Ex girlfriend always texts back immediately [UPDATED Drunk dialed by ex girlfriend]

[Tolliver]

When you break up and she's saying she wants space, but on the rare occasion you do reach out to her with a text she writes you back a paragraph in like a minute and thirty seconds? She responds even faster than when we were dating.

 

Can somebody, preferably a lady, please fill me in on the possible psychology behind this? If you didn't want to lead the other person on, wouldn't you delay your response a bit? This happens consistently and is bending my brain.

 

We split at the end of Feb, had low contact(texts) for a few weeks. Followed by no contact(suggested by her) at all for around a month. She broke the silence last week writing to tell me that her dog had been in an accident. The dog was going to be ok, but she "just thought I'd like to know." Anyways, I have texted to check in on how her dog is doing two times this week and the same thing: she responds instantly! And not just one word answers. Please somebody shed some light.

[Tolliver]

Like, this girl waits tables at a pretty busy restaurant here in the city. Last night I wrote her during her busiest hour, and my phone dings 2 minutes later with a long detailed description of what's going on with her dog. I don't get it.

[Tolliver]

Before somebody says, "she wants you back", I really don't think she does. At least not right now. The split was a grass is always greener type of thing. She's much younger than I am, and I think she wanted to play the field for a bit. If I asked for another chance here I'm pretty sure I would get rejected. In fact, I suspect she may even be seeing another(much younger than me) guy.

 

I am a realist here and as much as I want her back, I don't think she wants me to pursue her right now. I have been dating, myself. I'm not pining away for this girl but a part of me does harbour some hope that we could give it another chance. Now that I know her dog is fine, I am done reaching out. I know that much. I'm just wondering if somebody could here could offer a possible explanation for the stupidly fast replies on her part.

[ExpatInItaly]

She likes attention and she figures an ex is a secure source of it, so she replies quickly.

 

When she starts seriously dating someone else, you won't be getting those fast responses anymore.

[Tolliver]

This girl has no shortage of men in her phone to get attention from, trust me.

[Life lessons]

I don't think quick replies really mean anything. If she wasn't busy, at the time that she received your text, then she obviously had time to immediately respond to it.

 

Most times, which in my opinion is immature, people will play mind games and deliberately wait a while before contacting the initiator back. She doesn't seem to be that kind of individual.

 

I do think you may be looking too much into the quick responses via text! I'm sure she probably is just being respectful!

 

I don't think it means she wants you back....

[Blanco]

Grasping for straws, man. She enjoys you as a person/friend, but wishes to date other men.

[Tolliver]

Haha, ugh. I guess you guys are right. Still confused as to why she would even let me know about her dog in the first place, when by that point she knew her dog was going to be fine. She knows I'm out here waiting to hear something/anything from her. NC was her idea. Girls, man...

[Maldives]

Haha, ugh. I guess you guys are right. Still confused as to why she would even let me know about her dog in the first place, when by that point she knew her dog was going to be fine. She knows I'm out here waiting to hear something/anything from her. NC was her idea. Girls, man...

 

It's because u shared and had a bond. It's all about trust wth woman lol but look wat this one's done.

 

Maybe also keeping u wrapped around her finger for her own reasons

[amaysngrace]

She's using you to boost her ego and you're doing the same thing.

[Tolliver]

I should also add the first night she broke NC texted me about her dog, we texted back and forth for a couple of hours. She kept the conversation going mainly, talking about a couple of other things, and sent me like a bunch of pics of her dog all bruised up. It seemed like she was doing more than just notifying me of her dog, is what I mean. Some sort of ulterior motive. Anyways, I just wanted to see if any ladies thought this coupled with the response speed meant she is possibly still into me. Lol. Pathetic I know but - and sorry dudes, I appreciate the posts - we don't really have any idea how your mind works.

[SpecialJ]

She probably likes you as a person and may be someone who forgets to text back if she waits. I don't think you can read anything into her intentions if this is your only clue, though. Could be lonely and attention seeking, could want to be your friend, could miss you. But just because she likes texting with you does not mean she wants you back.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Tolliver, I'm going to go against the general consensus here and say she texted you because she misses you. Sorry, but when I break up with a guy I don't care for or even just feel friendly toward I don't text him to let him know how my pets or family are doing.

 

I also think that the fact that she texts you right back is significant, too. And texts long texts. Yes, she's into you. BUT she is young and knows she needs to date others.

 

You mentioned that you don't think she wants to go back with you. I think you can trust your gut. She does like you, does miss you, but wants to date around.

 

You are wise to date others. Reading your posts on this thread it sounds as if you're a great guy. I do believe it's possible she may want to get back with you at some point but in the meantime you're wise to focus on others.

[fromheart]

Who ended it with who?

[Tolliver]

Who ended it with who?

 

Well, I don't know how this community feels about this term, but it really was mutual. Or as close to it as you can get. Issues with her wanting to spend more time with her friends/late nights at concerts/house parties, she wanted me to be cool with this. I tried for a long time, but being a decade plus older than her, I ultimately couldn't really be comfortable with her living that kind of lifestyle while supposedly committed to me. A few fights escalating in intensity over this issue more or less over a series of months led to us agreeing it'd be best to part. The actual last conversation we had face to face was on really good terms.

[newheart]

Haha, ugh. I guess you guys are right. Still confused as to why she would even let me know about her dog in the first place, when by that point she knew her dog was going to be fine. She knows I'm out here waiting to hear something/anything from her. NC was her idea. Girls, man...

 

She's looking for support from you, as a person she had feelings for and had a relationship with, during what I'm sure was a difficult incident for her. Whether it is right or wrong to do so, knowing that you are waiting to hear from her, because some could perceive it as her being selfish. But perhaps she thought the month's space was enough for you to move into the friendzone, I don't know. But from a female perspective, she was looking for comfort from you, because of the familiarity of it. I don't think that the time she takes to respond really means anything.

 

More importantly, how often has she texted you first, texted you solely for the purpose of seeing how you are doing?

Edited April 30, 2017 by newheart

[Tolliver]

Ugh. Update on this situation.

 

Last night she actually called me(first time speaking on the phone since we broke up), very drunk at midnight, pleading with me to come over. I couldn't(I really wanted to!), because I had a friend over celebrating his bday. I told her I would ring her when he went home, and she was very insistent that I do so. She kept me on the phone for a long time, and actually called back a second time while he was there. I called her back an hour or so later and of course she was asleep.

 

This morning I get a message from her saying she was so so sorry for being so unfair to me for sending me these mixed signals(obviously implying to me anyways that she really regretted contacting me) and I have been sitting here all day kind of wanting to die.

Edited May 1, 2017 by Tolliver

[marky00]

OP, I experienced this for a couple of years, here is my take. I noticed the same thing, extremely fast replies.

 

 

I can't be certain but I think GUILT is the main reason. A fast response achieves two things. One, your Ex can respond fast knowing that's a good way to get past a potentially awkward situation quickly. Two, a fast response could be used to show they care (but in reality its just a front).

 

 

It's basically an over-compensation thing your seeing. This is one of the worst things that happens to dumpees. No matter how amazing you are progressing as a human being, once the dumper has labelled you, it's a label you will never likely shake.

 

 

I finally put a stop to the madness a week ago. I asked my ex why she was contacting me. I never heard from her again.

[ML Hammer95]

More importantly, how often has she texted you first, texted you solely for the purpose of seeing how you are doing?

 

Mine has done this at least nine times since I decided to stop the dysfunctional make up-break up cycle about two and a half months ago. Quick replies most of the time too. It doesn't mean anything.

 

Ultimately you can never be 100% sure on what their motivation is, what their reasons are and what they are feeling. But you can be 100% on yours. Ask yourself how this makes you feel and act accordingly. Protecting yourself after a break-up is one of the times you are allowed to be selfish and put yourself first.

 

Don't pour your feelings out to her. Don't send 'one last message'. Just disappear, slip away quietly. Block social media, delete number. Focus on yourself and getting better. NC is a win-win because you get better and them coming back is merely a bonus. DO NOT enter NC with the intention of manipulating them back into your life. Focus on you.

 

Good luck!

[Tolliver]

[]

 

I've been in two months of extremely low contact with my ex since our split in late Feb. It was a mutual-ish decision, but the power is in her favour as it was her circumstances that brought on the breakup. Essentially, she is much much younger than I am and wants to enjoy life partying/late nights/friends, a lifestyle that I increasingly wanted nothing to do with. Since the break I have missed her desperately and she knows this, mostly due to my own desperate actions. I won't get into all of that here, but we have been in actual no contact(she requested I leave her alone for a bit) from around April 1st until last Wednesday when she broke and texted me some news about her dog.

 

Which brings us to now, she called me on Saturday night while drunk, pleading with me to come visit her. Her new circle of friends had apparently just showed their true colours, and had disgusted her so she left a party they were at and I guess in that drunken haze really really wanted to see me. She actually called me three separate times on her walk home, reminiscing over good times and telling me she missed me. I wanted to go to her, but couldn't go at that moment as I was in the middle of something, but told her I would when this was clued up. Called her in an hour or so when I was free and of course she was passed out.

 

The next morning I awoke to a text saying "so incredibly sorry to have called you last night" - I called her(first time in two months that I did this), to say it was ok that she did and stupidly asked if she'd like to go get a coffee. She rejected this offer, and told me she doesn't want to be sending me mixed signals and is extremely upset at herself for calling me. I had the good sense to pull back and act unfazed, telling her no worries about calling me and I'd talk to her another time. Right now I plan on going back to no contact unless she reaches out. I have been dating other women, but deep down I am still a little bit hung up on this girl. What can I say, being older, and having gone through this before, I am expecting the worst but hoping for the best.

 

My question is, and I don't care how pathetic this sounds, if she was SO disgusted with herself for calling me(apparently to the point where she said she had a panic attack), is that a sign that she wants nothing to do with me? I always thought that drunk words mean sober thoughts, but I wasn't prepared for her to be so regretful for her actions. I went from feeling on top of the world when she was blowing up my phone Saturday night, to the lowest of the low yesterday morning hearing how much of a bad decision and how unfair it was of her to call me.

Edited May 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Use the Alert Us button if you need to contact moderation ~6

[Zahara]

if she was SO disgusted with herself for calling me(apparently to the point where she said she had a panic attack), is that a sign that she wants nothing to do with me?

 

It's a sign that she doesn't want to lead you on. She felt guilty for doing it.

 

The drunken call was her need for an emotional tampon.

 

You mention in your other thread that you broke up because you have different lifestyles -- it doesn't seem things are changing on her part so why are you holding on?

[Tolliver]

Even looking at it through cynical eyes I think it's clear that me *actually* going away for over 3 weeks and not contact her at all, scared the hell out of some part of her, causing her to reach out a few times about her dog last week and then the drunk dial. I am not doing no contact to manipulate her into coming back, I really did start to feel a lot better during those 3 weeks, but her returning would be a nice bonus. Her intense regret yesterday morning really wrecked me, though.

[Tolliver]

It's a sign that she doesn't want to lead you on. She felt guilty for doing it.

 

The drunken call was her need for an emotional tampon.

 

You mention in your other thread that you broke up because you have different lifestyles -- it doesn't seem things are changing on her part so why are you holding on?

 

Oh yeah, it's definitely the fact that she doesn't want to lead me on. I get that. She wanted me to come over to her place that night though, she was begging. I only figured out the stuff about leaving her friend's party because we were talking so long on the phone, and I was resolved to not making an ass out of myself by being emotional, so I kept asking her questions. She didn't spend the phone call talking about things that were troubling her, it was a pretty light convo. Some part of her must have wanted to see me?

 

As far as the lifestyle stuff goes, maybe that's for another thread or even another forum hah, but I have been dating women, gotten actually a big boost in my confidence in the process, and would even propose something like an open relationship. I really really like this girl on a number of levels and don't want to lose her from my life. She was content with going out partying and coming home to me at the end of the night, but I never was. This was the source of pretty much every one of our arguments over the course of our relationship. Problem is I can't just come out and suggest an open relationship right now because I think it will really seem desperate and not genuine. So, I guess I'll keep living in the meantime.

[ExpatInItaly]

She was drunk and lonely and knew you would answer. As Zahara put it, you were the emotional tampon she needed at that moment. But that's all it was, I'm afraid.

 

Then she realized how unfair this was and needed to reiterate that she isn't trying to get back together by turning down your offer to meet.

 

It's her sober actions and words that count.

[Tolliver]

She was drunk and lonely and knew you would answer. As Zahara put it, you were the emotional tampon she needed at that moment. But that's all it was, I'm afraid.

 

Then she realized how unfair this was and needed to reiterate that she isn't trying to get back together by turning down your offer to meet.

 

It's her sober actions and words that count.

 

I understand, and of course fear deep down you are right. My only thing is the fact she is 21 and literally, by her own admission, has little what she wants. Also, I think if I could have refrained from calling her and asking her out that same day like a dumbass and immediately played off the drunk dial as a no big deal/mistakes happen sorta thing I could have really swung things in my favour. It was my asking her out that really sent her guilt into overdrive.

 

One thing is for certain, I will continue not initiating ANY conversations with her and leave the ball in her court. I really think if after this incident she keeps messaging/calling me, newly sensitive to not wanting to lead me on, it may be a sign there is some hope here. Until then though, yeah, I guess I'll just chaulk it up to her needing a shoulder to cry on.