Blu72 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Hi Blu, I was following your post before it was closed. How have you been holding up? I was looking through your old posts and relating to a lot of what you had been through... I hope to get to the place where you are at soon. I won't lie - it's hard. He has attempted contact via email (addresses he never contacted me from before) a few times after leaving me a note in my car. I did respond to the first email. His email was filled with apologies and regret for how he wished I would see him to discuss this before we go our seperate ways. I reiterated that I was ready for it to end between us. I never got a response to that and figured he finally understood. Nope 2 days later I was walking out of work and he was parked by my car waiting for me. Lots of tears and again I told him we had to say our goodbyes for good. He said he just needed to see me face to face to say what he needed to say. So I let him get it out so there was nothing left to say. Things we never spoke of before, but for me wasn't going to change anything. He emailed me right after seeing me and thanked me for hearing him out in person and said his final goodbyes..I didnt respond. I havent heard from him since and I don't expect to now. I'm glad it's over. You can do this, you just have to trust that yes it will be difficult at first, but in the long run its what you need to do. You will start to feel relieved its over. Good luck to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Just wanted to send you one of my (((hugs))) BigBlueSky. It's nice to see you back and I'm sorry to hear you are still in turmoil about the A and the various other things going on in your life at the moment. I'm not going to put pressure on you to pull the trigger on the A - in general I agree with the other comments made. I also completely understand your fear and hesitancy at what is such a difficult time in your life even apart fro the affair. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and will watch the post for updates. Good luck with whatever you decide. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I haven't posted as there has been a lot of unrelated chaos. But now that it's calmed down a bit I feel like I'm in a better place to start thinking of next steps again. I know you're all right, that there will never be a good time to end it. I feel like I am standing on the edge but not quite wanting to jump yet so I haven't. MM and I have been in very low contact which is good. I know things are tapering off. After my last post and reading your replies, I have written him a final email. It's been sitting in my drafts for well over a week. I just haven't had the courage to send it. I'm not sure why I hesitate even though I know it's the right thing to do. I think I'm afraid of the pain and going through the loss. I know people will say that the pain that my husband will experience when he finds out will be even worse. I know all of these things in my head..... I just don't know how to have the courage to let go and face the pain that's coming ahead. It is really tough... the hardest choices always are. Do it when you're ready, but know that the longer you wait, the harder it will be to do. You'll just have to end it cold turkey. It's better if you can do it on your terms. Good luck. I'm rooting for you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 I won't lie - it's hard. He has attempted contact via email (addresses he never contacted me from before) a few times after leaving me a note in my car. I did respond to the first email. His email was filled with apologies and regret for how he wished I would see him to discuss this before we go our seperate ways. I reiterated that I was ready for it to end between us. I never got a response to that and figured he finally understood. Nope 2 days later I was walking out of work and he was parked by my car waiting for me. Lots of tears and again I told him we had to say our goodbyes for good. He said he just needed to see me face to face to say what he needed to say. So I let him get it out so there was nothing left to say. Things we never spoke of before, but for me wasn't going to change anything. He emailed me right after seeing me and thanked me for hearing him out in person and said his final goodbyes..I didnt respond. I havent heard from him since and I don't expect to now. I'm glad it's over. You can do this, you just have to trust that yes it will be difficult at first, but in the long run its what you need to do. You will start to feel relieved its over. Good luck to you. That must have been so hard for you. Do you still have feelings for him? or have you moved on, and that's why it was easier for you to let go? I think I'm just wondering how to get to that place with resolve and to see it through, even if we still have feelings for each other. I want the end to be the end. I want my heart to catch up with my head. Is that possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 Just wanted to send you one of my (((hugs))) BigBlueSky. It's nice to see you back and I'm sorry to hear you are still in turmoil about the A and the various other things going on in your life at the moment. I'm not going to put pressure on you to pull the trigger on the A - in general I agree with the other comments made. I also completely understand your fear and hesitancy at what is such a difficult time in your life even apart fro the affair. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and will watch the post for updates. Good luck with whatever you decide. Thanks Jenkins! Big hugs back to you! It's comforting to know that I have support when I feel so lost. I know the end is coming. He showed up today. We didn't have time to talk, but will arrange something for this week hopefully. I think we need a chance to say everything that we need to. I told him that we will talk and to say that we are over really needs to mean that. I said it, but I am scared and sad. I need to remind myself why it's for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 It is really tough... the hardest choices always are. Do it when you're ready, but know that the longer you wait, the harder it will be to do. You'll just have to end it cold turkey. It's better if you can do it on your terms. Good luck. I'm rooting for you Thanks ds. Your encouragement means a lot to me. I think it will happen this week. And because I know that in my head, I feel like I've already started grieving. I'm anticipating how hard it will be and how sad I will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Thanks Jenkins! Big hugs back to you! It's comforting to know that I have support when I feel so lost. I know the end is coming. He showed up today. We didn't have time to talk, but will arrange something for this week hopefully. I think we need a chance to say everything that we need to. I told him that we will talk and to say that we are over really needs to mean that. I said it, but I am scared and sad. I need to remind myself why it's for the best. Read the infidelity section on this board, and the stories at survivinginfidelity.com. Imagine it's your own husband and children whose lives are literally devastated in bombed-out smithereens, and you're the one holding the detonation device. As someone who's been there, I can tell you that it is very, very, very horrible. And no matter how much you think you and your H have grown apart, or how he might be over the marriage, it doesn't matter - this will destroy him. Not to be too heavy-handed, but seriously. Do some reading from the other side and it might help motivate you. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 That must have been so hard for you. Do you still have feelings for him? or have you moved on, and that's why it was easier for you to let go? I think I'm just wondering how to get to that place with resolve and to see it through, even if we still have feelings for each other. I want the end to be the end. I want my heart to catch up with my head. Is that possible? Yes, I still have feelings for him but I finally realized that all the feelings in the world wasnt going to change anything. The highs/lows killed me and after 5 years off and on I just finally had enough. I mean I had enough a long time before this, but for some insane reason I continued fooling myself into continuing it. I tried the LC in hopes it would eventually help me cut ties and go NC, but then I would get back into it. Wash.Rinse.Repeat. Like you I was scared of the pain of NC so I didnt have the courage to go thru with it even though i wanted to. I knew I needed to finally go thru with it when I had such an anxiety attack when I thought I was going to see him at a work function. I was done then. It still is hard and I am only in the very early stages of NC so I know it will be up/down for me. But honestly right now I feel relief its over and I am already feeling the "fog" lifting and seeing it for what it was. A horrible horrible mistake that I can never take back. Save yourself from the grips of this and end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 Read the infidelity section on this board, and the stories at survivinginfidelity.com. Imagine it's your own husband and children whose lives are literally devastated in bombed-out smithereens, and you're the one holding the detonation device. As someone who's been there, I can tell you that it is very, very, very horrible. And no matter how much you think you and your H have grown apart, or how he might be over the marriage, it doesn't matter - this will destroy him. Not to be too heavy-handed, but seriously. Do some reading from the other side and it might help motivate you. Good luck! I have been reading stories all along.... I know I have to put it into the perspective of my own family. I'm not sure how I'm able to reconcile everything in my head. I personally don't think I have a bad marriage. I think we get along well, work well together and still have affection for each other. I do recognize though that my AP fills in gaps (the way we are able to communicate with each other is something that we hold on to) but I know he has no business in filling those gaps. I think I'm most afraid of losing that the most. But I know it's not worth the devastation of blowing up a family. I just wish I'd never gotten myself into this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 Yes, I still have feelings for him but I finally realized that all the feelings in the world wasnt going to change anything. The highs/lows killed me and after 5 years off and on I just finally had enough. I mean I had enough a long time before this, but for some insane reason I continued fooling myself into continuing it. I tried the LC in hopes it would eventually help me cut ties and go NC, but then I would get back into it. Wash.Rinse.Repeat. Like you I was scared of the pain of NC so I didnt have the courage to go thru with it even though i wanted to. I knew I needed to finally go thru with it when I had such an anxiety attack when I thought I was going to see him at a work function. I was done then. It still is hard and I am only in the very early stages of NC so I know it will be up/down for me. But honestly right now I feel relief its over and I am already feeling the "fog" lifting and seeing it for what it was. A horrible horrible mistake that I can never take back. Save yourself from the grips of this and end it. That has been me. Try to go LC and wean myself. It hasn't worked. I'm glad you feel relief that it's over. I don't know if I can believe that I'll actually feel that way. But I think back to the times where we hadn't talked for a long period of time (there were times we tried NC and it was months that we managed not to talk) and I know that things got better. I know I need to end it : Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 I don't know if anyone will read this but it is over and I am just so incredibly sad right now... Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 BBS, You will be so much better off... As bad as you hurt, over time your head will become clear and you will see how much better off your life will be with out this situation. Hang in there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 BBS, You will be so much better off... As bad as you hurt, over time your head will become clear and you will see how much better off your life will be with out this situation. Hang in there... Thanks for your words. You have no idea how much I need them right now. I wish it didn't have to hurt so much. My tears are flowing... Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Thanks for your words. You have no idea how much I need them right now. I wish it didn't have to hurt so much. My tears are flowing... Painful and incredibly difficult but will be worth it in long run. Keep posting - here to support you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BreakingWave Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I don't know if anyone will read this but it is over and I am just so incredibly sad right now... ((BigBlueSky)) I hurt for you, too. I am proud of you for finding courage to do what you have decided, after a lot of consideration, is necessary and good for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Oh, BBS...just know we are with you. It's going to be okay. It doesn't feel like it right now, but it will be. You made a good decision today, taking your first steps away from a situation that wasn't ever going to go anywhere or be anything. It was always on a collision course with pain. It doesn't mean it was worthless. You've learned things about yourself, life, what you want, and what you don't. All of our experiences are important. I am doing work right now, identifying my personal core values. Knowing your core values can help guide you in times of difficulty, confusion, and turmoil. And when we are not really happy in our lives, it is often because we aren't living in alignment with our values, but we don't exactly know what they are or realize what we are doing. I want to live on purpose from now on. I am tired of this dull ache, this sense that I am letting life pass my by. Just sharing as I thought it may help you too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Painful and incredibly difficult but will be worth it in long run. Keep posting - here to support you Thanks for your words, Jemima. I believe it somewhere deep down but it's just so hard to see how that can be right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 ((BigBlueSky)) I hurt for you, too. I am proud of you for finding courage to do what you have decided, after a lot of consideration, is necessary and good for you. Thanks BW. It means a lot to me. It makes me feel less alone. I'm following your thread and trusting that you'll make it through stronger. Hugs to you (((BW)))! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BigBlueSky Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Oh, BBS...just know we are with you. It's going to be okay. It doesn't feel like it right now, but it will be. You made a good decision today, taking your first steps away from a situation that wasn't ever going to go anywhere or be anything. It was always on a collision course with pain. It doesn't mean it was worthless. You've learned things about yourself, life, what you want, and what you don't. All of our experiences are important. I am doing work right now, identifying my personal core values. Knowing your core values can help guide you in times of difficulty, confusion, and turmoil. And when we are not really happy in our lives, it is often because we aren't living in alignment with our values, but we don't exactly know what they are or realize what we are doing. I want to live on purpose from now on. I am tired of this dull ache, this sense that I am letting life pass my by. Just sharing as I thought it may help you too. SS, I am in tears reading your post. I wish I knew it would be ok. I don't think I know what ok looks like anymore. I just feel lost and overwhelmed. Thanks for your suggestions and sharing what you're working on in your life. I know that it will be a long process of learning and figuring things out.... Link to post Share on other sites
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