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Is being shy for an average looking guy a life sentence to ever finding a women?

Thedubman

By Thedubman
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Thedubman Member

Thedubman

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With men doing most of the approaching?

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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Why be either? Don't be average or shy. Problem solved.

ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

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With men doing most of the approaching?

 

I am going to be honest and say: potentially yes.

 

 

I am shy and average looking and never done any cold approaching ever because I simply cant do it. Care to guess how many gf's I have had: zero.

 

 

Somehow guys like you and I need to try overcome this because if we don't I fear a life of alone beckons.

 

 

As with everything in life, you can make changes so you need to believe there is hope. I do.

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Thedubman Member

Thedubman

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Why be either? Don't be average or shy. Problem solved.

 

If it was that easy I would of solved it years ago

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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If it was that easy I would of solved it years ago

 

Well, carry on being average and shy. You asked if it's a life sentence. Yes.

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Thedubman Member

Thedubman

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I am going to be honest and say: potentially yes.

 

 

I am shy and average looking and never done any cold approaching ever because I simply cant do it. Care to guess how many gf's I have had: zero.

 

 

Somehow guys like you and I need to try overcome this because if we don't I fear a life of alone beckons.

 

 

As with everything in life, you can make changes so you need to believe there is hope. I do.

It's such a scary thought!!!! I'm 26 and one of the youngest in my family. Once my family starts dying off and I am truly alone, to be completly honest I'm not sure if I would be able to live on or not. Even though I am very shy, I can't stand being by myself.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Just don't even think about it. You see a girl you like and you think "maybe" she might be interested in you?

 

Just go for it. Say something really interesting to her, like "Hi!"

 

Stop looking for the perfect girl. Just have fun with girls.

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Thedubman Member

Thedubman

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Well, carry on being average and shy. You asked if it's a life sentence. Yes.

 

It's not that I don't want to change. But what do I do? Where do I start?

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Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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It's not that I don't want to change. But what do I do? Where do I start?

 

What's so average about you? Shyness can be easily overcome. Embrace the suck. You will be uncomfortable but get used to it and it will get better. Say hello to a stranger everyday this week. All females. Let us know how it goes.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Do you have friends? If not, this is the place to start. You need to get your social skills up to scratch with male and female friends before you think about dating.

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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With men doing most of the approaching?

 

I guess it depends on how shy the guy is. I mean, if he can barely look a woman in the eye or talk to her, it will absolutely lessen his chances. However, if his shyness is only moderate, then there is a better chance that he will meet someone at some point.

 

In my experience, this is less likely to happen through online dating, and more likely to happen through day to day life, where a guy can begin by forming a friendship with a woman through social events, hobbies, volunteering, school or work, that eventually develops into something romantic.

 

Also, not all women are passive when it comes to a man they want. Some will actively pursue a shy man if they are really interested or see some potential. The most important thing is to be actively social in order to regularly meet and interact with women.

 

If that is too overwhelming to consider at this point, then I would suggest on focusing more on building a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment, and appreciating what you do have. It may sound cliché, but it would be way more beneficial to focus positive things, and not on things that you feel powerless to change right now.

 

When you feel ready, start taking small steps towards meeting women.

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CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

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I doubt it's shyness. There are many ways to work around that. I wonder if the OP can relate to women in a romantic kind of way, exhibiting what women perceive as confidence, but what it is in my eyes the courage to ask for what you want.

 

The way the OP beats himself up in these threads, I would agree with the advice to take a time-out, find something you can be truly emotionally invested in, whatever that thing is for which you burn, that one thing in life that doesn't make you average.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's not that I don't want to change. But what do I do? Where do I start?

 

 

 

You start by taking small steps. For the next week smile at people. Just smile at people. You don't have to do anything else.

 

 

After you get comfortable doing that graduate to saying hi. Just hi. One little word. Two letters. Just hi nothing else.

 

 

You will notice that most people will react positively to this. If somebody says something else, talk to them.

 

 

Consider joining a group called Toastmasters. It's really about public speaking but it can help with shyness. If you have the money take a Dale Carnegie class called How to Win Friends & Influence People. It's their basic course. Again it is more about networking for business but the techniques apply to social situations.

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CoolJoe Established Member

CoolJoe

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Women are drawn to confidence. End of story.

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ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

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You start by taking small steps. For the next week smile at people. Just smile at people. You don't have to do anything else.

 

 

After you get comfortable doing that graduate to saying hi. Just hi. One little word. Two letters. Just hi nothing else.

 

 

You will notice that most people will react positively to this. If somebody says something else, talk to them.

 

 

Consider joining a group called Toastmasters. It's really about public speaking but it can help with shyness. If you have the money take a Dale Carnegie class called How to Win Friends & Influence People. It's their basic course. Again it is more about networking for business but the techniques apply to social situations.

 

You touch one two interesting methods which I agree with BUT.

 

 

Before you try either of them you need to be happy with yourself and have something of value to bring to the table.

 

 

I think approaching random people is a total waste of time if you don't have any inherent charm, it simply will not work so if you don't have that charm I would simply wouldn't bother with this, rather find some friends and perhaps you can meet people through them.

ZA Dater Established Member

ZA Dater

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Women are drawn to confidence. End of story.

 

Your forgot money and good looks. ;)

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I think approaching random people is a total waste of time if you don't have any inherent charm, it simply will not work so if you don't have that charm I would simply wouldn't bother with this, rather find some friends and perhaps you can meet people through them.

 

 

It's not about approaching anybody. It's simply about practicing smiling & saying hi For that you need to talk to everybody -- young, old, male, female, attractive, plain . . . just everybody. As you get positive reactions, your confidence will naturally increase.

CoolJoe Established Member

CoolJoe

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Your forgot money and good looks. ;)

 

I am not going to deny those two things help. I'd be stupid to say otherwise. But bro, seriously, they are kind of overrated, especially good looks. Just don't be a slob. If you're confident and funny, girls will find a way to holler at you.

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RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Women are drawn to confidence. End of story.

 

This is true, very very true.

 

Your forgot money and good looks. ;)

 

These won't get you far without confidence.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Shy can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If you surveyed 100 people and asked if they are shy, more than half would tell you that they are. If you put most people in a room full of strangers, they probably will feel awkward and shy.

 

But then there are more extreme examples of shy. There are hardcore introverts, who take a while to warm up to people, but then open up fully. And then there are people who just don't really warm up to people at all, or at least not for a very very long time.

 

A lot of us shy introverts, meet women, get married, etc. But like other's said you have to have confidence in yourself. And you have to be willing to put yourself out there to a certain degree in spite of your shyness, and you have to open up once you start to feel a connection with someone.

 

I work in IT, probably 80%+ of the people I work with are shy introverts, but almost all of us are married. So it's hardly a death sentence.

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tetrahedral Established Member

tetrahedral

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It's not a death sentence, but it will definitely hold you back from reaching your potential.

 

We are all works in progress. If you don't like the consequences of your shyness then step out of your comfort zone and socialize more.

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jjgitties Established Member

jjgitties

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#1 -- I have seen lots of butt ugly guys with very pretty women/wives.

 

#2 - What do you mean by shy? I think if you are saying going to bars and hitting on women is not something you can do, then you should accept that thats they person you are. In which case don't do it if you know you can't do it.

 

But what you can do is change youe approach. Why do you have to consider every single interaction with a female as a potential GF and a steady relationship end goal. What you can do is just be yourself and interact with women verbally without it having to mean anything more than just talking. And you just keep dong that, and sooner or later you might pickup on vibes that a woman likes you and wants to spent time with you.

 

One thing I can tell you about women. (And I am going to get smacked silly by the females on this forum). Women like happy guys. They see a guy that seems happy and content and they get attracted to that and they go after him and then try to change him and turn him into a miserable sack of ****.:p

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Honestly, it's not just about the approaching. I initiated and ended up with a shy boyfriend once and the bigger problem wasn't he'd never have dreamt of approaching. The biggest problem is he wasn't assertive enough to deal with everyday problems and wussed out all the time. Jeez, if we'd shared bills or something, he'd never have been the one to call and blow up at AT&T. He'd let his jealous female boss schedule him at the last minute to keep him from going out with me. (They were friends and she wasn't even straight but he'd been her puppy before he met me). It got real old. This is what will hold you back. You have to learn to man up and take care of business and get out of your comfort zone. Initiating contact is the least of it.

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BlueIvy Established Member

BlueIvy

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With men doing most of the approaching?

 

Life sentence? A stretch but the odds are stacked against you. Most women do not approach men, especially if she is attractive. If you're average and shy, you're invisible to most women. Now, if you have friends that hook you up or encounter a woman who is more aggressive, you might have a chance. But gonna be very hard to get a woman if you aren't assertive.

ExposedBrick Established Member

ExposedBrick

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Life sentence? A stretch but the odds are stacked against you. Most women do not approach men, especially if she is attractive. If you're average and shy, you're invisible to most women. Now, if you have friends that hook you up or encounter a woman who is more aggressive, you might have a chance. But gonna be very hard to get a woman if you aren't assertive.

 

I tend to be on the shy side and I know how difficult it is to approach women in bars. You should try online dating IMHO, just to get your feet wet talking to women. I used to be a nervous wreck around women I was attracted to. You really just have to practice no matter how painful it may seem. Eventually, you will get better and smoother. You're a human and very capable of learning from your mistakes.

 

You are going to **** up occasionally amd there is nothing wrong with that. It's ok to fail along the way.

 

Go for the Online dating man. You'll probably be shocked how awkward and shy many women are! You can become a better conversationalist as well. It's actually not that hard but you do have to make an effort if it doesn't come naturally to you.

 

You are not doomed! One thing that has really helped me is trying not to focus on outcomes. Don't talk to a woman with the goal of getting her number, hooking up with her that night, making her your wife, etc. instead think, that woman is attractive maybe she will be a fun person to talk to. Remember also that other people are not perfect and your opinion of them is just as important is their opinion of you. Focus on having a good time not on a specific goal and you'll have many new lady friends in no time.

 

I will add that you should always look well groomed with reasonably fashionable clothes that fit you well. You don't have to spend a lot to achieve that. If your clueless, ask the hot chick at the Gap for her opinion.

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