Husband disappointed in me

[olivetree]

IW,

 

I don't think you should change unless you want to.

You're right, you didn't trick him into being with you.

You've always been yourself and now he has decided he doesn't like it.

 

I think you're just not a match.

And with your particular quirks, it might be more difficult for you to find a compatible partner than the average person, and that's okay.

I think there is someone out there that will accept your quirks.

Doesn't sound like it's going to be your current husband.

And there's things about him that don't work for you, so don't forget that part!

 

Now all that said, of course there are always things you can work on to be a better person, like being less bitchy, compromising as best you can, that sort of thing.

 

Please don't listen to the nasty comments.

You don't deserve them.

[NTV]

Do you journal?

[immatureWife]

[]

 

Just wanted to know if there's any new advice from people at this forum.

 

Thanks in advance.

Edited May 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted link to other forum ~6

[GunslingerRoland]

If you can't take random advice from a forum with a grain of salt as things to consider, but not take too seriously then you probably shouldn't be on this forum asking for advice. No offence, you said so yourself.

 

No one can come on here, give us a couple of paragraphs about their life and expect the magic right answer to their situation.

[immatureWife]

If you can't take random advice from a forum with a grain of salt as things to consider, but not take too seriously then you probably shouldn't be on this forum asking for advice. No offence, you said so yourself.

 

No one can come on here, give us a couple of paragraphs about their life and expect the magic right answer to their situation.

 

Huh? What just happened? I made a new post where I shared a link about recent developments and how did that get transferred to this thread? Confused

[GunslingerRoland]

Huh? What just happened? I made a new post where I shared a link about recent developments and how did that get transferred to this thread? Confused

 

The mods merge follow up threads on the same or similar subjects together. It is to keep people from making 10 threads on the same subject looking for different answers.

[NTV]

Is there any way for you to repost it again in this thread?

[immatureWife]

Is there any way for you to repost it again in this thread?

 

Thanks for trying to help NTV, I really appreciate it.

 

First of all, I am an Indian Muslim, so we come from a very different culture.

 

I don't feel who was right or who is to blame would be much of a help now. By now I guess you all know the kind of person that I am and the problems I have been having with my husband. A few days ago my husband basically told me that he wouldn't probably have gone through with the marriage had I quit my job two weeks before the marriage. That was really hurtful. I specifically told him that I wanted to hear him say, "I loved you so regardless of your employment status I would have still gone through with the marriage", but he wouldn't say it. I am not getting a job because I need a break, I have been through a lot and I can sustain myself without any help, and I am pursuing some hobbies I am really passionate about. I will go back to work when I am ready, his constant pressure isn't helping. So the list of complaints has recently extended: immature, irresponsible, undisciplined, not in touch with reality, spoiled, a person having bipolar disorder and mood swings, etc, etc. He was really busy for a week and came home late so I decided to stay at my place and also took care of my ailing mother, all the while telling him "I want you to tell me that you miss me because we haven't seen each other for a week and I want you to ask me to go back to your place (because apparently men tend to be clueless about what women want and you have to specifically tell them what it is that you want)". Finally I thought to myself, it's not a war where there will be a winner and a loser, so I went back to his place three days ago. Yesterday we had a day out and something upset me at the amusement park (it was an accident and I was about to drown). On our way back in the car I suddenly had an outburst. I told him that since he was constantly criticizing me, he should also realize how it feels to be criticized. I told him he was an emotional abuser, I told him he liked strong women only so he could dominate them and shatter their confidence afterward, I also told him that unlike his father who was a physical abuser, he was probably an emotional abuser and liked to see his woman suffer like his mother did (I also cited one of his ex's example that he had shared with me about her once holding his feet asking for forgiveness and that I wouldn't allow my maid to hold my feet and ask for forgiveness), judgemental, intolerant, always blaming others, if he noticed that I no longer wear my ring and that I no longer take selfies with him, along with other hurtful stuff. Well well, he didn't do anything wrong right before I had that outburst, but I guess I was boiling inside for a long time now and eventually it just came out. Then I told him that he should really give it a thought if he actually loved me, and once I knew the truth I would be able to make up my mind about my expectations and demands from him and how we should continue with this marriage. To this he said that we should separate. I asked him if I should leave that very night and he said it was up to me. I told him I was too tired to pack so I would be leaving the next morning. I didn't say anything else and actually even slept peacefully for a while in the car. After we got back home, I slept in the next room. He did show up once at night and put a blanket on the bed but I pretended to be fast asleep. So I got up this morning, packed ALL of my stuff (papers, medical records, clothes and shoes that he didn't buy for me) and also returned him the iPhone that he had given me when he was pursuing me. I just requested him to send me over the snapshots I had taken the day before using that phone since I did not have the time to transfer them. He wanted to help me get my stuff in the cab, but I refused his help and just walked out the door. So now, here are my questions:

 

1. Did I do the right thing by returning his iPhone? He did ask me "you are leaving back your phone?"

2. Should I unfriend him on facebook? Not to offend him, but I hear sometimes it helps if your spouse doesn't know what you have been upto. He still has our picture together as his profile picture, but this could be because if he changes it now the relatives may get suspicious.

3. Do I block him on Flickr? (not to offend him, but I keep checking if he has uploaded anything new and I want to stop doing that)

4. I forgot my iPad and now I can't read a lot of ebooks that I had downloaded. I need to keep myself busy. I also need to workout but my treadmill is also at his place. Would it be right for me to go and collect them or would that offend him further?

 

Why I didn't say sorry afterward? Because once he gets upset you have to do a lot of hard work to get him to forgive you and I feel exhausted.

 

I am not particularly devastated, perhaps what has happened hasn't sunk in yet. I'll probably wake up tomorrow feeling really sick and depressed. Perhaps I feel that he'll come around. I am NOT going to chase him or call him or text him. There is an upcoming event where my mother was supposed to introduce him to the family members who weren't present at the ceremony, but I asked my mother to cancel it.

 

Constructive, non-judgemental, helpful suggestions with sound justification please.

[mikeylo]

Thanks for trying to help NTV, I really appreciate it.

 

First of all, I am an Indian Muslim, so we come from a very different culture.

 

I don't feel who was right or who is to blame would be much of a help now. By now I guess you all know the kind of person that I am and the problems I have been having with my husband. A few days ago my husband basically told me that he wouldn't probably have gone through with the marriage had I quit my job two weeks before the marriage. That was really hurtful. I specifically told him that I wanted to hear him say, "I loved you so regardless of your employment status I would have still gone through with the marriage", but he wouldn't say it. I am not getting a job because I need a break, I have been through a lot and I can sustain myself without any help, and I am pursuing some hobbies I am really passionate about. I will go back to work when I am ready, his constant pressure isn't helping. So the list of complaints has recently extended: immature, irresponsible, undisciplined, not in touch with reality, spoiled, a person having bipolar disorder and mood swings, etc, etc. He was really busy for a week and came home late so I decided to stay at my place and also took care of my ailing mother, all the while telling him "I want you to tell me that you miss me because we haven't seen each other for a week and I want you to ask me to go back to your place (because apparently men tend to be clueless about what women want and you have to specifically tell them what it is that you want)". Finally I thought to myself, it's not a war where there will be a winner and a loser, so I went back to his place three days ago. Yesterday we had a day out and something upset me at the amusement park (it was an accident and I was about to drown). On our way back in the car I suddenly had an outburst. I told him that since he was constantly criticizing me, he should also realize how it feels to be criticized. I told him he was an emotional abuser, I told him he liked strong women only so he could dominate them and shatter their confidence afterward, I also told him that unlike his father who was a physical abuser, he was probably an emotional abuser and liked to see his woman suffer like his mother did (I also cited one of his ex's example that he had shared with me about her once holding his feet asking for forgiveness and that I wouldn't allow my maid to hold my feet and ask for forgiveness), judgemental, intolerant, always blaming others, if he noticed that I no longer wear my ring and that I no longer take selfies with him, along with other hurtful stuff. Well well, he didn't do anything wrong right before I had that outburst, but I guess I was boiling inside for a long time now and eventually it just came out. Then I told him that he should really give it a thought if he actually loved me, and once I knew the truth I would be able to make up my mind about my expectations and demands from him and how we should continue with this marriage. To this he said that we should separate. I asked him if I should leave that very night and he said it was up to me. I told him I was too tired to pack so I would be leaving the next morning. I didn't say anything else and actually even slept peacefully for a while in the car. After we got back home, I slept in the next room. He did show up once at night and put a blanket on the bed but I pretended to be fast asleep. So I got up this morning, packed ALL of my stuff (papers, medical records, clothes and shoes that he didn't buy for me) and also returned him the iPhone that he had given me when he was pursuing me. I just requested him to send me over the snapshots I had taken the day before using that phone since I did not have the time to transfer them. He wanted to help me get my stuff in the cab, but I refused his help and just walked out the door. So now, here are my questions:

 

1. Did I do the right thing by returning his iPhone? He did ask me "you are leaving back your phone?"

2. Should I unfriend him on facebook? Not to offend him, but I hear sometimes it helps if your spouse doesn't know what you have been upto. He still has our picture together as his profile picture, but this could be because if he changes it now the relatives may get suspicious.

3. Do I block him on Flickr? (not to offend him, but I keep checking if he has uploaded anything new and I want to stop doing that)

4. I forgot my iPad and now I can't read a lot of ebooks that I had downloaded. I need to keep myself busy. I also need to workout but my treadmill is also at his place. Would it be right for me to go and collect them or would that offend him further?

 

Why I didn't say sorry afterward? Because once he gets upset you have to do a lot of hard work to get him to forgive you and I feel exhausted.

 

I am not particularly devastated, perhaps what has happened hasn't sunk in yet. I'll probably wake up tomorrow feeling really sick and depressed. Perhaps I feel that he'll come around. I am NOT going to chase him or call him or text him. There is an upcoming event where my mother was supposed to introduce him to the family members who weren't present at the ceremony, but I asked my mother to cancel it.

 

Constructive, non-judgemental, helpful suggestions with sound justification please.

 

1. Yes

 

2. Yes

 

3. Yes

 

4. You have enough money to buy a new iPad and network to download again. Again, buy a new treadmill with your enough savings.

 

I hope my suggestions were constructive, non judgemental . helpful with sound justification.

[immatureWife]

I hope my suggestions were constructive, non judgemental . helpful with sound justification.

 

Thanks

 

So you suggest I buy a new iPad and electric treadmill? What a waste! He doesn't even use them.

 

Save

[mikeylo]

Thanks

 

So you suggest I buy a new iPad and electric treadmill? What a waste! He doesn't even use them.

 

Save

 

Other options :

 

Get a sheriff sent through court order to have them collected or go yourself or send a friend to pick them up from his house to yours.

 

Have you filed for divorce ? If not , then do so and mention those in the papers.

[JuneL]

Why don't you arrange to have a friend or relative pick up the treadmill and iPad for you?

 

As for your relationship with your husband, there seems to be way too much power struggle going on to (re-)build a healthy relationship. It seems that he is holding this "he loves you/he loves you not" card to dominate you, knowing that he doesn't have anything else to dominate you and that there is much more stigma toward women in your culture in case of a (second) divorce? Please correct me if I am wrong on this. Btw, is he Indian Muslim too?

 

I am also trying to understand why he is so against your taking some time off from a regular job, if you are making productive use of your time and can support yourself financially. As I pointed out previously, it has become a trend for people to take an extended break to explore new directions in life, if s/he can afford to do so. Does he just want to tell people my wife has a senior position in this prestigious non-profit organization?

 

I have to ask again: Did you not have similar problems (I mean everything else besides your quitting the job) with your previous husband? Was that why your first marriage fell apart?

Edited May 2, 2017 by JuneL

[NTV]

Give me some time to put my thoughts together. I really like that you've provided more information this time as It does help getting a fuller picture.

 

Also... What does he do for a living and what is his personality like? For example folks that work in sales are normally way more assertive than those that don't. (Example)

[GunslingerRoland]

That escalated fast, but it's really probably for the best, with the extra information you've added. It doesn't seem like either of you is all that bothered by the situation which tells me it wasn't meant to be.

 

As for the iPhone personally I think you should have kept that, or at least, transferred the data from it to a new one before returning it.

[NTV]

So... my thoughts are... that he will never be the man you want him to be.

 

Doesn't make him a bad guy just not the right guy for you.

 

You tell him what you want to hear but he doesn't say it... irrelevant. Even if he wanted to say it saying it after you indicated that's what you want takes the meaning away. And if he doesn't. .. self evident. There is no win for him with you in that situation.

 

I don't think this relationship should recover. I see that you are open to the possibility but that puts you at risk of being fed bread crumbs when it should be much more. Say he calls and apologizes.... is that enough? It shouldn't be should it?

 

I think him calling you immature was his way of playing on your insecurity. Are you a little immature? Maybe but who isn't? I have the most fun as adult when I play games with my kids...why? Because sometimes being immature is just fun. Are there places in your life you need more maturity? Maybe but you can work on those by yourself for yourself. The adult way lol.

 

Did you jump into this marriage too soon? It sounds like it. An annulment/divirce and allowing for more time getting to know so the next guy next time is what I'd recommend.

 

And I also recommend you journal. Every day if you can.

[stillafool]

I think you two are doing the right thing by separating. He seems totally over this marriage and you so file for divorce. He just doesn't care anymore. Since you have money hire someone to go over there and collect your phone and treadmill. I can't believe you left your phone and the treadmill is too heavy for you to get anyway so send a man.

[immatureWife]

Why don't you arrange to have a friend or relative pick up the treadmill and iPad for you?

 

I don't know... he'll have another reason to blame me. "see? our marriage is falling apart and all she cares about is her treadmill and iPad". I'll just jog around the house and read the books on my laptop.

 

there is much more stigma toward women in your culture in case of a (second) divorce? Please correct me if I am wrong on this. Btw, is he Indian Muslim too?

 

Yes there is. People will go "see? couldn't make her second marriage work either". And in this country it is just so difficult for a woman to live all by herself. I had to face so much sexual harassment when I was single. My father (my parents are divorced) called me this morning telling me how worried he was and asked me to go back. My mother is not well. I don't know why I am suddenly crying.

 

I am also trying to understand why he is so against your taking some time off from a regular job, if you are making productive use of your time and can support yourself financially. As I pointed out previously, it has become a trend for people to take an extended break to explore new directions in life, if s/he can afford to do so. Does he just want to tell people my wife has a senior position in this prestigious non-profit organization?

 

Quoting his email: You did make a mistake in leaving the Job, everyone needs to engage keep themselves engaged. Movies, music, hobbies, will keep you busy for a while but eventually you will get bored.One of the reason I enjoy my photography is I cannot do it all the time . When I was thinking about leaving my job, it did occur to me if I spend 24/7 in photography then I might start hating it & that would be terrible. Believe you need to bring some discipline in your life. Get a job, does not mean you will get whatever job you find and be miserable. Be disciplined 5 days a week and then go do whatever you want on the weekends. I never think that u are living on my money or something like that , but the more money we have the better vacations we shall be able to take, you will get to buy more things for yourself & for me off course.

 

 

I have to ask again: Did you not have similar problems (I mean everything else besides your quitting the job) with your previous husband? Was that why your first marriage fell apart?

 

My first husband treated me like a princess. That is partly the reason why I am so spoiled. We were friends for a year, went out for two years, were married for eight years, were really good friends for two years even after I divorced him after learning that he was having an affair. When we were married we were like best friends/siblings you might say and our relationship had simply become platonic at one point. But I didn't hold any grudge against him and we continued to hang out and watch movies until he remarried (not to the girl he was having an affair with though).

[immatureWife]

What does he do for a living

 

Head of air freight

 

what is his personality like? For example folks that work in sales are normally way more assertive than those that don't.

 

He was into sales before. But he does have some inferiority complex about his height, looks, education, etc etc. He is very ambitious and told me few days back that he wasn't as educated as I was and so he tries to compensate this lacking by taking extra load at work. Crowds tend to make him nervous. He has to take Alprazolam everyday to get him through the day. His mother died ten years ago and since then he has been living on his own. Doesn't have friends, doesn't socialize much. He didn't seem at all rigid or stubborn before we got married. It's like I am now seeing an entirely new man.

[JuneL]

I don't know... he'll have another reason to blame me. "see? our marriage is falling apart and all she cares about is her treadmill and iPad". I'll just jog around the house and read the books on my laptop.

 

But why would you care about what he thinks? You guys are on the the verge of getting a divorce anyway. This relationship seems very unhealthy; just take this as a hard-learned lesson. I understand that you'll encounter much stigma by getting a second divorce in your country/culture. But you are still lucky in that there is no kid involved and that you are financially self-sufficient.

 

Do you have to stay in your country forever? Since it sounds like you are pretty financially well-off and you are quite flexible in terms of your job situation, is there a chance you can live in a place with less stigma on divorced women?

[mikeylo]

He has checked out of the marriage. Only thing that is needed is paper work. It's immaterial what he wrote or didn't.

 

It's time to roll it !

[immatureWife]

He has checked out of the marriage. Only thing that is needed is paper work. It's immaterial what he wrote or didn't.

 

It's time to roll it !

 

I really need to digest it, seriously, you have to tell me what makes you so sure. I keep telling myself that, but it seems like my heart doesn't want to believe it. So please, you have to tell me. Numbering them one by one would really help. Thank you so much in advance.

[mikeylo]

I really need to digest it, seriously, you have to tell me what makes you so sure. I keep telling myself that, but it seems like my heart doesn't want to believe it. So please, you have to tell me. Numbering them one by one would really help. Thank you so much in advance.

 

His actions speak louder than the letters in that email. They are just meaningless words.

 

You'll see more of his behavior that will tell you that he is done with the marriage. There might be a little bit of push and pull before it's a closed chapter. Sorry.

[JuneL]

OP: Have some dignity and leave your marriage gracefully instead of more drama and begging.

 

Anyone can see the writing on the wall that your hubby couldn't care less about your marriage. It could be that he's using this as his leverage, as he knows how much you want the marriage to work. But would you want to stay in a marriage with so much power struggle? Plus, if you go ahead with the divorce, your husband will lose the upper hand and may want to work on your marriage without your begging.

 

I honestly feel very sad about this whole situation. In a culture/place in which women are not well respected, no matter how much of a princess you were before you got married, once you are married, things turn around and now your husband has the upper hand.

[Heathen]

The hardest thing for a man to talk about, is his inability to sexually please his woman. Here he is clearly is stating his main issue is performance anxiety/ED/ insecurity and even states he will get professional help on this issue. This was a huge opportunity to sit down together, LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, and then go to see a doctor... together.

 

That was no breadcrumb. It sounded like a last ditch effort to work things out and you probably responded poorly, if at all.

 

On the other side, what you are asking for is not a lot. With all your quirks, and his insecurities/bad behavior, you still love him and want him to tell you he loves you and misses you. There is no wrong in this, and it is not demeaning. You still love him and do not want to give up. While you rant was probably ill timed, your reasons were not out of line.

 

Unfortunately, You played the "should we separate card" and he took it. He probably did this because he felt you didn't hear him or understand that he opened up to you and all he got was a earfull a few days later. Neither of you listen to each other. You both want it your way or the highway.

 

As a note, If i told a woman that I would never go down on her, that her vagina was filled with disgusting things and diseases, I would probably not get my phone call returned the next day. You should not do anything that you don't wish to do, but a sex life, without oral is rarely considered "good". Its no wonder he has issues if he thinks you feel his body parts are "disgusting". That is what he meant when he said you should work on your issues

 

He told you a few weeks ago that he is willing to work on himself and you should work on your issues.

 

Can you sit down with him again and talk about his email and just listen. He opened up to you, and it wasnt easy. If things go well, ask him to do the same for you on another date

 

Try something a little different before you sign divorce papers.

[immatureWife]

The hardest thing for a man to talk about, is his inability to sexually please his woman. Here he is clearly is stating his main issue is performance anxiety/ED/ insecurity and even states he will get professional help on this issue. This was a huge opportunity to sit down together, LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, and then go to see a doctor... together.

 

That was no breadcrumb. It sounded like a last ditch effort to work things out and you probably responded poorly, if at all.

 

On the other side, what you are asking for is not a lot. With all your quirks, and his insecurities/bad behavior, you still love him and want him to tell you he loves you and misses you. There is no wrong in this, and it is not demeaning. You still love him and do not want to give up. While you rant was probably ill timed, your reasons were not out of line.

 

Unfortunately, You played the "should we separate card" and he took it. He probably did this because he felt you didn't hear him or understand that he opened up to you and all he got was a earfull a few days later. Neither of you listen to each other. You both want it your way or the highway.

 

As a note, If i told a woman that I would never go down on her, that her vagina was filled with disgusting things and diseases, I would probably not get my phone call returned the next day. You should not do anything that you don't wish to do, but a sex life, without oral is rarely considered "good". Its no wonder he has issues if he thinks you feel his body parts are "disgusting". That is what he meant when he said you should work on your issues

 

He told you a few weeks ago that he is willing to work on himself and you should work on your issues.

 

Can you sit down with him again and talk about his email and just listen. He opened up to you, and it wasnt easy. If things go well, ask him to do the same for you on another date

 

Try something a little different before you sign divorce papers.

 

Thank you so much. I so wanted to hear something like this. Not jumping to conclusions before actually thinking it through. When you get married, you make a commitment, you just don't run for divorce.

 

However, this email was sent Apr 17 and he still hasn't seen a doctor. That upset me. And when we are having conversations, he is not that sensitive, because I am sure when he is writing there are risks involved.

 

This was my reply:

 

This is the reason I try to avoid going to bed with you, because I know that it scares you. Sometimes when I sleep in the next room or come over to my apartment, you think that I am upset or angry with you or that I am more comfortable there. But I don't always do it because I am upset or angry, most of the time I do it to spare you the stress. I encourage you to stay at your place from time to time for the same reason. And also because you mentioned a couple of times that you needed space. But this is not right and things cannot continue like this. It is not normal for a husband and a wife to stay separately like this for days. If you need space you shouldn't be in a relationship like marriage. So this is my suggestion: Get help before we meet again.Getting a job won't solve our issues. That is not the problem here. Please find yourself a doctor. I love you and I want this marriage to work. That is why you have to take your issues seriously and work on them. Believe me when I say that I am not mad, angry or disappointed at all that you have a problem. I am upset that you haven't been taking this seriously, not consulted a doctor yet, and have been putting the blame on me and making me feel miserable and guilty instead all this time.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

His reply to this:

Hi , Sleeping at your place or in another room does not help. This does not spare me of the stress. Everyone needs space and by that I don't mean living in separate bedrooms , houses. Space is when people give each other the freedom and comfort of doing their own things . Staying away is not going to solve our issues. This will create distance between us and that is not good. I do have issues in bed i am going to talk to a doctor, this is very important. I have not put the blame on you, sex is not an isolated thing that you can engage in while you had other problems with your wife. I did not intentionally made you feel miserable or guilty , I am sorry for that. I suggest you work on your issues as well.

_______________________________________________________________

 

Point to note: I have not put the blame on you, sex is not an isolated thing that you can engage in while you had other problems with your wife. This sentence contradicts itself. While he says I have not put the blame on you, he is however still blaming me.

 

_______________________________________________________________

 

My reply (I didn't mean them all, but just to boost his confidence):

 

Of course you have made compromises and of course you did good things for the marriage:

 

 

*. You actually listen to me when I talk talk and talk. And then, keep talking. And talk even more and just wouldn't stop

*. You make a lot of effort to please me. Whether it's listening to audio books or watching hindi movies, or buying stuff for photography, I enjoy doing it more when you're there. I remember and appreciate everything you do to please me.

*. You have toned down, actually you no longer express your disappointments with me verbally because they may hurt me. However I am not sure if it is healthy in the long run if you keep holding them inside. Perhaps expressing them and letting them out is better and I should allow it without getting upset so that I can work on them.

*. You religiously take me to the doctor. I know how important work is for you, yet you leave office early only to take me to the doctor.

*. You are very concerned about my health. You don't like it when I don't take my medications regularly. I find that very sweet.

*. You brought me beautiful flowers and gifts on valentine while I didn't get you anything.

*. When mom was at the hospital you were such a big support. You even took the cab to office and left the car for me so I could take it to the hospital.

*. You actually try to work on your issues.

 

Like I said, the list is endless. I am perfectly happy with you and hope that you don't change. Trust me when I say that you are my best friend and my source of strength. When I am upset, I can rely on you to cheer me up. I enjoy having conversations about varied subjects with you (and that too for hours). I enjoy sharing my interests, hobbies, frustration, everything with you. So when everything is so perfect, why are we having any problems at all in the first place? Well, this is why:

 

Quote: sex is not an isolated thing that you can engage in while you had other problems with your wife.

 

So it's not only your physical fitness but other problems that you have with your wife (as in me). And the thing is that I can sense it. That is where the problem is at present. It is also not the fact that you cannot or do not perform, but the fact that you cannot or do not perform because you have problems with your wife. And I fear that if you continue to have problems with your wife and can't get past them, you are eventually going to grow tired and exhausted to the point that you will stop caring whether this marriage lasts or not, and you are eventually going to change. I want you to remain the man that I married and never change. I really hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for whatever I did in the past and get past your resentment.

 

I would still appreciate a brutally honest email regarding my issues. With specific examples, traits, actions and behavior that I need to work on. I love you. Take care.

 

_______________________________________________________________

 

I would so love to hear from you again Heathen. Looking forward to your suggestion/advice.

Edited May 5, 2017 by immatureWife