Marc878 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Friend =loyal, trustworthy and honest. She'll wanto be friends only for her. Alleviate guilt, etc. she can say see "he's ok with what I've done cause we're friends" She's not your friend and all this will do is keep you in limbo and hold you down. Wake up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah123 Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 Friend =loyal, trustworthy and honest. She'll wanto be friends only for her. Alleviate guilt, etc. she can say see "he's ok with what I've done cause we're friends" She's not your friend and all this will do is keep you in limbo and hold you down. Wake up Ok I really get this Marc!! I think I should send her a text with your words included in it, about friends etc. I'm a very hurt but strong character. Would it be too much to ask you to compose a text for me on here? Bearing in mind I would dearly love her back, but on my terms... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah123 Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 I welcome advice and help from all please..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah123 Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 (edited) Ok I've listened to all the kind and good advice and have today taken the first emotional steps. I've given up trying to reason with her as she constantly contradicts herself and is just too emotional and illogical. I sent my last rational texts yesterday but that's it now... From now on just matter of fact contact for the dogs etc.. I've accepted she's gone! This has been the most difficult part... I don't understand why, I have no idea of the reason, I'm just bemused. So we have a number of dogs that I live with, she's moved out, but sometimes she comes over and takes them out. I've now arranged it so I leave 5 mins before she arrives and come home 5 mins after she's gone. Sometimes the timing doesn't work out, like today and we bump into each other. We did this today and for the first time I kept my distance... no hugs at all... Just polite small chat and discussing the dogs. You could see that she notices my more distant approach. It really wasn't easy but I was really strong. So she's gone. I'm in the family home with the pups. Only formal texts from now on concerning the dogs arrangements... So please what next? What can I expect and what can I expect from her? How do I act and behave? Please I want to get this right? Yes I still love her and at the moment if she walked barefoot over broken glass for me I would take her back, but that ain't going to happen... All advice would be greatly received? im trying really hard! Edited April 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Threads merged ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Noah, I'm so sorry about the big painkiller setback. Last thing you needed. I have a BP friend and she got addicted to painkillers. i mean, anyone will get addicted to them if they have to be on them long enough. She didn't really have pain enough to be on them and it was something she just needed female surgery for. But it was very bad for her. And it totally messed up your med balance. I'm happy to hear you have a team of doctors and you sound now like you're doing well except for dealing with this sad situation. No, she probably has no idea why she is changing, but maybe she'll get on more solid ground and it never hurts to feel like you're worth something. You're a nice patient guy. She's lucky to have you. But if she decides she has to "fly," well, anytime anyone feels that need, then you do have to let them. If it means she's happier, then that's worth something. Hope you continue to thrive. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Did you ever check your phone bill? If not do it. You need to decide your path forward. This has been nothing but a sham of a marriage. What are you trying to hang on to? From what you've posted there's nothing there. I'd file and get on with my life. Don't make idle threats or attempt to manipulate her. That never works except for maybe a short time. What would No More Mr Nice Guy do? He sure as hell wouldn't be waiting around for someone yo devise his fate. Go your own way like she did. She's gone you really need for her to stop having acces to your home. Cut the chit chat. You're getting nothing by doing this. No contac means no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah123 Posted April 26, 2017 Author Share Posted April 26, 2017 Noah, I'm so sorry about the big painkiller setback. Last thing you needed. I have a BP friend and she got addicted to painkillers. i mean, anyone will get addicted to them if they have to be on them long enough. She didn't really have pain enough to be on them and it was something she just needed female surgery for. But it was very bad for her. And it totally messed up your med balance. I'm happy to hear you have a team of doctors and you sound now like you're doing well except for dealing with this sad situation. No, she probably has no idea why she is changing, but maybe she'll get on more solid ground and it never hurts to feel like you're worth something. You're a nice patient guy. She's lucky to have you. But if she decides she has to "fly," well, anytime anyone feels that need, then you do have to let them. If it means she's happier, then that's worth something. Hope you continue to thrive. Thank you so much for your reply! Your words strike a chord with me and are very wise... My Meds seem to be spot on now after the pain killers debacle. I'm very grateful for this and am also receiving therapy for my depression and Separation. I'm now only in contact with my wife when we have to discuss our many dogs and the logistics etc, but even then I make sure I don't bump into her. Out mutual friends especially the female ones don't know what's going on in her head and they're doing their best to give me a female perspective. But my wife is now only speaking to friends of her's that aren't our mutual friends. I'm bemused, lost and just in the dark. Mutual friends are saying things like 'she's acting like she's had a bang on the head'! Interestingly a married couple, both very good friends of mine, had marriage problems a few years ago, where he left her on and off for 10 months to be with someone else. He says at the time, he thought everyone else but him in were in the wrong, he was completely selfish and thought his wife, mistress, friends everyone was at fault, all except him. He now knows on reflection that he was completely at fault, but at the time he says it was like he was in a trance, everyone else was to blame but him. He says there is enormous similarities between him and my wife... So God knows what to think.... Thank you for your words and time.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noah123 Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 So my wife and I meet a 'couple therapist' to decide our so called way forward... We have a two hour session booked for Tuesday 4pm (UK time) anyway I think there are three options.... 1) End of the road 2) back together 3) Intense couples therapy with a view to seeing where it all goes..... Any advice for the meeting/session? I've made lots of notes and intend to be very passive and let me wife and the therapist say what they need to first... I've run through my notes which are very fair and honest with a couple of good friends and they think there spot on... Please any good advice will be most welcome... Thanks N Link to post Share on other sites
Genord92 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 You MUST go talk to a lawyer about your options. Find a couple hundred dollars, charge it if you need to and make an appointment. You've already waited long enough. Your choice is lose your house or spend a few hundred to get some answers about spousal support, asset distribution, etc. There won't be half the money for the house to give him if it is foreclosed. Your equity will be eaten up by legal fees associated with the foreclosure. Or maybe foreclosure is your best course of action...you need to talk to a lawyer and find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Genord92 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 You MUST go talk to a lawyer about your options. Find a couple hundred dollars, charge it if you need to and make an appointment. You've already waited long enough. Your choice is lose your house or spend a few hundred to get some answers about spousal support, asset distribution, etc. There won't be half the money for the house to give him if it is foreclosed. Your equity will be eaten up by legal fees associated with the foreclosure. Or maybe foreclosure is your best course of action...you need to talk to a lawyer and find out. I know what its feel when u dont have familiar attorneys to solve ur issues) Link to post Share on other sites
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