Attitude to former AP?

[LargoLagg]

Lately, a little regretful that it didn't last longer. It isn't her, I don't believe, it's moreso the feeling that I felt whenever I was with her that I miss. But truth be told, there was a lot of consternation to pay for each few hours of happiness. Not a good ratio and that is one more thing that ultimately dooms most arrangements, I would think.

 

What's normal when it is working is to come closer, spend more time together. Almost by definition, a cheater can't do that. It's a prescription for failure; at the end, you have to s#!t or get off the pot.

 

As the years move by, I'm sure regret will fade into wistful "ah, well". Or I'll die first. Either way.

 

What can I say, I liked her! And I didn't ruin my life or anybody else's by an ill-considered confession.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Ten characters

Edited May 23, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease

[waterwoman]

I had an EA many years ago. It didn't last that long because I ended it abruptly when I realised he wanted a great deal more than I was prepared to offer. I spent a long time after that thinking about him, wondering if he was thinking about me, wondering what would have happened if I had let him take it further. And I thought I missed him. Reality is that I missed how being with him made me feel - I liked the ego boost, the excitement etc. What I think of him now is that was a very normal young man, nothing special, not even that good looking, just very interested in and attracted to me. Embarrassing to think of how I was so obsessed with him for a while. I saw a photo of him a few months ago - he is someone quite important in a large company where DS1 was considering a job, He looks like the most ordinary middle-aged man you could ever imagine.

 

Ditto H's OW - similarly ordinary perfectly nice woman, not that beautiful, clever, witty or educated, but H had his ego polished by her interest in him.

 

It's unfair really - normally no-one would have bothered to analyse these two rather dull people so deeply - but in both cases they were gilded by fairy dust for a short time and when it blew away they appeared worse in contrast.

 

By the way, I am not saying that H or I are all that special, we aren't - it just amuses me how the circumstances can make you do stupid things and think it's so much more special than it is. I guess it's the Midsummer Night's Dream Bottom effect.

[Whoknew30]

The OP of this thread asked this question....I'm interested to know how former cheaters feel about their OW/OM after the affair and as the years go by? I simply was answering the op's original question with honesty. I have been challenged about my answer for pages.

 

I am going to try to explain this one more time...and then I am finished with this conversation and hijacking this thread.

 

I hate the AP becasue of the person he is. He is evil....I hate him because he is evil. Hate does not equal blame...my hating him does not mean i place the blame on him...I hate him because he is evil.

 

I do not hate the other woman...because she is not an evil person. I feel nothing toward her.

 

I doesn't have to make sense to you...you dont have to agree. I feel what i feel....right or wrong...it is how i feel. I hate him....period. I am saying that as i have come to understand true remorse...I have also grown from indifference for the AP to hatred. I have not forgiven him...john has not forgiven him..and I doubt we ever will. The only opinions that matter in our reconciliation are mine and John's.

 

I understand everyone opinion is different & that is to be respected but when you say " I don't understand how someone can feel remorse & have fond feelings for their AP & that's not true remorse...its bc you choose to have an A with an evil person, not every AP is an evil person...had you AP really cared for you, you don't know how you would have felt, being used is definitely going to make one a hate the person that used you.

 

It's ironic you say "you feel how you feel" when you also say "feeling anything for AP" is wrong & disrespectful but yet you understand that one can't help their feelings...you're not being challenged. I just don't think that sometimes certain logic can seem a bit hypocritical to others.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I understand everyone opinion is different & that is to be respected but when you say " I don't understand how someone can feel remorse & have fond feelings for their AP & that's not true remorse...its bc you choose to have an A with an evil person, not every AP is an evil person...had you AP really cared for you, you don't know how you would have felt, being used is definitely going to make one a hate the person that used you.

 

It's ironic you say "you feel how you feel" when you also say "feeling anything for AP" is wrong & disrespectful but yet you understand that one can't help their feelings...you're not being challenged. I just don't think that sometimes certain logic can seem a bit hypocritical to others.

 

I believe having fond feelings toward an ap while reconciling is disrespectful to the bs. I believe that successful reconciliation is compromised if the ws has fond feelings for the ap.

 

If john had fond feelings for his ap I would not have reconciled.

 

It is my opinion.

Edited May 23, 2017 by Mrs. John Adams

[elaine567]

I believe having fond feelings toward an ap while reconciling is disrespectful to the bs.

 

Yes, I get that, but how can a person just switch on or off feelings?

 

The AP is obviously a figure of hate for the BS, but I doubt many WSs can just "hate" the AP "on command", especially if their memories of the affair were good ones and the AP had not done anything particularly wrong to the WS to engender real hate.

 

I would guess some of the WS "hatred" for the AP is in fact "Reconciliation Speak" and would not bear any close scrutiny.

[understand50]

Yes, I get that, but how can a person just switch on or off feelings?

 

The AP is obviously a figure of hate for the BS, but I doubt many WSs can just "hate" the AP "on command", especially if their memories of the affair were good ones and the AP had not done anything particularly wrong to the WS to engender real hate.

 

I would guess some of the WS "hatred" for the AP is in fact "Reconciliation Speak" and would not bear any close scrutiny.

 

elaine567,

 

You can grow to hate, when you figure out what was done to you. We seem to be stating in this thread that a AP has no moral responsibility for their actions. In some case, depending on the people involved, I would agree. In others, where they are a predator, and take advanage of weakness, yes they share in the responsibility. As not all WS, BS, couple are the same, not all AP are the same. If we are to believe Mrs JA and John, and why would we not, her AP was a predator. I do not know if he had not come along, if she would have "fallen" with someone else. That is unknowable. I do know we all go though times when we are more weak and susceptible then at other times. Having hate for the one that come along and takes advanage, is normal. As for blame shifting, you can hate what you did. Own your actions, in that in the end, it was you who did this, but you can also see how you were manipulated. No hate for the one that manipulated you? Come on.

 

My two cents.

[Overtaxed]

Yes, I get that, but how can a person just switch on or off feelings?

 

The AP is obviously a figure of hate for the BS, but I doubt many WSs can just "hate" the AP "on command", especially if their memories of the affair were good ones and the AP had not done anything particularly wrong to the WS to engender real hate.

 

I would guess some of the WS "hatred" for the AP is in fact "Reconciliation Speak" and would not bear any close scrutiny.

 

I think this is easier than you think. Think of it this way, you love your husband today, right? What if he did something terrible tomorrow, something truly terrible, like hurt your children, or murdered someone very close to you? Would your feeling change overnight? I know mine would; my feelings towards people are determined by their actions. Did I stop loving my W because she had an A? No, I did not, but I see an A as forgivable. Had he intentionally killed one of our pets, I would have replaced that love with hate in an instant and kicked her out; that's unforgivable in my eyes.

 

In short, "love" of people is fickle. And if you're truly looking to R, you will quickly see that your AP was a person who helped you murder your marriage, destroy your spouse, and caused you untold levels of pain. Even if it's not his/her fault, you still should very quickly get to the level of "I hope I never see this person again, he/she destroyed my life". Harboring "good" feelings for them when you see the wreckage they caused would make it difficult to R, IMHO.

 

Also, this may just be me. I'm a very black/white thinker.

[understand50]

Hi. Me again. I'm interested to know how former cheaters feel about their OW/OM after the affair and as the years go by? I know that every affair is different and every repentant cheater is different but I'd love to hear what people feel now.

 

We are about 2.5 months out from my H's affair. I am deciding whether to reconcile. I don't want to live in the shadow of a great romance. My H, I think, still cares for the OW even though he says it was just chemical love and the whole thing was messed up. I think he feels her akin to an ex girlfriend. I'm no tcomfortable with this but at least he's being honest. I need to decide whether I can live with that.

 

Mrscommited,

 

You can live with anything YOU decide you can. It helps, if your WS does not have feeling, but it can be complicated. This thread shows that. You will have to decide if you love him enough to forgive him and give him a second chance. He will have to show, via his actions that he is worthy of your love and forgiveness. Also, this will take some time and he may not really know just what he did to you, or the remorse you need form him for sometime to come. What does your gut tell you? Is he worth the time needed? Can you see a better future with him?

 

I wish you luck....

[Mrs. John Adams]

Feelings change...

 

I have stated that my feelings changed from indifference to hate as I grew to understand remorse. I am not saying all waywards should hate their ap.

 

I understand many waywards still have positive feelings toward their ap..especially those who were discovered rather than confessed. I understand that you cannot just turn off feelings. You feel what you feel. But I would hope that as you grow in understanding remorse.. as you work on your relationship with your spouse.. those feelings would change to indifference. I think if you are still thinking fondly of your ap after years down the road it is unfair and disrespectful to your betrayed spouse.

 

Funny... most of us loved our spouses when we married them.. and yet we cheated... did our feelings change? I would say yes they did. So if our feelings can change toward our spouses... why do we not believe they can also change toward an ap? Especially if we are in reconciliation.

 

You did not instantly stop loving your spouse... so I understand not instantly stop loving an ap.. but with time and understanding and the growth of remorse and the reconciliation of your relationship with your spouse.. I would think that the feelings you once had for the ap would also change and diminish.

 

This is my opinion... what I think is irrelevant in your life.

[mercy]

I'm no tcomfortable with this but at least he's being honest. I need to decide whether I can live with that.

 

Its like a double edged sword. The truth is going to cut deep, real deep. Only you can decide how your wounds will heal.

 

At 21/2 months I was still bleeding.

 

Are you in IC?

 

H had no feelings towards the ow it was sex. She offered, he took. Short lived, he realized the man he had become and broke it off.

 

Someone in this thread said something about carrying around a bag of rocks, I think livingwaterplease, anyway, he laid his at the foot of the cross. No way did I want to be married to someone lugging that around, that's what Jesus is for, carrying our sins and burdens. H is forgiven by me by Him.

 

Talk therapy was one of my saving graces.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Its like a double edged sword. The truth is going to cut deep, real deep. Only you can decide how your wounds will heal.

 

At 21/2 months I was still bleeding.

 

Are you in IC?

 

H had no feelings towards the ow it was sex. She offered, he took. Short lived, he realized the man he had become and broke it off.

 

Someone in this thread said something about carrying around a bag of rocks, I think livingwaterplease, anyway, he laid his at the foot of the cross. No way did I want to be married to someone lugging that around, that's what Jesus is for, carrying our sins and burdens. H is forgiven by me by Him.

 

Talk therapy was one of my saving graces.

 

 

Mercy ...It was me who said it...the bag of rocks is the infidelity. you may not want to carry it the rest of your life... but you are. Forgiveness is another topic.

We are certainly forgiven by our god if we ask... but the result of infidelity never goes away. You cannot simply remove it and many of us here wish we could. It is still present. It is no longer overwhelming.. it does not define us.. but it still a part of our lives. If it were not... we would never speak of it nor would we be participating on a forum talking about it. Infidelity Like any sin is forgivable. But forgiving does not mean forgetting.

 

The bottom line is this.. every betrayed spouse has to measure within themselves what they can accept.

 

Some waywards ... never achieve remorse

 

Some waywards never tell the whole truth

 

Some waywards carry fond memories for their ap

 

The list goes on and on

 

What are you personally willing to tolerate? How much can you accept?

 

For some... the answer is none... and they get a divorce.

 

No one here can tell you what is acceptable.

 

If I had loved my ap I don't think my husband could have reconciled. I didn't.

However my poor husband had to wait a long time for me to understand remorse. He was willing to wait.

 

You see what I am saying?

 

It is not one size fits all and what I think may not be in alignment with your thoughts.

 

We just do the best we can do.

 

If you believe you need to give your husband another chance...then that is what you need to do regardless of all the opinions given here.

 

Reconciliation is not easy but it can be successful.

[mercy]

 

We just do the best we can do.

 

 

Amen to that!

 

And when we know better we do better.

 

I think Maya Angelou said that.

 

Mr. and Mrs. John Adams

[mightycpa]

I don't see it as blame shifting at all.

 

In my situation, I barely knew the ow ( at first) but she knew he was married. There is no way she couldn't have.

 

So this person, who I have never hurt, who barely knew me and whom I had done absolutely nothing to felt that the pain of me an my children was worth her good time.

 

This wasn't an "accident", it didn't "just happen", she went in eyes wide open, and didn't care. she just wanted what she wanted.

 

I'm taking each person's actions on its own here. I compare it to a couple fighting in the park. They are obviously not getting along, and the man invites this other woman to join in hurting his wife. The ow having a bad day and is angry at the world, so she joins in.

 

Nobody forced her,she knew full well what she was doing, and the fact that it made her feel better to join in the abuse and she was invited to do so by the man doesn't negate any of her actions at all.

 

She could have said "no", she could have walked away, but she chose not to, and just like the choice to cheat is on the mm/mw, the choice to get involved with someone who is married is on the ow/om.

 

This is why I can understand the bs being angry at the ow/om, but not so much the ws. Just as the ws didn't force the om/ow to get into the affair, neither were they forced.

 

they can't blame it on anyone else.

You lost me right at the end. Of course the BS would be angry at the OM/OW. That makes perfect sense. The OM/OW is a co-conspirator with the WS in the crime against the BS. It doesn't matter whose idea it was or how willingly one or the other participated. They both did it, and they both tried to cover it up.

 

But, using your metaphor, why would the WS feel that way? The WS extended the invitation, or let's say that he accepted an invitation to abuse. Either way. Now, after the beating, the WS resents the OM/OW for what they've done? That's the part I just cannot seem to empathize with.

 

I think that no spouse is actually stolen by another. We give ourselves away every day, whether we're invited to do it or we weasel our way in. Nobody forgets they are married or the marriage vows they took while engaging in that first kiss, or when they take their clothes off for the first time, or when they first have sex. All cheaters make that conscious choice to disregard, and that has NOTHING to do with the OM/OW or with the BS, for that matter. It has everything to do with me, with "what do I want right now?" It is pure selfishness, no more, no less. I imagine that most people simply ignore their conscience, they just turn it off, so that they don't have to deal with the issue of right and wrong.

 

You can surely blame somebody else for getting you to that moment, or close to it. But it is in that moment, the one where as free agents, where WE make the decision to proceed, or not. How simple would it be to say, "No, I can't do this" and then leave? A temptress/temptor can only lead you so far down the path. When you walk over the line, you do it knowingly, and of free will. Just like when you got married.

 

Maybe you can hate the OM/OW for showing you exactly who you are. I can understand that, but not much else. I don't doubt other people feel this, I just don't understand it.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Mightycpa...

 

Let me ask you this. Do you like everybody? Is there anyone you hate?

 

You don't have to dislike someone because they did something or because they did not do something. You can simply dislike them because you don't like who they are.

 

I hate the person my ap is. He is an arrogant narcissistic user.... hmm much like another person I hate...

 

It has nothing to do with blame. I hate him as a person. I guess I just don't understand why that concept is hard to understand.

[mightycpa]

MJA - first, my last post wasn't directed at you... at this point, it's fair to say that there are others that sympathize with your position. I'd describe it as two camps of thinking, so while you may have introduced the subject, I don't think of it as yours any more. Just wanted to be clear about that.

 

Do I hate anybody? No, can't say that I do. Can't say that I ever have. I've been intentionally wronged, harmed and in my opinion, both with and without cause, but I never fell into hate.

 

I have been disgusted with people's behavior and wanted nothing else to do with them, and I have turned and walked away and never looked back, but that was the end of it. Out of sight, out of mind. Banished from me, if you will. But I've never hated anyone. Maybe I'm just incapable of that, and that's the root of my inability to understand what you mean.

 

I wonder though. Are there other people who you hate? I'm sure there are worse people in the world than your AP. And re-reading, the answer is yes, there is at least one more.

 

So, you're clearly capable of hate, but because you've only mentioned one other, I suspect that two things are true:

 

1) You have to know them personally, as there are many people in the news and the world that you could hate, if their character was the only thing at issue, but again, you mention only one.

 

2) It doesn't sound like it's necessary that you or yours was wronged personally. Merely that you get to evaluate the person's character for yourself, and then you decide if that person is worthy of your hate.

 

Also, I wonder how deep your hatred runs. If there were no repercussions and you had the power: Would you kill them? Maim them so that they suffer a long time? Subject them to a living hell of their own failings? Have all of society shun them? Subject them to extended torture in some way?

 

What does hate mean to you? Maybe the word itself gets in the way of understanding, because we all think it means something different.

 

I think of hate as a violent anger, a burning desire and willingness to do harm to someone, repeatedly, which I would gain pleasure and satisfaction from. Love turned on its head, but with the same intensity and drive. Is that what you mean by hate?

 

We may be in danger of hijacking again.

[Mrs. John Adams]

MJA - first, my last post wasn't directed at you... at this point, it's fair to say that there are others that sympathize with your position. I'd describe it as two camps of thinking, so while you may have introduced the subject, I don't think of it as yours any more. Just wanted to be clear about that.

 

Do I hate anybody? No, can't say that I do. Can't say that I ever have. I've been intentionally wronged, harmed and in my opinion, both with and without cause, but I never fell into hate.

 

I have been disgusted with people's behavior and wanted nothing else to do with them, and I have turned and walked away and never looked back, but that was the end of it. Out of sight, out of mind. Banished from me, if you will. But I've never hated anyone. Maybe I'm just incapable of that, and that's the root of my inability to understand what you mean.

 

I wonder though. Are there other people who you hate? I'm sure there are worse people in the world than your AP. And re-reading, the answer is yes, there is at least one more.

 

So, you're clearly capable of hate, but because you've only mentioned one other, I suspect that two things are true:

 

1) You have to know them personally, as there are many people in the news and the world that you could hate, if their character was the only thing at issue, but again, you mention only one.

 

2) It doesn't sound like it's necessary that you or yours was wronged personally. Merely that you get to evaluate the person's character for yourself, and then you decide if that person is worthy of your hate.

 

Also, I wonder how deep your hatred runs. If there were no repercussions and you had the power: Would you kill them? Maim them so that they suffer a long time? Subject them to a living hell of their own failings? Have all of society shun them? Subject them to extended torture in some way?

 

What does hate mean to you? Maybe the word itself gets in the way of understanding, because we all think it means something different.

 

I think of hate as a violent anger, a burning desire and willingness to do harm to someone, repeatedly, which I would gain pleasure and satisfaction from. Love turned on its head, but with the same intensity and drive. Is that what you mean by hate?

 

We may be in danger of hijacking again.

 

 

 

 

I was very aware you were not speaking to me. But thank you for your clarification just in case I did not read that you were speaking to wmacbride.

 

Yes I am capable of hating those who have not personally wronged me. Hate is a feeling that does not require action just like love does not require action.

 

It can be acted upon of course but it doesn't have to be.

 

Actually I hate quite a few people and I won't get in to it now. Mostly my hatred is directed toward those have hurt me or those I love personally but I also hate those who cause others unnecessary pain.

 

Would I ever physically harm them ? No I am not a violent person. But have I wished them Ill will? Have I hoped they get run over by the karma bus? Yes I have.

[JohnAdams]

Perhaps you are trying to take the word hate to a different level.

 

 

Hate is extreme dislike or disgust. It is beyond merely disliking but does not necessarily turn into an all consuming feeling. It also does not mean that this is a person you seek revenge on.

 

 

I personally have a handful of people that I would put in my personal hate column. A few people that I have extreme dislike for. I very seldom think of those people, but when I do, yes an extreme dislike. Some people may not like the term hate, but, I would bet most people can think of someone they have a strong dislike for.

[mightycpa]

Perhaps you are trying to take the word hate to a different level.

Maybe, but if there is something worse, then what is it? I always thought that hate is the supreme emotion of evil, just as love is the supreme emotion of good.

 

Love seeks to comfort and make glad, while hate seeks to harm and inflict pain. That's how I've always seen it.

 

Think of the Nazi soldiers in the concentration camps. They hated the Jews and they showed it.

 

Is there something even more malevolent that makes hate pale in its shadow?

 

I can't think of it, although I will admit that recently, the word has been watered down by casual overuse. I don't think that all slaveowners hated blacks, for example, even if they split up their families. But the ones that beat their slaves mercilessly, or had runaways killed by dogs or those who raped the women? That's hate.

 

Maybe despise is the word you're looking for. I think that word carries the general sense of hating something, without the added desire of seeking its destruction.

[JohnAdams]

What is the difference between "despise" and "hate"?

 

When you "hate" someone, you dislike the person intensely.

 

Here are a few examples.

 

I hate all politicians.

 

There was a time when Mary hated her Principal.

 

When she was young, Billary hated her sister.

 

"Despise" is a stronger word than "hate". When you say that you despise someone, it implies that you "hate" that person, but it also carries with it the sense that you have contempt for him/her. In other words, when you hate someone, you dislike the individual intensely, but when you "despise" him, you not only dislike him, but you also look down on him. So, when you despise someone, you consider him being beneath you; you may think that the individual is worthless. The word "hate" does not carry with it this negative connotation. You can hate someone who is superior to you.

 

Here are a few examples.

 

Nandita despises her new boss.

 

I am told that Tara despises the company I work for.

[elaine567]

I can easily see how Mrs JA and many other WSs too could "hate" the OM/OW with a vengeance, if they felt manipulated and used, but I can also see that many WSs are not going to ever "hate" the AP, no matter how much the BS may want them to.

 

Yes, we can quickly go from love to hate in an instant when the object of our love does something heinous to us or to those we love, but what if the AP did nothing wrong in the eyes of the WS, apart from fall in love maybe?

Difficult to "hate" someone who loves you, who perhaps has your best interests at heart, who has pledged undying love for you...

He or she may have helped "murder" a marriage, but I would guess that some WSs may not see as that is the "fault" of the AP, so why would they harbour a grudge?

 

If the OPs husband now sees the OW like an ex gf, then there is probably no real "hate" there.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I can easily see how Mrs JA and many other WSs too could "hate" the OM/OW with a vengeance, if they felt manipulated and used, but I can also see that many WSs are not going to ever "hate" the AP, no matter how much the BS may want them to.

 

Yes, we can quickly go from love to hate in an instant when the object of our love does something heinous to us or to those we love, but what if the AP did nothing wrong in the eyes of the WS, apart from fall in love maybe?

Difficult to "hate" someone who loves you, who perhaps has your best interests at heart, who has pledged undying love for you...

He or she may have helped "murder" a marriage, but I would guess that some WSs may not see as that is the "fault" of the AP, so why would they harbour a grudge?

 

If the OPs husband now sees the OW like an ex gf, then there is probably no real "hate" there.

 

And she will have to decide if she can live with that knowledge

 

Which is why I think she asked the question. She is trying to decide if his reaction is normal and if she can live with it

 

She has already had a false reconciliation... I am sure she doesn't want another one.

[mightycpa]

What is the difference between "despise" and "hate"?

 

When you "hate" someone, you dislike the person intensely.

 

Here are a few examples.

 

I hate all politicians.

 

There was a time when Mary hated her Principal.

 

When she was young, Billary hated her sister.

 

"Despise" is a stronger word than "hate". When you say that you despise someone, it implies that you "hate" that person, but it also carries with it the sense that you have contempt for him/her. In other words, when you hate someone, you dislike the individual intensely, but when you "despise" him, you not only dislike him, but you also look down on him. So, when you despise someone, you consider him being beneath you; you may think that the individual is worthless. The word "hate" does not carry with it this negative connotation. You can hate someone who is superior to you.

 

Here are a few examples.

 

Nandita despises her new boss.

 

I am told that Tara despises the company I work for.

 

You forgot to include this part: COURTESY : The Hindu (The National News-Paper) - India

 

I HATE when people use definitions of words taken from people who are not native speakers.

 

They always screw it up. In this case, at least one example is contrary to the definition.

 

Anyway, that kind of hate? OK...yeah, I understand how a WS could "hate" in that sense. Stipulated, no argument. I thought people meant the real thing, the kind that causes men to shoot their wives, for example. Not just intense dislike.

 

Anyway, I think the word just got us tripped up. We were talking about two different things all along.

 

So if hate isn't the word, then what word does describe when you dislike someone so much (not necessarily revenge, more general) that you seek to destroy them somehow, maybe destroy their lives, destroy their career, destroy their health, destroy them in such a way as to cause irreparable harm. What word describes that? I always thought it was hate. Perhaps in another thread....

Edited May 23, 2017 by mightycpa

[LivingWaterPlease]

I wanted to post further on this thread early this morning but didn't as some were calling it a thread jack; however, I don't see it as such because OP's question is about feelings of cheaters toward their APs. OP, who hasn't been back, as far as I've been able to see, after her first post; wasn't asking for advice on her situation, but rather the topic she introduced was about feelings of cheaters toward their APs. So it seems to me discussing those feelings isn't a thread jack.

 

That said, I can identify with the concept of hating someone. As I type this someone I love is being cheated on by their spouse (spouse is aware of it ) and I have hatred for that person, the cheater, from time-to-time. I've found through daily prayer and scripture and general surrender to God's will I am able to love that person, though. It is a great relief to live life without harboring hatred for anyone; and yes, to love everyone. I believe it's possible and will enhance a reconciling couple's relationship rather than deter from it.

 

That said, I believe there are different categories of love and not all of them involve warm gushy feelings. And, in fact, some of those categories may mean a person feels neutral toward another. To me, a general description of love is wishing for the best for someone.

 

I will say, though, that through my devotion to God I have been given warm and loving feelings for this cheater sometimes, sometimes neutral feelings, but I've found God is able to free a person from the debilitating emotion of hatred.

 

I know that I write this at the risk of seeming sanctimonious, self-righteous, or whatever. But I don't believe that is the case because without God I know myself to be able to have many negative emotions, including hatred, toward some others.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Well, sigh, I just wrote a post that relates to the current timing of the discussion but it's being held for moderation. By the time it's posted the discussion may have evolved into something a bit different. But have noticed when this happens, as it frequently does, the post will actually appear in the forum before this one!