aileD Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 you say you weren't in the same profession you wouldn't fit in with your friends and then you say they're your closest friends. Close friends don't say things like that to you about your girlfriend 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueonblack Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 If she's truly one in a million then yes, it's worth losing superficial friends. It doesn't have to be a dramatic break from them. Just fade away. Spend more time with your GF. Make new friends. It will be OK. Thank you, I really appreciate this post. You all have been very helpful. I think I have some clarity now. I realize that I really do admire her. She kind of inspires me to be a better person and I'm starting to think maybe that's a better environment for me to be in. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 I know I shouldn't care what they think, but they're some of my closest friends whose opinions I have valued in the past. Is it worth losing friends? This girl seems like one in a million to me. Come again? Are they really going to stop being your friends because of your choice of a woman? Don't know about you, bro, but I don't need those type of people in my life. A true friend would be happy that I found someone that I like and not judgmental because she wasn't up to his superficial standards. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 But the OP DOES find his gf cute and attractive, unlike the situation you described!! Or just be friends… OP Going to admit something, met a woman recently, everything like you described, great person but was a little heavy, not necessarily “ugly” but so-so. At first loved her personality, intelligence and sense of humor and thought I would give it a go. However as we were out to brunch downtown walking out of a restaurant she went to grab for me and I flinched, I recovered enough to not act completely standoffish till we got back to the car but I knew immediately my gut reaction. While it sounds noble for you to accept her not being so attractive initially that day will come for you too, I guarantee it, or else you would not have posted this thread. I almost posted a thread about what I did but I simply made the decision not to date her, for HER SAKE as much as for mine, she deserved better. Don’t try to be a hero, be honest with her and the sooner the better. If you truly think she is all that then go all in, but don't go forward with just a toe in the water. She deserves your respect NOT your pity. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Step 1. Stop caring so much what others think. Step 2. Repeat. You should totally make this an infinite loop!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Why would you lose your friends because they 'dont' find your girlfriend attractive? Thats weird, normally you lose friends when they do.... Anyway, be your own man (or woman), that is the great thing about real friends, you can be yourself. Good luck xx 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Well I'm a fitness trainer and a lot of my friends are also in the same field: weightlifting / bodybuilding / physicial training so we are all in pretty good shape. Yes, they are all very superficial. No, she would not fit in with my friends. If it wasn't for my profession, I probably wouldn't either. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I know I shouldn't care what they think, but they're some of my closest friends whose opinions I have valued in the past. Is it worth losing friends? This girl seems like one in a million to me. Well, I think the advice here is the right direction, but I'd like to add something. Firstly - the way to tell if you should build a relationship with a romantic partner is to gauge how you feel when you're together, when you think about her when you're apart, and how you feel when you're alone or falling asleep or waking up. The way you pick a spouse is all that, plus checking inside your heart when you picture yourself with her in 10 years or longer. Don't make it into words, just see what you feel in your gut. Nervous? Happy and sunny? From what you've written, it really sounds like you two are an incredible, rare match. I would not give that up! Secondly - I don't think this situation means you need to ditch your friends. I think it is a perfect opportunity for you to become more of an adult and more of a man. Next time you're beaming about the happiness or pleasantness you feel with your girlfriend and a friend says something about her being sub-par, stand straight, look him in the eye openly and say, "I've heard you say that. Now hear me. She is the woman that makes me a man. Be my friend and be happy with me, or shut it." You don't need to be threatening or angry, and could smile if it feels right, and then slap him down on the shoulder or arm once. If you end by nodding your head with a smile and saying, "right?", he will likely nod his too, and it will put you both on the same team. Even if he doesn't get on board immediately, this is a great way for you to exercise your convictions. And I bet your friends will come around once you've made them feel your decisive choice to be with her. Best Wishes, Sunlight 4 Link to post Share on other sites
avvril3000 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 I know I shouldn't care what they think, but they're some of my closest friends whose opinions I have valued in the past. Is it worth losing friends? This girl seems like one in a million to me. You need to stand up for your gal. She beautiful to you. And if they know whats good for you, they would be happy for you. They dont sound like real friends to me. I have friends whose partner i don't particularly find attractive and would never date myself, or be interested... but isnt that a good thing? they're great for eachother, but wouldnt work for me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Friend's are irrelevant when it comes to who they think your significant other is and what their 'flaws' are. Someone thinks the person you're dating doesn't suit their type? couldn't be more irrelevant, because a) they don't know her b) they're not the ones in an R/S with her so what the hell is it to them? Tell them to mind their own business. Perception is key and with that being said you should only care about what you personally think about her. Don't be deceived by the opinion of others. If you were to call off things with this lady due to your friends's remarks about her, I'd be incredibly concerned and questioning why you're even 'friends' with people like that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Hi guys, This is my first post. I'm dating this girl who is absolutely amazing. She's smart, quirky, funny, and just very enjoyable to be around. She's very talented, she plays the cello and is an amazing musician. She's many of the things I dream of in a girl. The problem is, she is ugly. According to my friends. I think she's cute, personally. Her personality only enhances her attractiveness for me. My friends constantly hound me for dating her. My roommate made sure to tell me that "She is not good looking at all, bro". He bragged about how much hotter his girlfriend is and that I'm just settling because I can't get a hot girl like him. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but the constant barrage wears on me. She's really easy to talk to, and I appreciate her as a person. What should I do about this? Despite being complete jerks, my friends are really all I have right now seeing as how I don't have much family. I could see myself really committing to this girl, but my friends repeatedly telling me I can do better bothers and starts to wear me down. If this is seriously a problem for you OP, maybe you should break up with her, so that she can find someone with more backbone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 And here's the bonus: At least if none of your friends want her, you'll never have to worry about one trying to have sex with her behind your back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Hi guys, My roommate made sure to tell me that "She is not good looking at all, bro". He bragged about how much hotter his girlfriend is and that I'm just settling because I can't get a hot girl like him. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but the constant barrage wears on me. She's really easy to talk to, and I appreciate her as a person. Tell your roommate to mind his own business. If he wants to date someone solely on their looks, that's on him. One day those looks will fade... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
James78 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 The problem is, she is ugly. According to o my friends. Who cares what your friends think. Everything else you have said makes this girl sound amazing. Physical attraction is important but it should be about your attraction to her not your friends. Not sure how old your mates are but all i can say is my mates were the same when i was younger (i probably was too) and we would tease each other. Nowadays our conversations go along the lines of 'what did you listen to me for, youshould of gone out with her' 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueonblack Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 If this is seriously a problem for you OP, maybe you should break up with her, so that she can find someone with more backbone. I have a backbone. I've decided to keep seeing her and just distance myself a bit from my friends. I know this post may have sounded silly, but my friends have always been important to me. In the past I very much valued their opinion, which is why this situation was confusing for me. They are my friends, but I don't want to let an opportunity to be with a great person pass me by. So like I said, I'm going to go for it and whatever happens with them, happens. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Just tell them she's good in bed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 I have a backbone. I've decided to keep seeing her and just distance myself a bit from my friends. I know this post may have sounded silly, but my friends have always been important to me. In the past I very much valued their opinion, which is why this situation was confusing for me. They are my friends, but I don't want to let an opportunity to be with a great person pass me by. So like I said, I'm going to go for it and whatever happens with them, happens. You are going to not be able to ignore this situation with your mean friends. She will notice this crap one day and blame you, as well she should if you don't stand up for her. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Opinions are like ass****s. Everybody has one. You need to tell your friend that when he starts making fun of your GF. Link to post Share on other sites
avvril3000 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Poor gal. She would probably end it in a minute if she knew you cared more about what your friends think than what you think yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Hi guys, This is my first post. I'm dating this girl who is absolutely amazing. She's smart, quirky, funny, and just very enjoyable to be around. She's very talented, she plays the cello and is an amazing musician. She's many of the things I dream of in a girl. The problem is, she is ugly. According to my friends. I think she's cute, personally. Her personality only enhances her attractiveness for me. My friends constantly hound me for dating her. My roommate made sure to tell me that "She is not good looking at all, bro". He bragged about how much hotter his girlfriend is and that I'm just settling because I can't get a hot girl like him. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but the constant barrage wears on me. She's really easy to talk to, and I appreciate her as a person. What should I do about this? Despite being complete jerks, my friends are really all I have right now seeing as how I don't have much family. I could see myself really committing to this girl, but my friends repeatedly telling me I can do better bothers and starts to wear me down. Wow, if you let your friends ruin your relationship all because YOU want their approval and blessing then go and end something good. Jesus man, YOU said you find her cute and she has a great personality too. You appreciate her and she's good for you. You'd be a real fool if you break up with her because your friends are shallow and want you to date a hot girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 I have a backbone. I've decided to keep seeing her and just distance myself a bit from my friends. I know this post may have sounded silly, but my friends have always been important to me. In the past I very much valued their opinion, which is why this situation was confusing for me. They are my friends, but I don't want to let an opportunity to be with a great person pass me by. So like I said, I'm going to go for it and whatever happens with them, happens. Glad to see this update. Your friends are shallow and would rather see you with someone hot ... Yet that 'hot' girl could be beautiful but have a crappy personality, be a bi.tch, be needy or dramatic. They need to get to know your gf and see for themselves that she's a good person and someone who makes you happy. If that can't do that and are judging her for her looks they are NOT true friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Can't wait when your friends approve of a hot girl with a bad attitude and watch you suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 Some of the ugliest people I have ever met/dated were smoking hot 9+... looks don't always make you beautiful... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 I have a backbone. I've decided to keep seeing her and just distance myself a bit from my friends. I know this post may have sounded silly, but my friends have always been important to me. In the past I very much valued their opinion, which is why this situation was confusing for me. They are my friends, but I don't want to let an opportunity to be with a great person pass me by. So like I said, I'm going to go for it and whatever happens with them, happens. Interesting to see the dynamic that will transpire when she sees your keeping her away from your friends. Cause in essence that is what your doing. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 (edited) I have been in this situation i have heard some really cruel remarks made by friends of the guys i have dated......nice legs shame about the face....do you put a paper bag over her head when you have sex......you can do better than that thing......why are you with her....what do you see......she is gross.....she is fat.....ugly...you name it i have heard it..one particular oen sticks out that was said directly to me by a male cousin of a long term relationship...he said to me you know that (name_) used to date models ......you should count yourself lucky to be honest i dont really understand why he is dating you ...what did you do to trap him......this cousin died spearfishing had a heart attack..... and the family asked me to write his eulogy because he opened up to me....which i did.....and they said i knew him like they never did.....we had many honest discussions i think he changed his mind about me.........and then he died....... .i dont know why it is i catch friends saying this to my previous partners...or why people feel they can be brutal with me.....maybe because I do take it........maybe because im pretty quiet around them ...i have no idea but what i do know for you.....its really quite simple...who benefits you to have in your life...who means more to you who can you see making you happy....if its your friends ...pick them...if it is your gf...pick her and defend her ..tell them why you are with her......and say either fall in line or f off..... i have a theory and its a spiritual one.....i think satan attacks really nice people...makes them look bad in the eyes of others....and fills others minds with shallowness and rude thoughts.......isolates good people from having happiness by sowing seeds of doubts in the minds of weak minded struggling people......i have been guilty of this...its why i look much deeper now and i see light in people others dont..... and I control those doubts when i have them about people..... are you weak minded or strong minded...do you know your own heart and what that heart wants.....are you willing to stand beside your gf through thick or thin especially in the pettiness and shallowness of others.......pretty simple choice....make it..... i would never want a guy who was ashamed of me...be proud of what you have and how she loves you...or some other guy will reap the benefits of having a sweet and caring gf.......see her ...and her light.......appreciate her.......or let her go..if any of my friends ever did this with a guy i dated..they would be pulled in line......i woudl npt continue friendships with people who woudl fail to see what i see or actually respect me enough to respect my decisions on partners....and support my relationship as all good friends would.............good luck with your decision..deb Edited April 22, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Tulipwood Posted April 22, 2017 Share Posted April 22, 2017 You could always respond that you think they are "ugly speaking" and walk away. For good! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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