Am I expecting too much when dating? What am I doing wrong?

[moonchild94]

So what do you have going for yourself? What makes you a catch? I'm talking concrete things, not "well I'm nice". What makes you exceptional?

 

It seems like you already know what's going on.

 

You said all the guys you are involved with are lazy/drink heavily/blaze trees. They're available for a reason.

 

The hot dudes who are stable and well-socialized... are with someone else or really hard to get. So you're sifting through the "hot dudes who are available for a reason" bin.

 

I'm a guy. I get this dynamic, because I know all about the male analogue - you find girls who are freaking gorgeous and single. And eventually, you figure out why.

 

I'm not saying single people are all "available for a reason", by the way. Just that when you make looks and scarcity a major priority, the invisible hand is gonna give you looks and scarcity... at the expense of other things.

 

 

Oh, and like my ex said before he dumped me a second time. He said I have a good personality and I'm very comforting. So I'm supportive too.. that's all I have going for me.

 

BUT if I find even the slightest thing wrong I overthink and immediately think I'm doing something wrong and I get insecure/depressed.

[Silverstring]

That could be it....

So what's what do I do?

Not take OLD seriously?

Or like just be very patient with it?

 

Be patient. You're meeting strangers, so most won't be a good match. It's just a numbers game - the more you meet the better chance of finding a fit.

[Mysterio]

I don't know if its a numbers game. My friends that got married. None of the men are ladies men and none of them were out dating various women.

 

My friend DT as it stands now. Since 2000. Only met 2 women in our time as being friends. Both women basically made the effort towards him. One was 2005 to 2007. The other since 2013. Love so to speak was dropped in his lap. The last one is actually an ex GF that came his way again.

 

I meet lots of people all the time. My last GF was 012. I had to short dating relationships. One in 2013 the other in 2015. I don't know if I went all out if I would meet a special lady quickly. It feels like a lot of women are like this in my city. Okay I am ready to settle down so who ever I date next. I will lean towards getting pregnant/marriage and let it happen.

 

Basically it feel more like the Women are the ones that are wanting to settle down more than the guys. The guys just go along with it.

[Silverstring]

I don't know if its a numbers game. My friends that got married. None of the men are ladies men and none of them were out dating various women.

 

Well there are basically two ways to find a partner:

 

1. Select from the people you interact with regularly. In these situations attraction between the two people usually grows over time until they go out on a date, but in fact they already are interested in each other as they've interacted regularly. These are people from your social circle, school, work etc.

 

2. Meet strangers. This are people from OLD, cold approaches, meeting in bars / clubs etc. When you're meeting strangers it is definitely a numbers game as you have no idea what the person is like.

 

I don't know if I went all out if I would meet a special lady quickly.

 

No, probably not quickly as, like I said it's a numbers game. Key is not to get discouraged.

[CptInsano]

Yeah. I noticed that if they're good looking it's for a reason. They have different intentions and etc. idk. I'm starting to steer away from it because I'm starting to understand why people result to apps.

 

Good. I would honestly try to branch out. I'm not sure if you meet a lot of people where you volunteer, but I met a lot of people through jobs and volunteer work at my school. Look at OLD as one possible option.

 

Also, people trying to capitalize on their looks are not limited to OLD. Good luck filtering them out.