mikeylo Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 He is mentally sick and needs professional help. You can't do anything and it has nothing to do with you. It will probably take him a lifetime to give up at your and your children's cost.Its not in his control and he can be as sorry as he wants but it won't change your lives. Bail out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greyseason Posted May 19, 2017 Author Share Posted May 19, 2017 Okay. This is very helpful feedback. I'm so sad. I need to learn how to not let my emotions guide my life and my decisions. I need to use more logic lol. I had him move out 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has spiraled and has had more sex etc, than ever. He blames me. He said my kicking him out is rejection and if he's truly sick with an addiction I shouldn't abandon him. He said he needs help, not kicked out. How do I respond to this? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 (edited) His reaction is predictable. He is not accepting responsibility for his behavior and blame shifting. He's attempting to use your love and affection for him in a very manipulative manner, to ease the anxiety and pain that he is feeling now that he is suffering the consequences of his actions. I would tell him that he has had plenty of time and many opportunities to seek help prior to this date, and he has failed to take this seriously and put an end to his behavior. This is the now the consequence for his poor decision making and his failure to deal with the situation and get the help he needs. Be firm, but loving. You support him in seeking treatment for his addiction but you will not continue to enable or support his behavior. You will only consider discussion of reconciliation when he is able to prove to you for a considerable period of time that he will not engage in this kind of behavior anymore or put your health at risk again. Be strong. This problem was created by him, and it can only be solved, by him. You are not responsible for his behavior, nor are you responsible for his recovery. You should perhaps consider counselling or attend an Al-Anon meeting - it's obviously different, but the discussion about accepting responsibility for the addiction and enabling behaviors of loved ones may be very helpful. Edited May 19, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 (edited) I had him move out 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has spiraled and has had more sex etc, than ever. He blames me. He said my kicking him out is rejection and if he's truly sick with an addiction I shouldn't abandon him. He said he needs help, not kicked out. How do I respond to this? greyseason, go back and objectively read what you've written. Does it make sense to you? You're the reason he's acting out? For every true sex addict, there's 10 narcissistic *holes with poor impulse control and a bottomless need for validation. And they're perfectly willing to manipulate you while they pursue it. Be careful... Mr. Lucky Edited May 19, 2017 by Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 greyseason, go back and objectively read what you've written. Does it make sense to you? You're the reason he's acting out? For every true sex addict, there's 10 narcissistic *holes with poor impulse control and a bottomless need for validation. And they're perfectly willing to manipulate you while they pursue it. Be careful... Mr. Lucky Absolutely. The word "addiction" is easily used to justify poor decision making and poor impulse control. It is one way to absolve the individual from accepting responsibility when they are faced with the consequences of their actions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 I had him move out 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has spiraled and has had more sex etc, than ever. He blames me. He said my kicking him out is rejection and if he's truly sick with an addiction I shouldn't abandon him. He said he needs help, not kicked out. How do I respond to this? You laugh in his face and say 'nice try'. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 It is one way to absolve the individual from accepting responsibility when they are faced with the consequences of their actions. Amen. Greyseason, if he really is an addict, he has no control over his compulsion. So how does he propose to participate in a marriage with you :confused:??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Okay. This is very helpful feedback. I'm so sad. I need to learn how to not let my emotions guide my life and my decisions. I need to use more logic lol. I had him move out 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has spiraled and has had more sex etc, than ever. He blames me. He said my kicking him out is rejection and if he's truly sick with an addiction I shouldn't abandon him. He said he needs help, not kicked out. How do I respond to this? This is not how rational people behave (your husband that is). Don't let him manipulate you with this kind of guilt nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 Is trust important to you? Could you EVER trust this man again knowing what you know now? Years of lies leading up to the discovery. More lies in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 You're the reason he's acting out? For every true sex addict, there's 10 narcissistic *holes with poor impulse control and a bottomless need for validation. And they're perfectly willing to manipulate you while they pursue it. Be careful... Mr. Lucky ^^^THIS is a truly brilliant statement! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 greyseason, go back and objectively read what you've written. Does it make sense to you? You're the reason he's acting out? For every true sex addict, there's 10 narcissistic *holes with poor impulse control and a bottomless need for validation. And they're perfectly willing to manipulate you while they pursue it. Be careful... Mr. Lucky Very true. Cheaters follow a pattern. If they can't get away with saying they were neglected, they move to having a sex addiction. Basically anything that points to a lack of accountability is a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
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