you and i both dont know if it's true or not for her being skewed.....or not"normal thinking"...is a direct result of her issues.....i feel her dishonesty is reason enough for john to walk away....and not depression the reason for him to steer clear..........deb Edited June 3, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
Superchicken Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 She's a virigin. She is waiting till marriage but told me that if we started dating she would wait 2 years. Waiting 2 years for me is something I can't do and a red flag for me. Let me tell you something. I'm a Virgin too. I'm also pretty sure my wife is too. Don't let my kids tell you differently. They are liars, and have been since they were conceived. Oh dude, please.. Anyone who can text like that, I would bet "My" left ball isn't one. Sorry, but just being a little "Testi" AHHHHHH enough puns.. Again, play the field, and just enjoy what ever comes. The "Balls" in your court. (Sorry, one more, its all todreaminblue's fault she started it !). Ted 4
MountainGirl111 Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 I think you already feel in your heart you should leave this girl. Not because she has issues such as depression and a tough childhood, but because of dishonesty and not playing it straight with you. And no, I don't think the "answer" is to "just bang her" for the experience or whatever...besides she said she didn't want to do that with you right now anyway....However, if you stop seeing her and she wants to know why, you may have to fess up and tell her you snooped on her phone and so you know indeed she's been sexting with another guy like that. Then, she might get all righteous indignant on you for snooping. There's not much you can do about that at that point. You never know, she might get a lesson out of it and it might make her stop and think: "Is sexting really okay/innocent?" while you are claiming to be a virgin and will wait til marriage to have physical intercourse? I guess that's a moral question and it seems to be the "in" thing these days, but that doesn't necessarily make it right. The whole purpose of dating in the first place is not just to have a good time and get some thrills, but to really get to know a person; their character and yes, their virtue. Say what? Virtue? What's that? Seems to be a bit of an afterthought these days, huh? 1
Springsummer Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 She's a virigin. She is waiting till marriage but told me that if we started dating she would wait 2 years. Waiting 2 years for me is something I can't do and a red flag for me. How can they have had sexual hookup while she is still a virgin? and how can she said those sexually explicit things? 1
todreaminblue Posted June 3, 2017 Posted June 3, 2017 Let me tell you something. I'm a Virgin too. I'm also pretty sure my wife is too. Don't let my kids tell you differently. They are liars, and have been since they were conceived. Oh dude, please.. Anyone who can text like that, I would bet "My" left ball isn't one. Sorry, but just being a little "Testi" AHHHHHH enough puns.. Again, play the field, and just enjoy what ever comes. The "Balls" in your court. (Sorry, one more, its all todreaminblue's fault she started it !). Ted clever ted....on repeat for emphasis....very punny..lol..right on the ball with your thoughts.........ahem..smilin... op.seriously......she lies you cant trust her there is no good that come out of dishonesty..not in dating..not in a relationship.....please consider the advice you have been given for your own personal well being....depression and a hard childhood is not a reason to leave....but its also not a reason to stay....her dishonesty is enough for you to not pursue anything with her......deb 1
MountainGirl111 Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 . Waiting 2 years for me is something I can't do and a red flag for me. If someone saying they need to 'wait two years' to have sex with you is a red flag for you, so be it. We all have things that are "red flags" to us. But let me tell you, her sexting another guy like that on the one hand while presenting something else to you...is really the greater red flag. We are talking about a basic character flaw here; dishonesty. But, see how people get sucked in by what is "presented" to them? You started dating her. You really really liked her, based on what you knew so far.....very little time has gone by, actually, thankfully....then you find another aspect to her that is unsavory to you. 2
Author Johnj92 Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 I need advice ASAP. I haven't completely cut her off yet and I plan on call g her tonight and telling her we should be just friends. Should I tell her the truth and tell her I saw those text messages she sent or do I come up with a different reason to why I just want to be friends?
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 You will look like a chump telling her you were snooping in her %^$#. Just tell her you thought about it and you realize you have different expectations and you just feel it would be best to stop seeing her. And please drop the "Lets be friends"...all you are doing is wasting your time on someone who really doesn't need to be in your life. 3
joseb Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 If you want to you could say that you've decided you are just looking for casual and some sexy times and just see if she is up for some fun. If you don't mind sharing. Use protection. You know her line about "waiting" and being a Virgin is total BS. You know now that she is not gf material because she is a liar and can't be trusted. For the same reason, she isn't friend material. 1
Author Johnj92 Posted June 5, 2017 Author Posted June 5, 2017 I still can't decide if i should tell her i snooped in her phone and saw the texts. Its bad i looked into her phone but it was also good I did cuz I don't want to be with a girl who is getting wet thinking about another guy while taking me seriously. Yesterday I kept asking and hinting towards if she has sent any dirty texts recently or is fooling around with the other guy and she said she isn't and said she sent this guy maybe a couple dirty text over a month ago when they went on a coupe dates before we started dating, when in reality she just sent those texts 5 days ago. I was trying to get her to come clean without me telling her I saw the texts s and she lied. I feel like its going to bother me when I call her to tonight to tell her I wanna stop seeing her and don't tell her I saw the texts.
Superchicken Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 If she's lying now about something like this, then your in for bigger problems in the future. Every time she goes out, you will question yourself, "Is she telling me the truth". Take now for instance. Do you know where she is ". Not what she told you, but actually 100% sure where she is ?. If your feeling a little sick in the gut, then, get used to it. Hey, did you hear that ?.. It was a text on her phone. Do you feel the need to check it and read what it says ?. If yes, then GET OUT !. This is not how two people have a relationship. There's no trust, but plenty of deception. Ted.
Zahara Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 I still can't decide if i should tell her i snooped in her phone and saw the texts. Its bad i looked into her phone but it was also good I did cuz I don't want to be with a girl who is getting wet thinking about another guy while taking me seriously. Yesterday I kept asking and hinting towards if she has sent any dirty texts recently or is fooling around with the other guy and she said she isn't and said she sent this guy maybe a couple dirty text over a month ago when they went on a coupe dates before we started dating, when in reality she just sent those texts 5 days ago. I was trying to get her to come clean without me telling her I saw the texts s and she lied. I feel like its going to bother me when I call her to tonight to tell her I wanna stop seeing her and don't tell her I saw the texts. She's lied. That's all that matters. That should send you running the other way. I am not sure why you're cracking your brain about how to confront her. If you tell her you saw the text messages, her reaction would not matter because you're walking away anyway. What's the issue?
ChatroomHero Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 I feel like its going to bother me when I call her to tonight to tell her I wanna stop seeing her and don't tell her I saw the texts. I am the same way as you as in I like to get it out on the table. In a situation like this I might be tempted to say I saw the texts because what I saw compared to the lies she told me were way worse than me snooping on her phone. I would feel the ends justify the means. However, that is a weak play no matter how tempting. Look, she is basically screwing another guy and using you for a free night out and she is lying about it. The whole, I am a virgin and we need to wait years...is all bs and a really devious way to get something from you. It's a major lie. Frankly your best move here is to just drop her. I mean like, no return phone calls, not contact, etc. I would be angry in your situation, so angry she would become a nonexistent person. The most she would ever get from me if anything, is, "You lied to me. I know it. You know it. You used me and told me you won't have sex because bla, bla, bla, at the same time screwing another guy. You are nothing more than garbage". I wouldn't listen to anything she said, I wouldn't spend one more minute on her. Let her worry how you found out she is actually garbage, because she will know it is true and it will bother her. She will want to probe to find out what you know. Let her twist on that, but certainly I wouldn't have any more contact with her.
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 Give it up she isn't gong to tell you jack s&*^. If you tell her how you found out, she's not going to think she did anything wrong, but she sure as hell she's going to think you are a jack#$% for snooping in her phone.
Author Johnj92 Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 Well Friday I called her and kept trying to hint towards her talking dirty to the other guy and she kept diverting the conversastion. Then on Saturday we went to dinner and I straight up asked if she has sent any dirty texts to this guy recently and if they are fooling around a little at all while we were seriously dating for the past month and a half. She looked at me and said she maybe sent a couple dirty texts 2 months ago when they went on their first 2 dates but hasn't in over a month. She lied straight to my face and had dirty texted this guy just a week ago. I called her last night and cut her off and she was very upset and almost in tears and I didn't tell her I saw the texts but I feel like I should tell her and give her the honest truth to why Im ending it since I made up some BS to why I wanted to stop seeing her. She was very confused since I didn't have a good answer to as why I wanted to end it.
Author Johnj92 Posted June 8, 2017 Author Posted June 8, 2017 I met this girl in an acting class about 3 months ago. After second class we started texting on and off for like 2 weeks before she asked me out on a date. We have been on 5 dates now and have been talking almost everyday for past month and a half. She lives 2 hours away. She also says she doesn't want to be exclusive and wants to take things slow, but then also says she really really likes me and wants me to be her boyfriend in the near future. Before we started to date she went on a couple dates with this other guy before me. A week and a half ago I asked her if they were still hanging out and she said only once in a while and it's just getting drinks as friends and talking, nothing more. ( I had a gut feeling she was lying) I looked at her texts with this guy and she had sent texts like "Last night I was so wet, I can't help but finger myself thinking of your huge cock" and he replied "good I'm glad I can make you wet just thinking of me" and she replied "I'm getting wet thinking if you again ahhh". I'm trying to cut her off but she keeps texting and calling me. Do I tell her I snooped into her phone and saw those texts and tell the truth. Or do I continue to make up reasons to why I don't want to see her anymore?
harrybrown Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 If you can't block her, do tell her you do not want to play second base. it is too messy.
Poutrew Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 Tell her you snooped. Tell her what you read... about her wetness problem. Tell her it is good she has another man that can make her so wet just by thinking about him, and you'd like to eventually find a girlfriend who feels that way about you, but she isn't it. Then go NC on her wet azz... 2
kendahke Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 (edited) She also says she doesn't want to be exclusive Do I tell her I snooped into her phone and saw those texts and tell the truth Yes. So she knows the kind of guy you are. You two had nothing. She told you that she didn't want exclusivity with you. You breached her privacy, to which she is entitled as someone who is a free agent and not in a relationship with anyone. There is nothing untowards about that conversation between her and that guy and it certainly wasn't any of your business. If the tables were reversed, I'd say the same thing to a girl who snooped the phone of a guy she wasn't in a relationship with. Edited June 8, 2017 by kendahke 3
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2017 Posted June 8, 2017 You double posted this thread trying to get different results...we are not stupid we fact check these things http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/625788-should-i-leave-girl 3
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 I met this girl in an acting class about 3 months ago. After second class we started texting on and off for like 2 weeks before she asked me out on a date. We have been on 5 dates now and have been talking almost everyday for past month and a half. She lives 2 hours away. She also says she doesn't want to be exclusive and wants to take things slow, but then also says she really really likes me and wants me to be her boyfriend in the near future. Before we started to date she went on a couple dates with this other guy before me. A week and a half ago I asked her if they were still hanging out and she said only once in a while and it's just getting drinks as friends and talking, nothing more. ( I had a gut feeling she was lying) So yesterday when she went to the bathroom I quick looked at her recent texts with the guy and 5 days ago she texted him "last night I was so wet I couldn't help but finger myself thinking about your huge cock" and he replied "good I'm glad I make you wet just thinking of me" she replied "im getting wet right now thinking of you again ahhhhh". That made me so angry and shocked and sad. I don't know what to do. I'm more of a guy who puts his eggs in one basket and see what happens from there. I don't think it's right to juggle around multiple people at once. She says she really wants to date me but just not yet and after seeing these texts idk how I feel or what to do anymore since I really really liked her. Should you tell her you saw her dirty texts to another man after you snooped through her phone while she had her backed turned? Hmm, let me see? After only 5 dates, no intimacy and no exclusivity talk, it's none of your business what she does or who else she sees or talks to. If you are put off by her texting "style" and lack of decorum and boundary setting, you make your exit. idk how I feel -- Yes, you do . . . That made me so angry and shocked and sad. Let this one go for the simple fact that you are already too invested and now have a lesser opinion of her which will be difficult to overlook.
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