Almond_Joy Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 To me jealousy screams insecurity. If I have to guard you or be worried about other people's romantic interest in you then I'm not feeling secure about our relationship. If my partner wants me to exhibit jealousy, that seems sadistic. You love me but you want me fretting over another person's interest in you? You want me to play gatekeeper and police how the other sex engages with you? Why, if I trust and respect you, would I want to do that? If your bf's not feeling valued in the relationship, he should say that and you two can explore other ways to reinforce your appreciation with each other. Implying you should "act jealous" sounds warped. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 Well, we did talk a bit about this and it seems like it truly wasn't just my comment about this situation. Apparently it (irrationally) hit him in that moment that I may not be taking the relationship seriously enough. Two weeks ago he asked me if I would attend a family function with him to which I said that I really don't want to. I've never met his family before and I guess he was hoping for it, but didn't insist so I thought it wasn't a big deal. So...in light of me not wanting to meet his family, not introducing him to my family or my daughter, he feels like I don't really care that much. There are a few other things that are not a big deal, but everything combined I guess it can appear that I have one foot out the door. I admitted to him that I can see why it seems that way but that I care a lot about him I just have to be careful and keep things separate for my daughter's sake. Anyway, it was a phone conversation, we didn't meet up, we'll see each other this weekend so I guess we both have some thinking to do. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I dont think his feelings are "irrational". Based on you not wanting to meet his family, he came to the conclusion you are not taking the relationship seriously enough for him. I may be wrong, but I believe you've been together for one year? I'm not one to introduce women to my family quickly but if they are local and it's been a year, that's going to raise concerns from not only him but his family and friends. What is your reasoning for this? We don't deserve an explanation but I think your boyfriend does. What reason does he give his family for you not meeting them? At some point your boyfriend is going to reach his tipping point with this. It's obvious from your posts that he is building resentment. You are unavailable to meet his needs for marriage and a family. That is not going to be sustainable in the long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted April 28, 2017 Author Share Posted April 28, 2017 I dont think his feelings are "irrational". Based on you not wanting to meet his family, he came to the conclusion you are not taking the relationship seriously enough for him. I may be wrong, but I believe you've been together for one year? I'm not one to introduce women to my family quickly but if they are local and it's been a year, that's going to raise concerns from not only him but his family and friends. What is your reasoning for this? We don't deserve an explanation but I think your boyfriend does. What reason does he give his family for you not meeting them? At some point your boyfriend is going to reach his tipping point with this. It's obvious from your posts that he is building resentment. You are unavailable to meet his needs for marriage and a family. That is not going to be sustainable in the long term. I meant that him being upset over my comment was a bit irrational, not about him being upset at the situation. I don't know why I haven't met his family to be honest. I guess, it's a balancing act in my life, my kid, my career, my responsibilities and my social/love life. And I like to keep them all quite separate, so I just haven't had the time to even think about meeting his family or him meeting mine. When it comes to romances, I guess I can have a pretty big wall up and appear unemotional, I'm aware of it and it's definitely something I feel like I want to work at in this relationship. I don't know, maybe I will suck it up and go to this family function and rip off the band-aid once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 Aaaah, the wall, made of steel. Noelle, imagine your life without him. If you never see him or hear his voice again, nothing? Do you trust him? Do you feel safe? Guess not, nope....otherwise you would let him in, open the door and walk out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 I think he would have liked a response like that "she better keep her hands off my man". Said in a joking way off course. I agree with what @Smackie has said about it, but I could have also given the response you did, as I'd wonder what the point of my husband telling me is anyway. I'd think he was saying it to get a reaction from me. On my way to work the other day, a guy struck up a conversation with me and asked me out for a drink with him. I don't see a need to tell my husband that, because it would just seem like I'm letting him know other men are interested in me. It doesn't serve any purpose except to get a bit of an ego boost. Perhaps that's what your BF was looking for from you. An ego boost. Link to post Share on other sites
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