Ow not moving fwd!

[pheonixrisen]

The ow found out our company tracked my husband down and is not moving fwd.

Sorry long post

 

A bit of my back story

I am married for 11 years

4 years ago I caught my dh in a 18 month affair

Had no knowledge of the ongoing affair

Dh behaviour towards me never change / never went on trips without me /And never stayed out at nights anywhere without me .

 

On Dday I asked for divorce he pleaded he did not want one and would do anything to save the marriage

I had no contact with ow when I found out .

 

After a while I agreed to reconciliation .

Laid my boundaries out I told him if he ever crossed any of them it would be the end to our marriage .

 

We moved forward a year later I was preg we had a child ..during this time we completely changed our lives opened our own company etc..

Through this time my husband mentioned the ow a couple of times when telling me that he heard from acquaintances she is looking for him .my h even mentioned she is trying to locate him by calling people from my previous company to locate me and through me him .

 

Fast forward to last year our company exploded in the market and in a short while we created quite a buzz ishe found out it was his ...his number is listed she called kind of caught him off guard ...he let me know immediately ...this was 9 months ago and since then it has been a fu**ing nightmare

 

We block her she finds new numbers and msgs she has come on every of our social account and I blocked her she created new account I blocked those too ...she msgs him all kind of day and night right from how she loves him to how she cant wait to kiss him and touch him and pictures of her tits/ ass/ vagina (I almost threw up looking at that) constantly asking him what about his happiness

 

He ignores it all .

 

Needless to say this is a nightmare for me a constant reminder we are reconciling but obviously because of what happened i don't trust him a 100 percent .so it's affecting us

 

He is not doing anything now that I am certain as I have placed a VAR just to check if I was missing something ...because all her msgs now indicates as though they are meeting for e.g. I finish work at 4 today or where are you I can't wait to kiss you today but then she catches her ownself lying by next msging being so you are not going to ans me say something nice / where is your happiness etc...he shows me all the msgs that come in all calls from her etc...

 

I have contemplated leaving ...not because I feel he is doing something but because nobody should live a life in this manner not me / not him and not her and most importantly i do not want my child to be bought up in this environment which is stressful to say the least ..i love my dh but This Is constant in my mind now and the only thing that holds me back is our child who adores her father ...me too

 

My dh has responded only one time in front of me(2 months ago) when her msg suggested as though they were meeting that day ...after he showed me I kind of shut down did not respond and walked away he followed me ..dialled her number and said some very insulting stuff /abused her told her not to msg again ...she stopped for a week and started again

 

We discussed it he say that she Is trying to create a problem by implying.

 

The last msg was a few days ago I msged back told her to go fu**her self and not to waste another 6 years of her life ..i don't doubt she will msg again

 

We cannot make a case as in middle east infidelity is punishable by law so if it comes out infidelity was involved both are looking at 3 to 5 years ...i would rather he ends up with her then go to prison .

 

So we finally discussed to sell our business it's still young but we got a few offers ...we are thinking another year the business would secure a strong hold on market and we could get a better price than to move country ...that was always the bigger plan

 

I am not sure if I explain the next part right

 

I offered my dh a way out when she found us I told him I would give him 50% custody and he would not have anything to worry about from me I do not want to be a part of this cycle again ...he refused infact since all this started again has become very protective of us his family ...he is afraid of loosing me and our child growing up in separated home because fe feels i might leave if its too much ( i have contemplated it) he said to not give up on him he did wrong before he understands what he stands to loose and does not want to loose his family and he would do anything I ask to make it right for us ...he says he feels frustrated that he has no control over what a third party msgs but he is constantly walking on eggshells and is afraid i want to leave because its a constant reminder .(I have contemplated leaving)

 

I am trying to take things one day at a time ..but it's a constant reminder everyday to 4 years ago when I first found out it's been a long road since all this started.we are in a good place between us ...we are discusding a 2nd child but i told him i dont want to bring another child into this so we will wait a couple of months till the business is sold

 

I just don't understand the ow mindset that refused to understand or move forward

That if he wants to be with you he would have left me a long time ago on Dday or if he wants to be with you he would have left his family 8 months ago.

Edited May 26, 2017 by pheonixrisen

[Mrs. John Adams]

So can you get a restraining order against her?

[pheonixrisen]

I checked I can ...but if she says she was in an affair with him they both will get arrested even if no case is filed .I am sure she has pictures with him from 5 years ago as I saw them on her fb as that's how I caught it ...if she has not moved forward I am sure she is holding on to those...she is irresponsible and reckless ...and we have a family .

 

I am not putting this on her alone ...i hold my dh responsible completely for this ...for what he did all those years ago .

[dichotomy]

What a nut job.

 

Your husband chewed her out just once, does not mean he can't do it a few times more.

 

Ya - I would talk to lawyer about an order of protection against this bunny boiler.

[pheonixrisen]

But this is bothering me and affecting us ! I am still trying to get around and just ignore and not pay heed so far I am unable to do that ...it bothers me when msgs comes through

When my dh shows me it's a stressful situation for both of us

[RecentChange]

I understand it's a stressful situation for both of you, but your husband REALLY needs to get a handle on this and remove the stress and burden from YOU.

 

This is his burden to bare, as it was all his doing. I think he needs to get more Stern with her and make it clear that he is so disgusted with her that nothing more will ever happen.

 

Look, I have had an affair, I was wreckless, did really stupid stuff.... But I would like to think that if I lived in a country where I would be JAILED for an affair I would have given it some pause.

 

He F' ed royally, he needs to fix it

[sandylee1]

I'm not sure your husband can do anymore, but perhaps he can tell her, yet again..that he wishes what took place never did, because he hurt his wonderful loving and loyal wife and that she is a bitter reminder of that.

 

I suspect he told her he wasn't happy with you, hence she keeps enquiring about his happiness.

 

She needs a 'leave me alone. Your contact is harming my family and you have no place in my life' kind of letter.

 

You just don't know what kind of crazy person an affair brings into your life.

 

Maybe moving away will give you a fresh start.

[harrybrown]

I am glad that he shows you the messages.

 

Do you want him to stop showing you her constant messages?

 

It does trigger you, but it does sound like he is trying to be transparent and honest.

 

I like the transparency and the honesty.

 

He does not have control over the nut job.

 

Hope you both work it out and leave the country soon.

[LivingWaterPlease]

pheonixrisen, seems to me your best bet is to accept that your husband and you are in this unfortunate situation together and focus on the fact that your husband is 1. showing you the messages 2. doing all he can to honor you and keep your marriage together.

 

In your place I would try to change my perspective (this is not to criticize your viewpoint as obviously you are being realistic, it would just be a coping mechanism), if possible, so that when she contacts, he shows you messages, instead of recalling the original wound, focus on him as a hero trying to save your marriage from this unbalanced outside force (person). Altering perspective can be a powerful tool to deal with life's adversities and sometimes it's the only way to get through a difficult trial.

 

From your posts you seem to be an incredibly gracious person. I encourage you to stick with it, continue working hard on your business, sell and leave the country as a family as you originally planned to do. Wishing you the best!

[Mrs. John Adams]

I checked I can ...but if she says she was in an affair with him they both will get arrested even if no case is filed .I am sure she has pictures with him from 5 years ago as I saw them on her fb as that's how I caught it ...if she has not moved forward I am sure she is holding on to those...she is irresponsible and reckless ...and we have a family .

 

I am not putting this on her alone ...i hold my dh responsible completely for this ...for what he did all those years ago .

 

well then i doubt she will risk going to jail...file a restraining order and take the chance

 

and if she does claim an affair...then they both get what they deserve

 

I guess it all depends on what you can tolerate.....or you can hire a hit man...or you might even contact her and talk to her...YOU not him and you explain just how things are going to be. You will have to be matter of fact and not emotional..and let her know you are now calling the shots

 

She thinks she still has a chance or she would not be doing this..you have to put that to bed

[pheonixrisen]

I'm not sure your husband can do anymore, but perhaps he can tell her, yet again..that he wishes what took place never did, because he hurt his wonderful loving and loyal wife and that she is a bitter reminder of that.

 

I suspect he told her he wasn't happy with you, hence she keeps enquiring about his happiness.

 

She needs a 'leave me alone. Your contact is harming my family and you have no place in my life' kind of letter.

 

You just don't know what kind of crazy person an affair brings into your life.

 

Maybe moving away will give you a fresh start.

 

As hard and hurtful it still is to hear you dh is unhappy and told the ow about it instead of addressing it to me

 

Yes he did tell her that ...we don't talk about the affair anymore as that topic was exhausted a long time ago but yes I do recall him saying he told her he was unhappy / would leave me etc .. and other list of things which i was clueless about then ...and did not get the memo

 

Yes we had marital issues resulting from financial crisis .and yes I am sure we both have had unhappy moments in our marriage but to say that to someone else .

 

He has always maintained one thing since Dday the affair was a means to end something he needed to do at that time he needed to say certain things etc...etc...its not easy to say this but he was really not the person I thought I married from what I know of his affair he is like a whole other person cold and very calculating ..but I am 100 percent sure even though it started that way at some point it was not that way ...when a woman is willing to put her self on the line for you when she is crazy enough to want to do everything for you become a yes girl for everything you want ...its a different kind of ego boost and you develop feelings ..

 

He called her in front of me ...told her to f**k off and leave him alone he told her his family is imp and some very rude things ...but so far that has not stopped her only resulted in her making more like I don't exist

 

Most of her msgs always ends with are you happy? Where is your happiness? I mean literally every second msg says that like it's a question that would give him some kind of epiphany 4 years from Dday and be like yup sure not happy will leave now my wife and child for you

 

I just I guess was looking for advice or another perspective on how to handle this obviously I am unable to ignore esp when naked pictures of hers come in followed by msgs to see what he is missing and honestly it does not bother me as a woman to woman as I am quite fit and good looking woman so I don't believe he is really missing anything sexually or other wise

 

I am not sure if i explain this right but to send someone this pic even her msgs are quite dramatic like my husband is some kind of God like my most beautiful and hardworking you must be so tired I am going to kiss it all away and I look at him and I am like really he is a man who made a lot of mistakes who did a lot of wrong who successfully fooled 2 women for 18 months ...and thats the kind of pedestal you are going to put him on ...he dumped youfor his wife he abused you and is extremely rude to you and made it quite clear he basically ignores all your msgs all your calls ...and you are still at it why give him that place as though there is no consequences for what he did ..how does a man learn consequences? Boundaries ....i would rather she stands up and says you promised me I fell in love leave your wife or loose me ...and she will have her answers...then take a stand and move forward with your life this way you are looking like weak loose fool...just wasting away ....6 years ago the affair started 4 plus years since Dday and you are still sending him I love you and naked picture you are still standing still and he is moving on ...get some ****ing spine why make him feel he is the God. He is not

 

I got a bit carried away but yes I feel deeply for all of the above

[pheonixrisen]

I am glad that he shows you the messages.

 

Do you want him to stop showing you her constant messages?

 

It does trigger you, but it does sound like he is trying to be transparent and honest.

 

I like the transparency and the honesty.

 

He does not have control over the nut job.

 

Hope you both work it out and leave the country soon.

 

No def not stop showing me ...as that is within the boundaries I laid down for reconciliation .

 

Anything related to this woman it would be in his best interest to show me before I find it out for my self ..otherwise i would consider that as betrayal and cheating.

 

Since Dday something inside of me has snapped I missed an affair was happening for 18 months decision and action were being taken that directly or indirectly involved me without my consent...so I now have the need to control everything around me as I am sometimes or most time anxious I may miss something that I could have avoided that would cause me pain ...its self protection the therapist our marriage counsellor said it will pass when I put my trust in him again ...i don't see that happening as I don't think I would ever trust him a 100 percent ...let see in 10 years if I feel differently ..its a price I pay everyday to be with him ...on his part he is aware and complys with anything to remove a doubt ...i really cannot fault him there he is doing everything since Dday to earn back the trust .

 

Yup hope we can move away soon.i really like to focus on other things then having to watch my back .and some times I am afraid if she snaps if she is capable of in anyway reaching my daughter ..my husband has been forbidden to post timeline stories of his whereabouts .

 

However I would like to point it if this anyway starts affecting my daughter even though he is not doing anything or any wrong...if the situation reaches her in anyway I would have no choice but to leave she is very young 3 years but phone savy she know how to put our passwords on phone and knows how to ans calls she watches cartoons on YouTube on mine or my dh phone ...or uses it for drawing app and I am nervous if she will by mistake open a picture that come in ...she may not know what she is looking at ...but still it makes me nervous

Edited May 27, 2017 by pheonixrisen

[wmacbride]

I checked I can ...but if she says she was in an affair with him they both will get arrested even if no case is filed .I am sure she has pictures with him from 5 years ago as I saw them on her fb as that's how I caught it ...if she has not moved forward I am sure she is holding on to those...she is irresponsible and reckless ...and we have a family .

 

I am not putting this on her alone ...i hold my dh responsible completely for this ...for what he did all those years ago .

 

As someone who has put up with similar behavior for the past ten years, I can tell you it's not going to stop until she latches on to another guy.

 

Her behavior now is on her. It is not your husband's fault. She knew the relationship was over, and contact from her is no longer welcome. She is choosing to ignore it.

 

Have you thought about you and your husband approaching her family, explaining the situation and that while you don't want anything bad to happen to her, you do want to be left alone. Let them know you would like their help, and maybe they have some ideas that can encourage her to move on.

 

I would also keep an eye out for signs that she's spinning out of control. If she starts making threats, saying things that are clearly not grounded in reality ( beyond what's she's saying now, which is clearly just to get a reaction from you and hurt you) or if she starts showing up at your home, call the police. She could be dangerous.

[wmacbride]

well then i doubt she will risk going to jail...file a restraining order and take the chance

 

and if she does claim an affair...then they both get what they deserve

 

I guess it all depends on what you can tolerate.....or you can hire a hit man...or you might even contact her and talk to her...YOU not him and you explain just how things are going to be. You will have to be matter of fact and not emotional..and let her know you are now calling the shots

 

She thinks she still has a chance or she would not be doing this..you have to put that to bed

 

This might very well be true.

 

It might also be true that she is contacting the op's husband to hurt the op. Why else include details he knows aren't true?

 

If this is the case, knowing the A is over for good won't change anything, as it's not really about that anymore. It's about trying to hurt his wife, who the ow may see as being the cause of her pain.

 

OP,

It will likely be really painful, but if you can go through the messages in your mind, what do you think their purpose really is? To restart the A? To hurt your H? To hurt you? All of these?

 

If she was seeing the situation clearly, then talking with her and explaining the A is over for good could be helpful. This might work with a logical mind that was thinking clearly, and would be a sensible step to take. The ow in this situation isn't showing signs of logical thinking, and more support might be needed to help her move on.

[elaine567]

Most of her msgs always ends with are you happy? Where is your happiness? I mean literally every second msg says that like it's a question that would give him some kind of epiphany 4 years from Dday and be like yup sure not happy will leave now my wife and child for you

 

Many MM often "work their magic" on the OW by telling her he is deeply unhappy in his marriage. She then feels pity for him and that is often the basis for her developing a deep emotional connection with him.

She needs to save him, from his horrible marriage and his usually "dreadful" wife.

She will then be able to justify the affair. He is not just some local Lothario wanting her for sex, he is a victim, a poor thing that she just has to help, she cannot turn her back on him then, can she?

Even when Dday occurs she may tell herself, ably abetted by him usually, that he was "forced " to go back, he had no other option, his wife was going to ruin him, his children needed him, he still loved her very much but circumstance won't allow... etc.etc.

She thus feels he still needs her help to break free...

It is the classic love story. The lovers love truly, madly and deeply but fate keeps them apart...

I guess that is why she keeps asking him "Where is your happiness?", she is really saying, "Stop making everyone else happy and denying your own happiness, come to me and allow me to make you truly happy."

 

As it is now 4 years later and she is still hanging in there, cynical old me would guess that she is getting some positive feedback from your husband that keeps her there. Yes, he is seemingly transparent in his interactions with her, but maybe not totally, and that would be my worry for you here.

Edited May 27, 2017 by elaine567

[pheonixrisen]

Many MM often "work their magic" on the OW by telling her he is deeply unhappy in his marriage. She then feels pity for him and that is often the basis for her developing a deep emotional connection with him.

She needs to save him, from his horrible marriage and his usually "dreadful" wife.

She will then be able to justify the affair. He is not just some local Lothario wanting her for sex, he is a victim, a poor thing that she just has to help, she cannot turn her back on him then, can she?

Even when Dday occurs she may tell herself, ably abetted by him usually, that he was "forced " to go back, he had no other option, his wife was going to ruin him, his children needed him, he still loved her very much but circumstance won't allow... etc.etc.

She thus feels he still needs her help to break free...

It is the classic love story. The lovers love truly, madly and deeply but fate keeps them apart...

I guess that is why she keeps asking him "Where is your happiness?", she is really saying, "Stop making everyone else happy and denying your own happiness, come to me and allow me to make you truly happy."

 

As it is now 4 years later and she is still hanging in there, cynical old me would guess that she is getting some positive feedback from your husband that keeps her there. Yes, he is seemingly transparent in his interactions with her, but maybe not totally, and that would be my worry for you here.

 

I thought of the above ...as I want to be sure it's not me who is being fooled here so ...because I do not understand a mindset that someone would continue if she is not being encouraged ..so I did the following

 

I had a VAR placed home / car he is clean

 

During one of her many msgs I msged back to her from his phone and told her the following .I did this for my own peace of mind

 

He is married ! Still ..if you are under any delusion that he is not happy or is being forced to stay or this is some Romeo or Juliet kind of love affair where he requires rescuing ...i will make the coast clear for her ...i will ask my dh to leave and make things easy for him no battle for our child and asset everything will be simple and signed on dotted line ..all she needs to do now is ask him to leave for her if she feels he is in love with her...i got zero response

 

So she is quite clear he is no Romeo being kept apart from her in this story .he is exactly where he wants to be

 

My h did not care about the fact that I msged even though he

Prefers I ignore but he was raging mad I offered him up like that he did not speak to me the whole evening and something's he said I agree as I hurt his feelings deeply and insulted him ...but I wanted to make sure there are no delusion or a different story being given I wanted to cover that part ...

 

Because if I am to be honest I am under no grand delusion about my dh he succefully made a conscious decision to fool me every single day for 18 month...not a mistake but a very conscious deliberate choice every single day

 

He had his reason for the affair and I am quite surprised that the ow has not considered yet that biggest component of the affair through out is this one reason ...i am sure some day it's going to hit her hard today she is still believes He Is unhappy

 

So yes it's coming from her alone...i think she believes she had him once she will again ...if she tries just a little harder

 

Or who knows

 

May be tomorrow I am writing a different story here preparation and knowledge can get you far but other people actions and choices is something's you just don't have control over .in a blink of an eye a small move could destroy your whole marriage and family . ..but that's on him

[elaine567]

My h did not care about the fact that I msged even though he

Prefers I ignore but he was raging mad I offered him up like that he did not speak to me the whole evening and something's he said I agree as I hurt his feelings deeply and insulted him ...but I wanted to make sure there are no delusion or a different story being given I wanted to cover that part ...

 

Maybe he was angry because you spoiled his story.

Most MM do not want to leave their wives in reality so in order to keep the OW sweet he needs to resort to lies about his marriage.

If you are then saying "Its OK he can go", he has to think up another strategy to keep her. His anger here is weird IMO. If he really wanted her out of your lives would he then not be happy you put her straight?

 

Look I do not know your husband he may be playing this totally straight and she needs psychiatric help, but I have seen so many false reconciliations here that she may be being driven mad by mixed messages from him.

 

btw cheaters are not usually stupid and whilst the cocky "I'll never be caught" type may make mistakes, I doubt your husband having once been outed will be unaware of you perhaps checking up on him with a VAR and will make doubly sure he covers his tracks well.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Phoenix, sorry to see you in such a dilemma. I wanted to ask you to which country do you and your husband belong? You may have mentioned this in your previous thread but I think I missed it. If you are able to get away from where you ate at present, how sure are you that the OW would not follow you to your country of origin? If you are very sure that it will not be feasible for her to do so then I think you should speed up the process of selling off your business and move out as fast as you can. From all that you've written it is apparent that your marriage is more important to both of you than your business or the money involved. You can always start out on s fresh footing in your own country. The Middle East is a tricky place to be in and the sooner you are out from there the better for you as a family.

 

I think Living waters suggestion is a good one. Changing your perspective will help you cope better in this situation. From everything you have written, I think your husband is doing all he can to regain your trust. Yes he was a fool to have entered into a dalliance with this woman but what is done is done and his actions and attitude now is what matters. You would have to be supportive of your husband rather than pushing him away at a time like this as then his resolve may falter if he feels you ate giving up on him and may do something stupid. Think about things in a cool and collected manner and make your decisions deliberately rather than react emotionally. Warm wishes.

[BTDT2012]

My WH was hurt when I told the OW that she could have him.

[pheonixrisen]

Maybe he was angry because you spoiled his story.

Most MM do not want to leave their wives in reality so in order to keep the OW sweet he needs to resort to lies about his marriage.

If you are then saying "Its OK he can go", he has to think up another strategy to keep her. His anger here is weird IMO. If he really wanted her out of your lives would he then not be happy you put her straight?

 

Look I do not know your husband he may be playing this totally straight and she needs psychiatric help, but I have seen so many false reconciliations here that she may be being driven mad by mixed messages from him.

 

btw cheaters are not usually stupid and whilst the cocky "I'll never be caught" type may make mistakes, I doubt your husband having once been outed will be unaware of you perhaps checking up on him with a VAR and will make doubly sure he covers his tracks well.

 

I don't think a marriage will survive if you keep thinking like that ..in order for a marriage to work after Dday you need to give a benefit of a doubt

 

I know cheaters I know what they are capable off I know what my dh is capable of and you only need to come to this forum to see how far a person can go in these type of situation .

 

But somewhere in order for a marriage to work ...to reconcile to move forward as a partner as a person you need to stop speculating stop dissecting every intention ...and start living what's in front of you ...like I said preparation and knowledge can take you this far other people's thought emotion/ actions you cannot control ...you can just pick your self up and keep moving esp mothers don't have the luxury of woe is me

 

I also believe a person can do a 100 thousand things to hide to deceive and it would just take one wrong choice one wrong move till another person finds out

 

But on my part I cannot build my life waiting for the day that he does something wrong ...i can only continue to live my life watch my child grow build on my marriage and business make a good life for my child

 

if the day ever comes again ..wherei find my self on a Dday again I can only hope I have the grace and strength to pick my self up again and walk away .

 

About the things you highlighted in my post

If you read my post again you would see he is not mad at me for making as it was not the first and last time I msged back as response to her msging him he is never mad he prefers I don't engage but is not mad

 

He is however mad and rightfully so I offered him up like that .

 

About The things you said about ..how he could be giving us a different story ...then thier would be no reason to show me all the msgs pictures etc ..there would be no reason to tell me when a contact was made ....he could just delete them on his way home I would be none the wiser

[pheonixrisen]

Hi Phoenix, sorry to see you in such a dilemma. I wanted to ask you to which country do you and your husband belong? You may have mentioned this in your previous thread but I think I missed it. If you are able to get away from where you ate at present, how sure are you that the OW would not follow you to your country of origin? If you are very sure that it will not be feasible for her to do so then I think you should speed up the process of selling off your business and move out as fast as you can. From all that you've written it is apparent that your marriage is more important to both of you than your business or the money involved. You can always start out on s fresh footing in your own country. The Middle East is a tricky place to be in and the sooner you are out from there the better for you as a family.

 

I think Living waters suggestion is a good one. Changing your perspective will help you cope better in this situation. From everything you have written, I think your husband is doing all he can to regain your trust. Yes he was a fool to have entered into a dalliance with this woman but what is done is done and his actions and attitude now is what matters. You would have to be supportive of your husband rather than pushing him away at a time like this as then his resolve may falter if he feels you ate giving up on him and may do something stupid. Think about things in a cool and collected manner and make your decisions deliberately rather than react emotionally. Warm wishes.

 

We belong to different countries he is European I am Asain ...and we already know where we are going we just need to sort out self out financially to make that move ..we would like it to be done before our child starts school .

 

We are not going back to our country of origin. we both agreed to a place where we have other family support so children can grow together .

 

I know sometimes I push him away he has mentioned ...but sometimes i am so mad at him for bringing this in our lives . .

[pheonixrisen]

My WH was hurt when I told the OW that she could have him.

 

Lol ...like hold on a second were you not the one to want her at some point ..now I am offering you the same:laugh: ...what gives?

 

I find it hard to understand you wanted her ...you started this whole life with her and because now I know and telling you be my guest ..you don't want her......sorry really not funny when you are experiencing it

[Mrs. John Adams]

We belong to different countries he is European I am Asain ...and we already know where we are going we just need to sort out self out financially to make that move ..we would like it to be done before our child starts school .

 

We are not going back to our country of origin. we both agreed to a place where we have other family support so children can grow together .

 

I know sometimes I push him away he has mentioned ...but sometimes i am so mad at him for bringing this in our lives . .

 

You have every right to feel this way. Your story is frightening to me...I cannot imagine haveing to RUN from a crazy woman.

[Whoknew30]

My H OW was a little crazy & continued to bother him after dday...I took a different approach. I told him I didn't want to hear about it, that he created the mess for himself & if he didn't want her & she kept bother him, that's part of his own penitence.

 

I knew he didn't want her or love her, so I could care aless how many times she contacted him. So I refused to deal with her drama. If you really don't think he wants her, why bother looking at every message? We can not control someone's behavior but we can control how we deal with it. If this is causing you stress, why stress yourself out by continuing to deal with it the same way over & over again.

 

Men don't like desperately or harassment...they run as away from it as fast as they can. If you sit back & let this woman know that nothing she's doing is getting to you as a couple...she'll stop. Right now you're playing into what she wants, like a child, don't give her not one once of attention. Good luck

[SoleMate]

For your husband to respond angrily at your very reasonable offer to the OW, that she could have him, speaks volumes about his true feelings. If he were really trying sincerely to get her off his back, he should be very happy at what you did. But he's not. As someone said above, the reasonable assumption is that he's still trying to play the game with her and you made that false story untenable. He's angry because he knows he's going to have to work HARD to get her back in line with a new twist.......let me help him......aahhh, it's coming.... "Darling OW, my BW pretends like she's willing to let me go, but in fact that's just her game and she's also told me if I ever leave her she will <do some horrible thing>. She's just trying to play with your mind because she can't stand the thought of me being so happy with you.

Don't be taken in by her stories, you are my one true lover and my only happiness!"

 

There. That should hold 'er for a while.