Navajo46 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 I have an ex girlfriend that is about 10 years younger than me. We started off as being friends for a few months and she ended up chasing me like crazy. She was beautiful and great but I tried to stay away in the beginning because of the age gap. I ended up falling for her in the end and we were together for about 6 months. In this time we became really close and did sooooo many things together... trips, Hikes, and not to mention sexually it was incredible. I had some medical issues and personal issues that started to make things difficult and I started to push her away. By the end it was more casual and we both just kind of let it go. No real breakup talk or anything but I missed her immensely. For the first month she called every few days and I would answer, then it became less and less frequent. 2 months after she texted me on Valentine's Day and I responded. A week after that she texted me to get together and we did and I messed it up. We had a good time but I guess I wasn't ready to see her on a platonic level where I thought I could. I sent a text after we left each other and said she made me realize that she only contacted me when convenient for her kind of thing. She got royally pissed about that and ignored me for the next two weeks or so when I was trying to apologize. After that I got a few real quick text messages that said k we are good. So fast forward another two and a half months of which I did not contact at all. Last week I saw a missed call from her and tried to call her back a few hours later with no answer. Yesterday she called and I answered and we caught up and laughed and joked and at the end she said I have to go to work and was just checking up on you, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I really didn't say anything back to her except have fun at work and be safe. I didn't wanna be needy or anything. I wasn't in a good frame of mind when we tried seeing each other in the beginning. But all my medical and personal issues have been taken care of and gone. I still care about her very much and miss her. Should I just wait to see if she contacts me again? Should I start texting her and just chatting? Or do I just let it go?
dumbass2 Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 Read back over what you said and felt about her in your post about her being bipolar and then come back and tell us what exactly has changed. I'm assuming this is the same girl.
Maldives Posted May 5, 2017 Posted May 5, 2017 I have an ex girlfriend that is about 10 years younger than me. We started off as being friends for a few months and she ended up chasing me like crazy. She was beautiful and great but I tried to stay away in the beginning because of the age gap. I ended up falling for her in the end and we were together for about 6 months. In this time we became really close and did sooooo many things together... trips, Hikes, and not to mention sexually it was incredible. I had some medical issues and personal issues that started to make things difficult and I started to push her away. By the end it was more casual and we both just kind of let it go. No real breakup talk or anything but I missed her immensely. For the first month she called every few days and I would answer, then it became less and less frequent. 2 months after she texted me on Valentine's Day and I responded. A week after that she texted me to get together and we did and I messed it up. We had a good time but I guess I wasn't ready to see her on a platonic level where I thought I could. I sent a text after we left each other and said she made me realize that she only contacted me when convenient for her kind of thing. She got royally pissed about that and ignored me for the next two weeks or so when I was trying to apologize. After that I got a few real quick text messages that said k we are good. So fast forward another two and a half months of which I did not contact at all. Last week I saw a missed call from her and tried to call her back a few hours later with no answer. Yesterday she called and I answered and we caught up and laughed and joked and at the end she said I have to go to work and was just checking up on you, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I really didn't say anything back to her except have fun at work and be safe. I didn't wanna be needy or anything. I wasn't in a good frame of mind when we tried seeing each other in the beginning. But all my medical and personal issues have been taken care of and gone. I still care about her very much and miss her. Should I just wait to see if she contacts me again? Should I start texting her and just chatting? Or do I just let it go? Man u really need to do all the work and chasing. From what I made of ur post she's done all the work and chasing and uve been pushing her away it's obvious u need to read over what u wrote so it sinks in. I think u been pushing her away because ur afraid of being vulnerable and close with her because of her age so ur way of protecting ureself is by pushing her away almost testing to see how loyal she will be and how genuine she is. Take it from me who did something similar wth a few past relationships it doesn't work and the girls get sick of it aftrr a while and will dump u. In essence ull fulfill a self fulfilling prophecy. Make sense? I wouldn't play this game wth this girl she seems pretty genuine 1
Author Navajo46 Posted May 6, 2017 Author Posted May 6, 2017 Yeah she has definitely been the one trying to stay in contact over the months.just with one period of her getting mad and ignoring me for few weeks when I tried to apologize. So should I just send a friendly text saying it was good to hear her voice again and I appreciate her checking on me?
Maldives Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Yeah she has definitely been the one trying to stay in contact over the months.just with one period of her getting mad and ignoring me for few weeks when I tried to apologize. So should I just send a friendly text saying it was good to hear her voice again and I appreciate her checking on me? I'd do a lot more dude if u really want this girl. U need to take a risk wth ur heart and be vulnerable like she's being. There's only so much rejection people can take meaning her 1
fromheart Posted May 6, 2017 Posted May 6, 2017 Spend sometime working on your own issues, let her go for now and look her up when you're on the mend. Otherwise, its not fair to her or you.
Author Navajo46 Posted May 8, 2017 Author Posted May 8, 2017 So sent her a text last night saying that I'm glad she called a few days ago and it was nice to hear her voice again and made an inside joke to keep the mood light. No response. I don't understand why she checks up on me every once in a while only to ignore me? I know what I must have done was frustrating but man this is sooo frustrating too! She is graduating from student teaching this coming Saturday, she made sure to tell me that and I would like to get her a present but should I, and leave it at that or just let things be? I saw the one response and I have worked on myself and started working out again, opened a new business, and just generally have been doing much better. I guess the most frustrating thing to me is that we never really had any kind of talk about us and what happened. I don't even know if she is seeing someone but am kind of assuming she is at this point.
Chi townD Posted May 8, 2017 Posted May 8, 2017 It sounds like, she reaches out every so often, you catch up and then nothing. She ghosts you. Only to text or call every couple of weeks or months later. And it doesn't seem like she's giving you the "I'm sorry. I want to try this again" vibe. Dude, she's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there.
Author Navajo46 Posted May 8, 2017 Author Posted May 8, 2017 That's exactly what I think. Just playing games to see if I will still talk to her. If I knew that she had any feelings for me left I would actually go after her 100% percent this time and give it everything. But guess we just have to see what happens. If she doesn't return this text I'm not initiating again so whatever.
dumbass2 Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 You already suspected that she's bipolar and you said some pretty harsh things in the other thread. You know who she is and she's not changing so why do you want to pursue someone that you know is not good for you? You know how this is going to end. Try not to contact her again and don't get her something for graduation. That's just trying to win her back which again I can't see why you would. Just leave her be.
Author Navajo46 Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Sorry for not clarifying, but this is not the same girl as the other thread. She was legitimately bipolar and it's weird I see her nowadays still because of mutual friends and she will never change. That was a truly dysfunctional relationship that I would attribute to a midlife crisis on my end. The current girl that I have been talking about is nothing like that at all. I met her almost 2 years after that break up. She is a genuine hard working woman and I think she genuinely cares about me, maybe not as a boyfriend anymore but in the short amount of time we went through a lot together (I was diagnosed with a tumor) and she was with me through it until I really pushed her away. With her I didn't want her to have to deal with my issues and wanted her to have fun. She told me once a few months ago that she felt like I hadn't been a friend to her in a long time and that I was tough on her. Through all the contact she has never really played games with me in the sense of trying to draw me back in. I honestly think she does miss me, but doesn't want to be back with me. I think the age thing and medical issues made her worry about a future with me. I'm not hurting like crazy over it anymore but do wish it could have turned out different. I still do miss the times we had, which were honestly amazing to me. But I decided not to get a present for her graduation and just let things be. Sucks though.
codest Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 (edited) Dude, do yourself a favor and read through this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/617752-anna-things-unsaid I was in a very similar situation recently (age difference, personal issues...) and I went too far. My point is, even it now seems like things are dying between you two, you still have a chance. If you let it slide on its own, you are going to definitely lose her for good, and you may badly regret that later, even if you don't feel like that now. Your seeming indifference (like mine) could indicate that you are somewhat spoiled by her attention (I was). Do not fall for that (I did), as in the near future you may start to look back at what you've done and not recognize yourself anymore. All those BS questions - should I text her? what should I say? - at this stage are still that: plain BS and over analyzing. Instead, you need to actively pursue her *now*, while it is not completely over. Once it is over, it will be too late, believe me. Then you can come back here and join the rest of us. One more thing: always reconcile in person, insist on meeting her. Avoid using texts/chat/phone, as it is very easy to shut each other out that way. You both will need to see each other and feel each other's presence. Edited May 9, 2017 by codest
Author Navajo46 Posted May 9, 2017 Author Posted May 9, 2017 Ok, I would love to give it a shot but what do I do from here? I sent her a text Saturday night (she called me Thursday) that just said nice to hear your voice etc. she didn't respond at all. Only been a few days but what am I supposed to do get a conversation going from here? I don't wanna be a gnat and keep texting. It's weird over the past few months she calls instead of texts, but I called her a few times and she doesn't answer. Bottom line I would love to let her know how I feel and what has happened cause we NEVER had a conversation about it. But I can't force her hand. If she flat out tells me there's no chance and things have been over then I would accept it.
juniorrocha Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 It's been days since you texted her. You also said you called her. She never bothered to answer your texts and calls. I think the message is very clear here. Even if she cares for you, I don't think she wants anything else than a friendship. Or an ego boost. Personally I wouldn't do a thing anymore.
jamili Posted May 9, 2017 Posted May 9, 2017 Ok, I would love to give it a shot but what do I do from here? I sent her a text Saturday night (she called me Thursday) that just said nice to hear your voice etc. she didn't respond at all. Only been a few days but what am I supposed to do get a conversation going from here? I don't wanna be a gnat and keep texting. It's weird over the past few months she calls instead of texts, but I called her a few times and she doesn't answer. Bottom line I would love to let her know how I feel and what has happened cause we NEVER had a conversation about it. But I can't force her hand. If she flat out tells me there's no chance and things have been over then I would accept it. Its not clear if you are the "dumper" here... you never broke up and just kind of stopped seeing each other which i dont really understand. What an ambiguous ending! Just tell her flat out you want to meet up, if she says yes then meet up and tell her you want to be with her - done. If she says no, just say Ok and then go hard, real NC (no more responding to her texts!!!). Right now you dont seem very strong or independent and you are both holding on to some quasi-relationship which is not healthy at all. She might just view you as a friend now (Thats my guess] but you have to at least try. Right now you are acting like her "friend" and nothing more so you cant blame her if she thinks that - thats 100% the message you are sending. Better break put now or your toast. Better to go NC forever than be her friend, if you really want her. Just say something man, like right now just send something. If she ignores then go nc forever. Easy answer to this one. Good luck!
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