bestmannsgirl Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 I was seeing this guy for five years, and I began noticing subtle behavior changes. I caught him in a lie, on his wherabouts, and then became very suspicious. He called me that afternoon, and asked me what I was doing, then I told him I was in my car, but heading home. He then proceeded to tell me he would call me back. When he didn't call me, I had a gut feeling that I would catch him, since he claimed he was so tired and was going home after work. We work together, so I passed in the parking lot, and there was his vehicle. I parked right behind him, when suddenly I began to see the car rocking. I honked my horn, he wouldn't stop. I gently tapped his car, and seconds later he came out, and he said"What's the matter?". I told him, so you are F*** around, right?, and he said nothing, and then I said "Have a nice life", and left in my car. No apology, no phone call, nothing- it's been 2 weeks, not that I want him to call, be he is provoking me now, 2 days ago he passed by where I work with his friend, wearing black sunglasses. It really upset me, but I was composed. Now, he's really provoking me. It was so bad that minutes later, I actually tripped at work, and thank God- no one saw me, it was a miracle I didn't fall down. It's so awkward- because the woman who he is seeing now, probably knows who I am, and I have no clue. Should I really care, who this person is? Help? any advice?
AleroGurl Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 omg!! what a total ass!! see i dont think u should care, but i would! i mean its been 2 weeks and hes already with someone. thats low and pure disregard for ur feelings. and really, he'll make sure u find out who it is sooner or later. guys like that are messed up that way. they LOVE to rub it in their ex's faces that THEY moved on and u didnt...grr
Author bestmannsgirl Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 It seems that he was seeing both of us at the same time. When I caught him in a lie, last month, he kept me waiting till 930pm, that's when I questioned him, and caught him in a lie. So- to me he has been seeing this other person for possibly months now. That's when I first became suspicious, I'm guessing since mar or april. The reason he's provoking me now- I feel is he didn't have to pass by me, I seldom see him at work, and then to pass by wearing dark glasses in the morning around 800am, is ridiculous. The bastard never even said he was sorry, a mistake, or anything, he should stood there when I caught him in the act. The only thing he said to me was"What's the matter", when I gently tapped his car. He didn't day anything more, such a coward! I'm still very angry, sad, hurt and feel betrayed. He called me that afternoon just hours before I caught him. You would think that almost 5 years of seeing him- he would have the decensy to say something to me.
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 5 years! OMG....I Am so sorry you are going through this. I must have missed the part about 5 years. He knows he is caught and that is why he has nothing to say. How are you coping? Going out with friends at all? The best thing you can do is look so freaking happy at work and when you see him! That will kill him
Author bestmannsgirl Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 Beth, It is so hard let me tell you, especially if I have to run into him at work. Which is seldom, I hope. Believe me, I hate to say this but this man has sort of scarred me for life. I try to block him out of my mind, it's not easy, because I keep on reenacting in my mind the car rocking. I really cared about him, and trusted him. I overlooked his once a year trips to Mexico, with the guys, but this is just unforgiveable. I'm keeping busy by going out either to the beach after work, or just plain going out. I haven't hit the bar scene yet, which I'm not looking forward to that, unless I'm just going to have a drink and going with the idea of not meeting anyone. I've really never met anyone worthwhile, except for one in my whole lifetime. I do get some crazy ideas at time, like putting crazy glue on his car, where he puts the key. Only ideas, really wouldn't do that, or scratching up his car. That SOB- never even called or said something at the time -in other words apologize, say it was a mistake, etc. Not that I would take him back. He just stood there, speechless, and all he said was"What's the matter?" That hurt!
AleroGurl Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 well...even tho its been 5 years, just be happy u found out! it sucks hard that u had to find out in the way you did, but take this as a good thing. if hes gonna lie to you and cheat on you after 5 years, then really...he's not worth the tears u cry for him! trust me, knowing ur ex is with someone else KILLS...im going thru it now, but u gotta remember the bad things about the relationship. no guy should EVER make u cry! unless its happy tears...the girl hes with is going to get hurt by him too someday. its a vicious cycle that these type of guys play...just be glad that ur out of that cycle! im so sorry ur going thru this. but remember, ur better off without this guy.
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 I know that sick feeling of trusting someone and them crapping all over you. My dreams are shot also. I know that I am scared for life. I hate it. Try to keep your head up. I know it is hard. You probaby feel like Ido. You hate him but becasue of everything, you love him. I am NOT looking fwd to the bar scene either!
AleroGurl Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 i went to the bars the weekend after he dumped me...i had to get outa this city and be with friends...guys were lookin at me and the bartender gave me free drinks all night. made me feel good about myself in that sense. cuz he did tell me i was ugly and no guy will ever want me...so really the bar scene does have its pros and cons...it gets u out with ur friends and takes ur mind off what the idiot did to you. even if it IS only for a night...however the pigs that are at the bars arent very...pleasing you gotta somehow take ur mind off it. its hard as hell but u gotta try! and just remember its HIS loss. hes the one who made this decision. he'll wake up one day and realize that he messed up big time! and whenhe does, he'll prolyl come running back toyou and being all sweet, and nice and pour on the compliments and 'i love you' bs lines...dont fall for that. cuz it will happen!! my ex did it to me sooo many times and i kept going back to him. just keep NC 110%!!
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 AleroGurl -you are right about them coming back.....he ALWAYS does. But it takes at least a month or two. This is the 6-7th time he has done this to me and does exactly what you said about being sweet. I fall evertime. Not this time. I cannot. I always make deals with God, "if he would just call, I iwll ot answer, I just want him to call" and then of course I answer!!!!!It is a catch 22...I want him to call, but I don't really since I know I will fall back. I have ups and downs and I guess that is better than all down. Today is 50-50. I have had my hand on the phone to call, but then I remember the feeling I get when he ignores me and that is worse. For whatever reason, he will not even talk to me until a month has passeed. I guess he fianlly sees I am done and calls? Who knows. My friends say he will call, but this time feels different. I think we both have had it.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 originally posted by AleroGurl its been 2 weeks and hes already with someone. thats low and pure disregard for ur feelings. thats nothing.. my ex started going out with another girl a couple of hours after we broke up... lol... i still love him though.. no matter what he did..
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 You cannot turn off love for someone no matter what they did. Isn't it funny how you can love and hate them at the same time? All of you who had exes leave for someone else, how do you deal with the rejection? When this happened to me a few yrs back, I was a mess.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 I DIDNT LEAVE FOR ANYONE ELSE... one of these days my ex asked me if i had found someone and i said yes and he kept wanting to know why we broke up and i invented stuff and told him why and who he was .. but it all was a lie i could never be with someone while im thinking of him.. i couldnt do that but i dont want him to think that i have been waiting for him because i havent so i had to tell him i had someone after him even though i was lying .... but when we broke up omg i begged for him to forgive me and forget what happened and so we could be together and start all over again.. i cried every might and thought of him every second.. (still do).. but its not easy..
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 thats nothing.. my ex started going out with another girl a couple of hours after we broke up All I was asking is how you deal with rejection when your ex is dating someone else-i did not say you left.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 o ok i misunderstood you.. well i was such a mess...he told me that she asked him out and he wasnt thinking when he said yes... but to me.. he had an eye for b4 when he was with me.. so inside i felt cheated and i felt worthless...i felt like i wasnt the girl he was looking for that i was just another toy just any other girl.. ..it was like someone else was making him happy and it wasnt me.. i felt played and ugh i was just such a mess i didnt eat that much i never got hungry i didnt feell like going outside and take some fresh air.. i felt like i had nothing to live for.. it was horrible.. i remember one time me and him got in a fight and we started saying alot of mean things to each other.. but there was one thing that is stuck in my head since he said it.. i told him that i thought that he was only with me to get something out of m not because he liked me or love me liked he said.. i told him that all he ever wanted from me was as5 and nothing else...and that he never loved me for me... he said " yea thats all i ever wanted from you, what you actually thought i liked you.. please youre nothing special" ...................................... a a month later he told me that all those things he said were because he was very mad but that he never meant to say that to me because i didnt deserve it and it wasnt true... and he said he really made a big mistake leeving me...i didnt know if to believe that it was too much.. i went though alot.. and i still am....(sigh)....
smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 People do say a lot of stupid crap when they are mad and I am sure he did not mean that. He prob got caught up in everything. So are you doing NC?
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 lol.. o yea i still am.. but its been hard.. because he calls me and we have seen each other after we broke up... and he has came over my house.. i stopped getting online i havent been there ever since i started NC.. its hard when like i am great at the moment and then all of a sudden theres him .. he appears all of a sudden wanting to see me or talk to me.. its very hard... but after NC breaks i got back ot it again.. i think its the best... my thread explains it better if you want to see it.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=67920
AleroGurl Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 well my ex said hes not wtih her but im not stupid... he defended her to me, lied to me about her, i saw him out drinking with her on his 'boys night' this past friday...like im not stupid. i just didnt think he went for the young ones ESP seeing how he said ehs not attracted to her, etc etc bs, bs bs....pluswe got back together for 4 days after he originally dumped me but i think it ws just so he could 'hit it'... i dont know how im dealing with it to be quite honest with you...its hard. somedays are good and other all i wanna do is cry. he knows i loathe this girl and i really think he enjoys making me miserable. my friends tell me to 'get over it' but like...its not that easy. yea its been 2 weeks but still...i love him more then anything. i dont kno how im dealing with the rejection tho...my self esteem is even lower then it was when i was with him. i feel ugly, stupid for putting up with his crap and lies. it makes me not wanna make myself look good when i go out. BUT she's gonan go thru this too. hes gonna lie to her and treat her liek crap too. and raelly as sick as this sounds, i cant wait til she feels how bad it hurts! and really it helps knowing that i wasnt the onyl one he did this to, adn he's gonan continue doing it to every girl he's with(my gut tells me he wont to this one but still...i like to make myself believe things:) ) and beth...i hear ya about the calling. thsi time does feel different for me too. he has his young little 19 yr old piece of crap and hes happy. and even if he did call me, im not giving in this time. its too hard to go thru this every so often. a man who loves you would never do this to you. he may say he does...but he doesnt. its all a sick little game that they basically get off on. 'lets see how many girls i can get to fall in love with me so i can rip their hearts out and leave them for a trashy little kid'
Author bestmannsgirl Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 Yes- it's not easy! Yes- in a way -I still care about him and love him, and I hate him for what he did. No-one really knows how it feels to watch the person you love -screwing someone else and you are watching. Ladies- it is awful, it feels like someone is stabbing you slowly, or torturing you-very slowly. No words can actually explain it. I don't think he'll call- I did catch him- what could he possibly say. I also think- he has been seeing her too, perhaps for some time- a few months- 6 months, who knows. Yes- I agree - what goes around comes around. I hate to say this- but I really miss- the physical part of it, if you know what I mean. I hate to say this and give up hope, but I hope and I don't want to sound nasty- I hope someday I find someone like him- he was very passionate in that dept, wild! Anyway, The bar scene hopefully for a night - will make me feel good about myself. I do feel rejected- like he chose her over me. But- so many of my friends you know give the same line- you're beautiful, sexy, blah, blah. They mean well, but if I was so sexy, etc, he wouldn't have cheated. But that's another thing- why guys cheat! I'm shopping- you know for clothes, reading books on relationships, going to the beach, plus working, driving around in my car, for long rides, etc, to keep my mind busy. So you think he will call? Maybe, maybe not? I'm not waiting by the phone, I swear of I found someone today, who I was attracted to, he would be history. And there is no way- I will go back to him! He'll just do it again- and I won't put myself through this ever again. They don;t change, they'll be sweet for a short time, and then- I will wonder when he's not with me , if he's with her. The trust will be gone!
AleroGurl Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 i know what u mean. i miss the phsyical part too...not cuz he was amazing, just cuz even if he touched my arm i got goose bumps. he could just hold my hand and id be turned on...i mean yea i could go to another guy(an ex of somesort) and get 'some' but blah...i dont want to. i have no want for that and prolly wont for a very long time. so i know exactly what you mean, girl! its a game. it always was, and if we ever were to cave to them again and take them back, itll happen all over again. its sick and i wish ppl wouldnt do this to others...pretty bad wehn the one u love more then anything makes u wanna move away so u wont ever risk seeing him alone or with...HER
Author bestmannsgirl Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 They say the easiest way to forget someone -is to find another person- another guy! It will be hard- since this guy was so gr8 in that dept, and well,well equipped. It's no wonder today that women are cheating too, I mean seeing 2 guys, or dating 2 guys. I'm not saying it's right, however someone once told me to always carry a spare tire in my car. Yeah- if only I had listened! But then again- I was so happy and satisfied with this guy, I had no desire to meet anyone. I could kick myself now, for losing my girlfriends, and not keeping in touch with some guys. I do have one that I keep in touch with, but the poor guy does nothing for me, he helps me in other ways, but physically, no one so far in my life- holds a candle to my ex. It's been 17 days now-it should start to get easier, but not really. A week after I caught him, I was so depressed that I got in my car, and drove around. I saw this handsome guy, in a cute liitle car, and he smiled at me, I sort of smiled, and then he followed me for a few miles down the road. I could kick myself now, for not waving , or stopping at the Seven Eleven store, to start up a conversation, but I was feeling so bad, and was a little apprehensive. Now I'm sorry I didn't he was so handsome- I would have forgotten about him - real fast. In the past 5 years, I had so many opportunities, and I just blew them off. Now- the lesson I've learned is unless I'm engaged to be married, I will keep my options open. I could kick myself now, for not traveling as much as I wanted to, going out to more places, because then he would get mad, and when I did go away, and he would stop seeing for a month. That happened 2 years ago- when I took a trip to England. No more!, am I doing that ever again. Unfortunately, I know what you mean g/f, but no one will make me move, unless I want to.
AleroGurl Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 oh i aint gonna be moving at all!! just gets so deperssing sometimes that i ponder the thought to move with my best friend or with my brother... and i know what u mean. i cut out all my friends from my life when i was with my ex, couldnt go to Toronto to see my brother cuz my ex woulda gotten mad and or punished me by not allowing me to see him for a certain amount of days...but HE was able to do whatever he chose. SO many opportunities that i pushed aside for fear id make him mad or lose him...im definitely doing everything for myself now tho. im not going to become bitter with guys, well im gonna try not to, but i kno that im not settling and im not going to be serious with another guy for a long time. i dont have the nerve or the guts to go up to a guy and strick up a convo with him...even if im drunk im terribly shy that way its been 14 days today since ive been dumped and i so want it to be easier from here...it just SUCKS cuz i drive by his work every friggin day and i gotta see his lardass
totallyconfused Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 wow bestmannsgirl, we are very alike in situations as i caught my x of 4 years cheating on me 4 weeks ago. u can read that here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t66616/ similar theme - my x was 26 and is tryin to go after an 18y/o he met online. its pretty ridiculous. what hurts the most is how much betrayal and trust was shattered all b/c they got caught up in their lies. by the time i had caught them, they had only kissed but even still that really hurts b/c it had been going on for almost a month, and 2 months before that there were like 20+ online girls he'd try to hit on. he literally kept on lying about the cheating and lying about the lying. believe me i called him out on ALL the lies and just told him how disgusted i was about his ways. how messed up it was and that things cud never be the same cuz i know he was thinking he cud just come back to me after he messes around w/that little girl. so girl I FEEL YOU on that. i was depressed for about a week, but i forced myself to go out EVERY weekend since then, and its been fantastic. before when i went out, i completely blew every opportunity to talk to guys when i was w/my x, but now, i see more n more opportunities out there. if u think about it, the little girls that our x'es are cheating on us with are not only young and dumb, but are VERY desperate. so desperate to have a guy that they'll take a guy thats cheated on them multiple times, along with very low self-confidence to take literally one-hour sloppy seconds. pretty gross. these kind of girls aka sluts - just good for sex, the girls u toss around and never take home. these girls KNOW they have been cheated on but are so naive to think they are the "exception". well they'll learn the hard way - literally haha. u know what i mean? in a few months down the road, when they see that their little girls are just that - little girls, they are gonna come back and beg, and well frankly thats the time to kick em down hard. b/c who wants them now after they've gone pedefile?!!! go out, have fun and do not call them b/c they aren't worth our precious cell phone minutes!!!!
Author bestmannsgirl Posted August 16, 2005 Author Posted August 16, 2005 It's been over a month- he never called- not that I want him. It just goes to show- how some men are so cold and calous. I'm almost over him- I've been going out, met a new person, but taking it slow,very slow.
Art_Critic Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 So.. Him calling and being a di** to you would be a better option ??
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